One day (whole song) RJD2 beat

[breathless]

I've been off and on working on an RJD2 - In Rare Form mixtape for way too long, finally dusted off the files and completed the last verse for another one, i think there's like 6 tracks left to finish, 10 to record, 18 total... someday i'll complete it, but yea, i broke it down completely *wrong* if you care to *not be able to* follow with the beat
... *i figured out part of the inconsistency. Where the initial beat drops I started the 4/4 timing halfway through a bar, and it's closer to a 15-16 second mark spot on though, but the rest of the timings are slightly off so I removed em, but the blank bars do follow with the 4/4 timing, and I used a metronome because RJD2 has some wonkiness where it's hard to keep pace. Also a "..." represents one head nod and bolded words are basic head nod expression points... It is faster than typical*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezt2A4Nlwqw

One Day

0:15
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If the time will ever come...
then... it's probly now...
but i wouldn't switch this life with anyone's...
even when i'm down an' out...
i just wish that i had more than ten dollars...
...and less problems... ...
but if i bitch an' whine any longer...
... i doubt i'll ever solve 'em...
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i was shielded from pain, never dealin' with the harm I dealt
now it's peelin' off like paint, I gotta feel what my armor felt
It's startin' to settle in, everything real's gettin' hard to tell
apart from what never is, I see all the relevance
... never envisioned with the darkness I was dwellin' in
i just needed a better image and to sharpen up the pencil tip
stencil in the shadows with fine lines...
get a grip on this reality and eventually find mine
...it's an adventure through time's spiraled spring
everysingle step i take, i wind up on the other side a' things
...I'd die to bring my old self back
...but i don't think I can, so i can't
there's no drink or magic potion I can swallow to travel
to the past before the brink of where i followed the battle
but that'll be impossible anyhow, i'm hostage to
a captor who's trapped in my subconscious and wanting out
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If the time will ever come...
then... it's probly now...
but i wouldn't switch this life with anyone's...
even when i'm down an' out...
i just wish that i had more than ten dollars...
...and less problems... ...
but if i bitch an' whine any longer...
... i doubt i'll ever solve 'em...
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I'll still act like a warrior with a forty four magnum
in my back, not strapped, just stuck with hands up
gettin' jacked by a thug, down on his luck who wants crack,
what, did I ever do to deserve this crap?
what, missin' karmic dues did i forget i had?
what, is it makin' you wanna get attached?
'cause if i say an' do what i've did in the past
then it's the same for you once opinions have clashed
go ahead an' begin at the last good thing remembered
instead a' the vast, coulda been somethin' betters
but never lose the memories locked inside yer mind's vault
ya mighta thought everything gone in time'll die off
but i'm a chief example of survival when high walls
always block the paths and not climbin' 'em, if I fall
it's overwith, there's no more sense in holdin' on than hopin' God'll dig
a hole through all these obstacles an' lift his folded palms
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If the time will ever come...
then... it's probly now...
but i wouldn't switch this life with anyone's...
even when i'm down an' out...
i just wish that i had more than ten dollars...
...and less problems... ...
but if i bitch an' whine any longer...
... i doubt i'll ever solve 'em...
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it'd be my pleasure to be in the presense of measures that equal sentences
everysingle time a rhyme has entered between it's predicate
and subject, but, then, again and again
I get the impression that just lettin' the edges slip is better
as long as ya bring it back clever, string the tracks 'til tethered
So whether ya sing or rap, ya gotta keep yer act together
stray away from the beaten path and greet the bad weather
face it, be the man you may've never had as a mentor
Do what you were sent here for, what you need incentives for?
i write text like my pencil's forged from metal, edged in precious ore
when it ain't even real lead in the center of it's core
I bet yer shakin' yer head, like yer next to a tennis court
'cause either you don't get it or it's too much metaphor
for your head to absorb when swarmed with speech forms
no one'll teach our teens to believe in
you've already been forewarned, as for me, i'd be leavin'
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-
-
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If the time will ever come...
then... it's probly now...
but i wouldn't switch this life with anyone's...
even when i'm down an' out...
i just wish that i had more than ten dollars...
...and less problems... ...
but if i bitch an' whine any longer...
... i doubt i'll ever solve 'em...
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[breathless]

Whoa... Just realized this YouTube instrumental is off by like 3 or 4 seconds from the one I downloaded, dashes denote blank bars though

[Mr. J]

I'm awfully confused by the timing of the beat and lines
I feel like it throws off the whole vibe from it being said
regardless I feel like you have got done the whole...control of what you do
how you say it, and whether or not you can keep it cohesive or not
it probably works smoother for you when you do it yourself
but I feel kind of thrown off as I try to read it with the beat...
I felt after 2 minutes you went in though breh...nice work

[breathless]

I'm awfully confused by the timing of the beat and lines
I feel like it throws off the whole vibe from it being said
regardless I feel like you have got done the whole...control of what you do
how you say it, and whether or not you can keep it cohesive or not
it probably works smoother for you when you do it yourself
but I feel kind of thrown off as I try to read it with the beat...
I felt after 2 minutes you went in though breh...nice work

weird, I think I may have been on drugs when I wrote the breakdown (most likely) there's a shit load of word errors as well... I just tried to follow it again, and I couldn't, it's like 2-5 seconds off either way for each verse/chorus, then i went to try and record it only to discover my computer mic has been repeatedly ran over by the chair wheels... made a rough recording with my phone and computer speakers, just going off instinct and it wasn't too bad aside from the volume inconsistency... I'll figure something out eventually

[CopyPat]

hey dude. thx for reading and feeding my shit before. OK u are a new member yeah?
I have some tips for u hopefully..

first of all i can pretty much guarantee u no-one read that whole intro shit at the beginning about where u rhymes start with the timing and the beat etc. yes its cool that ur making ur shit for audio but at the end of the day this is a text board. go ahead and post ur audio lyrics.. maybe attach the beat if u want but no need to walk everyone through exactly what time to say what word or whatever.. just pointless. if u complete an actual track u are much better to just post that.. use soundcloud, bunch of dudes on here have posted audio tracks, definitely do that if u can. 2nd of all idunno why u also bolded the emphasized words for the first few parts of this piece? trust me everyone can see ur flow.. believe it or not this is a pretty smart crowd of writers that post in here, and ur inner bar schemes etc will not be missed. when u bold half the words it actually makes reading the flow harder because it looks jumbled and full of extra bullshit. same thing with all the extra periods and hyphens, just didn't really see why u had to do that either.

when ur posting u are posting to get views and feed right? unfortunately that means making ur shit really accessible by making it an easy read with no extra crap and keeping the length somewhat reasonable. putting ur lifes story at the top and the beat right under doomed u, lol. just truth.

on to the verse. i did not read with the beat or anything. u clearly have been writing (have u been recording?) for a while.. u can handle urself lyrically. the hook was whatever.. "problems solve em" bar is literally THE most played bar ever.. c'mon u gotta know that!?!!??!

the first 2 stanzas were ok.. again the first one with the bolding just bugged me. but the flow and scheming were WAY better than the 2nd one.. the 2nd one was just weak rhyming my dude.. u are obviously capable of much better.

Third stanza was absolute fire. fuckin loved it

it'd be my pleasure to be in the presense of measures that equal sentences
everysingle time a rhyme has entered between it's predicate
and subject, but, then, again and again
I get the impression that just lettin' the edges slip is better
as long as ya bring it back clever, string the tracks 'til tethered
So whether ya sing or rap, ya gotta keep yer act together
stray away from the beaten path and greet the bad weather
face it, be the man you may've never had as a mentor
Do what you were sent here for, what you need incentives for?
i write text like my pencil's forged from metal, edged in precious ore
when it ain't even real lead in the center of it's core
I bet yer shakin' yer head, like yer next to a tennis court
'cause either you don't get it or it's too much metaphor
for your head to absorb when swarmed with speech forms
no one'll teach our teens to believe in
you've already been forewarned, as for me, i'd be leavin'

the shaking ur Head bar was hella original, and i like how u called out the reader with "too much metaphor".. fully knowing that most rap dudes won't get that bar..(Head is a tennis raquet company, haha!) that was dope. whole thing flowed sick too. nice schemes. great confidence, loved that final section. so yeah.. strip down ur text posts or just post ur actual recorded audio man.. feel me? stay active. give a look to my latest if u can. thanks!

[breathless]

CopyPat Thank you for that, honestly, I was trying to figure out how to convey the cadence right, tried the bolding just to see what the reaction would be, but seriously bro, you answered literally every unknown I was wondering about, I will definitely stick to just keeping it text here, although I come from an audio background I haven't done any serious recording in almost two years, broke Mic, lost the drive, just started writing and piling up songs in the to be recorded stack... Soon though, hopefully... Again man, thanks for the honest complete feed (you're the only one who's ever got the Head brand reference!) I'll be feeding your stuff soon, about to eat food and watch animation domination though

Checkout some of my audio full songs, all solo songs self recorded and produced by myself (random beats though) ... if you got the time http://soundcloud.com/dancourser/sets