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Rawn M.D.
02-06-2013, 02:19 AM
Re-post of something I put on NC a while back

I got the golden touch of Midas cut in King Tuts likeness
a titan thrustin Poseidon's Triton, my third eye's blink flood Osiris
im Icarus at his highest facing the degrees of Phoenix
Gabriel's shift to Mohammed's genius doding Judas's sneak to Jesus
using the speed of cheetahs; this king gloats with cobras
Abe Vigoda's prime on his throne as Frankenstein within his throat ambrosia
the Ethiopian omen of Halie Selassie smokin with Odin
swallowing the stones of Cronus holding the serpent on the bow of Moses
crossing Noah's ocean inside the spoken whale of Jonah
pestilence, death of the first born, darkness, blood, toads, hail n locusts
I'm the Torah's horror, the Quran's quandary and bible's rival
a genesis as a testament to the book of revelations embracing Baal's revival
Salem's own angel dust addict doing tetrodetoxin black magic
wreaking metropolitan mass havoc making Babylon resemble a bad accident
sack the Vatican's only father's holy water and tarnish the well
if thats not a big bang for evolution, I'm colluding on mutants with Darwin in hell

Nigma
02-06-2013, 03:47 AM
Remember reading this when you first posted it, a very interesting read. The large list of references all carried a tone giving what I'd call a dark and mysterious feel to the verse. Nearly every line was structured nicely, including solid internals and smooth transitions. One line stood out to me as being slightly weaker then the rest in terms of structure. "a genesis as a testament to the book of revelations embracing Baal's revival" Although it had the two internals in there, it seemed more like prose then rhyme; too much going on or something. Nothing major at all, didn't take away from the verse, but if I had to dig for a criticism, that would be it. Aside from that, content was delicious and I enjoyed reading it this time around as much as the first.

Lars
02-06-2013, 06:46 AM
I'm not sure I got a lot of the content, liked the flow in parts though, seemed far too scattered content wise and jumped around a lot from one idea to the next. It probably sounds a whole lot better than it reads. This isn't really my thing though, best line for me would have been the Torah's horror / Qu'ran's quandary etc but little aside from that stood out to me. I didn't get the Frankenstein reference at all, tbh.

No hate, just my opinion.

Keep that pen moving!

Flow
02-06-2013, 10:18 AM
Got to agree with Lars in most cases - I liked the ideas but the content was totally lost on me, didn't really understand the points being made if any or what you were doing other then jumping from one referrence to the next.

As for the flow it was really good but really hard work. Took me about several reads to nail down what I assume is how you wanted it read.

Was a good piece but I fear will be lost on many here fam.

Split
02-06-2013, 01:31 PM
im Icarus at his highest facing the degrees of Phoenix
Gabriel's shift to Mohammed's genius doding Judas's sneak to Jesus

was cool

i dunno, i got most of it. but references are thin compared to metaphors. it was a good read though