Week 8 - Mike Wrecka (3-4) vs. Innovator (3-3) - MIKE WRECKA WINS 9-1

[Mike Wrecka]

http://i.imgur.com/ZDKwyvm.jpg
Season 2




Rules

Verse Due Date - Thursday 23:59 PST

Voting Deadline - Sunday 23:59 PST

Line Limits - 16 - 48 Max can be higher if both agree

Voting - Must vote on 3 battles and post voting links in this thread, preferably all in one post.

If you don't vote on 3 battle you will be given a loss. If you lose by votes and don't vote on other battles you receive a one week suspension.


Topic


Campfire





Good Luck Innovator

[Inno]

Yup

[Inno]

Diamonds relate well a heighten detail that sells,
over the mountain tops the peak of it swells.
Forbidden enchantment, no one speaks of its spells.
Intrepid in the heat; each thrust is a release from hell.
The grass bending at my whim, the soil was drenched
as the trees witness your freedom escape with each clench.
A steady decent from restraint as I forgot the rules displayed.
Fools in the fray we’d lie in each other’s taste,
long enough for your skin to wither and decay.
Learn to obey for this story looks for a victim to play.
Follow my diction my words will guide you through the friction.
Be my landscape and ill paint you my description.
A grip from a suitors stitch
together I fabricate your tone to the perfect pitch.
I move slowly through your thoughts never forgetting a moment’s inch.
As I inch deeper into your soul the friction is so hot it scolds.
To me, your body molds and fits as I rub and hold
your tits against the flames your body glistens as your pours drip.
At the cusp right at the tip I reach heights tickling heaven.
Forbidden fruit give me whats meant to be given,
ill give you the scent of a woman.
Who then would question your motives?
Who then will give you the chance to prove it?
Don’t tell our secret you must keep it find your mind to carry it
bury it in its deepest crevice.
They will hold you to no merit and provide you no credit,
so when you sell this secrete it will be a cheapened sentence.
Not even the wolves would lend you patience,
so be complacent with your placement and just take it.
This filth never washing off like the dirt under your finger nail
until you are out of balance and they say …
“someone must have tipped her scale”.

[Mike Wrecka]

Topic : Campfire


paleolithic hominids rose to prominence,
while trying to survive on these frozen continents,
the consequence of being exposed to this apocalypse,
was the sharing of technology throughout the populace,
necessity breeds innovation and common sense,
cause the commonality in a community composed of allota tents,
creates confidence, conversing around a campfire,
telling stories of conquering creatures and how it transpired,
leading to those whose situation was desperate and dire,
to try it for themselves to get out of their quagmire,
like when hunting mammoth don't aim low, stab higher,
and how to find a hidden grove of papaya,
information spreading created an apex predator,
advanced weaponry can break the necks of competitors,
they questioned how to better the, tips of spears,
making them sharper resulted in the hunting of more deer,
so it appears weird that they were being forcibly steered,
in the direction of achieving global domination for years,
such an evolution by the indeginous seems ridiculous,
to think that the ancestors of Australopithecus ,
could take over the world but only after they discovered,
that the key to success was learning from each other,
and as their descendants we need to understand,
that education of and survival go hand in hand

[ThisisDAM]

Innovator the homo, you've always been gifted poetically. It seems all your pieces come off that way & although I'm not too keen on the poetic side, you mostly never disappoint. Story started off nice, actually had a couple nice lines. You used the word inch twice in a span of a couple words & the flow kinda went floppy around the motives/prove it/carry it. Overall it's a solid piece. Mike, I enjoyed your beginning. First 4 lines were coo. Vocab throughout the piece was good. The word quagmire in that line felt off to me, maybe it's just me, I dunno. Overall it was a coo drop, I mean, It didn't hit me to big but I got where you were going & you succeeded.

This is tough actually. Both different styles with different takes. Some pluses & minus's for each verse. I had to read em a second time. I had more quotable lines from Inno' in the end. Very close battle though.

Vote - Innovator

[Certain]

Innovator: You asked for honest feedback on your verses, so I'll provide it. I found this verse very difficult to get into from the onset. The writing, particularly in the first three lines, was hazy, and from that point on the more I tried to latch on to the content the more difficult I found it. I'm still not sure I've pinpointed the exact content, but my interpretation was a secret lesbian relationship in the woods, by the campfire. In that case, the campfire seems almost incidental, but this was a tough topic, so I'm willing to be leinent there.

Where I'm not is the general awkwardness. "Poetic" is a copout word given the breadth of poetry. I would use it more for a verse that is built on the sounds of words, with techniques such as heavy assonance or consonance. This was more unpolished than anything, showing bursts of interesting writing mired by other runs of sloppiness. The use of "inch" twice in four words was sloppy. Writing "decent" and "secrete" instead of "descent" and "secret" caused me to stumble, my first instinct to see if the written word had relevance only to then realize they were typos. The lack of punctuation at times had a similar effect (e.g. "Don't tell our secret you must keep it find your mind to carry it").

But the bigger issue was the unnatural diction. I really didn't like the opening line, and as I wrote this week in the magazine, your opening line is your most important. There were some moments in this verse and many more in others I've read from you that showed you do have the capacity to write cleaner and more interesting sentences, but this piece is too typical of your work. Phrases such as "a moment's inch" and "together I fabricate your tone" and "At the cusp right at the tip" come across as clumsy.

There are moments where the wording is quite nice, though. The couplet beginning "Fools in the fray" was my favorite. The more natural rhymes were the ones that stood out, even when they were one-syllable. Yes, your mechanics need work to reach an elite level, but you can dramatically improve by working on the clarity and the consistency even within your own rhyme style. Taking a page from Adonis in this regard would make sense, as you are similar writers but he delivers much more consistently what you show flashes of. Verses like this show what you're capable but even more how rarely you scratch that potential.

Mike Wrecka: Given that you were so geeked up about Wu-Tang Clan week, it probably was mean-spirited of me to give you an 8 Diagrams song title as your topic. I thought about "Protect Ya Neck" but thought "Campfire" was a really great topic, frankly. And I think you nailed it. Your writing in the first half of this verse was some of your crispest I've seen, balancing rhyming, deep vocabulary and alliteration with interesting content. You didn't reinvent the wheel in that regard, but you took a straightforward view of the topic and brought it to life. There were no real missteps here. It wasn't a great verse or anything to match your best efforts from the Writing Challenge League, but it was very good and more proof in my theory that you're not about to miss the playoffs in your own league.

Vote: Mike Wrecka

[zygote]

For Innovator only some awkward language and phrases but the overall theme was strong. Mike Wrecka wrote very well on this topic would have been interesting to go into some other aspects like the social structures instead of only just hunting, considering the topic of campfires. Voting for MW.

[breathless]

Vator, I struggled to find the topical relation, at first I was thinking this was a seductive take on burning a witch (rub and hold/your tots against the flames) but then it sort of lost me. You set up a scenario over like 14 bars and then jist never really concluded anything. On top of that it was a semidifficult read with lots of unpolished bits and not enough poeticness or lyrical prowess to wow me

Mike... Yo, did you take adderall or something? Seriously dude, this is lyrically the best thing I've ever read from you, what ever you did, do more... The unorthodox campfire rhymes alone wowed my pubes off... Straight up, all the way to fucking papaya!? And it worked!? Your flow was like a zero viscosity fluid and your alliteration was superconductive. I honestly did not know you were capable of lyricism like this. Everything line I was going, damn man, I underestimated this guy. I enjoyed the abstract take on the direct interpretation of the topic, taking it back to its Neanderthal roots. Straight up, I have no negatives to give on this

Vote - Mike

[Zen]

Inno: More typos in this one than you usually have which is ironic because of the follow my diction line lol. I gotta be honest with you though, I have no idea what this about. I'm assuming its about an affair at a camp site. It could be a rape or a lesbian affair like Certain said because of the forbidden fruit, but I'm not sure. All in all, I've read better from you man.

Mike: The flow on this was fuckin epic. Probably the best flow I've ever seen from you which is epic. Also, cool take on the topic. There are theories that when men first cooking their food they began to evolve into what we are now because of better nutrition and such. I'm not too familiar with the theories but that's all I could think of reading this. Great drop though. I'm gonna get revenge on you in the playoffs for beating me though.

V/Mike

[PancakeBrah]

Inno was too vague for me. His wording was a little weird and he had some grammatical issues. Flow was good though. Mike was straightforward with the angle but his verse had some interesting rhymes and held my attention longer than Inno's did. v/MW

[Mr. J]

This was an ok battle I feel I've seen better from both of you
but I still enjoyed it regardless you could have bpth smashed this topic
but all of us have our moments I suppose
Inno you seemed to drag a bit before knocking it home
your style seemed to lag a bit but your flow was keen
MW you seemed to lollygag as well and it showed in your length
that's what she said...but you still brought a decent view on your topic
you didn't bring a lot to the table but just enough
Next time pick it up fellas....

V/MW

[Adonis]

Oh my fuckin bitch ass happy hands
Just broke down a very good vote on phone and closed the thread before clicking save


Inno - I'm going. To try and remember what. I said to you, so it might be jumbled, sorry.

I really did hate the first couple verses I read from you season 1, the improvement is exponential. Although you absolutely erk me grammaticallyy, the line by line concepts and writers voice out shines most of the wrong you do produce. One word of advice. I really think you would benefit from expanding on indivdual bar concepts instead of moving on so quickly. What I mean is, if you are explaining a flame fleeting the mountian side, don't just move on. Spend an extra bar or two going in depth. The poetic feel you contain is stronng, and explaining the details I personally think would help you shine. You fairly vague most of the time, and I think this might mask, or rather simply improve your style. IDK, I had a bunch more in my break down of yours that I forget. But I'll be honest, most of it was simply me telling how much I think you've improved and continue improving. It might be slow steps, but from last season to now I really do think you've grown better by miles. Also, I can say with a straight face in pure honest opinion, your verses have the most potential out of any competitor. If you can just hone that thought process and find a way to get what your trying to say out a bit more clearly; I really do think you could become an even darker horse.

MW- so I've heard you say in magg or even in random convo's about how you've been choosing to sacrifice you rhyme scheme or structure for content. But I've personally never seen you drop anything like this, so I didn't believe you and you provved me wrong,or proved yourself right I guess?? Anyways, with that said, the flow wasn't perfect or anything, but it is much improved from the simple structure you've been posting which I'm not a fan of. One thing you struggled with here is the transitions from one end rhyme to the next. Just seemed a bit off to me

Vote mike

Overall a. Better verse imo

[e11even]

Inno- I think, for the most part, this verse was strongly written. However, I clearly had some problems that really disrupted what I think this piece was made to convey. First off, it was a little too loosely worded to relate without overexaminiation and assumptions. This definitley involved a secret love affair that seems to have had resistence from one of the participants at first? I'm guessing reluctant woman turned lesbian, a la Brokeback Mountain. A lot of similarities. This, overall, was an interesting piece, but felt almost completely unrelated to the topic, aside from implied atmospheric devices, judging by the setting.
Good drop... just not great.

Mike- judging on the majority of the battes I read every week, this was pretty original. This was not exquisitely executed, but it was pretty clean and the consistency was awesome. Me only really being exposed to leagues in AOWL, I'd say this was the best you this season. It wasn'r magically entrancing, but you were clearly purpose-driven, as your output was all in one thought, and not redundant- though, this spin of the topic isn't exactly interesting. Good job considering.

I'm drinking so i'm on bit of a ramble right now. That said, I cut short my critiques because they would outlast my usual verses of 70 bars. I liked both for what they delivered on. I wanted to pick Inno for more flash and a deeper plot imo, but Mike pulled off a stronger piece with a stronger, clearer relation to the topic. MVGT Mike

[Diode]

Inno:

You need some work on the technical front, but you are improving. I can't say the same about your meandering story telling. We start with describing diamonds and how they're formed as a metaphor for.. wait, no, you're a diamond slaver, no, this is now a cinemax sex episode, no.. wait.. ugh. The language was really disappointing towards the end. I don't want to see "tits" in a topical piece ever again.

Mike:

technically sound and very gza. so gza. ahmagerd so gza. straightforward so no points for creativity there - both with the rhyme schemes and the story. it wasn't bad. it wasn't great. it was enough to beat inno, because seriously, his verse got so off putting. you played it safe and it worked out.

v/ mike