Week 8 - YDK (3-4) vs. King Ra. (1-4) - KING RA. WINS 5-0

[Mike Wrecka]

http://i.imgur.com/ZDKwyvm.jpg
Season 2




Rules

Verse Due Date - Thursday 23:59 PST

Voting Deadline - Sunday 23:59 PST

Line Limits - 16 - 48 Max can be higher if both agree

Voting - Must vote on 3 battles and post voting links in this thread, preferably all in one post.

If you don't vote on 3 battle you will be given a loss. If you lose by votes and don't vote on other battles you receive a one week suspension.


Topic

Ice Cream





Good Luck YDK King Ra.

[King Ra.]

YDK, good luck homie. And bring it because I'm on a mission.

[YDK]

Word good luck bro

[YDK]

Damn ya gotta forgive me
I don't know wat to say,
A beautiful son I adopted and a baby girl here today.
Looking up at the sky, an I know I did something right,
For having 2 children I love; alive,
and a baby mama to kiss goodnight.
Everything I feel is so right, its so nice,
Cuz even without a grand in the bank and money looking so tight....
I slow it down and look around,
Im thankful for wat I've got.
So many ppl in the world right now would kill to have my spot.
From the first heartbeat I heard from my daughter I cried...
And I'll DIE before it stops!
Aaliyah I love you and Robby you make me so proud,
I'll make a promise to you both right now, I'll always be around.
From the first time you ride a bike;
to the first time you drop your ice cream cone.
I'll be here to tell you the wrong from the right,
And I'll keep showing you untilled your grown.
Cuz baby girl you are my world,
And baby boy you are my sun,
Baby mama you're the moon and the stars in the sky,
Holding US together as one.

[King Ra.]

you ready to lay this down?

hell yeah. drop that beat, yo.

alright, check this out....



(skit begins to play, beat starts to fade in)

"Those ladies are lethal.
They are heartless.
They are deadly.
Their hearts are ice cold.
But you...."


I introduce....


".... BETTER KILL THOSE BITCHES!!!!!"


"Exit The Ice Cream Queens."


"NOW!!!!"


One hundred thousand of Shaolin's Elite wreak havoc
on the weak masses. The streets scream madness.
As fiery flames sweep, frantic. The meek weep, saddened.
Behold the three Queens, savage. Slicker than the average.

Enter French Va'Nill.... Bringing The Ruckus
Sword swings, gleaming with justice, the Elite couldn't touch her
Even when smothered, the tip of her blade gave immediate cover
Every swipe slashed her foes & left them leaking a meaningful color
Red rivers of blood, payback for all the innocent slain
Fueled by an intricate rage, death's physical plague
Very vigilant. When the last attacker stepped in her domain
she struck her instrument through his brain and watched his body writhe in constraint.
Fe, fi, fo, fum!
The Ice Cream Queens have come for fun!
Fum, fo, fi, fe!
The Ice Cream Queens have come for treats!
Enter Creole la Crem'.... Protect Ya Neck!
Her dagger game's the best, severed jugulars open
Defenses are hopeless, lightning quick, sudden motions
leave Shaolins frozen, arms, legs, chest cavities broken
She mastered the art of Wing Chun, her martial skills beyond levels
Hard to kill, packs a punch, iron fists without metal
She stood over her last casualty with his face in the ground
Smirked, knelt down and proceeded to blatantly pound
Fe, fi, fo, fum!
The Ice Cream Queens have come for fun!
Fum, fo, fi, fe!
The Ice Cream Queens have come for treats!
Enter Coca'Late D'Lite.... Ain't Nothin To Fuck Wit!
Jumped right in the midst of the smoke & fury, rapidly bustin'
Two guns, shotty wielding, got the Elite frantically running
Skulls crushing when each shell penetrates, devastatingly cunning
Desolate fate, her renegade traits unwind, enter the high zone
They'd never escape her wrath, merciless, hones a relentless permanence.
She senses her enemies nervousness & builds off the energy
In the end she stands firm, the rest become a distant memory
Fe, fi, fo, fum!
The Ice Cream Queens have come for fun!
Fum, fo, fi, fe!
The Ice Cream Queens have come for treats!


One hundred thousand of Shaolin's Elite wreak havoc
on the weak masses. The streets scream madness.
As fiery flames sweep, frantic. The meek weep, saddened.
Behold the three Queens, savage. Slicker than the average.

(beat fades out)



ahh, yeah. that was dope.

all on one take. run that and get back at me.
holler.

[zygote]

For YDK, enjoyed the symbolic language in the ending section, linking the like-to-like objects. E.g., sun-moon-world-stars-sky. That is a good touch. The simplified rhyme scheme is also effective in this instance, it gave the whole writing a kind of 'sincere' feel to it. Also, the beginning line "Damn ya gotta forgive me" contributes to this effect. The writing tone had a rawness quality. I am sure the lines like " Im thankful for wat I've got." were intentional, especially considering the content as well. If anything it may be missing some other aspect to make it more interesting. Perhaps including a small suggestion or some line indicating that this father may have some other qualities would have been good. E.g., "Aaliyah I love you and Robby you make me so proud,
I'll make a promise to you both right now, I'll always be around."
Perhaps it was not what you were aiming for but I would have thought about including the words "from now on" like "I'll make a promise to you both right now, from now on I'll always be around." Or something else like that just to give it an extra-dimension.

For King-Ra, there are some interesting references to the classic songs. Splitting it into three sections was also a natural and effective decision. The repeated section was nice, and stylistic features like font etc is a good extra too. Some good rhyme schemes too, and similar positives as YDK your rhyme scheme matched nicely with your theme. Highlight was the writing tone and energy enthused into the different phrases. Voting for King Ra.

[Certain]

YDK: I'm getting the impression you've entered the don't-give-a-fuck stage of being in this league, which is a damn shame. This verse was loaded with cliches and not good. The flow and mechanics were sloppy. The connection to the topic was rather flimsy. Even the emotion seemed sugar-coated. I did not enjoy anything about this verse. I hope you're as happy with life as you come across in it, though.

King Ra.: I imagined Ghostface Killah first, then GZA, then Inspectah Deck. I am not sure why I decided those would be the natural fits. I came into this week with a predisposition against any verses referencing the Wu-Tang Clan or the specific songs, but you pulled it off because you went all-in on a bunch of aspects of the Clan. The verse wasn't great. The story didn't go anywhere particularly interesting, instead so heavily focused on the concept. And there were no points of exceptional lyricism or word choice. But it was a cool approach as far as taking Wu-Tang week literally. This is the second time in this league you've approached a topic by writing about a murderous female martial artist, and the other time also was your only other win. You certainly did enough here.

Vote: King Ra.

[ThisisDAM]

YDK, It kind of feels like you didn't try much here. I felt the emotion in the piece, that was the only evident stand out, but your approach to the topic wasn't something that grasped me. Seemed kind of off & I was expecting better from you. King Ra, I actually heard some members of Wu in your verse, that came natural. Although, one of my takes of your topic was about the Wu but with a diff twist, ha Overall, I see you have improved in rhyming ability. This piece had it's energy & even though it wasn't blowing me away I think you did enough here to win. It's definitely Wu Tang Week here, haha

Vote - King Ra

[Mike Wrecka]

cool


ydk - this seemed like a quick keyed up verse. the connection to the topic was minimal. and ya you didn't put in much effort here. props on dropping something so King Ra. could get feed. that is a noble act ydk


King Ra. - fuck what you heard. this was the best piece I ever read from you and the best ive read so far this week. very dope. I knew someone would incorporate wu tang in their piece and I thought it would be a disaster but this shit was ill. you even wrote in a wu tang type of style. the piece flowed really really well. the content was pretty sick and you put a good spin on the ice cream topic. it had a lot of dope elements of kung fu in it too. like the wing chun reference. my personal favorite style. im sure you have but peep the movie Ip Man for more of that. but ya all that aside this was a great piece with very good flow and rhyming and violence everything you look for. good stuff.

landslide victory


vote - King Ra.

[Adonis]

Hmmmm.

Vote Ra.

Ydk, another heart felt, emotionally driven piece about life and family. I commend you for being able to write this, I've tried to write about my fam and kids, the love shared and lessons learned and taught, all to no avail. Flow was decent, no real link to topic for me. Kinng, slick shit here. Vivid movie that highly entertained, with dope flow considering it wasn't traditional rhymes IMO, but it all worked. I love the battle and all around gore, although I wish it had more gore, I see your talented explaining war and fight scenes as you did this earlier in this season. Not yet overkilled, but I will say be mindful. All around, this verse literally got my hype bro, I can't front. I loved it, si joto.