Phase 1 - Benchmark: Anonymous

[namix]

Flex from a while back..
I wrote this over "Insp-her-ation" by Dj Premier

Droppin my rhymes smooth, so you domn't think this song is rough,
You tryna act strong n tough, I doubt you could kill me bitch,
never spitting wronger stuff, so you better Feel me kid
Lived dirt poor long enough so now I should be filthy rich,
Develish lyrics, like I'm rapping through a cursed mic,
Fuck Writing raps I prefer the unrehearsed type
I'm ill cause minds sick, At least I'm not the worst right,
I'l rap to a blind chick, still be love at first sight,
Spit a verse tight, Jealousy makes you verge on misery,
Inform you that I'm god, to clear every church mystery
My lyrics confuse you like I converge Trickery
I'l try to make it clear like every teens search history,
Inflict worse injury, When I'm high off adreneline,
Attacking feminine gentlemen Producing too much estrogen,
I'm a genuine specimine right down to my skeleton,
When I kill ya, I'l see ya coffin, like you ran out of medicine,
namix I wrote this a while back it was the only rap I had saved.

[namix]

breakdown to come...

[namix]

Anonymous

Approach:
- overall assessment, how I 'felt' after reading it
- line-by-line, how i felt as i was reading it
- detailed examples, 2 specific detailed breakdowns to demonstrate the opportunity
- takeaways, primary opportunities as I saw them

Overall:
As you mentioned, this definitely had more a quick flex feel to it. Since it is more free-flowing than a focused battle is, I will focus more on a couple concepts that could be flipped into something great vs. going too detailed on the lines which would have come off like filler in a non-flex.

Breakdown
Droppin my rhymes smooth, so you domn't think this song is rough,
You tryna act strong n tough, I doubt you could kill me bitch,
--=]> just getting it started, always nice to play off antonyms like smooth/rough - but more of a statement here than anything. identifying antonyms to play off of can be a great concept to build off of - but do make sure to build off them in battle, because "smooth" and "rough" wouldnt be enough to drop jaws on the battle field.

never spitting wronger stuff, so you better Feel me kid
Lived dirt poor long enough so now I should be filthy rich,
--=]> was there a reason "Feel" was capitalized? just curious, because it called attention to the word but i didn't necessarily see a connection - maybe it just speaks to the quick write-up it was. That said - I like this concept, this is what i'm talking about in terms of "building off antonyms". "poor and rich" isn't enough in itself, but coupled with the common expressions of "dirt poor & filthy rich" - effective use of the setup would have brought this to life....

"hand over fist, my rhymes are money; skill's the trick.
use to be dirt poor... i'm still grimy but now i'm filthy rich"

a few angles you can play this one in the setup, 'never cleaned up your act', or your opponent came clean about their lack of dough, etc.... but hopefully that makes sense.



Develish lyrics, like I'm rapping through a cursed mic,
Fuck Writing raps I prefer the unrehearsed type
--=]> small point, but make sure the spelling is in check when we drop the polished battle verses (Devilish), this was more of a statement type bar... BUT I will use this as an example for how even statement bars can be turned into something a bit more compelling with some conceptual expansion.

I'm ill cause minds sick, At least I'm not the worst right,
I'l rap to a blind chick, still be love at first sight,
--=]> good concept to work with if flipped a bit, will use this one as a breakdown in the detailed example section.


Spit a verse tight, Jealousy makes you verge on misery,
Inform you that I'm god, to clear every church mystery
--=]> God-lines are waay to cliche for me at this point, i liked the angle with clearing up the church mysteries though, just would have had to be craaazy dope to really draw me in.

My lyrics confuse you like I converge Trickery
I'l try to make it clear like every teens search history,
--=]> not a bad concept to work with - there is definitely something about this concept which could be quite creative.... a key theme for you, similar to what i called out for Geno, is "conceptual expansion", you have a great idea, by going one step further in the detail, you can really make it shine.... either introduce more detail/references, like "looking for that cookie", or "browsing for some ass".... otherwise it may come off quite simple.

Inflict worse injury, When I'm high off adreneline,
Attacking feminine gentlemen Producing too much estrogen,
I'm a genuine specimine right down to my skeleton,
When I kill ya, I'l see ya coffin, like you ran out of medicine,
--=]>liked the general flow in this, which works for a quick keystyle/flex, - but grouped it together because it really wouldnt work as well in a battle format.

Detailed Example

Develish lyrics, like I'm rapping through a cursed mic,
Fuck Writing raps I prefer the unrehearsed type
--=]> small point, but make sure the spelling is in check when we drop the polished battle verses (Devilish), this was more of a statement type bar... you can always bring more out of statement type punches though --- like instead of just saying "unreheared" - you can use the setup to allude to:

got murdered in the past; off-the-top, my drops are savage guys
while their's are gettin re-hearsed - and put in the casket twice!

I'm ill cause minds sick, At least I'm not the worst right,
I'l rap to a blind chick, still be love at first sight,
--=]> okay concept if flipped a bit - since she is blind, she wont have sight - so you either need to bring context into how your "works are miraculous" OR - flip it on your opponent like:

im the truth to be honest, damagin pride; ya hurtin for concepts, band-aidin lines
if you believe in love at first sight... and i believe your entire fan-base is blind.

Takeaways

1. Conceptual Expansion:
- a common theme across the team so far, you have a couple of concepts which could really turn into something great if you build off them a bit more -- add a layer of complexity to really make the lines resonate. let me know if you feel what i'm saying, or if you have questions, otherwise, it is something we can work on in your verses as we get going.

2. Setup Effectiveness:
- many of your setups are good for transitioning the flow, but could be used to make your punch that much more effective (again knowing this was a flex vs. a battle, it's still something to consider as we move forward). The 'setup' is the perfect way to get your audience thinking about one thing, and delivering it/clarifying it creatively in the ultimate punch -- it can make really complicated concepts relevant in a punch -- or make a simple concept that much more meaningful once the punch hits.


feedback on the feedback? let me know if you have questions or other thoughts bro!

[Anonymous]

Thanks heaps for the feed man. This was really helpful.
Imo, it was probably a bad example to show you since I had minimal punches.
It was more of a 3 bar lead-up to one punch.
But you still managed to do an amazing job breaking it down.