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Trag.
02-07-2013, 07:28 PM
sometimes i wish i could craft a place to call my home
if one day i wont return from these empty spaces on my own
you lent me your hand, from there took & embraced my soul
a life flashed before my eyes, our fate was shone
white picket fence in my dreamscape, a house made of stone
that look identical frontwards & backwards like a palindrome
greeting neighbor clones, with perfect lawns, painted gnomes
our children raised & grown; winters where we played in snow
but this was all food for a thought, I didnt share with you
It was sheer brilliance to avoid splitting hairs with you
fear doesn't hold me back from what I've prepared to do
I'll take the jump as long as you provide me the parachute
because without you I'm alone, lost and scared to choose
your bodies walking in heaven now.. but I'm right next to you
live life on my terms? I never been taught the lesson to
I never had the chance to say goodbye, God bless... adieu

PancakeBrah
02-07-2013, 07:46 PM
This reminds of me of The Antlers - Epilogue. Not only do you not know that reference, or care, but it's funny because I relate everything to that band! LMFAO HOW FUCKING FUNNY

Anyhoo

This was coolio, in my book. I've been writing depressed-omg-im-a-martyr pieces lately and I fancy this clever. The only line I didn't cream my stockings over was the the 'fate was shone' thingamagoo. If only because you went with the tact of similar length lines and it was abrupt and seemed simple in comparison. Palindrome, although I'm sure written before in the entire history of human writing, was pretty and I liked it and warmed my cockles. The 'didn't share with you'/'splitting hairs with you' was the best couplet in the whole kit and kaboodle. Really personal, well worded. Bully for you. Parachute was cute. The ending tied everything in well. Not every single piece needs to be BOOM BOW SURPRISE, NUCCA WUT. This was just a tidy tightly wound message with a point, and you wrote it well.

God bless...adieu!

Dope girl
02-08-2013, 12:05 PM
This was very deep, full meaning words.