Mike Wrecka
11-19-2013, 10:43 PM
http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png
Season 2
AOWL Magazine
8th Edition
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVEZjZd_HeI&oref=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DgV EZjZd_HeI&has_verified=1
What up here we are for the 8th Edition of the AOWL Season 2 Magazine. This is the week before the last week of the league. Playoffs are looming large, top twelve make it. The rest are left out feeling depressed. Big TITLE MATCH between Frank and Pancakebrah. Should be epic. Check out the Contender Match between Vividlyvague and Vulgar. We switched it up a bit this week, Certain did reviews of last weeks action, Pancakebrah did Power Rankings and Michael Wrecka dropped a predicitons video. Must peep stuff. And stop scroll back up and watch that Prodigy video from his newest album Albert Einstein. He gives a big shout out to Long Island on that shit. Rep. So ya AOWL straight destroying the competition get with it motherfuckers. Best league in the universe. This week we have bugged out graphic images but before we look ahead lets take a look back at last weeks results.
Week 8 reviewby Certain
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkKxsYgv12M
Title Match: Frank (6-2) beats Certain (6-2) 8-0.
Frank wrote the verse of the week to win the battle of the week? Does anyone really disagree? Thought not. Where I went wrong is going with a cool, emotionless verse in an attempt to contrast the topic. Frank went straight at it with a powerful verse about a mother watching her family come together for Thanksgiving. Some people thought he ended with a twist, but it really wasn't one. The onions reference was sort of like one of those macho excuses for crying ("It's getting dusty in here"), or at least that's how I read it. He extended a single rhyme for about 32 couplets and showcased his signature naturalist storytelling. That resonated with voters for good reason. So he retained the title.
Contendership: PancakeBrah (5-1) wins via breathless (3-4) disqualification.
breathless basically turned an old verse into a new verse, which still is a form of recycling. I don't really see the point in recycling for these leagues. Anyway, his verse was pretty interesting with a lot of unique thoughts that only slightly touched on the topic. That's why recycling in a topical league is ineffective and the primary way I've caught three recyclers in my four months on this site. So stop doing that. PancakeBrah didn't have to drop a verse but almost certainly would have won because the topic was right up his alley. He wouldn't have written around it like that.
Vulgar (4-2) beats Mr. J (5-3) 6-3.
This battle was a pretty big disappointment. Vulgar apparently took his near-shutout loss to PancakeBrah pretty hard because his verse was pretty much the exact opposite of his Week 7 one. He wrote three super-straightforward character sketches, then linked them. The diction and rhyme mechanics mostly were clean. Mr. J wrote a third consecutive verse in which he had a hidden narrator vaguely describing emotions, and though it was a step better than last week's loss to Frank, it wasn't nearly as good as his victory against me. The wording was too generic, which is a bad look when you're going against something as concrete as Vulgar's verse.
Vividlyvague (5-2) beats Adonis (3-4) 5-4.
The closest battle of the week came down to a post-deadline vote (which was very well explained thanks to Objective, whom I messaged when I realized we risked delaying the league). Vividlyvague said his verse was about personal reflection, so we have to assume he was involved in one way or another with child services. That's a bummer. His verse was filled with lively but fractured storytelling and probably was better end to end than Adonis', but Adonis came with a very strong opener that won me and a few other voters over. Unfortunately, Adonis' attempt to tie the "Investigative Reports" topic into his verse about a homeless man was a real struggle, which probably cost him the battle and may end up costing him a playoff spot.
Mike Wrecka (4-4) beats Innovator (3-4) 9-1.
The first vote of this battle went to Innovator, and I hadn't read it until I cast the second. With all due respect to ThisisDAM, I'm not sure what battle he was reading. Mike Wrecka had one of the best verses of the week, exploring a deeper vocabulary than he typically uses while writing a smooth retelling of how many developed with the aid of fire. Innovator wrote something that may or may not have been about lesbians but definitely was about hidden love and sex in a forest, I think. There were turns of phrase that really worked, but you can't beat Mike Wrecka by going vague.
Diode (3-0) beats Just Write (3-2) 5-3.
Diode is taking the world by storm! He sort of Baskin Robbins'd voters this week, offering four different scoops on the "Bells of War" topic, probably the best of the week, in an effort to appeal to everyone. And I think every voter enjoyed at least one of the segments. Just Write probably lost this battle more than Diode won it, as a lot of voters questioned his war-diaries approach. Sure, it was an obvious take, but I think Just Write wrote with a lot of genuine appeal. But Diode has shown a great knack for coming up with how to treat a topic. Had he simply run with any of the four ideas he came up with (or done a better job linking the four verses), I think he would have ran away with this battle.
King Ra. (2-4) beats YDK (3-5) 5-0.
YDK says he still cares, but he dropped a second consecutive very short verse and didn't vote. Apparently, he doesn't like the Wu-Tang Clan, but I'm not sure how that effects his ability to write on one of the least Wu-Tang Clan-esque topics of the week, "Ice Cream." His brief submission was pretty clumsy and cliche, an ode to his relationship with the girl whose ass stares at us from his avatar. King Ra. came with a very strong verse, tackling the Wu-Tang Clan theme more directly than anyone. He wrote about three deadly warrioresses, named after ice cream flavors and fully trained in hand-to-hand and weapon fighting. He seems to have an obsession with women who know karate. Then again, that seems to be the only way he wins in this league.
NYCSPITZ (3-3) wins via symetrik (2-3) no-show.
"Hellz Wind Staff" definitely was the worst topic of the week. symetrik wasn't having it and decided to no-show rather than write to that topic. NYCSPITZ, as a result, was able to drop 16 lines of strange but somewhat interesting content on the topic, taken completely literally. This battle was unfortunate.
ThisisDAM (2-0) beats ZYG (1-2) 5-3.
ZYG still is zygote, and therefore ZYG sometimes is too zygote for his own good in these leagues. He bent slightly this week and wrote something about emotions, even if it wasn't a particularly emotional take. He also used a slightly more traditional structure. ThisisDAM came with the more traditional topical verse, replete with plentiful rhyming and this strange and interesting twist about Santa Claus (that one voter, at least, seemed to miss somehow). Still, ThisisDAM jumped out to an early 5-1 lead and couldn't be caught.
Mordycai (1-0) wins via Clockwise (0-1) no-show.
Mordycai showed. Clockwise asked for an extension, didn't show for it, then complained that he hadn't received one even though the thread clearly was marked. So fuck Clockwise. As for Mordycai, his verse had a few nice turns of phrase but mostly it was overwritten. The shorter bars used in the third and fourth stanzas were much stronger because they cut down on some of that. The interesting thoughts in his verse were fractured by unclear writing and mediocre rhyme schemes. But I do see potential. I've seen a lot of writers go from that level to really, really good.
Predictions by Mike Wrecka
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9L9y397ZUs
Certain's Corner by Certain
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EW-4J80lF8U
Aside from The Cat in the Hat and Muhammad Ali, people don't speak in rhyme. Aside from mimes, monks and mutes, people do speak. Therein lies the challenge of dialogue in a rap format.
Late author Elmore Leonard built most of his stories on dialogue, arguing readers should be able to develop their own sensual experiences based on dialogue and action. He avoided imagery and character description because his dialogue did that work for him. That's how potent this device can be. But it's probably the biggest challenge for storytelling in our format, which I am pretty sure Leonard never tried to handle.
The first rule for dialogue is that it better sound like something someone would say. No one ever will touch Slick Rick in this department. (Stop reading this and go and listen to The Great Adventures of Slick Rick right now if it's been a while or you've never checked it out.) But we can do a better job. Very few people in this league have even fucked at all with extended dialogue in a verse, and most attempts have been clumsy.
But I did manage to find three examples to share that offer good tips for dialogue in a rap verse. The best at dialogue in our format was probably Richard Corey (who doubles as the best overall text rap storyteller I've read), but a few people in this league have shown a knack for the device.
Vividlyvague has a rather bombastic style based heavily on sensory details, so dialogue is very important for his storytelling verses. His writing voice as a whole seems to switch a lot as required by the subject matter. Doing the same with dialogue offers authenticity. That showed through in his disqualified (for excessive length) verse against Mr. J in the Week 6 championship match.
They scour the closets and cabinets for signs of prominence... against the clock, something's gotta give.
"Where the fuck is the safe??" Davis yells... only making himself look irritated, this aim a flop.
"Ayo, D... where the bitch at?" said one homie, pointing at her former spot...
"Find her, Ock!!!! Am I supposed to get that twat AND search BY MYSELF with this glock?!"
"Nahhh...we got you..." says another gun with hungry eyes, hoping the pussy was his if he had the drop.
Notice that "Vag" only once uses a quote for an end rhyme. The length of his lines really helps with that. By doing that, though, he is able to avoid forcing the wording on his quotes. But he uses the quotes to emphasize emotions. I don't like the extra exclamation points or the capitalization because the word choice alone emphasizes the franctic tone he was going for. In this case, the dialogue adds immediacy to the verse while keeping very much in the tone he was going for with this flash of a robbery.
But Vividlyvague does struggle a little bit with fully incorporating the dialogue into the theme of his verse. The plot slows down because of the dialogue. PancakeBrah handled this much more naturally in his verse about a photo of two men in South Side Chicago in Week 7.
Slunk in his seat, Marlon turns. “Hey, can I bum a square?”
“Sure, kid” Lester thumbs his pair of jeans and pulls a marb one Hundred, bare.
“I’ll smoke one with you.”
As soon as they’re out the door it’s
“Would you mind if I took a picture?”
“Sure, kid.”
PancakeBrah deftly avoids any version of "said" but never allows any confusion for the speaker. "Marlon turns" doesn't require "and says." And by having Lester already once use "Sure, kid," he sets up the latter use of the phrase. Leonard was big on this and also thought "says" or "said" was the only good word to establish a speaker, when necessary. More complex verbiage ("extorts," "yells," "explains," "questions," etc.) detracts from the words being spoken, and they are the reason you're quoting words. The tone and even the speaker should be evident.
Vulgar wrote the most dialogue-heavy verse of the season, and he didn't consistently apply Leonard's rules, way back in Week 2 against NYCSPITZ. But he did balance it out with good dialogue and actually used the dialogue to tell his story. The following segment is from when God introduces our main character, Abe, to an alternate reality version of himself.
His other self spoke gently,
"I got back together with our wife, reclaimed the business and kids"
"What?! How?"
"You weren't bankrupt, dumb ass. All you had to do was file the simplest shit."
"Is that so?" asked Abe, tears welling up, he grew dizzy & started to sway
screamed and cursed frantically, "Those IRS scam artists will PAY!"
"Listen Abe, it's over now. This is my life now. You've been there."
All of a sudden the devil whispered and a pistol appeared out of thin air
This works because Vulgar left the storytelling to be done by the second self. He ensured his lead character would have no more knowledge than his reader about the situation, so that the exposition-by-dialogue would make sense. One thing that even a lot of TV shows and movies struggle with is having characters explain things they wouldn't really need to be explaining if there wasn't an audience watching.
Dialogue is not easy. This column was tougher to find examples for than any other. But dialogue can give life to a verse when done correctly. People speak. Letting your characters do the same will bring them to life.
Interview with Pancakebrah by Frank
To be edited in
Power Index by Pancakebrah
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEUssSaVF9Y
Hello fellow AOWL brahs. I’m taking over Certain’s job of ranking you all, in list format, to either stroke your ego or piss you off enough to hate vote me for not being mentioned. I just threw in a chaw; I’m sober, white, and listening to The Antlers. Everything is perfect. The average adult white male in America has a Swag index of 4.6; I am currently residing at a 9.3. I’m not entirely sure how Certain does his Top 10. I assume it’s some long lost Jewish algorithm that I couldn’t comprehend even if I saw it. I’m basing my rankings off overall success in the league with more weight on recent performance and my opinion of talent in a vacuum. For instance, I have NYC ranked in the Top 10 even though he has an average record; I think if the league had a Write Week like competition and everyone showed to their fullest he’d be in contention to win. So it’s a mix of everything included. I’m pretty sure you understood what I was saying without having to write that example but I’m arrogant and like type/talk. I’ve excluded myself for the sake of objectivity and the Top 10 is only for writers currently signed into the league.
Just Missed the Cut: Adonis, patrown
10. ThisisDAM (2-0)
I’m not overly familiar with Dam’s writing, but he seems to have a grasp on what he’s doing. I think I read somewhere he was either on NC’s previously, or another site. I’m not sure. He’s joined late, but with a 2-0 start to his season he may be able to sneak into the playoffs with two more wins to close out the season. He’s going up against King Ra. who’s been saying he’s going to unleash his writing demons for awhile now so it’ll be interesting to see how that match goes down.
9. ZYG (1-2)
I’m not entirely sure about the playoff situation of the league but it seems that even if Zygote wins out he may not make the postseason. He’s also had an unexpected rough start to his season. I don’t think anyone would have predicted him to have a losing record three matches in. I’m basing this solely off of his talent level as I think when he’s on top of his game he’s a Top 5 writer in the league. Him finishing with two wins to close out the season is much more likely than him going 1-1 or 0-2, in my estimation. He’s going up against Mordycai, a writer I’m not familiar with, who also may miss the cutoff for the playoffs. It’ll be an interesting match to read as both writers may be writing for the competition and for writing itself. I look forward to it.
8. Mike Wrecka (4-4)
The champ of the WCL, Mike stumbled out of the gates in his own league. He’s had a sub .500 record at different points of the season but has brought his record back up and seems to be rounding into form just in time for the playoffs. When he’s motivated and fully focused he has the pedigree to be a threat.
7. Diode (3-0)
Joined the league late and is making enough of a run to gain a playoff spot if he keeps up the pace. He won against Just Write last week in a relatively close voting which is by far his strongest win of his short stint in the league. He goes up against Adonis, one of the mainstays of the league, in a match that could have implications for the playoffs. He’s seemed properly motivated since he signed in and I expect he’ll drop another solid verse.
6. NYCSPITZ (3-3)
This ranking, as mentioned in the opening paragraph, is almost entirely based on my opinion of NYC’s level of talent. From my count, he’s no showed twice with his other loss being a close match between Vulgar. When he’s committed to writing he’s arguably a Top 5 writer on Netcees period. I’m going to be an optimist and predict he’ll gain some motivation as the playoffs creep closer and end up being a force in the postseason. Or he could no-show the last two weeks and post about handball and New York hot dog stands with Frank. Either way.
5. Vividlyvague (6-2)
The first writer I’m not entirely familiar with. I’ve read a couple of verses from him and from what I can gather he has a strong sense of technique and rhythm. His verse last week actually read a lot like a Frank verse in terms of rhyme structure, which is a compliment. He finds himself in the Contender match against Vulgar this week and a win would go a long way towards validating his place among the top writers in the league. Regardless, his record and consistency warrants a Top 5 spot on the list.
4. Mr. J (5-3, Former Champ)
He’s on a two match losing streak after starting 5-1 and being the first Champ of the season. Granted, those two losses came at the hands of Frank and Vulgar, the #1 and #2 writers in the league in my opinion, and he has the track record to maintain a Top 5 ranking. He faces off against another strong writer, albeit an inconsistent one, in NYCSPITZ and if he were to lose a third match in a row to a top tier opponent he may have to re-evaluate his approach.
3. Certain (6-2)
Had the battle of the week against Frank in the title match. I read through the battle a few times and although if I had to vote I’d have probably gone with Frank it was a much closer match than the 8-0 vote disparity indicates. A self-proclaimed topical specialist who doesn’t do as well in Open Mics, Certain’s made a reputation between this league and the WCL as a serious topical threat in a short amount of time. I really enjoy his style, and he deserves a Top 3 ranking for consistency, talent, and overall league performance. My only question stems from the fact both of his losses came in Champ matches which leads one to wonder if he has the extra gear necessary to champ the season. I tend to think it’s too small of a sample size to extrapolate that idea but it bears consideration.
2. Vulgar (4-2)
The major reason for this ranking is his reputation as a writer and the potential he has to beat anyone on the site, hands down. He’s been a bit uneven in the league but is starting to round into form after a quality win over Mr. J. He still hasn’t written to the upper end of his talent in this league for whatever reason but I’m confident come playoff time he’ll be one of the favorites to win the league.
1. Frank (6-2, Current Champ)
He’s probably a top five writer on the site, is tied for most wins in the league, and is the current champ. Frank having the number one spot is a no brainer. He has a style completely unique to himself (and his countless aliases), one that is both voter friendly and respected among the elite writer’s on Netcees. He’s kind of a douche bag but his merits can’t be discounted.
Outro by Mike Wrecka
That's gonna be it for this week people. Read it , enjoy it, love it. I wanna give a shout out to all the writers in the AOWL, all my people in ATR and everyone in the 20 win club. holler. out
Season 2
AOWL Magazine
8th Edition
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVEZjZd_HeI&oref=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DgV EZjZd_HeI&has_verified=1
What up here we are for the 8th Edition of the AOWL Season 2 Magazine. This is the week before the last week of the league. Playoffs are looming large, top twelve make it. The rest are left out feeling depressed. Big TITLE MATCH between Frank and Pancakebrah. Should be epic. Check out the Contender Match between Vividlyvague and Vulgar. We switched it up a bit this week, Certain did reviews of last weeks action, Pancakebrah did Power Rankings and Michael Wrecka dropped a predicitons video. Must peep stuff. And stop scroll back up and watch that Prodigy video from his newest album Albert Einstein. He gives a big shout out to Long Island on that shit. Rep. So ya AOWL straight destroying the competition get with it motherfuckers. Best league in the universe. This week we have bugged out graphic images but before we look ahead lets take a look back at last weeks results.
Week 8 reviewby Certain
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkKxsYgv12M
Title Match: Frank (6-2) beats Certain (6-2) 8-0.
Frank wrote the verse of the week to win the battle of the week? Does anyone really disagree? Thought not. Where I went wrong is going with a cool, emotionless verse in an attempt to contrast the topic. Frank went straight at it with a powerful verse about a mother watching her family come together for Thanksgiving. Some people thought he ended with a twist, but it really wasn't one. The onions reference was sort of like one of those macho excuses for crying ("It's getting dusty in here"), or at least that's how I read it. He extended a single rhyme for about 32 couplets and showcased his signature naturalist storytelling. That resonated with voters for good reason. So he retained the title.
Contendership: PancakeBrah (5-1) wins via breathless (3-4) disqualification.
breathless basically turned an old verse into a new verse, which still is a form of recycling. I don't really see the point in recycling for these leagues. Anyway, his verse was pretty interesting with a lot of unique thoughts that only slightly touched on the topic. That's why recycling in a topical league is ineffective and the primary way I've caught three recyclers in my four months on this site. So stop doing that. PancakeBrah didn't have to drop a verse but almost certainly would have won because the topic was right up his alley. He wouldn't have written around it like that.
Vulgar (4-2) beats Mr. J (5-3) 6-3.
This battle was a pretty big disappointment. Vulgar apparently took his near-shutout loss to PancakeBrah pretty hard because his verse was pretty much the exact opposite of his Week 7 one. He wrote three super-straightforward character sketches, then linked them. The diction and rhyme mechanics mostly were clean. Mr. J wrote a third consecutive verse in which he had a hidden narrator vaguely describing emotions, and though it was a step better than last week's loss to Frank, it wasn't nearly as good as his victory against me. The wording was too generic, which is a bad look when you're going against something as concrete as Vulgar's verse.
Vividlyvague (5-2) beats Adonis (3-4) 5-4.
The closest battle of the week came down to a post-deadline vote (which was very well explained thanks to Objective, whom I messaged when I realized we risked delaying the league). Vividlyvague said his verse was about personal reflection, so we have to assume he was involved in one way or another with child services. That's a bummer. His verse was filled with lively but fractured storytelling and probably was better end to end than Adonis', but Adonis came with a very strong opener that won me and a few other voters over. Unfortunately, Adonis' attempt to tie the "Investigative Reports" topic into his verse about a homeless man was a real struggle, which probably cost him the battle and may end up costing him a playoff spot.
Mike Wrecka (4-4) beats Innovator (3-4) 9-1.
The first vote of this battle went to Innovator, and I hadn't read it until I cast the second. With all due respect to ThisisDAM, I'm not sure what battle he was reading. Mike Wrecka had one of the best verses of the week, exploring a deeper vocabulary than he typically uses while writing a smooth retelling of how many developed with the aid of fire. Innovator wrote something that may or may not have been about lesbians but definitely was about hidden love and sex in a forest, I think. There were turns of phrase that really worked, but you can't beat Mike Wrecka by going vague.
Diode (3-0) beats Just Write (3-2) 5-3.
Diode is taking the world by storm! He sort of Baskin Robbins'd voters this week, offering four different scoops on the "Bells of War" topic, probably the best of the week, in an effort to appeal to everyone. And I think every voter enjoyed at least one of the segments. Just Write probably lost this battle more than Diode won it, as a lot of voters questioned his war-diaries approach. Sure, it was an obvious take, but I think Just Write wrote with a lot of genuine appeal. But Diode has shown a great knack for coming up with how to treat a topic. Had he simply run with any of the four ideas he came up with (or done a better job linking the four verses), I think he would have ran away with this battle.
King Ra. (2-4) beats YDK (3-5) 5-0.
YDK says he still cares, but he dropped a second consecutive very short verse and didn't vote. Apparently, he doesn't like the Wu-Tang Clan, but I'm not sure how that effects his ability to write on one of the least Wu-Tang Clan-esque topics of the week, "Ice Cream." His brief submission was pretty clumsy and cliche, an ode to his relationship with the girl whose ass stares at us from his avatar. King Ra. came with a very strong verse, tackling the Wu-Tang Clan theme more directly than anyone. He wrote about three deadly warrioresses, named after ice cream flavors and fully trained in hand-to-hand and weapon fighting. He seems to have an obsession with women who know karate. Then again, that seems to be the only way he wins in this league.
NYCSPITZ (3-3) wins via symetrik (2-3) no-show.
"Hellz Wind Staff" definitely was the worst topic of the week. symetrik wasn't having it and decided to no-show rather than write to that topic. NYCSPITZ, as a result, was able to drop 16 lines of strange but somewhat interesting content on the topic, taken completely literally. This battle was unfortunate.
ThisisDAM (2-0) beats ZYG (1-2) 5-3.
ZYG still is zygote, and therefore ZYG sometimes is too zygote for his own good in these leagues. He bent slightly this week and wrote something about emotions, even if it wasn't a particularly emotional take. He also used a slightly more traditional structure. ThisisDAM came with the more traditional topical verse, replete with plentiful rhyming and this strange and interesting twist about Santa Claus (that one voter, at least, seemed to miss somehow). Still, ThisisDAM jumped out to an early 5-1 lead and couldn't be caught.
Mordycai (1-0) wins via Clockwise (0-1) no-show.
Mordycai showed. Clockwise asked for an extension, didn't show for it, then complained that he hadn't received one even though the thread clearly was marked. So fuck Clockwise. As for Mordycai, his verse had a few nice turns of phrase but mostly it was overwritten. The shorter bars used in the third and fourth stanzas were much stronger because they cut down on some of that. The interesting thoughts in his verse were fractured by unclear writing and mediocre rhyme schemes. But I do see potential. I've seen a lot of writers go from that level to really, really good.
Predictions by Mike Wrecka
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9L9y397ZUs
Certain's Corner by Certain
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EW-4J80lF8U
Aside from The Cat in the Hat and Muhammad Ali, people don't speak in rhyme. Aside from mimes, monks and mutes, people do speak. Therein lies the challenge of dialogue in a rap format.
Late author Elmore Leonard built most of his stories on dialogue, arguing readers should be able to develop their own sensual experiences based on dialogue and action. He avoided imagery and character description because his dialogue did that work for him. That's how potent this device can be. But it's probably the biggest challenge for storytelling in our format, which I am pretty sure Leonard never tried to handle.
The first rule for dialogue is that it better sound like something someone would say. No one ever will touch Slick Rick in this department. (Stop reading this and go and listen to The Great Adventures of Slick Rick right now if it's been a while or you've never checked it out.) But we can do a better job. Very few people in this league have even fucked at all with extended dialogue in a verse, and most attempts have been clumsy.
But I did manage to find three examples to share that offer good tips for dialogue in a rap verse. The best at dialogue in our format was probably Richard Corey (who doubles as the best overall text rap storyteller I've read), but a few people in this league have shown a knack for the device.
Vividlyvague has a rather bombastic style based heavily on sensory details, so dialogue is very important for his storytelling verses. His writing voice as a whole seems to switch a lot as required by the subject matter. Doing the same with dialogue offers authenticity. That showed through in his disqualified (for excessive length) verse against Mr. J in the Week 6 championship match.
They scour the closets and cabinets for signs of prominence... against the clock, something's gotta give.
"Where the fuck is the safe??" Davis yells... only making himself look irritated, this aim a flop.
"Ayo, D... where the bitch at?" said one homie, pointing at her former spot...
"Find her, Ock!!!! Am I supposed to get that twat AND search BY MYSELF with this glock?!"
"Nahhh...we got you..." says another gun with hungry eyes, hoping the pussy was his if he had the drop.
Notice that "Vag" only once uses a quote for an end rhyme. The length of his lines really helps with that. By doing that, though, he is able to avoid forcing the wording on his quotes. But he uses the quotes to emphasize emotions. I don't like the extra exclamation points or the capitalization because the word choice alone emphasizes the franctic tone he was going for. In this case, the dialogue adds immediacy to the verse while keeping very much in the tone he was going for with this flash of a robbery.
But Vividlyvague does struggle a little bit with fully incorporating the dialogue into the theme of his verse. The plot slows down because of the dialogue. PancakeBrah handled this much more naturally in his verse about a photo of two men in South Side Chicago in Week 7.
Slunk in his seat, Marlon turns. “Hey, can I bum a square?”
“Sure, kid” Lester thumbs his pair of jeans and pulls a marb one Hundred, bare.
“I’ll smoke one with you.”
As soon as they’re out the door it’s
“Would you mind if I took a picture?”
“Sure, kid.”
PancakeBrah deftly avoids any version of "said" but never allows any confusion for the speaker. "Marlon turns" doesn't require "and says." And by having Lester already once use "Sure, kid," he sets up the latter use of the phrase. Leonard was big on this and also thought "says" or "said" was the only good word to establish a speaker, when necessary. More complex verbiage ("extorts," "yells," "explains," "questions," etc.) detracts from the words being spoken, and they are the reason you're quoting words. The tone and even the speaker should be evident.
Vulgar wrote the most dialogue-heavy verse of the season, and he didn't consistently apply Leonard's rules, way back in Week 2 against NYCSPITZ. But he did balance it out with good dialogue and actually used the dialogue to tell his story. The following segment is from when God introduces our main character, Abe, to an alternate reality version of himself.
His other self spoke gently,
"I got back together with our wife, reclaimed the business and kids"
"What?! How?"
"You weren't bankrupt, dumb ass. All you had to do was file the simplest shit."
"Is that so?" asked Abe, tears welling up, he grew dizzy & started to sway
screamed and cursed frantically, "Those IRS scam artists will PAY!"
"Listen Abe, it's over now. This is my life now. You've been there."
All of a sudden the devil whispered and a pistol appeared out of thin air
This works because Vulgar left the storytelling to be done by the second self. He ensured his lead character would have no more knowledge than his reader about the situation, so that the exposition-by-dialogue would make sense. One thing that even a lot of TV shows and movies struggle with is having characters explain things they wouldn't really need to be explaining if there wasn't an audience watching.
Dialogue is not easy. This column was tougher to find examples for than any other. But dialogue can give life to a verse when done correctly. People speak. Letting your characters do the same will bring them to life.
Interview with Pancakebrah by Frank
To be edited in
Power Index by Pancakebrah
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEUssSaVF9Y
Hello fellow AOWL brahs. I’m taking over Certain’s job of ranking you all, in list format, to either stroke your ego or piss you off enough to hate vote me for not being mentioned. I just threw in a chaw; I’m sober, white, and listening to The Antlers. Everything is perfect. The average adult white male in America has a Swag index of 4.6; I am currently residing at a 9.3. I’m not entirely sure how Certain does his Top 10. I assume it’s some long lost Jewish algorithm that I couldn’t comprehend even if I saw it. I’m basing my rankings off overall success in the league with more weight on recent performance and my opinion of talent in a vacuum. For instance, I have NYC ranked in the Top 10 even though he has an average record; I think if the league had a Write Week like competition and everyone showed to their fullest he’d be in contention to win. So it’s a mix of everything included. I’m pretty sure you understood what I was saying without having to write that example but I’m arrogant and like type/talk. I’ve excluded myself for the sake of objectivity and the Top 10 is only for writers currently signed into the league.
Just Missed the Cut: Adonis, patrown
10. ThisisDAM (2-0)
I’m not overly familiar with Dam’s writing, but he seems to have a grasp on what he’s doing. I think I read somewhere he was either on NC’s previously, or another site. I’m not sure. He’s joined late, but with a 2-0 start to his season he may be able to sneak into the playoffs with two more wins to close out the season. He’s going up against King Ra. who’s been saying he’s going to unleash his writing demons for awhile now so it’ll be interesting to see how that match goes down.
9. ZYG (1-2)
I’m not entirely sure about the playoff situation of the league but it seems that even if Zygote wins out he may not make the postseason. He’s also had an unexpected rough start to his season. I don’t think anyone would have predicted him to have a losing record three matches in. I’m basing this solely off of his talent level as I think when he’s on top of his game he’s a Top 5 writer in the league. Him finishing with two wins to close out the season is much more likely than him going 1-1 or 0-2, in my estimation. He’s going up against Mordycai, a writer I’m not familiar with, who also may miss the cutoff for the playoffs. It’ll be an interesting match to read as both writers may be writing for the competition and for writing itself. I look forward to it.
8. Mike Wrecka (4-4)
The champ of the WCL, Mike stumbled out of the gates in his own league. He’s had a sub .500 record at different points of the season but has brought his record back up and seems to be rounding into form just in time for the playoffs. When he’s motivated and fully focused he has the pedigree to be a threat.
7. Diode (3-0)
Joined the league late and is making enough of a run to gain a playoff spot if he keeps up the pace. He won against Just Write last week in a relatively close voting which is by far his strongest win of his short stint in the league. He goes up against Adonis, one of the mainstays of the league, in a match that could have implications for the playoffs. He’s seemed properly motivated since he signed in and I expect he’ll drop another solid verse.
6. NYCSPITZ (3-3)
This ranking, as mentioned in the opening paragraph, is almost entirely based on my opinion of NYC’s level of talent. From my count, he’s no showed twice with his other loss being a close match between Vulgar. When he’s committed to writing he’s arguably a Top 5 writer on Netcees period. I’m going to be an optimist and predict he’ll gain some motivation as the playoffs creep closer and end up being a force in the postseason. Or he could no-show the last two weeks and post about handball and New York hot dog stands with Frank. Either way.
5. Vividlyvague (6-2)
The first writer I’m not entirely familiar with. I’ve read a couple of verses from him and from what I can gather he has a strong sense of technique and rhythm. His verse last week actually read a lot like a Frank verse in terms of rhyme structure, which is a compliment. He finds himself in the Contender match against Vulgar this week and a win would go a long way towards validating his place among the top writers in the league. Regardless, his record and consistency warrants a Top 5 spot on the list.
4. Mr. J (5-3, Former Champ)
He’s on a two match losing streak after starting 5-1 and being the first Champ of the season. Granted, those two losses came at the hands of Frank and Vulgar, the #1 and #2 writers in the league in my opinion, and he has the track record to maintain a Top 5 ranking. He faces off against another strong writer, albeit an inconsistent one, in NYCSPITZ and if he were to lose a third match in a row to a top tier opponent he may have to re-evaluate his approach.
3. Certain (6-2)
Had the battle of the week against Frank in the title match. I read through the battle a few times and although if I had to vote I’d have probably gone with Frank it was a much closer match than the 8-0 vote disparity indicates. A self-proclaimed topical specialist who doesn’t do as well in Open Mics, Certain’s made a reputation between this league and the WCL as a serious topical threat in a short amount of time. I really enjoy his style, and he deserves a Top 3 ranking for consistency, talent, and overall league performance. My only question stems from the fact both of his losses came in Champ matches which leads one to wonder if he has the extra gear necessary to champ the season. I tend to think it’s too small of a sample size to extrapolate that idea but it bears consideration.
2. Vulgar (4-2)
The major reason for this ranking is his reputation as a writer and the potential he has to beat anyone on the site, hands down. He’s been a bit uneven in the league but is starting to round into form after a quality win over Mr. J. He still hasn’t written to the upper end of his talent in this league for whatever reason but I’m confident come playoff time he’ll be one of the favorites to win the league.
1. Frank (6-2, Current Champ)
He’s probably a top five writer on the site, is tied for most wins in the league, and is the current champ. Frank having the number one spot is a no brainer. He has a style completely unique to himself (and his countless aliases), one that is both voter friendly and respected among the elite writer’s on Netcees. He’s kind of a douche bag but his merits can’t be discounted.
Outro by Mike Wrecka
That's gonna be it for this week people. Read it , enjoy it, love it. I wanna give a shout out to all the writers in the AOWL, all my people in ATR and everyone in the 20 win club. holler. out