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View Full Version : WK1: c.d.m. (0-0) VS. dead man (0-0) [DEAD MAN WINS, 9-0.]


Split
02-09-2013, 11:15 PM
Verses are due Thursday 2/14 at 11:59 PST

Check-in's are not required, but if you do not check you will NOT be granted an extension.

Extensions are to be granted by the opponent before the deadline, and for 24 hours ONLY

You must vote on 3 other battles and post links. For every absent link, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.


Topic:
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5l8dk3vKZ1rvh22po1_400.jpg

Good luck!

@Killer Aires dead man

dead man
02-10-2013, 11:39 AM
God Damn it

dead man
02-12-2013, 10:43 AM
alas



It never stays the same. a shoreline passing before
our very eyes, adapting it's form. before and after the storm
caves carved for passionate war. settlers, savages, swords
survival strategy - scientific like Socratic reports
no allegory, imaginative force. a moment, solitary flash to absorb
they say perception is for memory as camera records
it's change, chance, choice to stay and grasp for a source
we understand. but can't describe once we've established rapport
waves lapping ashore. starship silhouettes with shadows aboard
waving goodbye to blue skies, hello axial core
palm-trees wave back in the breeze, oyster bay, trash and debris
but pollution is to humankind what sand is to beach
sunny spasm to beams. brown skin Barbie doll, orgasmic release
tans and tobacco leaf. death's expensive, cancer is cheap
growing so cold-hearted as we bask in it's heat
it's a sad world when luxury is passing for peace.
when amusement parks and festivals abandon the streets
when all that's left is sand at the beach. puff, pass and repeat
stairwell to hell, symbolize ye olde Satanic deceit
where you're indoctrinated not by prayer, but stamping your feet.
time-space manifold. it's a stretch to think reality creased
time to stop and reconsider all your active beliefs
epistemologies consider us a sponge in the sink
soak well and one can suddenly think. parchment and ink
shades up, too sunny to blink. water fountains. towers of glass
stone paths, salt perfumes our mother. mountains and grass,
if power corrupts, hatred frees itself when power collapses
it's silver dollar fees to read our hourly masses
quantity and quality. practice for a summer night of volleyball matches
white powder, wooden porches, whores and hollywood actors
beige boulders, burnt spoonfuls of andromeda magnets
straying further away. we take collective conscious for granted
beach bums boogie-board while prostitutes deposit their taxes
lifeguards on walkie talkies like reconnaissance bandits
the sands of time are ideology. a cognitive bandage,
scratched designs - corporate logos like a modern-day sanskrit
there's a logistical crisis that most astronomy brackets
like the hatred that accompanies a hostile romantic
at every step, frozen phenomenon. photographic,
sands of time, whitewashed and warm beneath these watery splashes.

It never stays the same. time flies like dragons in heat
a stairway leading upwards towards the attic you seek
time is change, fiery flames. puff, pass and repeat -
we're all castles built to fall apart, like sand at the beach.





- dead man

dead man
02-13-2013, 12:39 AM
this ball of vagina scent is not showing, admittedly

so.. who's next

NYCSPITZ
02-13-2013, 01:14 AM
nvm thought this was the predictions thread.

but yea
chesscube --> ur not ready

v/ hellokitty

veritas
02-13-2013, 04:28 PM
Dope verse ima jump in this. Who are you am alias of?

veritas
02-14-2013, 01:16 PM
The Portals to Heaven

where: “the City of GOD” aka the slums of Rio De Jeniro
when: February 14th, 1977

Time is a funny thing, it gives us youth to parade about our ignorance,
and allows us to examine the crossroads between damnation and deliverance:

António Silva Abreu chased his prey through the crowded market place,
Sun shining, reflecting the perfecting, of projecting the fear on his target’s face
Antonio was the leader of a gang, comprised of twenty four souls in a fleet
Evil personified, Antonio came to collect his tribute, not knowing his prey had prepared deceit
His prey snatched the yay, and shot Antonio center mass, before making a get away to the street
Antonio’s fury clotted the blood, solidified the wound, black sorcery personified as he sprund to his feet
The predator grew closer to this prey as his prey was ascending steps toward the sun
Antonio aimed his pistol and fired, and time stopped, this amplified the raport of the gun
Antonio had been careless, his rage had blinded him, for there sat a different man bleeding on the seventh step
Antionio inched near him and the man said “Pai perdoa-lhe, porque ele não sabe o que faz”......Antonio wept.

Where: “The City of GOD”
When: February 14th, 1978

Time is a funny thing, as it has a tendency to simplify the complex and humble the wise,
It shows us the errors of our ways, and paints the way to salvation, if one can keep open their eyes

Antonio had been converted, instant metanoa, his tears the baptism of his demise
Antonio began to paint the steps into where he imagined the man’s soul now resides
For this he became a famous painter, the brush master, the art pastor, the mural messiah
World reknown, Heaven’s portal was found, the World’s droves rushed to admire
Antonio’s fame had grown, his ego began to whisper again, spinning delusions of grandeur
The steps had been his penance, his repentance, his winning the pollution of slander
Reporter’s asked him what had inspired him to paint such beauty amidst the madness
He replied: “Eu estou perto de deus” as this was the metaphor behind the ocean wave’s crashes
Antonio began his new life of reknown, of celebrity, and went on to paint many more murals
Forgetting it is easy for the world to prop a man up and make him forget to rest upon his laurels.

Where: The City of GOD
When: February 14th 2013

Time is a funny thing, it can make us forget who we were, and the motivations that move us
It can rust away the chains of the soul, or rush to entwine, so that in time we lose us....

Antonio’s arthritic bones grinded and chafed, as he strode amongst the throngs at marketplace
To the steps entitled “Heaven’s portal” where he gained fame from forgotten disgrace
A smile came to his face, as he saw the usual crowds gathered with cameras in hand
He was recognized, the crowds erupted, even at this age, Antonio could always find a fan
He didnt see the man pull out the pistol and fire with his eyes filled in boiling rage
Center mass. The crowds parted like the red sea, and Antonio laid withering splayed
On the same steps that brought him life so long ago, as the sun became shadow, he saw his foe
The man said coldly: “para o meu pai” then cocked the revolver, fired, and invited death to show.
The portals to heaven were painted over with blood, which itself paints the morals I bring:
Those who show others the most heaven get the most hell, and time is a funny thing.

Split
02-14-2013, 02:20 PM
whoa. voting tonight.

Camp Bell
02-14-2013, 04:06 PM
wow. be back

Geno
02-14-2013, 08:53 PM
This was a weird battle
Well, maybe not..

Deadman straight killed the visuals and subtle drops of wordplay and metas. Very sound well written verse worthy of being entirely qouted imo.

C.d.m. ..veritas?
Whoever.
You really hurt yourself with the repettious antonio throughout the verse. The story that went with it seemed like it was cool, allthough hard to tie into the pic. And I feel like you destroyed all hopes of creating any flow and rhythm. The storyline was hard to follow because of this and reading the word antonio over and over again got on my nerves early. If you are veritas... I know you capable of waaaaay better than this.

Easy win in my eyes.

V-deadman

Inno
02-14-2013, 10:21 PM
DM

this was some next level shit foreal. your imagery is fucking amayzaing tho. dam and the flow was flawless really no bumps or stalls anywhere in the verse. you took the picture and ran with it foreal. the tone of your piece was nice to i felt like it was well written piece performed by an orchestra lol. it fet like you brought the stares themself to life in your verse. thought that was fucking ill yom props man no complaints here.


cdm

this was an adventure ttbh. i mean jesus man this was some intricidly woven storyline wiith a great rhyme scheme and it flowed fairly well man at time it seemed to lose it self in the mass that you created..still dope as fuck tho. three different timelines with the same character..thought the three differnet timelines of the same character really drove your two repeating lines. that whole shit was fucking out of control ill lol. but it felt like the picture got lost in your story from time to time great stuff though man..


overall

this was a sick battle, two dope writers droping some dope shit. in the end though i gotta go with deadman...to be honest this could go either way but i felt like dm had a more polished scheme and story. both equal in mechanics. i was feeling dm's story a bit more. amazing battle.

vote deadman

Camp Bell
02-14-2013, 10:27 PM
i actually liked cbm verse but...deadmans was just far to superior with less content
it was interesting to have the time stamps, it was also a bit drawn out...dope battle
dead tho, man...shit was fire from the start..

It never stays the same. a shoreline passing before
our very eyes, adapting it's form. before and after the storm
caves carved for passionate war. settlers, savages, swords
survival strategy - scientific like Socratic reports
no allegory, imaginative force. a moment, solitary flash to absorb
they say perception is for memory as camera records
it's change, chance, choice to stay and grasp for a source
we understand. but can't describe once we've established rapport

Zen
02-15-2013, 12:42 PM
Jesus Harold Chirst on rubber crutches these are some long ass verses. But with that said lets get to the votes.

dead: Very good drop to showcase yourself for the first week. Literally from the first lines of your verse I was hooked and it only seemed to get better as it went on. Easy read and nice flow and really saw virtually no problems with this piece at all to be honest.
c.d.m: Honestly I gotta give props to you for writing this verse on such a short notice and to be this good. Props man. Now my complaint with your verse was it seemed to me that allot of your lines were long winded which fucked the flow up for me and ruined the story you were trying to portray imo.

All in all I gotta give props to both of you. Great first week from both but I gotta give this to dead man.

Coup
02-15-2013, 01:17 PM
dead man -

first things that stand out for me is your flow and scheme, top notch. read very smooth with some nice turns of the tongue. Heavy imagery driven with a lot of inner rhetoric of a person thinking...not too much anchored in a clear driven narrative due to the onslaught of imagery devices and metaphor...pic representation was there but you have to pay attention to see it...I like how you used it though to tie in the mural on the steps (beach) to the accent to better things to hope for (steps). which tie the heavy imagery and flow you used well enough. Could have sustained the flow in a different story driven away outside the reliance on such bold imagery rethoric...kinda saturated the piece in ratio to length. Great drop though.


cdm--

first things I noticed was that your lines were stretched with high syllable counts, while you did manage to make them flow pretty well taken how long they were. Now not a bad thing, but in some passages the length hurt the flow and confused the pacing of this. Which brings me to another point, you tossed us into a situation without much of an introduction or a short few lines emerging us into the plot...we just jumped in. Center your readers first so to speak. Antonio’s revelations and how he changed, and what happened to him in time, was interesting and I picked that up...though I'm not sure your delivery did much justice to this deep topic.

I like the wisdom of the lines you gave us, each with some philosophic struggle with valuable lessons within them...made for a positive tone. I liked that. This read really well, despite the line stretches.


v-dead

NYCSPITZ
02-16-2013, 12:01 AM
this was cool, mechanics rhyme scheme and profundity go to black although cdm was cool too. I thought it was a dope battle, but like somebody else mentioned I felt the repetitions hindered the flow in cdm's, i mean it still came out dope but deadman was too smooth and his shit was superior imo in most aspects this time around. Also, I like spanish bitches but I can only speak basic phrases and curse words in spanish, I need a translation on those spanish phrases brah. cdm u impressed me tho and i likedur twist to the story a lot...good battle prolly battle of the week

v/deadman

Geno
02-16-2013, 10:53 AM
up

Mike Wrecka
02-17-2013, 12:24 PM
dope battle. very dope battle. both you guys gave me such detailed votes im gonna try my best to RTF.

black- very dope verse. you say so much with so little words. and that's really the biggest compliment I can give a writer. these phrases you come up with have very profound meaning within each one. all the classic poets wrote in that manner. ive spent hour long college classes dissecting a ten line poem. and then writing a four page paper on the meaning behind ten lines of poetry. you have this quality and its awesome. as far as the mechanics. very strong. got a little less sound in the middle. im obsessed with syllable count and you broke yours occasionally but you recover effortlessly in the next few words that you don't even realize it happened.
as far as the topic, I think you could have taken it a lot further. it was a weird picture. but you seemed to not attack it head on. those steps man. you could have wrote more about steps as progression upwards or downwards. iono. overall very dope verse.

cdm- reading your verse is a weird experience. my first reaction is, this shit has no flow or structure whatsoever. which it doesn't. my next reaction is, this verse is genius in its own way. your an exceptional story teller. if this was a write a story non rhyming league youd go undefeated I bet. I have a strong feeling that you don't listen to rap. your stuff would make a better song. someone singing it. beatles like almost. which I don't throw that term around lightly. but really ur stuff isn't poetry and its not text. its something different. which makes it hard to judge. storytelling was awesome though.


overall this battle was the yin and yang of text. one with a very complex and disciplined structure. the other with a fuck structure free flowing design.

vote - black d

his complexity in writing was superior here. cdm if you ever master rhyme meter you would be a monster. perhaps try writing to a beat.

awesome battle guys. thanks for the read. props

Split
02-17-2013, 03:03 PM
i had a really nice breakdown i lost, im simply not motivated to go through it again.

Dead Man. lyrically superior, very solid interpretation of the picture that would work as a standalone piece as well. i pulled like ten lines of quotes out.

Veritas. amazing angle, the rhyming was actually pretty solid in spots and overally i didnt see your structure hurting you too much. unusual for a Vertias verse, i thought the metaphorical connection was rather weak, but the plot was very gripping, and the portuguese was a nice touch. it was fresh.

however, dead man's poetic style resulted in a more powerful verse, i connected to his nameless numberless protagonist much more

v/ dead man

Frank
02-17-2013, 07:30 PM
netcees top topical vs netcees top troll.

interesting.

crazy battle battle of the week, almost a playoff match kind of battle, created this hierarchy atmosphere.. For vertias to step into the circuit this week on a whim and write something as compelling competitive as he did not only saved one of the better verses you will ever read from being spoiled, but an entire league from suffering the consequence. You laced up and helped create a tone of what could be a paramount season indeed. This battle does not deserve to be voted on. This battle needs to be featured in the week 2 magazine as an Great Example of what this shit is all about. Two kids who owned their respected forums at another site clashing like this at this new venue is pretty amazing. Black, I read your verse before I wrote mine and was blown away and almost said fuck it, what am I doing. lol Dude that verse was a summarization of who you personify. That verse had a warmth to it that Black could never render. It took the dead Man to create that sonny oasis. It was like Eminems "I'm not afraid" - You broke new ground with this one. The palm trees and volley ball matches, really simple but relative like you stressed to Mike Wrecka. Watery splashes, man this verse came alive. This verse was special indeed. Keep setting the bar high. Veritas, I am familiar with your writing as well, and this was most woven I've seen you. In story-book-fashion you create a desperado duel and bring justice to one of the greatest movies ever made, City of God. The spanish subtitles came on the screen and I was like Diablo! You created a world. You implanted spanish words into my brain and made the piece personal, gave it authenticity, City of God. Delusions of grandeur/ Pollution of slander. Had it's multi moments but also showed neglect of schemes like "withering splayed" which I think had a greater effect because of it. Ended on some Quintin Terrintino shit too. Overall this battle was the winner so it doesn't matter whose the loser. I vote for dead man because word-play at that pace is impressive to say the least. 60 second visual versus a 3 hour movie. depends how long your patience is. until next week.

peace

King Ra.
02-18-2013, 09:07 AM
DEAD MAN WINS, 9-0.