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View Full Version : WK1: Genocide (0-0) VS. Orc (0-0) [GENOCIDE WINS, 10-2.]


Split
02-09-2013, 11:19 PM
Verses are due Thursday 2/14 at 11:59 PST

Check-in's are not required, but if you do not check you will NOT be granted an extension.

Extensions are to be granted by the opponent before the deadline, and for 24 hours ONLY

You must vote on 3 other battles and post links. For every absent link, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.


Topic:
http://smashingpicture.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/Robert-and-Shana-1.jpg

Good luck!

Genocide Orc

Geno
02-10-2013, 01:19 PM
The Inventor.


Decrepid, broken wings that times forgotten
Rotten, sewing strings entwined -concocted
Hostage, i only dream i'll fly off high in the mist
Climbing the limbs, looking for a fucking sign in the wind
Only science exists, cause everything is dying or dead
Found a few resources, i macgyvered the rest
Apply and connect, what looks like broken violin necks
And try to invent, with things that show the signs of neglect
The worlds been torn down time and again, I am what's left
And I will die to find heaven, that's the promise of death
I'm dressed like an angel that fell, picture perfect painting of hell
Aviator suit like a noose, hoping i don't strangle myself
But i gotta break an anchor to sail, or an egg for an omellette
Praying I don't crash dive into my head like a cockpit
Submerging from this desolate vomit, feathered by hock spit
Locked in, looking like I'm dressed up in toxins
Foreign metal deposits, several objects I salvaged for use
Handcrafted, blacksmithed, lacking powerful tools
Hours consumed, finding out how to construe
Inspired by the towering moon, a ballanced balloon
Doomed, scouring tombs, bruised in my mind
An ugly ego trip, that used to be a beautiful ride
Reveals an unsuitable side, pride, nobodies helps better
Hate to be stuck in the middle but totally self centered
I wrote it myself, letters, now live like a caveman
In this primitive wasteland, I piss in the paint cans
Sick of the same pants, trance, stare though I'm panicking now
While i'm perched on this tree top, aerodynamically sound

Orc
02-11-2013, 08:16 AM
ok

Orc
02-14-2013, 09:38 AM
..
.

heart burning like the fire and logs, pockets of wire and cogs
an audible sigh crosses the night; tinkering with desire is odd..
long after this proprietors gone, the night trickles on scribing the same
hiding it's pain, the story of night is neither gory nor light
- it's silence and rain..
the dark's blinded with change. making way for the brightness of day
the worlds entirely gray, but one mans thoughts give this writer it's page..
it inspires a tale of a man who might've been hale causing marshall law
his ideas sparked a brawl,
get painted with the same brush & thinking becomes an art of war
no partial flaw; they say the worlds flatter than the nose of a fighter..
& that an ire of hope could put a sire to rope in a golden empire molded in fire
a goal in a pyre, but if the streets the limit why does the sun float even higher?
our mans talk became action - scribbles and doodles lead to bickering roomfulls
snickering fools come but ideas are when thoughts became passion!
when forks became past bends and then cloth became fashion..
like a wall that came crashing crushing the old ways encased in a bubble of hate
it's easy to ask are these troubles mistakes -
..or more importantly are all mistakes subtle and fake which start to double in take?
eyes opened like the yawning of a cave after rubbles embrace..
our mans pleads that with no past.. there's no gravity - no craft!
no man with his notepad.. forehead crinkled like hands in a soaked bath
his standard bears no flag, trying to manage both math and a ravaged up homeland
he's a radical nomad blessed with a mind and the magic that growth has
grabbing it; both hands, banishing old stands
a music of the mind turning two left feet into a travelling slow-dance..
'it's insanity.. no chance', & 'people weren't made to go high'
but thoughts become obsessions and obsessions are an escape from a lie
a time when the most basic can fly!
with birds racing on by, creating a life somewhere safe in the night
his rough draft is enough that he secures sponsorship and prepares to reign in the sky

& years later his sponsor looks back thinking how crazy was i!?


-----------

(wings are made for walking)

Zen
02-14-2013, 01:08 PM
Best battle I've read in the league so far forreal. Both yall came good as hell. Props.

Genocide: I felt that your verse had more imagery throughout with a nice flow to patch it all together. Adolf Spitler definatly came with the blitz in the first few lines haha. The viciousness you came in with in the first half of your verse was better I felt than the last half but still was solid throughout. Also the lines of the man being the painting of hell I think you said was my favorite line of the whole battle. Very good geno.
Orc: I'm not really sure I've read any of your OMs or topicals so your verse took me by surprise to actually how good it was. Very good rhyme scheme but to me it felt like some of the lines were long winded and fucked the flow up but those were few and far between. As genos started off fire and went out towards the end to me, I felt that yours actually started off slow and picked up towards the end and led into a climax of sorts. Very entertaining piece for sure.

Best battle so far you two. My hat goes off to both of you but I gotta vote for somebody, and for me I gotta vote Orc in a close battle

Inno
02-14-2013, 09:47 PM
geno

im diggin your style man you have dope as stop and go type of flow with the way you set your scheme...def some that waould be dope over the right beat. great imagery due to your descriptive tones..felt like that was your strong point for me. yo uhad some dope lines scattered through out this piece..the macgiver line and the self centered are great example of your writing ability. i mean thats what i like about this piece...the slick woirding done so smoothly, with dope progression and vocab...mechanically sound piece. felt like your story could of used a bit more meat in my eyes...other than that no complaints..


or

you had a different approach to your piece..which i thought wa pretty cool man. your multis are onpoint through out the entire piece.they where flawless and flowed smoothly
from one line to the next.imagery is there and you paint a good picture or scenerio from your word about the pic...though i gotta be honest i started feeling this towards the end..felt like the beginning was going no where..then the middle towards the end it got dope as fuck man., i the ideas become passion line..the gravity line..really cool writing there brah...as far as the story goes..like i said felt like it really picked up towards the middle end..dope shit..


overall

i got geno takin this i thought his verse was just a bit more consistant for me...his verse was much cleaner and seemed to read much easier because of it. orc had a solid fuckiung drop but i felt like his begining wasa a bit slow for me..great battle to be honest. in the end i got with geno.

vote- genocide

Coup
02-15-2013, 03:07 PM
geno-

nice opening 10 lines...really established yourself in them man, it read relentless and contagious to me. props Br0...the rest read much of the same, unrelenting. good flow through and through. to add some critique I would say that you spent almost the entire space of your written describing who you were, and what you did to be who you are...i think it may have been dope to put the reader in some here and now situation that we are experiencing with the narrator, as it stood we were told a lot, taking his word for it...though how much more would it be to learn with the nigga ? Na mean...not a mark against you, this verse hit hard and I could imagine it to a beat. i think the polished short lines did much


orc - tight poetic opening man that really drew and gave some conditional background to the piece.."silence and rain" I felt that because of the good lines before it set it up well. the following lines seemed to stretch out a bit, you still managed to real them in and the flow was pretty...each contained lots of stuff or issues concerning this man ready to take off with all his "baggage" ...good concept lines like:

our mans pleads that with no past.. there's no gravity - no craft!
no man with his notepad.. forehead crinkled like hands in a soaked bath

all in all the reader was being set up for a nice surprise resolution, to wrap up all the establishing lines and to connect a greater understanding in the world you created, but I felt robbed. i feel the varied and colorful imagery and concepts, all contrasting each other, really watered the impact down from an other wise very well written piece.

v- geno


overall, genos remained a bit more controlled and fluid, just tighter strangle on his topic which was more paitalbe. in terms of mechanism, both had that down on lock....interesting lines to be picked out here:

Geno:

Submerging from this desolate vomit, feathered by hock spit
Locked in, looking like I'm dressed up in toxins

orc:

the dark's blinded with change. making way for the brightness of day
the worlds entirely gray, but one mans thoughts give this writer it's page..

dope...

Nigma
02-15-2013, 07:53 PM
Insanely close battle. This was the contest I was looking most forward to reading this week and it lived up to expectations.

Comparing rhyme schemes, I felt Genocide was more 'consistent' only because Orc had a few lines that were more simplistic, where as Geno kept it very tight and strict all the way through. However, Orc came hard as hell and some of the most impressively complex schemes came from his verse. One line in particular stood out to me: "& that an ire of hope could put a sire to rope in a golden empire molded in fire"

Down to the content within the verses, I felt Genos was enjoyably descriptive and easily relateable to the picture. Lines were concise and you wasted no words, placing ample content into each bar despite the short lines. Orc, I feel the longer lines were very hit and miss, attributed to best and worst of the verse. When they were on, at times such as the line previously quoted, it was complex, descriptive, and plain badass. There were one or two circumstances, however, when it seemed that trimming the length down would have smoothed things out. This is extreme nitpicking on my behalf because it flows well as is, but from a voters standpoint in a close battle, gotta pull out the microscope.

I would love to vote for a tie here, but no one likes ties, so I've scratched my noggin until I've come to a decision. Two enjoyable verses, two different approaches, but there can only be on highlander.. I'm going to have to go with Genocide, for a slightly more consistent verse and one that, in my opinion, depicted the picture a little better then his opponent. Thank you both for the good read

Geno
02-16-2013, 10:55 AM
up

Atheist
02-17-2013, 11:44 AM
Genocide - What I loved the most about your verse
was the imagery, painted some great pictures in my mind
The whole verse came together well & it made for a very
entertaining read, nice job. Couple of lines I enjoyed.

Only science exists, cause everything is dying or dead
Found a few resources, i macgyvered the rest

Reveals an unsuitable side, pride, nobodies helps better
Hate to be stuck in the middle but totally self centered

Orc - Another top notch verse here, flow was great, altho
I think maybe once or twice it felt a bit off but that would
just be nit picking, great imagery also used. My standout lines.

long after this proprietors gone, the night trickles on scribing the same
hiding it's pain, the story of night is neither gory nor light
- it's silence and rain..

& that an ire of hope could put a sire to rope in a golden empire molded in fire
a goal in a pyre, but if the streets the limit why does the sun float even higher?

So now to choose a winner, both verses were fantastic in there own right
which just makes this a very tough match to call, none of you deserve to
lose, but as they has to be a winner, overall Ive got Genocide just taking
this by a whisker, overall i just slightly perfered his verse. Great match.

V/ Genocide

Mike Wrecka
02-17-2013, 12:13 PM
very sick battle. props to both.

geno- man you came out swinging. brought that classic genocide flow. sometimes I read your stuff and im amazed at how it just never stops. the flow I mean. theres no pauses or breaks in it. you bridge every line to the next one seamlessly. I like the direction you took with the picture. told more of an overview of the scenario. didn't dig too deep. didn't really have a story arc. but the mechanics were off the charts.

orc- also a very good flowing piece. very well constructed. took a very similar take on the topic as genocide did. which I enjoyed. it got a little abstract in some spots. or the wording was just a little too technical terms. im not sure. a few spots I was like wtf is he talking about. and had to re read. it wasn't totally accessible. but it had a very strong story arc. it was a complete telling and you got way deeper into the story than geno did.

overall its geno's superior mechanics vs orcs superior story. both had good flow don't get me wrong I just think genos was slightly better. had a better structure. I had a tough time deciding on this battle. but I think I have to barely give my

vote - genocide

really good battle guys. I enjoyed both verses thoroughly. thanks for the reads

veritas
02-17-2013, 12:57 PM
I have to agree with the consensus, I could not connect with orc's piece, I tried, and could not. Geno's "inventor" had me resonating with his twisted character. I also felt that the wording was very precise and emotionlyy captivating.

"In this primitive wasteland, I piss in the paint cans"

I really was feeling that line....dont know why, but just was.

mvgt GENOCIDE

King Ra.
02-17-2013, 01:11 PM
Orc is back at it topically. Not disappointed with your piece at all. Doesn't read as smooth as your flex/battle verses though, which I'm kind of surprised because you excel with rhyming/flow. Some of your lines were a bit drawn out as well, but aside from those nicks, you told a pretty good story. I believe you should have incorporated more from the picture though. Your story was really good. The mid to the end was very entertaining. Genocide, you took more of a conceptual approach, but you did an excellent job with the imagery & taking the picture, using it to it's full potential. As usual your mechanics are top-notch. Usually, a great story can trump the conceptual pieces, but the way you wrote your piece did enough to take this. If Orc did more with the picture, he'd have gotten my vote. Great job to both.

MVGT: Genocide.

Split
02-17-2013, 02:30 PM
first off, i wish all the topics were as dope as this one... idk i loved the picture, wish i knew the story behind it.

Genocide.

Only science exists, cause everything is dying or dead
Found a few resources, i macgyvered the rest
Apply and connect, what looks like broken violin necks
And try to invent, with things that show the signs of neglect
The worlds been torn down time and again, I am what's left

And I will die to find heaven, that's the promise of death
I'm dressed like an angel that fell, picture perfect painting of hell
thougth what i bolded was perfect lyrically. the story was cool to me cause you characterized the dude on a lot of different levels, from the world he lived in and how it reflected him, his desire to live and succeed essentially creating his acceptance of death.

Orc fry rice.

heart burning like the fire and logs, pockets of wire and cogs
an audible sigh crosses the night; tinkering with desire is odd..
long after this proprietors gone, the night trickles on scribing the same
hiding it's pain, the story of night is neither gory nor light
- it's silence and rain..

imagery was spot on and is your strong suit. the metaphors were way to heavy for me. like you were focused on describing him completely in a way that reflected the image, and that separated me from what you were actually saying. too poetic in some ways, too limited by a very tight technical rhyme scheme


my vote goes to Genocide. both showed they will do well this season. Genocide's verse was one of the best I've read by him, in terms of league matches.

Malachi
02-17-2013, 03:33 PM
Genocide: i like how you wrote as if you were in the mind of the inventor in the picture, loved your drop.
It maintained nice flow, and was a nice drop that kept me to reading.

Aviator suit like a noose, hoping i don't strangle myself
But i gotta break an anchor to sail, or an egg for an omellette
Praying I don't crash dive into my head like a cockpit
Submerging from this desolate vomit, feathered by hock spit
Locked in, looking like I'm dressed up in toxins nice bruh

Orc: iv'e never ready nothing from you before but I liked yours. I liked the way you put things to get like an image. Near the end i think it kinda fell off a lil bit but nice nonetheless

get painted with the same brush & thinking becomes an art of war
no partial flaw; they say the worlds flatter than the nose of a fighter..

or
our mans pleads that with no past.. there's no gravity - no craft!
no man with his notepad.. forehead crinkled like hands in a soaked bath
his standard bears no flag, trying to manage both math and a ravaged up homeland

This was a dope battle, yall both took a different approach but i think Genocide was better all around than Orc, and his went great with the pic

V/Geno

Frank
02-17-2013, 06:38 PM
Decrepid, broken wings that times forgotten
Rotten, sewing strings entwined -concocted
Hostage, i only dream i'll fly off high in the mist
Climbing the limbs, looking for a fucking sign in the wind

I like the progressive descriptive stop and go flow. 'looking for a fucking sign in the wind' was james dean.

Only science exists, cause everything is dying or dead
Found a few resources, i macgyvered the rest

nice lone inventor wordplay

Apply and connect, what looks like broken violin necks

This is the line that made me want to break this piece down. Apply and connect was great transition out of mcyguyered the rest but "what looks like broken violin necks" would never cross over to somebody who has never seen this pic. Get what I'm sayin? Do not get that precise when describing these pictures. try and write for a bigger, more vaguer audience.

And try to invent, with things that show the signs of neglect
The worlds been torn down time and again, I am what's left

excellent example of that

And I will die to find heaven, that's the promise of death
I'm dressed like an angel that fell, picture perfect painting of hell

"I'm dressed" again, sounds little too particular.

Aviator suit like a noose, hoping i don't strangle myself
But i gotta break an anchor to sail, or an egg for an omellette
Praying I don't crash dive into my head like a cockpit
Submerging from this desolate vomit, feathered by hock spit
Locked in, looking like I'm dressed up in toxins

Those 2 lines were locked in, killer. 'Looking like' works here

Foreign metal deposits, several objects I salvaged for use
Handcrafted, blacksmithed, lacking powerful tools
Hours consumed, finding out how to construe
Inspired by the towering moon, a ballanced balloon
Doomed, scouring tombs, bruised in my mind
An ugly ego trip, that used to be a beautiful ride
Reveals an unsuitable side, pride, nobodies helps better
Hate to be stuck in the middle but totally self centered

cool similie and solid progression. no complaints here but I could always nipick like "scouring tombs" feeling kinda outta place.

I wrote it myself, letters, now live like a caveman
In this primitive wasteland, I piss in the paint cans

little sidetracked, dope flow and visual though

Sick of the same pants, trance, stare though I'm panicking now
While i'm perched on this tree top, aerodynamically sound

I didn't like 'panicking now' because in my mind the lines before it had nothing do with the direction you were going in. So you it felt kinda shaky for me. Last line definately needed 3 better ,more conclusive lines before it to have more impact imo.

All in all, solid verse. I think you took the picture too literal though and would have liked more creativity.



Can't break one down without the other




heart burning like the fire and logs, pockets of wire and cogs
an audible sigh crosses the night; tinkering with desire is odd..
long after this proprietors gone, the night trickles on scribing the same
hiding it's pain, the story of night is neither gory nor light
- it's silence and rain..
the dark's blinded with change. making way for the brightness of day
the worlds entirely gray,

Okay first off, spelling biding way with words. great use of language & rhythm. You start off with "heart burning like the fire" which is a bright visual in contrast to the picture which is entirely gray. cool.

but one mans thoughts give this writer it's page..
it inspires a tale of a man who might've been hale causing marshall law
his ideas sparked a brawl,
get painted with the same brush & thinking becomes an art of war
no partial flaw; they say the worlds flatter than the nose of a fighter..

i guess a little backstory - i like the world flatter than a nose of a fighter, insuinated the thought of flying and spakred that thought of limitation.


& that an ire of hope could put a sire to rope in a golden empire molded in fire
a goal in a pyre, but if the streets the limit why does the sun float even higher?

the sun = heart burning in the beginning? I see your direction as one of providing a color to a sad shade you feel is in need.

our mans talk became action - scribbles and doodles lead to bickering roomfulls
snickering fools come but ideas are when thoughts became passion!

i though this was cool - patriot like

when forks became past bends and then cloth became fashion..
like a wall that came crashing crushing the old ways encased in a bubble of hate
it's easy to ask are these troubles mistakes -
..or more importantly are all mistakes subtle and fake which start to double in take?


ok now your starting to sound like that snickering fool

eyes opened like the yawning of a cave after rubbles embrace..

that was deep

our mans pleads that with no past.. there's no gravity - no craft!
no man with his notepad.. forehead crinkled like hands in a soaked bath
his standard bears no flag, trying to manage both math and a ravaged up homeland
he's a radical nomad blessed with a mind and the magic that growth has

ok


grabbing it; both hands, banishing old stands
a music of the mind turning two left feet into a travelling slow-dance..

traveling slow dance = flying?

'it's insanity.. no chance', & 'people weren't made to go high'
but thoughts become obsessions and obsessions are an escape from a lie
a time when the most basic can fly!
with birds racing on by, creating a life somewhere safe in the night
his rough draft is enough that he secures sponsorship and prepares to reign in the sky

& years later his sponsor looks back thinking how crazy was i!?


-----------

(wings are made for walking)

kind of concluded a trippy story

all in all, little more focus. try and interlock your ideas more, tie up loose ends, then you can write what you want, long as comes together


Overall

I'm never breaking down a topical battle again. Doing so helped me evaulate these verses on a different level though and maybe everyone needs to try on the critical lenses. This battle is pretty much one sided in votes but I have to against the grain on this one. Orc was less of a slave to the picture then genocide was. Risk Versus Safe

Cool battle. See ya next week./

Rawn M.D.
02-18-2013, 01:27 AM
I read both verses, and Im going to be short with my vote, because I feel enough explanation has been done...I felt the Geno dropped a dope verse, sht was smooth read clean and I enjoyed his story...Orc I just really wasn't entertained by, sometimes it felt like u were just rhyming words, or maybe it was the words u were using to rhyme are not words I would like to hear rhymed aloud or even read, maybe its just me...and the story was too convoluted to really enjoy..

Vote/Geno

King Ra.
02-18-2013, 09:03 AM
GENOCIDE WINS, 10-2.