WK1: Rawn MacDon (0-0) VS. Innovator (0-0) [INNOVATOR WINS, 6-2.]

[Split]

Verses are due Thursday 2/14 at 11:59 PST

Check-in's are not required, but if you do not check you will NOT be granted an extension.

Extensions are to be granted by the opponent before the deadline, and for 24 hours ONLY

You must vote on 3 other battles and post links. For every absent link, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.


Topic:
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma56fgWwrs1qz6f9yo1_400.jpg

Good luck!

Rawn MacDon Innovator

[Inno]

i eat at mcdowels...

[Rawn M.D.]

check, and Coming to America was last innovative in the early 80'S

[Rawn M.D.]

16 sent to split

[Inno]

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma56fgWwrs1qz6f9yo1_400.jpg


We head off with suit case and dreams in the same hand
To an unknown world leaving behind our paternal land
Seeking progression in the form of migration
With humble hearts and determination
The open sea is wide, innocence in a sense our guide
Setting course on an open stride, hoping to glide
Fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers all as one
Reaching for the skies from out of the slum
A wife and a husband, a daughter and son
Individuals but together for the collective sum

Hope is high and cheers abound the moons dancing
The twirl of the gowns against sounds of the prancing
The ship is singing the water swaying to the rhythms
We glee for freedom, and the chorus is within us
No longer oppressed by the powers that be, at last!
On new currents setting sail for a new world to cast
Headed for land no longer lingering over the past

Finally the day is here, dreams are found; the land of plenty
Is bountiful and beautiful as expected
Naïve eyes see dreams and everything else is neglected
Because you see what is isn’t really presented
Fooled by the promise and lost in the statement
Not realizing…freedom is expensive
The sons of foreign lands pay the cost for parliament
Freedom no longer privileged, but something expected

[Split]

Rawn MacDon's Verse
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma56fgWwrs1qz6f9yo1_400.jpg

She promised me the world; the answer to my dreams
Her exterior mirrored lifes woes, hammered in her being
She represents opened doors, the end to the struggle
gave her public their muscle the will, want and gusto
She breathed of fresh air, with her high-nose to the crowd
a bacillus of beauty, froze; toes close to the ground
Stood for her ideals, principals, sentiments, truths
Screamed of silent struggles; drowned in cemented shoes
Her complexion reflected the jaded feeling she felt
her presents a blessing, her sight's healing and help
she was a visionary french kiss, a moments slip into bliss
a hedonistic trip to freedom, liberty, to vote...to live
she was born for the downtrodden, sculpted in their shape
a neoclassic representing the classes of a caring state
never to be forgotton, she holds her torch only for them
as a monument of promises; a women that lords over men

[Frank]

That's my backyard. What a beautiful image.

I would have told the story of 9/11 through her eyes.

Which I still may due.

This was a good battle and it's a tough call.

Innovator.
Really captured the emotion of the photo down to a T. You didn't need fancy schemes cause your shit was poetic. It was simple but had a strength to it. I got a the image of a old italian family on the ferry coming over. They may not have known how to read and write as well but they were the new world. You kind of captured that charm with this piece. I liked the repetition of "expected" - it had a conclusive cadence to it.

Ronald.
This was pretty compact for a 16. You went the representation route and metaphorically speaking related every aspect of her to something of greater value. She stood, she drowned. You said bacillus of beauty which sounded hypnotic, but I'm not about to look up words. In retrospect this could be my bad. I do want to build my vocabulary but on my own time. You ended on a note that needed more back-story. More of a Lady Liberty dominant tone scattered throughout. I don't know. I'm prolly just expecting more cause I'm forever scorned. Who no-shows a fucking topical finals?

Overall.
This is great representation of less is more. Two writers told their heart wrenching stories in beginning middle and end compact fashion. I thought maybe Ronald had the better lines but overall I just connected with Innovators shit more.

Vote- Innovator.

Damn I miss the towers =/

[Zen]

First off let me say this was a good battle yall. I had to go back and reread this shit twice before I made my decision so here we go.
Innovator: The first part of your verse was my favorite part of your drop and I think you captured the picture there perfectly. Your whole piece had great imagery throughout and even though your rhyme schemes weren't over the top and exciting, it made it work. Props for that.
Rawn MacDon: Your rhyme scheme on the other hand was very over the top and that's the style I like escpecially the to vote to live line. All in all I'd say a very good drop with a nice flow throughout with a great rhyme scheme.

So let me say again how hard this is, but I've gotta give this to Innovator because I feel he captured the image much better. But a very good showing for both. Props to both of you.

[Geno]

This was a dope battle, great topic tbr. So many things culd have been done here.

Innovator, thought you really got into your storyline well man. I was impressed to see a good set of mechanics come out of you. I say that cause I'm not familiar with your work and find it rare that a new face is well grounded. The concept is played tbh. But you captured it well. Had some good imagery at times. Nothing that really blew me away creativity wise. Which would have been a huge tilt for you here.

Rawn, my dude..
You slept hard man. Could have done so much with this piece dog.. I mean the knowledge of some shit that you have would have made it easy for you to take this win easily accomplished for you. But!.... it seeems to me that a: you either just took your not well known opponent a little too softly, or b: you just lacked the time and inspiration for this battle.
You had some nice lines in your piece, but as a whole I feel like you missed man. You could have killed this with just a little more effort bruh. Schemes were dope in areas. One or two misses. But mechanically sound as usual homie.

Gotta say though. Thisbattle, in my eyes.. is an upset this week. I think we all woulda said rawn easily in our prdictions. But I honestly have innovator taking this one. Not by much though. Which is what the upset is.. cause I expected much more from rawn

V-Innovator

[Mike Wrecka]

ok dope battle. ya this topic was definitely a good one. I think this shit is close as hell

Innovator- you spun a good tale about some immigrants on their way over here and their reaction upon arrival. the mechanics were definitely sound. but that middle section I wasn't in love with. u rhymed dancing with prancing, then rhythm to within us. the first set of rhymes in that section didn't do anything for me. the second seemed forced. I don't wanna dwell on the the two lines that I didn't like cause the rest were definitely knockin. good stuff. I enjoyed it.

Rawn - well I thought this verse was very dope. too short though. that being said the imagery and metaphorical take on the statue of liberty was sick. the vocabulary was insane. and the cadence is what pulled me in. it had the type of rhythm I greatly enjoy. good work.

overall its a very close match up. could go either way, but I personally enjoyed rawns more and felt that he slightly showed the more complex structure and verbiage.

vote- Rawn

[Camp Bell]

dope battle.

inn:
nice perspective you came with, an immigrant family looking for freedom
the parts were also very smooth, nice schemes and imagery..very detailed

rawn:
i liked your approach also, which was through the eyes of a struggling american
you matched well with inn on how smooth your verses were. your vocab was strong
also.

this was a dope battle with both having two great but different outlooks on the topic
i felt inn's detail and imagery was the deciding factor, due to the foreign aspect he chose

vote: inno.

[Coup]

Inno-

hmmm, I'm mixed about this verse for a few reasons. on the one hand this was one of the more easy to read verses in terms of keeping the concept simple and pacing it with a supporing flow (you and Mic W). The flow did not really stand out, it was just there hanging out doing it's job to move this piece along...which is fine if you have a deeper, more mature written voice. I felt this was a basic outline to draft a more comprehensive written biased on what you gave us here: a family moving from the east to the west and what they found when they got here...

your pic screams that and you listened to it...you should have made it yours. because we all heard this tale before.

I felt each stanza was complete, the whole thing complete, just barren and a bit malnourished. most the concepts you gave are really the staple of this genera and you could have added more flavor and unknowns so that use the reader would be more "entertained' What revelations did your characters have, how did they change to the situation, how did the surive...What happened to them..etc...(just ideas..)

now, it's a given the easier and more fluid a piece reads and is absorbed really shows skill in writing...it's like making it look easy and I suspect that's the case here. It's so easy and simple that it probably was much difficult in the case in actually writing to make it look that way....good job there. I admire your simplicity and relativity in writing...something I need to pay attention too and learn.



rwan:

you gave this women (obv. the statue) the living breathing characteristics and the voice of millions of people, which is good because that is exactly what she represents 'supposedly ' (key word) good abstract verse into a tangible thing we all know and have known...creative lines and not too long or short...for what you wanted to do.

not much to say. good cookie cut verse with a personal signature. suprised at this. keep it up br0


while both were good and complete, I go for the higher caibur in this. good drop. Much to learn from both textees here.

v-rawn

[Geno]

Up

[Malachi]

Rawn took the statue and wrote his piece as if she was a human being. RAwn yours was really nice, short but sweet , ya know. Thought i thought you wouldve did more with this.

innovator went into the mind of people moving to the USA. Yours was dope just how you worded everything made your verse very detailed, and i enjoyed it

I think
innvator took this one
V/inno

nice match

[Split]

im amazed at how good your guys' editing jobs are.

Rawn. schemery was dope, flow was spot on. "Bacillus" is a cool way to describe it but also doesnt really mean anything. it was a light description that didnt go in any direction for me.. no doubt it was well written.

Innovator. you ended this on a really strong note and something that made me think about why people came to America, and why they stay here. wording was awkward in a lot of places and i see you scrambling for end rhymes, but it was a storng verse that definitely captured the emotion of the piece, encompassed the topic and like expanded on it too

V/ Innovator for a deeper verse.

[King Ra.]

INNOVATOR WINS, 6-2.