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View Full Version : WK1: Split (0-0) VS. Malachi (0-0) [SPLIT WINS, 6-0.]


Split
02-09-2013, 11:30 PM
Verses are due Thursday 2/14 at 11:59 PST

Check-in's are not required, but if you do not check you will NOT be granted an extension.

Extensions are to be granted by the opponent before the deadline, and for 24 hours ONLY

You must vote on 3 other battles and post links. For every absent link, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.


Topic:

http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/580569_3723021315438_970111622_n.jpg

Good luck!

Malachi
02-10-2013, 02:39 AM
cheecckk

Split
02-10-2013, 07:22 PM
check, good luck Proph

Malachi
02-10-2013, 08:03 PM
Is there a certain number of lines Split

Split
02-10-2013, 08:09 PM
Is there a certain number of lines Split
at least 8, no maximum this week

Malachi
02-13-2013, 06:38 PM
i want to call an EXT just in case i dont drop tommorow

Split
02-13-2013, 07:09 PM
Lol ok

Split
02-14-2013, 12:28 AM
http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/580569_3723021315438_970111622_n.jpg

Three places I never thought I'd catch myself,
Beside hospital beds, concert halls or hiding lies in farewells,
Distractions- I faltered but I believe time'll tell-
Every blip, chips diminished, stand, think I never will,
Between folded hands- written note on hands, soft as daffodils-
"you couldn't understand how i lost myself"

Dressed to the nines, headliner- violin recital,
Moonlight Sonata, c-minor sudden and unbridled,
Singing strings of tones with loving timing,
Red tresses, white skin, a contrast so enticing...
Taken back, beauty's just a likeness reproduced,
Music speaks the truth in ways writing eludes,
Exhumed graves- decomposed composers' dearest tunes
Searing runes resumed after centuries of interlude-

Couple dates- words, sounds, speak softly
speak not at all, her curtain call like pornography
in its certainty. It's all worthless, she conferred to me,
inauthentic sets of crescendos refurbished, imperfectly,
'take me somewhere new', wasteful pages of a romance paperback,
chase scenes, several lines later meets the soundtrack-
bar hop catharsis, memorable songs- not the artists.
danced for awhile, she grew bored, bumped a line quick-
But melodies descend into haunting refrains, swears,
Sight read nightmares, frayed stares, sirens blare,
With a silent croon... walls left the room in pairs.
Nosebleed in the moonshine, golden fertile crescent,
All that talent, devotion, all that mattered was the present.

Not much more than a sentence, I can't remember,
But I intend to get better- IV's beset her,
asked 'is this the end' and i said she'd live forever..
Dilated eyes reminded me of serenades and bass clefs,
Forsaken odes to sameness, create or recreate-
But the song in my head replays, resets, replays
Every day in a way writing cannot relate.
She left me with just ephemeral melodies.

Malachi
02-15-2013, 11:00 PM
Tonight, I was standing under the moonlight,
It shined bright, bringing light to the darkness-
of my mind, memory of my wife's carcass,
year of '99.
I was heartless
back when then was now, I never allowed her to pursue her dreams
wow
I was 22 she was 19
Dropped out but was bright like lightening
she wanted to be famous with that violin of hers
It never occurred that my vision was blurred.
i beat her every time i saw that piece of wood
Practicing when she shouldve been enticing my wood.
She would sneak to perform and come with no money near her arm.
She did it for her the love she said with delight.
So one night, march 9th on this very day, very same moon phase
I told Paige, yeah thats her name,
Id bring personally to perform for this play
i was intoxicated, which confused my love for hatred
When she came in I took the stainless and left her blood painted on the pavement.
Leaving her memory forever tainted.
To this day I still cry for my sins within.
As i picture a flicker of Paige under the moon playing the violin.

Geno
02-16-2013, 08:05 AM
Cool battle hurrrr.

Split gots a very poetic style. It almost feels like it lacks any real rhyming complexiy but seems to pull itself together.
Thought your approach was dope. Very instrumentally detailed. Tying a date into this was prety dope. Like you went to a concert with the chick or something? I don't know. The rhyme scheme threw me off and made it hard to follow. Kinda crazy.. read it at least three times while waiting on malachi before I realised how much I enjoy it.

Malachi/proph.
Thought you did well man. Was actually surprised by the structure change and rhyming ability. You've progressed. Your storyline wasn't as fun to read though to me.this is prolly a weird vote breakdown. Its early -sry. But mechanically I thought you were sound. Just conceptually I didn't really enjoy your piece as much.

So this one is a toss up really, could go either way from where I stand depending on readers preference. In one corner you have better rhyming mechanics, in the other you have more entertaining material with fair mechanics that at times were better.

Tough battle to call. But I got split based on entertainment value. Even though it took me a while to figure it out, I actually really enjoyed his piece.

V-split
Close battle

Geno
02-16-2013, 10:56 AM
up

Atheist
02-17-2013, 12:10 PM
I dont have time to give a detailed vote, both verses were very different and nice pieces in
there own right but overall i jus felt there was more to splits verse that i perfered so my vote
goes to split, if i can get back online later ill edit this with more detail, good match

V/ Split

veritas
02-17-2013, 12:54 PM
Split...it appeared to me that you are trying to hard, no hate at all homey, but that is how it came off to me. Your story was hard to follow, but after a second read i got, so that is saying something. OVerall you appear to have an understanding of rhyming words, and you told a somewhat captivating story.

Mal: yo man, you seemed to just have half-assed this. The topic you chose had mad potential, and I felt like you didnt even try. I know you can roll harder than this homey.

Overall I would rather read a complicated, hard to follow piece, than a piece that was half-assed and simple....

mvgt split.

King Ra.
02-17-2013, 01:01 PM
Malachi you took me by surprise in this match. I am amazed at what you were able to put together this week. Though the mechanics/technical aspects are not perfect & need work, you manage to put together a decent piece here. To be honest, I enjoyed your content just as much as Split's work. If your story was more polished, you could have put up a solid fight for votes. Nice job in your first topical piece. I liked the beginning of your story & it got away from it's foundation towards the end, but with time, you will be able to write better & better. Hopefully you sign back up this season. Split, what can I say- a well written piece filled with strong word choice & the emotional/love vibe in there was cool. It was written perfectly to the picture IMO, with that dark, melodic visual. Good stuff by both competitors.

MVGT: Split.

Frank
02-17-2013, 10:05 PM
split

Dressed to the nines, headliner- violin recital,
Moonlight Sonata, c-minor sudden and unbridled

That was the highlight of your verse imo. really stirred me.

Other than that, cool portrayal. Verse came off a little snobby. almost like you had a white wig while you wrote it. cool character. flow was pretty poetic. different. keep at it, hone that skipping. cause it's not really running. it's soft - like skippin' - maybe that bitches skin was soft it had you trippin i dunno

Malachi

yo I read that his your first attempt at topicals and I gotta say this was aight man. You gave her a name, said you beat her wood cause she wouldn't beatya wood roflmao yo this shit had character. Keep throwing yourself into the character and write whatever, there is no right or wrong answer. build whole worlds around your words. keep at it. try and win a oscar when you write these topicals.

overall

vote goes to split

very close but just edged it.

good battle.

Rawn M.D.
02-18-2013, 01:47 AM
Alright

Split, I will say I was slightly impressed...u have improved since we last collab'd. Story was on point, and entertaining..flow and everything was on for the most part, till u'd go and do some dumb sht like not rhyme...I unno if its for poetic reasons or to break or w/e the fuck, but yeah..and in the bottom half of ur third stanza..the fuck is that sht man...u almost threw me...just being real...but honestly not a bad verse at all...

Prophet, Im not going to b that harsh on...bc I was also impressed by him, sht read smooth and told a story...not my type of story, but non-the-less bc that dont really matter, but u deff could up ur complexity with rhymes..but good sht kid...

Vote-Split

King Ra.
02-18-2013, 08:59 AM
SPLIT WINS, 6-0.