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View Full Version : Week 10 - VividlyVague (6-3) vs. Frank (6-3) - VIVIDLYVAGUE WINS 5-0


Mike Wrecka
11-25-2013, 06:10 PM
http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png
Season 2

Rules

Verse Due Date - Saturday 23:59 PST (NO EXTENSIONS)

Voting Deadline - Monday 23:59 PST

Line Limits - 16 - 48 Max can be higher if both agree

Voting - Must vote on 3 battles and post voting links in this thread, preferably all in one post.

If you don't vote on 3 battle you will be given a loss. If you lose by votes and don't vote on other battles you receive a one week suspension.


Topic


"Everything on earth has a purpose"



Good Luck Vividlyvague Frank

Frank
11-26-2013, 02:14 AM
lets try and steal the show


BOTW

e11even
11-26-2013, 06:10 AM
Salute.

e11even
11-30-2013, 03:27 AM
The Intergalactic Geographic: "What have you beamed up lately?"

The amoeba's the anomaly.
In air, land and cerulean viscosity they seek a prospering.
Microbial assassin,
Terror-exacting on its particle prey with the smallest of masses.
To a schooled array it hosts the passings of whom absorb all, interacting...
Water over the gills, our protagonist passes in. Trapped.

The bass is the martyr.
As sure of death as it is of life and its aura.
The shimmer of light piercing river inlets, reminiscent
Of its hatchling days, turned fights for existence with ardor.
Each meal an attack, being predator and victim, as fate barters...
Cannibalistic if the menu's stretched thin; an odd take on 'order'.
Mid-ponder, the fish wanders in current amidst otters.
A rupture to the surface lets in a furred terror beyond awesome...
Fate realized as the mammal's powerful paws just
Latch over the fish's head and tears it off him.

The bear is the forest's corrupt.
It eats when it needs, but does what it wants,
Rummages through vehicles, mauls intruders for fun.
the carefully dangerous, cantankerous one.
Naturally 'undefeated', its history once...
Til twigs twitch and snap with the clicks of invisible guns,
The bright figures in the brush obviously on the hunt,
And as the bear finds one and pounces, twenty others' rifle rounds struck.
"We got us a biggun!" They pose with the downed crowned one.

The humanoid is the abomination.
The 'bane of natures passion', the 'prodigal fragment.'
The 'colossal embarrassment', subject of the universe's harrassment.
These were our prized creation... the sentient warlords of damnation.
All who have visited and probed, have been astonished and praising,
For us to have created a lifeform so advanced, yet capped by imagination,
Ignorance, intelligence and uncalculated procreation.
This lively rock they call a planet is full of our homemade sensations!
The humanoid, however, managed to best each discovery and even domesticated!
The final phase of controlled evolution will have to bypass communication.
Their technology lacks. We've already given them gifts of our ancients...
The entire rock is their food chain, catering them to our own would reap great payment!
Everything on Earth has a purpose, and it's time they entered the equation.
Set your abduction pods for testing and probes, cloaked from primitive traces.
We're their 'Gods'! (This colloquial phrasing seems appropriately tasteless.)
Next time you're near, ask yourselves, "What have we beamed up lately?"

Wishing you all Conquest & Domination,

-The Intergalactic Geographic

Frank
12-01-2013, 01:05 AM
All his life he was brought up ‘round an A-list cast
In A brick house dwelling on his hay-crib past
Walked with a limp, he was often the kid
talkin’ it slick - but he made shit happen.
Through his aim-less chattin' & his positive statements,
my homie always told me - “Yo, B I’ma rock with the greatest!
won’t stop till I’m famous!
I'm not on a monopoly box, but I know I'm on top of my game, kid!”
Spoke prosperous language cocky an blatant
Asian had to be Rodney’s rockiest pavement.

Obstacles?
Save it…

"Chino, A&R wonder why you speak so bad,
You not black or Latino and you raps about weed, hoes, gats…?
Please go man - leave yo tracks’’
‘We don’t have time’ & ‘we’re busy’ were the lies they dropped
Eye for eye he’d watch as they denied his shot
He wouldn’t cry, or stomp in the station, he worked
Too damn hard not to tell em’ how mistaken they were.

Before his birth, an Asian MC hadn't been placed on this earth.
He rhymed
And they told him 'Stick to baking desert...
His father made a living off making won tons for dinner
He thought about heading to Hong Kong with Linda,
His sister, but he rarely left the borough of BK
The Brooklyn kid only knew how be thorough - the street game

Not many believed in his new joints
Eyes ain't have to be slant to see the lean in their viewpoints…
He told me he’d work on his writtens, make his flows even better
Wished for me to keep spitting - ''we'll go global together!''
Eventually he moved to china; heard he’s seasoning duck...
It’s been years since the days we used to free on the bus
Haven’t been keeping’ in touch, wonder if music’s his option
Can’t help but crack a smile picturing him using a chopstick
My nigga for life, fuck a dude who’ll doubt him
He’d take the script of your efforts & doodle around them

But a month ago, I saw his aunt, she was walking’ behind this
Stroller, so I rolled up & had her caught by surprise
Shit, soon as I mentioned Rodney - saw the haunt in her eye lids,
Through the sobbing; barely made out he had caughten the virus
The baby was his, as she showed me a face, pure, heavenly,
She said before he had past for us to name her melody.

Sometimes I read his raps and hear em’ saying disses.
Like “What you waiting for’’ than it just fades to whispers...
That's why I write everyday, pray, and stay persistent
For the day I hit the stage with his name in scripted
Give up? are you crazy? turn lazy?! Listen...
I don’t give a fuck about no rainy Christmas….
Whenever it feels like I cant make it & my fate seems shifted
I find inspiration in those hazy wishes..

Word

Certain
12-02-2013, 03:50 AM
Vividlyvague: This was a tremendous approach to the topic. The cycle-of-life motif really worked in the first three stanzas, but I wasn't sure what you were doing with the fourth aside from getting a little preachy. Then you hit me with that alien stuff, and normally I don't get down with science fiction in rap verses. But when I reread the verse, I realized how well you had set it up through the entire framing. These aliens or gods or whatever they are — you never made clear, but it never was important — were narrating this entire thing, fascinated by the way each of these lifeforms moves. I wanted another layer between the ameoba and the bass. I liked that you included some actual specifics, particularly the line about the bass being cannibalistic, which was nice research unless you're actually this league's official man of the wild, breathless. Your writing still tends to be line for line a bit too often. I never get into a real rhythm reading your verses. A lot of it has to do with the rhyming itself, where your syllable counts are slightly off or you slant a little too hard or your stressed and unstressed syllables aren't quite right. If you could write like this but smooth out the flow, you would hit truly elite territory. You're not far off because you're so creative. Week in and week out, you have good approaches. But this was your best verse of the season because the delivery of a good idea was stronger and more consistent.

Frank: This verse felt a bit out of step with what you've written for this league. It seemed as though you knew Vividlyvague's weakness and tried to turn them up on him, telling a very lucid, straightforward story with an emphasis on flow, via shortening your lines. For the most part, you succeeded at those things. But I didn't find the story particularly interesting. By giving us such a tiny hint of a detail about what might have happened to Rodney in China, you left me hanging on the most important part of the story. And by focusing so much on this Asian rapper angle, you left a good chunk of the verse feeling like an angle already covered. Honestly, my feeling for most of this verse was you were coasting. Either that, or you were posting an old verse (not recycled, just old) that you had. That brings me to the obvious, glaring, biggest issue with this verse: It didn't relate to the topic. I read the topic and the verse a few times and tried to put it together. But I couldn't. Vividlyvague hit it head-on with a verse that encapsulated the quote. You dodged around it at best. And frankly, his verse was better than yours, anyway. I'll see you in the playoffs, Frank.

Vote: Vividlyvague

ThisisDAM
12-02-2013, 05:17 PM
I'm sorry to make this quick. Both verses were dope. Franks verse read so well & resonated, loved that verse however I prefer vivids approach to this topic better. He came nicely & I think his topic approach was better. No slight on Frank tho, his verse was enjoyed.

Vote - VV

Zen
12-02-2013, 10:01 PM
Vv: Dope verse once again. The others have shined but I thought the mechanics of your verse went just as well. Nice.

Frank: In my opinion you have the slickest flow on the site. This verse showcased that here, but your concept felt rushed to me this week.

I know the votes brief but I'm on the phone. V/Vivid

Diode
12-02-2013, 11:36 PM
VV: The recurring theme here is that you write an excellent, technical verse with fantastic vocabulary and a great take on the topic at hand.. only to take a .50 caliber howitzer shell and blow it all to pieces with a telegraphed cliched twist that leaves the taste of a bum's asshole (quote Carlin, not me) in my mouth. Guess what happened again? WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS? Not only that, but you expound way too much on your twist. It's like you know what it is doing to me yet insist on twisting the knife in deeper. I love everything about what you do except that. I seriously have no other criticism. I wrote Frank off in my mind right before you made it obvious where you were going (unfair to Frank, obv).. I was that much into your take on this. Everything tied together so great. And then that. Goddamnit.

Frank: I am fully convinced that nobody tells a story better than you. You also write in a way that doesn't get stuck in the mold of a "text" piece. I can hear this being rhymed in my mind's voice, a cautionary, emotional tale from an album. You know how to pull the heart strings and you don't have to get overly complex in vocabulary or scheme to do it. I agree with some of the above where it feels like you meander for the sake of extending your verse - which would be okay if it added anything to the story, but it is usually just showboating your storytelling abilities. If your verse made me connect with the topic in any way, I think you'd have taken this one. But it didn't. The only loose connection I see is that his purpose on Earth was to make that baby and give you the feels when you reminisce... and that's a really forced link. I have to wonder if this guy was sitting in a notebook somewhere waiting for you to post it.

At the end of the day, it's a topical league. VV wrote to the topic and despite his ending, his technical talent overrides Frank's seemingly unrelated (but still fantastic) story.

v/ VV

Adonis
12-03-2013, 01:35 AM
Veevee - witty. Take on topic, the alien creator in the end but begining explaining an atom to bear. Before the reveal. Solid writing, but it was a story. Lyrically, weak, poor end rhymes often but didn't lack for content. that made it different but I didn't mind.

Franker- I like the approach because it was flex-esque, I guess the kids call it "swag and flow". Some parts came offf corny but not as many as I would think consider it was a mission read. I think it had a full paragraph of extra bits and pieaces that were not nnecessary.

This is a close bout because both did very well in some aspects. I did however enjjoy the take on topic as well as executed concept

Vote
Vivid