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View Full Version : Week 10 - Mordycai (1-1) vs. Nigma (0-1) - MORDYCAI WINS 6-0


Mike Wrecka
11-25-2013, 06:44 PM
http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png
Season 2

Rules

Verse Due Date - Saturday 23:59 PST (NO EXTENSIONS)

Voting Deadline - Monday 23:59 PST

Line Limits - 16 - 48 Max can be higher if both agree

Voting - Must vote on 3 battles and post voting links in this thread, preferably all in one post.

If you don't vote on 3 battle you will be given a loss. If you lose by votes and don't vote on other battles you receive a one week suspension.


Topic


"The old people came literally to love the soil"




Good Luck Mordycai Nigma

Nigma
11-26-2013, 06:58 PM
Nike. Thanks for gettin me a match, good luck Mordycai

timeless
11-26-2013, 06:59 PM
you too my dude. digging this topic. luther was the man

Nigma
11-30-2013, 07:20 PM
Reaching from their dwelling in the peak of elegance
It's for the queens and spouses with the cleanest houses
To each who'd be compeled the feed a felon if he needed help
With a needle she's a seamstress, in the kitchen, wow!
Batches of this, that, and after your finished
Shes staked up the dishes and lifted them out
You can ask, she will listen, it's casual bliss
Getting back a suggestion, no malice within it
A dedication to the hearts that throb to praise a poet
It's for the ladies with the hardest jobs who paid the lowest
Children raised, it's like a garden, always tame and growing
For every cradle, every pardon, every praise they throw you
And every home maker known to please completely
Its for the broke patrons who donate to the needy
I believe theres a throne waiting, your grown place of achievments
It's a thank you for our own sakes, the chrome plate of our species

timeless
12-01-2013, 01:29 AM
Visuals of Forever
Existance is progression, the more we test it.. We get tested
Lessen the leverage of the lesser until death gets invested
That's our lesson, whether we see it or not we stay conjested
Respect or neglect it, either way you are not the one getting elected

We should.. Shovel through the wreckage to find the message without any text and..
..instead we let our pride manifest and take most when there's many less and..
..it all left me penniless
I could even offer my two cents to try and save us
Life's too dangerous! Shame they took it to heart before the veins touched
Bloodlines blotched together as they blackened out all of the fucking blasphemy
Attacking me from all angles, strangling, yeah like I want to practice to breathe
Society so impractical.. Imagine happiness, you can't its not logical
And when your own money starts robbing you, time to advance pass life's follicles
Arrive onto.. Bigger things because here is where you need to be..
..light is what you need to see
In this case you may not be in a tunnel, so the end might just be resting peacefully
Secretly, we know how to succeed when it comes to the art of decensy
I must cease to be letting death from frequently attempting to speak to me
So in return, I expect the best out of what's not been given to me

We need a vision to see that in order to willingly breathe..
..you must pay for a prescription or start chillin all deceased
Just believe everything that you see is not what you need
You got to slave to pay the payments of the late payments..
..to adjust, to keep up to speed
You got to slave to pay the payments for life's fucking fees..
..in order to willingly breathe

Love not what you've been seeing but what will be seen and..
..stay above the push and shove, must pocket your dreams and..
..life is not what you believed, its a constant retreat
Fill up on nature's love, just dont let the bottle leak

Certain
12-02-2013, 04:10 AM
Nigma: OK, I'm really straining here on how this verse relates to the topic. OK, here's the best I've got: You wrote a verse dedicated to homemakers with the idea being that old women who have fallen in love with the soil that we root our society in don't get enough credit. That's a stretch, and it's not made clear. Your verse was OK aside from the lack of topical relevance. Your rhyme schemes were a bit tough to pick up in this piece again, so I am guessing you're mostly just rusty since that was a strength for you two or three months ago when you last were around regularly. At around the midpoint, the writing got a little more natural and better. I don't know what ever topic was this week, but maybe you wrote to something other than your own?

Mordycai: You need to improve your rhyming a lot in order to compete regularly at a site of this caliber. These rhymes were very simplistic, some of the easiest sounds to go off of and slanted anyway. But the bigger issue probably is completing thoughts. You startedl quite a few, then skipped to something else entirely. As a result, in a topical where you probably needed to address your thoughts more directly, you instead seemed scattershot and only half-invested. Back off the internal rhyming a little in favor of stronger end rhymes because all that internal rhyming with such flimsy rhymes isn't going to impress anyone or sound very good. If you deliver stronger end rhymes, you'll have the opportunity to put content at a higher priority and still deliver good cadence and flow, which this verse had at times but lacked at others. You definitely show potential and seem, at least for now, willing to learn. There are a lot of people here who can show you and teach you different elements if you keep an open mind. As an aside, I think you came too late to reach the playoffs in this season, but after the playoffs, there will be an open tournament. Anyway, in this battle, you won because you addressed the topic. Your take on it, about mortality, was worth pursuing even if your execution was weak.

Vote: Mordycai

Vulgar
12-02-2013, 12:20 PM
Nigma - It's evident right away that this needed to be longer for you to fully flesh out your chosen concept. It was pretty vague, as in you could madden a philosopher by getting him to try and figure out the brunt of this verse, lol. I don't understand how "the chrome plate of our species" applies here, even if it is a phrase with neat wording. Patting ourself on the back with our shiny armor? Not cutting it.

Mordycai - Your take was a little preachy with its message. Your head is in the right place, I'd just like to see you attack it from a better and more original angle. Let's say you write a verse about elephants. Are you going to write it as a general narrator or step inside of a character, like a bird's eye view or maybe from the perspective of nature itself? Think about different methods of saying the same things and you will see how many unique offspring you produce as a result of it.

My vote goes to Mordycai. Even though both submissions left a lot to be desired, Mordycai at least came full circle with his.

ThisisDAM
12-02-2013, 05:22 PM
This was a bit tough. I thought both didn't pan out the way it should. I have to go with the verse I may have enjoyed slightly more.

Vote - mordycai

breathless
12-02-2013, 07:32 PM
Gotta make this super short phone's dying...

Nigma - this was, well, not terrible, but, it wasn't quite spectacular in the lyrical department and I couldn't see how it relatexd to the topic. you had a couple nice lines, but it was a lot of meh, and a bit short

Mord - you're constantly improving, I was diggin the flow a lot, felt very audio. But rhyme wise it was sorta basic, hit the topic better than enigma, and overall more enjoyable to read
Vote - Mordy

Mr. J
12-02-2013, 07:40 PM
This was a cool battle both had a grasp on the concept
and both came with quite the collection of work
I feel as though Nigma sold hisself short and shot hisself in the foot
but it didn't keep him out of the race to lose by a landslide
unfortunately it seems that way on my second glance over this
it seems that not only I favor the flue.fluency of Mordys verse
v/Mordy
he came prepared with an idea and showcased his skill
not saying Nigma didn't but heh

patrown
12-02-2013, 08:03 PM
nigma - great message. definitely straightforward, not a played out subject at all. i enjoyed the whole piece. i think it's most weak point is the rhyme in the last bar. achievements - species.. all i really have there is the ie sound, and they sound a bit different from one another when spoken, in my dialect. sall good though i'm not really voting on that.
favorite lines
It's for the ladies with the hardest jobs who paid the lowest
Children raised, it's like a garden, always tame and growing
For every cradle, every pardon, every praise they throw you
least favorite moment..
",wow!"
mordycai - first and foremost, i'm not sure how you intended this to be read. i just feel like the fourth line could have been shortened. and "getting elected," i truly didn't understand. you rhyme very well. but throughout your entire piece, i was consistently perturbed. nothing against you, i'm just trying to figure it out while i'm typing. looking deeper..i feel like i want more of a coherent undertone from this piece. that's what i think would have really made it pop. the spaces were not necessary. your flow did it for you. wound down to a close. good layout. i think it's actually very good at first glance. you just hopped around a lot. lines like this..
So in return, I expect the best out of what's not been given to me
were a little touch to digest, and upon further inspection.. i think you just need to focus into a subject explanation,making a point with an entire piece. i just feel like there was a lot of filler.
/v mordycai - he out rhymed his opponent. plain and simple. i almost voted for nigma though. it's a close call imo.