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Witty
02-16-2013, 11:37 AM
I Can't Stop.

http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2012-11-05-still3.jpg

Exert 1.

My brittle bones tap the keys, trapping me within this zone
And in my soul my faculties shackle me to sit and groan
Piss and moan, unhappily I live alone within this tome
That captures me, art that craftily has stitched and sewn
Itself to me, we become one with the help we need
To help each other grow, in my art I plant my seed
My heart it can't recede, this light in the dark is meant for me
My life is in these words, I write my scars to set me free
This book is my life, it's my wand, my suit...it's my strife
Losing my wife and kids, gave me awful blues..
...But I knew I had to choose, and I knew I was right

As he sits and faces a new day, his face is a blue/gray
The gloom in his basement raises his mood's flames
As the last withering flower decays in the bouquet
He meant to give his wife, and he hates that it's too late
He's standing and pacing, finding his place in his new fate
The choice he made took faith, it raised and removed weight
Now he can't regret, he has to face it and look straight
Into the eyes of grace, and the taste on his new plate

Exert 2.

Drinking through the night, I'm sinking into fright
See I write of what I think, and only think of what I write
And this river that flows succinct, is bringing me delight
My heart and soul on a page, my misery, my fight
Physically I'm broken, mentally I split my soul in two
Keep half for me, but still give what is owed to you
I won't pretend, my writtens are my only friends
Holding hands, a special bond formed from lonely pens
See I write about my life, but my life is just my writing
And though a real life is so inviting, my soul's declining
All day I stare at this paper, my nightmare and my savior
I can't stop writing, and other people? I can't bare them...
They're fakers.

As the words leak from the pen, he's weeping again
No sleep in a week, he's much weaker than planned
His heart beats for release, while he seeks to pretend
The beast he unleashed gives him peace as a friend
Though he knows it deceives, he still won't believe that it can
Pollute his soul...it can't be evil....it can't.

Exert 3.

I'm panicking, my words rambling...I can't think anymore
My pen's ink runs dry, as I cry and sink to the floor
But I have to stand, this disaster can't kill my master plan
I've been here before, this feeling will pass again
Writer's block, a drought in my mind's eye, the fire's hot
But the words mean nothing if my mind is locked
Out of inspiration, what is this blight that God's giving?
And how can you write about life, if you're not living?
I can't leave this desk, so I sit here dancing with stress
A bitter romance that will kill my plans, I'm a mess
I know I need to get out, and just give up this damn plot
But my words need me, I need my words...I just..

...can't

stop...

Fig
02-16-2013, 01:17 PM
Physically I'm broken, mentally I split my soul in two Keep half for me, but still give what is owed to you

^^^
That was ill

Out of inspiration, what is this blight that God's giving? And how can you write about life, if you're not living?

^^^
I liked this as well.

The story was nice, the format was maybe just a little too bland. It made the reading feel repetitive after a while. But what it did help with was the overall smoothness and comprehension. I was in and out and didn't have to reread a thing, which is enjoyable for me. There are some really good lines in here, you were especially thoughtful about catching his desolation. The ending fit great as well. I dig it. If it isn't too much, you could feed my piece maybe? See you around man.

Hamato Yoshi
02-16-2013, 09:44 PM
Line for line this piece was perfectly weaved together. Kept me interested the whole way through. Got nothing bad to say about this. I thought this was ill. I'll peep u again nxt time u drop.

Geno
02-17-2013, 09:39 AM
Yo witt romney. Dope shit

This was a ill league verse man, cake woulda had a rough way to go with this one for sure. Sry it got no showed.

Had it all though. Great mechanics/structure/flow and content. Wsent well with the topic to imo. Gonna drop short feed right now but just stopping by to say it was a dope piece man. Upping

Split
02-17-2013, 03:44 PM
this was good. Sucks you put in so much work to get no showed.

Zen
02-18-2013, 12:39 PM
I honestly have nothing bad to say about this. Told a great story without sacrificing the flow. Props Witty

Objective
02-20-2013, 11:10 PM
Loved the read. Very well crafted piece you got here. The flow throughout is smooth and the story itself isn't exactly dope but you managed to make it dope by writing in an interesting way that keeps the reader to the very end. Props.

The way you write about his feelings and the state that he's in is dope as fuck. Loved this part of the piece because of that;

As the words leak from the pen, he's weeping again
No sleep in a week, he's much weaker than planned
His heart beats for release, while he seeks to pretend
The beast he unleashed gives him peace as a friend
Though he knows it deceives, he still won't believe that it can
Pollute his soul...it can't be evil....it can't.

^ This is top notch shit. ^^

Dope girl
03-05-2013, 09:27 AM
I like to see dope topical heads, you had a cool flow. keep dropping!

Flow
03-06-2013, 05:53 AM
Nice drop dude, total shame it got no showed but props - rushing like mad right now and having issues with my phone* but will certainly get some detailed feedback across when i get a chance fam.

Dove Dozer
03-14-2013, 11:43 AM
I gotta up this. pretty dope piece witty. flow and all that is gravy on this piece. well done man. looking forward to our battle.