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Atheist
02-17-2013, 10:58 AM
Old Nick's Complex



Once an urban nightmare, now masked in a concrete jungle
A reminder of the battle, the pain & constant struggle
Once a vision, the future, born from an artist’s impression
To avoid congestion, mankind’s ascension closer to heaven
No blood was spilt; the complex was built with manpower, bricks & mortar
Finished with home comforts, polished fittings & running water
The residents became the towns envy, smitten & smug
With the world at their feet & the stars written above

6 weeks later came the voices.....

Subtle at the start were the careful whispers
Bitter & twisted, the deeds they insisted
Old man jones at number Three was the first it consumed
He was weakened, alone, living in solitude
'I miss you Steven' whispered the voice of his wife
'When are you coming to join me from that life'
His heart in overdrive, his eyes leaked salty tears
At the sound of her voice which had been absent many years
From the kitchen he heard laughter, crashing pots & pans
A warm trickle from his nose, blood spots on his hands
Clutching his heart, shooting pains in his arms
He felt the world fade & entered the dark
Time had passed before they discovered his carcass
Nothing but rotted meat & fluid in the carpet
A sickly sweet smell settled upon the complex like a mist
The smell of rotting flesh, mixed with shit & piss


6 Weeks later came the violence.....


'She's a whore Jake; she's screwing your best mate
Taken you for a ride ever since the first date'
Jake lived with his wife over at number six
Trying to deny his wife’s infidelity but the voice insists
'She’s a cheating bitch; you need to teach her a lesson
The kind to strike fear & leave a lasting impression'
Jake entered the bedroom clutching a steak knife
Staring at his shaped wife, he'd known his whole life
& something snapped, his right arm entered a frenzy
Slicing and slashing her body until she was empty
'You fucking whore, you cheating harlot'
Each slash he made, painted white satin scarlet
It seemed like an age, before the police arrived
& among the metallic aroma was Jake, eyes glazed, crying inside

6 Weeks later came the fire.....

Alice lived alone over at number thirty-seven
A devote Christian & firm believer in afterlife & heaven
She knelt in the middle of the vacant room, praying
'Please hear me my lord, please hear what I’m saying
The devils at work, I must purge with flames
To serve you my lord, to break unholy chains'
The whole room was rife with petrol fumes, her final wish
She closed her eyes, listening as the gas taps hissed
Then striking a lone match, her whole world turned white
As flame greeted gas & joined together in flight
The fire spread wild, engulfing all objects
Remaining residents screaming, leaving the complex
Days have passed, now a Smokey shell cleansed by the holy nation
But word has it, the artists back & with an eye for renovation


http://www.15min.lt/images/photos/616297/big/800px-stairway_to_hellwiki-509b8d5858a23.jpg

Geno
02-17-2013, 02:50 PM
sick shit kuja.
First I've seen of your work I think? Maybe not though
Just wanted to let you know that I see you. Looking forward to meeting sometime throughout the course of the league. It seems you've been predicted by someone (can't remember who) to win it all. Perhaps. Talent is noticed.

Up

Split
02-17-2013, 03:22 PM
i gotta do work, but this was a really good verse and im sorry it got no showed

Zen
02-18-2013, 12:43 PM
Damn this is some good shit. Damn shame this had to be no showed but judgin from this they probably no showed outta fear haha. Definatly a good drop Kuja. Keep postin

Ox
02-20-2013, 12:02 PM
Once an urban nightmare, now masked in a concrete jungle
A reminder of the battle, the pain & constant struggle
Once a vision, the future, born from an artist’s impression
To avoid congestion, mankind’s ascension closer to heaven
No blood was spilt; the complex was built with manpower, bricks & mortar
Finished with home comforts, polished fittings & running water
The residents became the towns envy, smitten & smug
With the world at their feet & the stars written above

This was a consistent opener settin the pace ok nothin great but its smooth seems things r goin good in their world which is always the boring part its when the shit hits the fan that it gets more interestin good prelude tho

6 weeks later came the voices.....

Subtle at the start were the careful whispers
Bitter & twisted, the deeds they insisted
Old man jones at number Three was the first it consumed
He was weakened, alone, living in solitude
'I miss you Steven' whispered the voice of his wife
'When are you coming to join me from that life'
His heart in overdrive, his eyes leaked salty tears
At the sound of her voice which had been absent many years
From the kitchen he heard laughter, crashing pots & pans
A warm trickle from his nose, blood spots on his hands

Yeah without finished this verse shit is fire

Clutching his heart, shooting pains in his arms
He felt the world fade & entered the dark
Time had passed before they discovered his carcass
Nothing but rotted meat & fluid in the carpet
A sickly sweet smell settled upon the complex like a mist
The smell of rotting flesh, mixed with shit & piss

Nasty lol but good description glad i took time out to read this

6 Weeks later came the violence.....


'She's a whore Jake; she's screwing your best mate
Taken you for a ride ever since the first date'
Jake lived with his wife over at number six
Trying to deny his wife’s infidelity but the voice insists
'She’s a cheating bitch; you need to teach her a lesson
The kind to strike fear & leave a lasting impression'
Jake entered the bedroom clutching a steak knife
Staring at his shaped wife, he'd known his whole life
& something snapped, his right arm entered a frenzy
Slicing and slashing her body until she was empty
'You fucking whore, you cheating harlot'
Each slash he made, painted white satin scarlet
It seemed like an age, before the police arrived
& among the metallic aroma was Jake, eyes glazed, crying inside

Damn man i can picture this all goin down the way u get ur imagery across with ur use of superb wording is fantastic man

6 Weeks later came the fire.....

Alice lived alone over at number thirty-seven
A devote Christian & firm believer in afterlife & heaven
She knelt in the middle of the vacant room, praying
'Please hear me my lord, please hear what I’m saying

This is really well worded nice flow as well good imagery the emotion is delivered well good shit man

The devils at work, I must purge with flames
To serve you my lord, to break unholy chains'
The whole room was rife with petrol fumes, her final wish
She closed her eyes, listening as the gas taps hissed
Then striking a lone match, her whole world turned white
As flame greeted gas & joined together in flight

This right here is some deep shit bro nice u built this up really realy well man suspense is that this shit is sick i can see her the look on her face picture it crystal clear ur good at this keep it up

The fire spread wild, engulfing all objects
Remaining residents screaming, leaving the complex
Days have passed, now a Smokey shell cleansed by the holy nation
But word has it, the artists back & with an eye for renovation

bro this is a very very good drop man ur talented u should switch to audio if u have not i am new here i am not familiar with anyone or their body of work so if u do audio already id be interested in hearin this via audio