Playoffs Round 2: No. 3 Certain vs. No. 6 Frank - FRANK WINS 4-3

[Certain]

http://i.imgur.com/uCOgGyz.png


WELCOME TO ROUND 2


Verses due: Tuesday, Dec. 17, 11:59 p.m. PT

Voting deadline: Saturday, Dec. 21, 11:59 p.m. PT

Line limits: 48 lines maximum unless agreed upon before either opponent posts a verse.

Requirement: Vote on all three second-round battles and post links in this thread. For each missing vote, two votes will be deducted.


Topic


http://i.imgur.com/x7MVe66.jpg


Good luck, Frank and Certain.

[Frank]

Nights sucked. My neighbors played the boom of their melodies
The drum pattern of Big Poppa on our roof was the recipe,
For Mama to use the broom. when dude refused to remove the tunes,
I could still move through her room and see the proof on the ceiling if it moves from my memory.
Yes indeed - I knew the heroin stashed in her veins,
Caused the grumpy moods and rusted spoons I still have to this day
It feels like yesterday - when I knew our dinner was the bomb!
Feeling like a family cus the Simpson was on - Bart, his Sister, Homer riffing on Marge,
..
Its funny how a sitcom can sit, calm and gather a couple
Change a clinched palm to quick thumbs up - a slap to a cuddle
Liquor in her flask some Juice in my paper cup
Had to scoop our things when section eight ordered us to move in the later months…
She simply saved her bucks from slanging buds–
She knew a dude or two - who make sure there was food to chew on our table, plus,
She was a waiter so she’d just wait until they gated up
Scrape some crumbs, come back... regurgitate for her young
..
See. we was poor so we'd aim for more – Took free cable from a neighbor had to rearrange the cord.
As it dangled from the roof, mama placed it in her palm - Connected it, fixed the receptor, flipped the station and it's on.
She'd tell me the whole buildings living off the neighbor on the ninth. "Don’t pay it any mind, unless they're banging on the door."
And since mama never got caught, I thought maybe it be fine. After all - all that slangin’ never gave her any time
..
Till one Saturday, when the evening was dead. I must’ve fallen asleep after eating,
cause the steps didn’t awaken me, nor did the screaming or the threats. What got me was the contact of the extinguisher and cement.
-
It seems an old friend had flew the coop, prepared to take over my moms product - and use her stoop to peddle it.
And told her -
“If things go smooth - I’ll move your share!” So my mother threw her down the stairs SCREAMING, WHO’ SHE THINK SHE F’IN’ WITH!?
..
Paralyzing the woman... paramedics pursued...
She locked herself inside the bathroom with her peppermint puke.
.
.
.
Christmas list? Fuck the sickest kicks, mamas wallet went to stimulants,
I'd figure this was the reason why she never was paid -
Why she awoke for the moon and slept through the haze.
Our stomachs would moan for food, she'd be upset with the plates,
Cause they never were scrapped, she was close with the spoon.
Even through heroin, she's the heroine I remember today.
..

1

[Certain]

The rain fell. The trickle captured a melody.
The patternless weather sweeps, latching torrential beads
in windshield shadows on a passenger's empty seat.
She's still, retracting to memories.
Today, she learned cribs cannot be returned after assembly.

The calls were the hardest.
Half-written thank-you notes crawled the apartment,
along with stacked boxes and empty picture frames.
The sprawl of an artist,
complete with deep, inflicted pain.
He peeked through the window.
He stalled at the door.
Knock too hard, risk blowing the entire house of cards to the floor.
The exhale releases a Marlboro roar.
"It's just me."
She's in a ball on the floor.
She's in a bawl on the floor.

Stillborn children don't receive birth certificate sets,
so she clutches to her sonograms and fertility tests.
There's a brokenness,
a missing piece of the puzzle
from the fetal displacement that left him feebly muzzled.
The doctors hadn't seen any trouble,
with the umbilical too snug for their screens to uncover
and so tight that his breathing was smothered.
And now,
she's here.
Was she ever even a mother?

He wasn't a father. He's pretty confident of that.
He breathes.
The apartment has all the ambience of an Applebees,
complete with prepackaged dreams and indigestion.
She's hit depression. Approach within discretion.
He was wearing a T-shirt the last time.
It's mid-December,
and the bags under her eyes couldn't begin to carry his guilt.
She didn't tell him directly.
The news sort of trickled through old friends in various spills.
Vicarious chills. Fatherhood, a role he'd've barely fulfilled,
now seemed the only way to repair his milieu.

She's biting her nails down with careless malaise,
leaning against the radiator, hair in her face.
Trying not to stare, he paces.
Questions. Few answers. They weren't important.
The only fresh air's in escape.
But he already ran from it. There's no reprise.
He sits. He cups her hand in his

with open eyes.

[e11even]

Frank- OMG you're really fucking with my head on this one. 95% of this resonated with me 110%. This shit hit hard and the progression of the story felt just like a fuckiong memory. You are by far the most natural storyteller I've ever read in textcee form, and this was a prime example. I know the presentation wasn't quite polished, but this was definitely polished enough to get the point, and all that emotion, across. I fucking loved this verse and the soul behind it. Good Shit Frankie.

Certain- Fuck. You really brought it. The complete environment. The fourth dimension. This was a complete and balanced experience, fully equipped with a professional nuance of delicate, yet powerful writing. The language was perfect, the mood and pacing in sync. This would give any storyteller a run for their money.

DAMN you guys. This was an immaculate battle. The second I've read and I think this is BOTW. Both top tier posts, although Frank didn't seem to have a perfect layout of his piece. Both of you guys shined very well through yor strengths with a high level of grace and poise. This is a very hard choice, but for me I'll abandon my bias of emotion since it's so present here. MVGT Certain for the better worded, and technically viable verse.

[PancakeBrah]

Frank:

Nice verse. Had all of the Frank trademarks, the rhymes and rhythm of the piece was particularly strong. Emotion was there as well, per usual. The crux of the piece seemed a bit rushed, but that effect can work. A bit more visceral at the expense of detail. Good verse.

Certain:

One of the best verses I've read from you. There was no twist; the twist came before the piece even started. You simply explored the emotional depth of both people involved with great insight. The wording, schemes, and rhythm were all top notch. The ending was subtle, understated, and powerful. Well done on all fronts.

Both verses were top notch but Certain's appealed to me more. Both were about even in terms of technical prowess.

v/Certain

[Frank]

Your vote does not count, Clearly.

[patrown]

Frank - this story put me at ease. although all of the circumstances are not familiar to me, the way you wrote it's convincing . i was lost in a few places, "peppermint puke," for instance. extinguisher and cement baffled me as well. as has been mentioned, you like to rhyme when you want. and although it is admirable, this felt a little off to me. i just didn't quite catch the pieces flow in a couple spots. but the story is solid.
Christmas list? Fuck the sickest kicks, mamas wallet went to stimulants,

^ to0 real . ^

at points Frank, it felt like prose. but the broken rhyme pattern really worked for you. quite a piece.

Certain - first and foremost, word choices and brevity gave your first two stanzas great appeal. they really are quite good. these lines..

Stillborn children don't receive birth certificate sets,
so she clutches to her sonograms and fertility tests.
There's a brokenness,
a missing piece of the puzzle
from the fetal displacement that left him feebly muzzled.

..resonated with pain. seriously. painful words. at the end i did feel as if you ended abruptly. i'm alright with the story as a whole, but i was left wanting more.

/v Frank - .......... hardest decision i've made in a long time...both destroyed it. but Franks last stanza imo gave him the victory. fuck that took me an hour to decide.

[Figgly Wiggly]

This one's tough guys. I don't know why you're doing this to me. Anyways, the emotional depth and focus are equally well presented in both pieces, but obviously presented in pretty different ways. Frank, the storyteller is strong in you (hehe). Love the nostalgic vibe the writing gave off despite the whole, uh, heroin, thing... yikes. No aspect of the details were forced in any way, and everything had its place in revealing some emotional truth and raping my empathy. Just how a good story should be. You get a gold star
Certain, the first stanza was like, yeah. whoa man. Yes.
The rest is good too, but that intro is exceptional. The only slow part of this verse was (and this is guna sound pedantic (alright cool I used that word today, phew)) the middle part of the second to last stanza. Applebee's made me laugh, but it was out of place. The bags under the eyes thing was corny to me but, hey, I'm just some faggot.

Franks verse is a time release capsule of adderall. You get the effects gradually over time. You get led along. I'm a druggy though, and I like a denser and more highier high.
V/Certain for the dome smack of a dose. Das potent. Whoever wins deserves it though. Good shit

[dead man]

frank -

you have your own voice by this point. it shines through, and makes aliases of yours easy to spot. but thats neither here nor there. your voice always does very well to capture the photos of past times and make them now. you make them visceral and present and lush. you have a knack for scene building through rhyme. you throw caution to the wind as far as how conventional critics will react and just do you. you have never veered off this path for as long as i have been reading your work. i deeply commend you for that. i think your take on your picture was not altogether specialized in that it sort of fell into your niche, or your comfort zone, as some would say. this is where you operate at your peak - reminiscent urban tales of melancholy. it suits your personality. this verse spoke volumes on the dynamic between a self-destructive matriarch and her child. heroin heroine concept suited your purpose in fewer words. tragic and weirdly beautiful because often pain reveals the artist in people. i was not fond of the simpson allusion and i was never quite sure how many people were in this house. was it just the child and mother or were there others? men, uncles, cousins, etc. your description of the household was specifically tied to your storyline which worked effectively in itself. i am being greedy perhaps to ask for a richer understanding beyond the scope of your topic.

the writing was your usual finesse. like i said, a few allusions and references i did not jibe with. some were fantastic. RE:

She was a waiter so she’d just wait until they gated up
Scrape some crumbs, come back... regurgitate for her young

alluding to the christmas season near your conclusion was a clever device - it offered tangibility at a time when we can't fucking escape the holiday mantras. made it relatable to that end. present. well done.

CERPENT

oddly enough, you tackled matriarchy from a completely different angle. made for a nice contrast between verses. refreshing style change as well. i tend to shy away from matches that feature near identical contributions. anyway, your work - the would-be mother. heart wrenching. moreso because of the realism. the emotional distance of the would-be father is characteristic of all too many families that go through this. I've heard i, as a man will never know the connection with a child like a woman who has had one grow inside of her, shared her nourishment, nested in her body for warmth and survival. and maybe that's the case. stylistically, you are more succinct with your wording. you incorporate great little images like the house of cards and a mother clutching her fertility set. tone is really important in a work like this and you lead us through a dark gray carpeted home full of silence and heavy with heartache. nothing is like losing a child. the ball on the floor / bawl on the floor was probably my least favorite segment, reading back. i felt you could have played with the double entrendre more effectively. it felt maybe a tad lazy? applebees was another line i think you could have omitted completely. you had a series of standalone lines - "Was she ever even a mother?",

She's biting her nails down with careless malaise,
leaning against the radiator, hair in her face.

- that i really enjoyed. there were times i sort of double took your word arrangement though. latching, torrential beads.. i would have just taken "latching" out completely. sacrifice the rhyme scheme for more a more provoking image. "feebly muzzled" was sort of misplaced as well. maybe a couple others but those were most worthy of mention.

as somebody else said, this was a very tough decision and i am confident that you both knew it would be a close match coming into it and that voters are fickle and change their opinions with every new day. as of right now, for simply the more collectively enjoyable work IMO - i have to ride with Frank this round.

good show guys. and good luck to both of you.




1

[Mike Wrecka]

sick battle. i am proud of both of you dudes. quickie vote. i read both verses thoroughly, just gonna drop a vote without going to in depth. my apologies.


frank - classic frank verse. flow was godly. had that usual from you unexpected rhyme pattern. never knew when or where the next rhyme was coming from but every time it hits it works eloquently. the story was good. not mind blowing. but it was an emotional tale. and i felt some of the emotion coming through the screen pretty hard. really enjoyed the verse.

certain - this was good. very strong verse here. i think your verse against frank last time may have been better though. i really liked the topic though. it was a good approach and it painted a wonderful backdrop for the personal drama that the woman was experiencing. adding the would be father was a very good idea. helped tremendously.


overall- certain had the more innovative story. frank had the much better flow imo. not that certains was bad, it wasnt, it was excellent but franks was just beauty in motion. frank brought out more emotion from me. tough vote. ummm im going with frank here. on a simple level, i just liked his more. i think it was slightly better written .


vote - frank

[Diode]

Vote is for Frank. His story telling prowess is is unprecedented and his ability to turn a photo into a personal experience can't be matched. Certain went a bit less straightforward on the topic here and I think that cosy him.