WK2: Malachi (0-1) VS. Coup (0-1) [COUP WINS, 9-0.]

[King Ra.]

Verses are due Thursday 2/21 at 11:59 PST

You MUST check in.

Extensions are due Friday 2/22 at 11:59 PST. NO LATER!!!

You must vote on 3 other battles and post links. For every absent link, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.


TOPIC:
http://i1.squidoocdn.com/resize/squidoo_images/590/draft_lens9502971module89915241photo_1268593505Des tination_by_imuza_luck


Good luck to both participants. Malachi Coup

[Coup]

check

http://artofbattling.com/forum/showthread.php?4166-WK2-Genocide-%281-0%29-VS-pohfig-%281-0%29-OPEN-FOR-VOTES&p=21172&viewfull=1#post21172

http://artofbattling.com/forum/showthread.php?4168-WK2-Zenland-%281-0%29-VS-zygote-%280-0%29-OPEN-FOR-VOTES&p=21162&viewfull=1#post21162

http://artofbattling.com/forum/showthread.php?4164-WK2-c-d-m-%280-1%29-VS-Rawn-MacDon-%280-1%29-OPEN-FOR-VOTES&p=21293&viewfull=1#post21293


http://artofbattling.com/forum/showthread.php?4163-WK2-Mike-Wrecka-%280-1%29-VS-Camp-Bell-%281-0%29-OPEN-FOR-VOTES&p=21158&viewfull=1#post21158

[Malachi]

Check check check

[Malachi]

Need a 1 day ext

[Coup]

I stand favored, a girl in a world run by mimes
Under a lemon sky, lime swirling to dye my mind
Colors and sty, pigs in my eye yet I peel the swine
I cry at my hurt, feel the pangs of living in sickness
Twisted up and evicted in this ditch with little forgiveness
Tears of peppermint trace my cheek down fields of rye
Wet yellow poppy scent, toxins turn the wheels of sky
I'm seeking signs, the hour of day I will die...
Finding me is a Power up on High, cold fire in cold fry
But in between a gulf is fixed, an invisible memo of strife
Separating a Kingdom above from the divisible life of lice
I can't sow one to the other except I slow my pulse
Know the heart in heaven or discard this flesh as dross

My walk is called the narrow way, revealing my wounds
By telling the truth as to heal so many hives of ooze
walk in these shoes, feel the amber heart of a dragon
Be a girl interrupted gone phantom, picking apples of Adam
Be the crossroads, see gates of the Great Kingdom
Be trial, be tribulation. Rooted fruits of wisdom
Your glory awaits if you endure to the very end of ends
See tears dried, minds renew, the dead begin to ascend
See what I see standing here in the valley of dry bones
A microphone explodes, no trump silences what is sown...

I stand favored with this knowledge, lamb to lions
Very hungry for the slaughter dawning a horizon
(Power to deliver the soul with a homage up Zion)
With it I see sack cloth and ash, fire and black
One million birds circling the great wrath of Man
The seas of crimson swelling blood upon empire
Vampires in open sun dipped in mud and mire
I see decay of Kings and the squeal of Queens
Wroth kindled, with no meaning of these things
Facing a mirror against their tax and terror
In their mind as medicine, cut by axes and error
I see twenty thousand ill forgotten soldiers
Adopted by the Angel Gabriel, given holsters
Free at last, a triumph riding on his shoulders
Waring against the whore, the Satan of lies
The scared fleeing the vacuum of his eyes

I see the Kingdom come with Jacob's banner
I drop my daggers, climbing up his ladder
I close my eyes and forget the past
I held my peace and the die is cast

In between a gulf is closed
An invisible memo of strife
A begotten Kingdom above
Separating this wicked life of lice
Given to seekers of might and life

Amen.

[Malachi]

And there was an explosion.

Plans to cause mad commotion
In the land of the great trinity, a force named emily.
The entity took a few steps,
in a weird pattern.
Step left, step right, step left
and what she came from seemed to be of red matter.
A portal originating from a dark cavern
The immortal prince of darkness seen could be seen on a throne
of minced tarnished carcass.
He gave her heartless instructions for disruption so he could rise from the dungeons.
"Kill everything that's thrived, thats been alive and I want it done by Day 1 not day 5.
It diminished, she now a top a boulder
with a drop of shoulders,
each daisy finished.
The female woman's face had no detail looming.
Just keep moving.
The devils apprentice, no needs for fine tuning.
Had not said one sentence,
until she had to get the sky moving.

"Seperarte las piernas puta!"

Still neutral,
she was as the sky opened
coatened with metal
was the kingdom
with Jehovah and his son.

AND SHE CHARGED.

"OH shit, it was a dream. just a dream."
"Never going to sleep on DMT again."
"Well ima go vote for Malachi on that AOWL match"

[zygote]

Coup started well but lost direction, and Malachi's ending was a let down. The "it was all a dream" kind of ending was disappointing but maybe it works because of the humor. Although, the punchline at the end did feel like it came from nowhere. Perhaps, your writing could have been strengthened if you had more clarity. E.g., the line "The female woman face had no detail women." is hard to understand.

Coup it was great how you kept the religious metaphors throughout, my only criticism is some lines seemed like they were thrown in E.g., "A microphone explodes, no trump silences what is sown..." did not see how it fit in with the rest of the writing. Voted for Coup.

[Malachi]

Coup started well but lost direction, and Malachi's ending was a let down. The "it was all a dream" kind of ending was disappointing but maybe it works because of the humor. Although, the punchline at the end did feel like it came from nowhere. Perhaps, your writing could have been strengthened if you had more clarity. E.g., the line "The female woman face had no detail women." is hard to understand.

Coup it was great how you kept the religious metaphors throughout, my only criticism is some lines seemed like they were thrown in E.g., "A microphone explodes, no trump silences what is sown..." did not see how it fit in with the rest of the writing. Voted for Coup. that was a typo, sorry.

[Mike Wrecka]

ok cool battle. I really like this picture

coup- ya I liked the first section the best, really got in there interpreting the picture in a pretty vivid way. it was solid through out. but I wanted to see more complexity in the rhyme scheme again. some multis in there. don't just rhyme one word at the end, rhyme the last two or three every now and then. just trying to give some constructive criticism. but ya it seems like your a very creative dude. solid stuff. good take on the pic.

malachi- I liked your verse. it didn't seem to flow at first at all, but after a second read through I caught the cadence and it worked nicely. just structured in a way im not used to reading that much, i think your commas might be misplaced iono but ya I dug it. It just felt incomplete. it needed to be longer it kinda just stopped. good effort.


overall- tough battle to vote on, coup was creative but slightly inconsistent. but did have very good imagery. malachi dropped a story type verse that was strong but didn't feel complete.

vote- coup


i enjoyed the reads. thanks.

[Inno]

coup

ok so i dug the reiigious angle you took with this..i thought it had a bit of a poetic nature to it..your language is very vivid and i thought that was cool cuz the picture is a bit vivid. dope shit man. story started out pretty good man it progressed well some lines seemed a bit too abstract or outa place but for the most part it was on point man. dope ending it felt like it brought the kaos of the previous part to a good hault..ill shit bro


malachi

man...tbh that ending was bullshit. you had a dope story going man and i was digging your scheme but when i read that i was like wtf? lol..

"OH shit, it was a dream. just a dream."
"Never going to sleep on DMT again."
"Well ima go vote for Malachi on that AOWL match"

if you would of left this out...the verse would of been dope.


vote- coup

[Nigma]

Coup - I felt, for what you said, that your verse could have shortened considerably. I enjoyed the repeated themes throughout the verse. You had strong points of imagery that correlated well with your picture, however I felt there were a few filler lines that could have been removed to give the entire verse a more concise feel to it. Aside from that, there were a few lines rhyme schemes a little more basic then others. For instance, the second line in your second stanza could have been worded better to compliment the rhyme schemes of the lines before and after it. All in all, a pretty good showing.

Malachi - First of all, LOL, we both went the same way with our verses this week, great minds think alike. If I were to guess, I'd say you didn't get as much time on this as you'd hoped for. Seems like you write it fairly quickly which unfortunately didn't give you time to change your mind about putting the last 3 lines in >.< It's quite unfortunate how much a brief section of attempted humor can effect the entire verse. I feel that without the last bit it would have been a much closer battle, although the amount you underwrote your opponent would probably still have this in his favor.

Gotta give it to Coup

[Zen]

Good battle yall. Coup came with a verse that was long as hell but very creative throughout. The religious undertones in your drops are quite inspiring tbh. Some parts I felt you fell off a bit and perhaps shoulda cut them out but all in all a great showing. Malachi I agree with everyone else and say you had a dope verse and story until that ending lol. Number 1 because you ain't going to sleep on DMT, and number 2 the whole dream thing is lame imo. So I gotta give this vote to Coup. Nice battle fellas.

[Frank]

Coup.

Strong showcase. You came through with the slippery tongue and had a mid-evil feather pen with you by ya bedside while you wrote this. It was mythical and had a barbaric poetic writers voice. Not so smooth but you almost talked like a elegant warlock. Some quotes.

Tears of peppermint trace my cheek down fields of rye
Wet yellow poppy scent, toxins turn the wheels of sky

in between a gulf is fixed, an invisible memo of strife

This was good work and it had a different language about it that resonated amongst the meager half-wits or tally wag dabbles. Keep doing what your doing. Only get even more physcobabble ya feel me

Malachi.

Hahahahahahahahahaha. Mind-contro last bar. Thats what the picture had you thinking you was trippin when you wrote that weren't you yo this shit is gonna fool somebody? yo... you sgot self esteem issues, you didn't need to undermine what you had just written because it was cool. It was fresh so keep writing and I think this emilys second appearance? she was in last weeks drop, but yo keep writing and don't sell your self short, write a little more each time. some quotes.

He gave her heartless instructions for disruption so he could rise from the dungeons.
"Kill everything that's thrived, thats been alive and I want it done by Day 1 not day 5.

overall.

this was a pretty epic battle in a contained way. both writers are well on their way and have their strengths. this was a good read for me and I thought it was close but coup had the dagger out.

[veritas]

Mal you got mad potential, but your verse's ending seemed haphazard and rushed. I got coup taking this one, coup this is the first i read from you, I like how your mind words man.

My walk is called the narrow way, revealing my wounds
By telling the truth as to heal so many hives of ooze
walk in these shoes, feel the amber heart of a dragon
Be a girl interrupted gone phantom, picking apples of Adam
Be the crossroads, see gates of the Great Kingdom
Be trial, be tribulation. Rooted fruits of wisdom
Your glory awaits if you endure to the very end of ends
See tears dried, minds renew, the dead begin to ascend
See what I see standing here in the valley of dry bones
A microphone explodes, no trump silences what is sown...

^real

[Geno]

Yooo. Sry I don't have time for breakdows right now guys.

@work

This was a sick battle. Read it a couple times.

I eally enjoyed certain areas of both verses but felt that coup came with a little bit more this week to pull off a win

Malachi is defintely stepping his game up something serious and in the next couple weeks he's gonna be one to watch. I'm really enjoying seeing his expansion of skills underway in this league. Good to see you botth showed. Again, sry I can't break down. I'm @ work taking a shit and there's a line outside waiting on me hahaha

V-coup. Dope fucking battle fellas

[NYCSPITZ]

nice, u can tell malachi is elevating real quick and he has lots of creative potential. First newcomer I've ever seen try an approach like that...coup came pretty hardbody here, I liked the way he delivered and worded his shit tbh.

v/coup

[King Ra.]

COUP WINS, 9-0.