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View Full Version : I just saw a bum wipe his ass with a Picasso drawing.


Wise Wiggles
12-14-2013, 12:42 PM
I hate being awkward, off-putting.. "Call muhmuhmeEe". It takes faking apologies. Lol, I just pace, making a zombie scream. I'm naked. Planking. They follow me. Showing kiddies how to play Jason on hallow's eve (sry)srsly Painstakingly drama queen. Gta, baking & Dramamine. Good evening. Tasting the Bate's basement in the autumn breeze. Moscato concussion. This fucking coffee's disgustingly smooth. I'd be found if it wasn't for you. Climb me down this exquisite blushing is blue. Portland is stupid. All my friends go snowboarding & shooting. I look at it like more of recruitment but I'm Lord of Illusions. Would you crawl through glass for my morbid amusement? Where teh fuck did the corpse of the muse sprint? Had it in the storage to use it. Fucking a, sorta confusing. I could'a swore I just, you seen. I left out the saw dust, perfume scheme. Bu-dum-bump, a bum's toilet paper. My lung's poison is air. A crumb of oil for flavor. Then run it over, like later.. on we should do acid & shrooms, dwindle our beings in the blackest lit room. Rekindle, we're reading the intro to grieving. Sixteen stories & that window's for leaving.

big baby
12-14-2013, 05:31 PM
Paragraph format was reminiscing, and had a bit of the flare some are used to the netcees user. but this also had a flare of wise ways. Nothing really quotable, except the part where you mention what your friends are doing. I wish it did, though it didn't need any, and neither do many pieces. You lit up the dark side of the room with this. Continue on.

Nigma
12-16-2013, 01:05 AM
paragraph drops are usually entertaining for me. felt the first halfs rhyme scheme was the strong point in the verse but the whole verse kept my attention, short as it was. fun writing exercise but you can only say so much about it haha. Although there was no stand out line, none stuck out negatively either. Just a nice, smooth, quick read

Certain
12-16-2013, 01:07 AM
It's peculiar that people seem to think paragraph formatting is its own genre.

Nigma
12-16-2013, 01:21 AM
Every one ive read in a long ass time have used the same sort of schemes/flow and they all usually sacrifice depth and conceptional value for crisp rhymes and neat imagery. Its essentially a genre of its own imo.

Wise Wiggles
12-16-2013, 01:26 AM
I just saw a bum wipe his ass with a Picasso drawing.
I hate being awkward, off-putting.. "Call muhmuhmeEe".
It takes faking apologies. Lol, I just pace, making a zombie scream.
I'm naked. Planking. They follow me.
Showing kiddies how to play Jason on hallow's eve
(sry)srsly Painstakingly drama queen.
Gta, baking & Dramamine.
Good evening. Tasting the Bate's basement in the autumn breeze.
Moscato concussion. This fucking coffee's disgustingly smooth.
I'd be found if it wasn't for you.
Climb me down this exquisite blushing is blue.
Portland is stupid. All my friends go snowboarding & shooting.
I look at it like more of recruitment but I'm Lord of Illusions.
Would you crawl through glass for my morbid amusement?
Where teh fuck did the corpse of the muse sprint?
Had it in the storage to use it. Fucking a, sorta confusing.
I could'a swore I just, you seen.
I left out the saw dust, perfume scheme.
Bu-dum-bump, a bum's toilet paper.
My lung's poison is air. A crumb of oil for flavor.
Then run it over, like later.. on we should do acid & shrooms,
dwindle our beings in the blackest lit room.
Rekindle, we're reading the intro to grieving.
Sixteen stories & that window's for leaving.

Vulgar
12-23-2013, 07:18 PM
Portland is stupid. All my friends go snowboarding & shooting.
I look at it like more of recruitment but I'm Lord of Illusions.
Would you crawl through glass for my morbid amusement?
Where teh fuck did the corpse of the muse sprint?
^lol

All quotables. I prefer the verse written in regular form. Sorry, paragraph-pixies.

big baby
12-23-2013, 09:24 PM
Paragraph format was reminiscing, and had a bit of the flare some are used to the netcees user. but this also had a flare of wise ways. Nothing really quotable, except the part where you mention what your friends are doing. I wish it did, though it didn't need any, and neither do many pieces. You lit up the dark side of the room with this. Continue on.

I don't think most could tell I might have been inebriated.

This was good, and paragraph format isn't a genre of it's own but you expel things you usually structure in a stanza piece. Not saying you deprecate a certain value of literary writing, but mainly you focus on a precedent. In stanza you have the luxury of creating a certain finale, so to say to end your line. Where as in paragraph. that line can be a stream of consciousness. Less confined than when you do so in stanzas. It's a different set of mind Certain, not a different way of writing. And that is the difference. My paragraph writings can be formatted into stanzas as well. It's also different for the reader, just as easily. Where a stanza, and the moments your eyes surface across from the end, to the beginning of the next line. It can be crucial in how one processes a individual line or concept. ... or not.

The lines vulgar quoted were good. I can see slight improvements.

Wise Wiggles
12-23-2013, 09:29 PM
I actually did not like this. I felt I had certain concepts I could of dove deeper into. This was just a quick mash up of some flex / keyed stuff. Might've been in the moment. Can not remember.

CopyPat
12-24-2013, 02:45 AM
hello sir. i enjoyed as usual. the flow was cool and original, the content was pretty much the same from what u normally do. but i don't care thats fine with me, i just like reading ur flows. portland is stupid scheme was my fav. the beginning and middle seemed pretty honest, then at the end it kinda just tailed off a little. good to see u still posting

Angkor
12-25-2013, 08:40 PM
Good evening. Tasting the Bate's basement in the autumn breeze.


was that a Psycho reference? thought this was pretty ill flex or not. swaggish.

Wise Wiggles
12-25-2013, 08:58 PM
Yeah. No one references the rotting corpse in their basement.
Still wack.

Angkor is a region of Cambodia that served as the seat of the Khmer Empire, which flourished from approximately the 9th to 15th centuries. The word Angkor is derived from the Sanskrit nagara, meaning "city". Wikipedia

dead man
12-25-2013, 09:03 PM
This fucking coffee's disgustingly smooth. I'd be found if it wasn't for you. Climb me down this exquisite blushing is blue. Portland is stupid. All my friends go snowboarding & shooting. I look at it like more of recruitment

My lung's poison is air.



idk these sections really picked up. you never really hit a stride but randomly accelerated

don't put yourself down bro you are special

Split
12-26-2013, 01:39 AM
I'll be back

I know Cambodian people. theyre chill but not as chill as the indians who run Indian Basket in tjis one town. Lol its this supermarket across the street from Market Basket. they have the same font on their sign and everything.

Wise Wiggles
12-26-2013, 02:25 AM
Mannnnnnnn it would suck to give up all eternity for that lovey dovey stuff and then she dies like witf