WK2: Genocide (1-0) VS. pohfig (1-0) [POHFIG WINS, 5-4.]

[King Ra.]

Verses are due Thursday 2/21 at 11:59 PST

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Extensions are due Friday 2/22 at 11:59 PST. NO LATER!!!

You must vote on 3 other battles and post links. For every absent link, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.


TOPIC:
http://i2.listal.com/image/429765/600full-my-profile.jpg


Good luck to both participants. Genocide pohfig

[Geno]

Hello

[Geno]

This is..
Jesus of Nazareths Organized Orgy.

Extravagant sights, christ, its the sabbath in flight
Miraculous, right?, while people show their ass in day light
Their actions ain't quite what a father approves
Its human nature, they're just playing hopscotch in the nude
Watching balloons, that feel like they've been watching us to
Binocular, zoom, look at the reproductive organs you pervs
The tits hung from those anatomies are perfectly curved
Superb, hanging from ropes so tightly they get turniquet burns
Observe them Fondle squid tentacles that yearn for the surf
Their not concerned in the worst, way to indignant to stop
While god is hovering, as if he bought some tickets to watch
The porn positions, twisted, ornamented, isn't it hot?
Orgasmic organisms in this amatuer division, this industry rocks!
Its where your pants, underwear, top and dignity drop
Before the digital clocks, gears widgets and winders
Builders were occupied by bitches, we need different designers
Outdated kitchens, expired, let's get some plumbing restored
Let's get some pipe under this sink instead of one of these whores
I know her stomachs a board, but grab some lumber, ignore it
don't just stand there by the dozen, cluster fucking, perform
We have some pillars to pour, so pull your dick from the floor
Let gods children mature, before the storm hits the beach
I hope the lord intervenes, because this orgies obscene
We can't even sweap the floors off, or sort the debris
And shortly the breeze, will drop enormous orbs in the sea
They are'nt important to me, as for the people inside..
Those are my supervisors, and I think they'll eat you alive
Cause between you and I, I fed you readers some lies..
Octupus in demon disguise, it's what this picture beholds
And they've been holding us as hostage, on the tip of their globes

this topic sucked btw. G/L.

[Pent uP]

Can I get an ext in case I post late

[Geno]

Certainly

[Pent uP]

"The Moment You Die"

is a concept that is frozen in time -
Arbitrarily by its own focal design.
Anything passed it is chemicals roaming your mind,
and before it:
is existence shown and defined
as towing the line. The ending onus -
what if we could play camera man and suspend the moments?

First: Our flesh and known scents descend unknown steps -
stop functioning along organs until our breath is stolen.
Then:
our opus -
The start of our chemical death.
A breath for effect, colors collected and spread
lightest to darkest forming a blend of events
etched in our heads with leverage and depth
so deep Mariana's Trench turned to dreg.
The colors would bloom, then settle themselves
in sets of our friends, family and common places.
A cottage, lake and familiar forgotten faces.

A lost oasis - your first playgrounds AstroTurf and sky.
Hints of blacktop chalk to capture works of life.
A glimmer in the distance from a metallic, burning slide.
Surrounded by walls your old pastor churched up right.
Friends' boats with swell folks where the laughter burned inside.
Places you've visited that have mastered earth's designs -
The Coliseum, Kremlin, the Alps and church - enshrined
with all the nudity that elapsed your dirty mind.
All imagined in fragments and then combined with themselves -
For a glint of light - there's a whole life in your death.

Smile and accept this last graphic flash of nonsense
because, in turn, its your path to darkness.
Already half a carcass between sticks and a mattress
when that pastor starts wishing you passage.
All that's left is the chemical burn and sizzling flashes -
then figments to fragments until its crickets and blackness.
Isn't he Fascist?
Oppressing our scarce amount of living
and turning it into a reason to blow hot air about religion.
Our doomsday's rehearsed while he's ballooning the church -
Held down by Christenings for the newly re-birthed.
http://i2.listal.com/image/429765/600full-my-profile.jpg
Our doomsday's rehearsed while he's ballooning the church -
Held down by Christenings for the newly re-birthed.

[Inno]

sup with all the religious over tones lol..second battle any way



genocide

man you started this off pretty fucknig dope man. your scheme your langauge it was all there and i was really digging the first 6 lines alot man i thought you had a real nice flow
going with some dope imagery. you kept that shit going towards the middle with some strong sotry telling man but it seems you either lost interest in the topic or you rushed it a bit
i dunno..it just felt like you lost focus a bit in there.


pohfig

this was outstanding man prolly my fav so far i mean this had some fucking dope ass lines all over man the ending of the first piece and the ending of the third piece of your verse...those 2 lines wow man thei magery and the depth was dope bro. and that last bit the ballooing the church lol.that was some clever shit. i think you took well to this topic you seemed to really tie in your words to match the mood of the pic and ultimately brining that pic to life

overall

i think geno did a dope verse but it was a bit too vague for the pic and i felt that poh just completely encompassed the pic in each line that he wrote..plus his story was dope as fuck, still a great batttle just felt like poh did a better job with the pic as far as story goes..

[Mike Wrecka]

very sick battle. best ive read so far for sure.

geno- man that verse started off pretty insane. the flow and structure were top notch. the imagery was sick. you took the picture and basically described what was there but put it in a very creative way.

Extravagant sights, christ, its the sabbath in flight
Miraculous, right?, while people show their ass in day light
Their actions ain't quite what a father approves
Its human nature, they're just playing hopscotch in the nude

definitely the best four lines of the battle from either competitor. had me looking back at the picture like wow it does appear as if theyre playing hopscotch in the nude. it went on from there with more dopeness especially the dignity drops line but that middle section got off track just a bit.

Outdated kitchens, expired, let's get some plumbing restored
Let's get some pipe under this sink instead of one of these whores
I know her stomachs a board, but grab some lumber, ignore it
don't just stand there by the dozen, cluster fucking, perform
We have some pillars to pour, so pull your dick from the floor
Let gods children mature, before the storm hits the beach

I didn't vibe with this section as much as the rest. got a little preachy and self righteous. and made the verse change directions. immediately afterwards you went back were you were going, and righted the ship in a big way. finished strong with that orbs line.

very dope verse man


pohfig- sick verse and the take on the topic at first seemed only decent but as you wove it together it turned out excellent. that's what I liked most about this verse. you laid out a concept and then built it front of our eyes. it got stronger as the verse went on. it had incredible wording and very good vocabulary, but some of the end rhyme choices could have been better in a spot or two. don't take it the wrong way but when I read two verses that I enjoy so much I have to find the miniscule and minor flaws in each to decide which was better.

The start of our chemical death.
A breath for effect, colors collected and spread
lightest to darkest forming a blend of events
etched in our heads with leverage and depth
so deep Mariana's Trench turned to dreg.
The colors would bloom, then settle themselves
in sets of our friends, family and common places.
A cottage, lake and familiar forgotten faces.


u rhymed death with spread. which doesn't work for me. the rest is smooth up until that themselves is randomly thrown in there. like I said very minor complaints of a dope verse. that whole last stanza was very great and is what helped the verse immensely.


overall- this was so close its very hard to decide a winner. genocide was more descriptive and I actually enjoyed his take more. he had that middle section sag though. pohfig had a creative take of his own, which felt like a very complete telling. it didn't quite have the flow geno did though. both had exceptional wording. battle of the week imo. good work fellas

vote- genocide

I just enjoyed his slightly more. thanks for the enjoyable reads. I appreciate it.

[Frank]

Okay I'ma be blunt gen....... I couldn't rock with this picture or that verse son. I dunno. If I heard that live I would prolly have to duff you. Just to let the next rhymer speak because you desrcibe pictures so literally that I might as well just look at the picture because your verse isn't really providing the reader with anything new. For something just keyed up, that's cool man but I write this for my grandbabies.

Pent up..... Unmistakable. Verse was well done. Had a grandbaby verse that I was trying tell Genocide about. This wasn't superficial. When you ignore the picture, you do not lose track of the verse. Thats what I consider concept writing vs descriptive writing, even though they cross paths interwine double loop reverse inside out twirl spin knot.
some quotes.

Smile and accept this last graphic flash of nonsense
because, in turn, its your path to darkness.
Already half a carcass between sticks and a mattress
when that pastor starts wishing you passage.
All that's left is the chemical burn and sizzling flashes -
then figments to fragments until its crickets and blackness.
Isn't he Fascist?

Overall.
Adolf slept or was highly uninspired and can't really blame my dude cause their have been some questionable ass pictures this week. pun intended. pent up bodied that picture. vote - pohfig

[Coup]

Geno-

Was surprised you connected this pic with Jezus as the figure to bask a negative glow against the human orgy below...thus creating a contrast...light and dark, good and bad and the thrill of rebellion. That is creative spin off the topic but it felt like you just put a few ideas in a hat and the first two you drew you used lol...like pin the tale on the donkey, blind folded. see what happens with it, hah,

good sustained flow nice progression. I felt you just rambled on a bit, interesting piece. Nice world created. The piece itself was a glimpse into that...without an beginning nor an end to this, just somewhere in the middle. A very literal pic representation, stating the obvious but in a unique set of circumstances to say the least. Great job here...you did what you had to do.

P-

The opening layout and set up was promising and colorful in this written. I enjoyed this line particularly:

Anything passed it is chemicals roaming your mind

and toward the end

All that's left is the chemical burn and sizzling flashes -

The first two stanzas were hot, and the whole image, chemical imprint/final shot of life as to a camera metaphor was neat, having an almost surgical precision about it.... these two passages complimented each other very well.. Only starting with the third section and closing toward the end I think this piece needed to open up and air out in a more anchored, less micro detailed expose and get to the heart...but to me it just went on in a confusing way...almost unclear and hard to see fit the parts of this as a whole unified piece..pic representation was loose....hard to say in words. all relative and a bit cryptic not knowing how to tie into the topic

vote - Geno

[Nigma]

First off I'll say I'm feeling Geno in his picture was meh. A few I've seen, mine included, are just not too inspirational. I'm personally looking forward to working with a quote or whatever is in store next week, think its gonna be a turning point.

Geno, that was a unique ass verse haha kept me entertained throughout tbh. Content was borderline bizarre and had a secret society sex ritual feel to it. Criticism-wise, something that stood out to me were lines like "Orgasmic organisms in this amatuer division, this industry rocks" that worked with the lines before and after in terms of flow and rhymescheme, but the pause in the line itself kinda threw the flow off momentarily in the line itself. Dunno how to better describe it but I feel that some reworded could have the verse reading a bit more effortlessly. Conceptually I feel you did as much with the verse as you could and it still turned into a solid read

pohfig - It had to have taken a considerable amount of time to generate a feasible concept out of that picture, but you pulled it off well. To me, you came up with a very relatable verse and incorporated enough with the imagery and word choices to make it fit in with the picture in an abstract sense. It was a light and day difference in interpretation then your competitor went, which I feel was in your favor. You came strong in all regards, from consistency of content in each line to the effortless transition of rhyme schemes. This was a strong showing especially considering the topic you had to work with.

Vote goes to pohfig, above all because of the creativity in the concept of his verse, but also in his execution of it. High level of competition and writing ability showcased from both of you.

EDIT: I was constantly scrolling up to reread portions of the verse and can see a bunch of redundancy and grammatical errors, but I'm not going to fix them lol

[King Ra.]

First off, this is definitely receiving BOTW honors & a special feature in the mag, because of all the battles that happened this week, this one was just through the roof. I am very impressed with what both of you came up with in your verses, even though both pieces had a religious feel to them. I know the picture may have been challenging & I know a lot of people didn't write due to any inspiration from pictures, but this battle proves that the best writers in this league can put together dope drops whether it be regular topics or pictures. I commend you both for doing an exceptional job.

Genocide, I understand from your perspective that you probably wasn't feeling the picture at all, or maybe it was too challenging but let's be real- the verse you put together was very solid all around despite how you may have felt at it's completion. What impressed me the most about your piece, was the rhyme scheme. The way you transitioned from one line to the next was just sickening. The content wasn't lacking either. This had a humorous, knowledge like feel to it & the way you meshed that together was very impressive. The imagery was solid, you once again were able to take elements of the picture & describe them very well & with added flavor. Based on what others have said in the previous feedback, you should pat yourself on the back for putting together this verse and not letting the challenge of the picture be your downfall. Once again, you continue to prove yourself as one of the most consistent writers on this site. Well done.

Its human nature, they're just playing hopscotch in the nude
Watching balloons, that feel like they've been watching us to
Binocular, zoom, look at the reproductive organs you pervs
The tits hung from those anatomies are perfectly curved
Superb, hanging from ropes so tightly they get turniquet burns
Observe them Fondle squid tentacles that yearn for the surf
Their not concerned in the worst, way to indignant to stop
While god is hovering, as if he bought some tickets to watch


pohfig, your verse was just as good as Geno's. I don't know whether you struggled with the picture or not, but from what you put together, I don't believe you did. Whereas your opponent excelled in rhyme scheme, your piece excelled in it's content- your wording IMO was pretty wicked in the fact that you were able to take an idea & develop it from the beginning of your verse to the end. I would say you were more on point conceptually & as I read your verse, it just seemed to transition perfectly til the end. You took the elements of the picture & described them much differently than your opponent, maybe more creatively, because instead of taking what is happening in the image literally, you sort of fit the pieces within the content/concept of your piece. That was very intriguing. I also really enjoyed that repetitive ending, it fit perfectly & capped off a very well written story. Great stuff.

Smile and accept this last graphic flash of nonsense
because, in turn, its your path to darkness.
Already half a carcass between sticks and a mattress
when that pastor starts wishing you passage.
All that's left is the chemical burn and sizzling flashes -
then figments to fragments until its crickets and blackness.
Isn't he Fascist?
Oppressing our scarce amount of living
and turning it into a reason to blow hot air about religion.
Our doomsday's rehearsed while he's ballooning the church -
Held down by Christenings for the newly re-birthed.


This is a very difficult battle to judge because both of you took the same idea but molded your stories so differently from one another. Genocide's rhyme scheme was sick, each line transitioned smoothly & his imagery was solid. Pohfig's wording was impressive & actually made his piece read smoothly, even though the rhyme scheme was sort of basic and lacked complexity, and he tied in the elements of the picture in a very unique way than his opponent. Damn, this one is actually very hard to choose a winner. I've read both piece at least three times & I can go either way tbh.

I'm going to have to come back & edit in my vote a bit later.

VOTE EDIT: Very tough one here for me, but this goes to show how great this battle was. I'm going to go with the verse that was not only written well, but also was a bit more compelling to read. I really would vote a tie, this was very difficult for me, but I'm going to go with....


MVGT: Genocide.

[veritas]

I got pohfig. I think that his verse was genius, flat out. Geno, I felt like you were trying to be too complex, and it ruined the narrative. this is a story telling leauge, and Poh's story was better imo. Geno you are a heck of a writer, but I just wasnt feeling it, real talk.
MVGT poh

[Malachi]

Vote genocide. I liked his imagery and the the concept he took. It was entertaining, The rhyme schemes were on point as well.
Poh was pretty writing wise, i just couldnt fuck with it, it kinda started to bore me a lil but your flow was nice and the wording/word choices were good to.
But on entertainment factor i got with Geno

[Geno]

Anyone else?

[Pent uP]

http://artofbattling.com/forum/showthread.php?4172-WK2-dead-man-(1-0)-VS-Nigma-(1-0)-OPEN-FOR-VOTES&p=21599#post21599

http://artofbattling.com/forum/showthread.php?4168-WK2-Zenland-(1-0)-VS-zygote-(0-0)-OPEN-FOR-VOTES

http://artofbattling.com/forum/showthread.php?4163-WK2-Mike-Wrecka-(0-1)-VS-Camp-Bell-(1-0)-OPEN-FOR-VOTES

[King Ra.]

This battle needs a tie breaker vote. Aesthetic you mind dropping a vote here?

[Geno]

dead man

He said he'd be here to vote in the chat thread

[King Ra.]

Alright, cool.

[dead man]

ok so

i usually don't read votes before posting comments on any battle, but in this case i had skimmed the thread a couple times prior so i had an idea of what the general reception was, along with my own take, on both these verses..

geno - i felt like you kept at a distance this week. it was a big mistake on your part to express how much you disliked the topic directly after your drop. it's like a justification for any shortcomings, it's a defense mechanism. like our equivalent of putting "....10 minute key" or "quick shit" after a battle verse. almost at once, it gives your verse a different feel. like ok you were uninspired, so you just sort of took the pic at face value and went with it. granted that's not a point of critique in itself but rather the motivations you revealed behind it. all that being said. this was some great material in terms of exercising description and image abstraction. you twisted literal objects and actions into your own eye sockets and made us look through the lens. your "orgy" relative segments sounded something like what Wise Ways might drop in a cypher. lmao in a strange way though that itself is a compliment cause he's a fuckin weirdo. you did keep it rather surface deep imo. i mean, i enjoyed the allusions that made it really clear what you was talking about, and you had some solid standouts that had me second glancing. i did not understand what squids you were referring to until i checked the pic again, that was a cool image as well imo. you kept it light-hearted, crispy, and comfortable. you gave yourself room to breathe and it was almost like a shadowbox with the pic, just attacking it from whatever point you felt was showing itself. i think frank had a valid point though. description (in most cases) can only take you so far before a piece of writing this long becomes a bit of a fading fuse after a point. your social commentary was a solid branch, but it wasn't enough to make anything pop into a blaze. i never truly felt the HOSTAGE mentality when i was reading this. in other parts, this felt like another theological rant. but you gave it a signature method and let it walk.


Binocular, zoom, look at the reproductive organs you pervs

this started out so sharp and turned into something really unimpressive quickly. if you're trying to convey anything.. choose your words carefully

overall. a very solid entry but certainly not your realized potential.. we know this


PentfiG -

the moment you die. thats an ambitious title in itself if you ask me. you set yourself a stage and it was almost like waiting for something to move. and when it does, it's slow and deliberate, warming up into a steady roar. your verses tend to have this effect much of the time, although i've seen you jump right into the action split second from line 1 as well. i have always taken issue with your word choices as well but thats the pedantic nature of this kind of writing. in this case, however, what i really took issue with the your ending. but i'll get into that. you led us into a biological model for death. your language was accessible even though you were saying a good amount with almost every line. from the chemical phase we're hit with the 'light / tunnel' SLASH 'life before your eyes' phase. so far, your allusions pertaining to this transition are completely neutral theologically. the intro was a bit challenging for me in terms of your first 2 lines. 'focal design' could have just been a rhyme but when i think design (as a verb), i don't think science. anyway you grant us a Scrooge-like journey back in time. image laden, moderately sharp. particularly enjoyed 'blacktop chalk' and the bit about the places you've visited. relatable. i'd like to think i would probably see the same sort of thing. regardless, you flip everything on it's head in the last few lines - making a bold statement about death in the eye of theology, as something completely bastardized from it's biological roots. "ballooning the church". i feel like that's the second sub-title of this piece. idk man, i felt the message, it was just a bit abrupt and did not really round out the verse in a way that felt fully concluded. because there was no over-arching aspect to this that i could really connect with except that moment on it's own. i would like to give this a couple more reads but i do not have the time. i think my decision already stands.

i hate to break the tie because it feels too heavy but i gotta throw my vote to POHFIG. simply for producing the more thoughtful piece of writing this week

it was an honor gentlemen. til next week -


1

[King Ra.]

POHFIG WINS, 5-4.

[Geno]

Werd. Great battle pent. Thanks for the vote black.

1