AOWL WK 3: dead man (2-0) VS. pohfig (2-0) [POHFIG WINS, 5-4.]

[King Ra.]

16 lines minimum, 32 lines maximum.

Verses are due THURSDAY at 11:59 PST.

Extensions are due FRIDAY 3/1 at 11:59 PST. NO LATER!!!

You MUST check in.

You must vote on 3 other battles and post links. For every absent link, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.


TOPIC: Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth.


Good luck to both participants. dead man pohfig

[dead man]

dejavu like a motherfucker

[Pent uP]

http://artofbattling.com/forum/showthread.php?4472-AOWL-WK-3-Vinzr-(0-0)-VS-Aesthetic-(0-0)-OPEN-FOR-VOTES
http://artofbattling.com/forum/showthread.php?4476-AOWL-WK-3-Mike-Wrecka-(1-1)-VS-Innovator-(2-0)-MIKE-WRECKA-WINS-5-3&goto=newpost
http://artofbattling.com/forum/showthread.php?4478-AOWL-WK-3-Genocide-(1-1)-VS-Camp-bell-(1-1)-GENOCIDE-WINS-5-4

[Pent uP]

Ext plZ

[dead man]

yo -



lose yourself. lose objectivism, presence and process
lose possession. take a second out to treasure the Ontic
texture and conscious. essential beyond. eons past neurologic
scientific method moronic. it's hand-me-down, a secondhand concept
take note. progress without a crisis is nonsense
like phoenix wings on the horizon - psychophysic mirages
the diplomatics, the doctorates. faith-based political mantras
read a story, catch its metaphor,
check. mission accomplished
strip away an item's counterparts - their name, or their function
perceptual substance. the bare possibility to make an assumption
timeline, steady percussion, baseline for unfortunate days
sex and power are a spirit. flesh is fortune and fame
when worlds collide, we share a common core to sustain
is it collective or connective? love, endorphins or pain
discourses explain: we've covered wisdom's source with a brain
unable to accept there's no one scoring our games
tradition kicks when an inquiry of origin's raised
we'll never reach the point there's nothing more to be gained
or is it less to be gained? concealment setting the stage
truth is sickness. masked by pride, a dextromethorphan phase
what gives a requiem grace? what's essential to fact?
how does Being formulate a proper question to ask?
we've played telephone with knowledge. only whispers and time
will determine how much Truth inside that message survives
mystery resides, not in black-or-white insidious lies
but the information we digest like biscuits and wine
scientific reprise. our logos, superstitions and language
knowledge and truthfulness, all an illusion - cynical, anxious
rewind, reduce, reconsider. definition and form,
your questions presuppose an answer. watch as wisdom is born.






another day, another epoche






- DEADMAN

[Pent uP]

Pausing in action: face frozen as she looks flawless in fashion
Causing more flashes as cameras around her seem drawn to her passions
Crawling, then slowly falling and stauling while flossing her assets
She even made plumber cleavage look like her drawers doing magic
Gaudy and classless, but still her vision was more than all you'd imagine
Tail tossing like rabitts, she went through holes so we'll be calling her Alice
But now with her audience basking and giving applause for her laughing
They love her because her profession's expressed in modelling madness
A popular package; her entrances made businesses famous in minutes
So Alice never pays her expenses, she just takes what she's given
Still debating it with them like even moneyless, she makes a commission
Enslaving her victims with the fakest incentives before escaping with pensions
Being priviledged and rich made her such an inconsiderate bitch
Because her visual gifts gave the littlest lifts of feeling ignorance blissed
As this became her purpose in life to never work til she dies
Going into stores and collecting from the surplus inside

On her usual run, barely using her tongue to talk, they do what she wants
Fendi, Prada, Dulche Gabana are just a few that she hunts
Only using her funds to buy the secret snack foods that she loves
But then Alice fooled with a blunt left in the astray of friends who used her car once
She smoked a little in school before becoming a picturesque tool
But that's when it was cool to blow dirt weed for a few cents with a crew
This was a new feeling, lifting her mood within one hit that she blew
Made her giggle, severely tickled by anything different she viewed
Senses confused; she's never this hungry, stomach's steadily grumbling
Getting her money as a model means eating less than a crumb a week
Head feeling numb, she loses focus for a second or three
And stressing to eat until she runs over something dead in the streets
Incredibly freaked, stopping the car and saw his head by his feet
Trails of blood next to him streaked with his intestines in strings
She hectically screams wishing all of this was just in her dreams
As she walks a little closer to see her image in Fresh magazine
The guy is clinching to cover as if this was his lover
This changed the her visions of her because her pic was blood covered...
With her being so high, this image drew dreams in her mind
Of her demonic image disguised in Prada... then she blinks some and cries
Leaving the scene of the crime, but with a higher meaning of life
With value in people that night that Alice can now see with her eyes

[zygote]

Deadman - The "another day, another epoche" was a good wordplay. Kept the bio-psychologist vocabulary in full effect here. Seemed to be the message that sensory functions are the illusion, and the truth is it's just all in the brain.

Pohfig - First time reading your writing it was very entertaining. Enjoyed how you spent the time (first paragraph) to give some plot development made the second paragraph stronger because of it. Character was well developed, especially enjoyed the "privileged and rich" line, you gave the character some different aspects. It was a nice touch to write about the "clinching to cover" line like that.

Can not really find any critiques for either writer. Perhaps deadman could have worked the "epoche" line into a rhyme instead of putting it at the end like that, and pohfig could have found a stronger plot device to cause the car accident.

Individuals are probably not voting on this one so far because it is hard to decide. Overall, voted for deadman.

[Geno]

Ok.. not breaking it completely down, butttt..

Deadman.
Once again you come into the scene with strong descriptions. The different ways of comprehending certain concepts that you have are pretty nuts. I mean the breakdowns inside of breakdowns are nuts, if you get what I'm saying. Went into a direction where to me.. you broke down wisdom itself, and almost seemed to be questioning the topic, or debunking wheather its even a relevant statement or not. That's what I got out of it anyway. You stayed sharp and on point as usual, all the way through and ended it nicely.

Pohf.
Had the material girl story, the one who basically lives in a world where she puts herself above and beyond everything and is a stuck up, snobby type woman. She then gets high and her whole life suddenly changes. Maybe its the weed. Maybe its the weed unlocking her perception of things through symbology somehow. But suddenly she seems to have a heart.. and is on a lower level of self worth because she knows guilt. I thought it was a pretty cliche story tbh. It was layed out brilliantly though and only stauled for me in the first couple lines of the second part. Had some dope imagery towards the end that really stuck out.

All in all.. this battle was nuts, and very hard to choose a winner here.

Black is a more uses more description, maybe subtle at times but very much jam packed in his verses.

Poh is a great story teller with nasty mechanics to make his formula very strong.

When I sat and read these, I had to carefully decide who's verse I felt co-related with the topic more thoroughly to figure a winner.. and I have poh this week, with a bit more connections to his topic.

Very hard to decide, great battle. Best I've read so far as a whole.
Black, no hard feelings that you voted against me last week. Believe me, I'm not grudge voting here.. but I have to go with pohfig. Great battle. Big respect to both of you

V-pohfig, with a slight win. Could go either way here tho, tbh

1

[Camp Bell]

this was dope. dead was on some psychological shit and pohfig went into a storyline with
great descriptions and character. deads vocab and wording was verybstrong and pohfigs
storytelling and imagery were strong. pretty well matched but ima have to go with pohfig

vote: pohfig

[Aesthetic]

V/pohfig

Better story and more of an interesting read.

Details later

[Mike Wrecka]

ya doin a quick vote here

deadman - incredible wording as usual. jumped into the topic quite well. was more of an overview and lacked emotion though. technically superior using an advanced rhyme scheme.

pohfig- good storytelling. didn't really hit the topic as well as I wanted it to. and the whole story seemed like its been done before. very good wording. an excellent verse overall.


vote - deadman

very close battle. hard to decide but I got black d here. two enjoyable reads.

.

[Split]

damn. black vs. pohf is always such an acid hailstorm of concepts.

pohfigger. rhyme scheme was immaculate.


okay fuck that, stories are both on an equal as well are mechanics... going to pull my favorite quotes and go by that. shoot me.


truth is sickness. masked by pride, a dextromethorphan phase
what gives a requiem grace? what's essential to fact?
how does Being formulate a proper question to ask?
we've played telephone with knowledge. only whispers and time
will determine how much Truth inside that message survives
mystery resides, not in black-or-white insidious lies
but the information we digest like biscuits and wine
scientific reprise. our logos, superstitions and language
knowledge and truthfulness, all an illusion - cynical, anxious
rewind, reduce, reconsider. definition and form,
your questions presuppose an answer. watch as wisdom is born.
fuk

Getting her money as a model means eating less than a crumb a week
Head feeling numb, she loses focus for a second or three
And stressing to eat until she runs over something dead in the streets
Incredibly freaked, stopping the car and saw his head by his feet
Trails of blood next to him streaked with his intestines in strings
She hectically screams wishing all of this was just in her dreams
As she walks a little closer to see her image in Fresh magazine
The guy is clinching to cover as if this was his lover
This changed the her visions of her because her pic was blood covered...
With her being so high, this image drew dreams in her mind
Of her demonic image disguised in Prada... then she blinks some and cries
Leaving the scene of the crime, but with a higher meaning of life


got dam



topic waaas: Losing an illusion makes u wiser than finding the truth.

pohfigs usb hub of thematic connections and motifs and shit was awesome... references i guess, not an allegory, allusion? idk they were cool. Alice. heh.

dead man's phrasings are very, very appealing and his wording was spot on at all points, Pohfig's story was just.. real as fuck but surreal, idk. better than your R.H.Y.M.E. battle fer sure


EDIT: Fine. Pohfig's spoiled, haute couture bitch of a main character was the perfect vessel for a cruel, twist of cathartic naivete-ruining devastation. That was what pulled me away from the story. He painted this pretty, self-obsessed, borderline sociopathic whore. Given the topic, I knew exactly where it was going... illusions of grandeur stripped away by consequence. She saw no truth. She saw fallacy. Illustrated the topic perfectly, to be clear.

Dead Man went with a more abstract, riskier and more broad interpretation of the topic. But given the narrow scope of the topic I think it worked.

I'm not awarding the win to Dead Man because he took a risk or because he had nicer quotes, it's because his writing stepped outside the bounds he had set up for the topic. Where Pohfig was carefully filling in the lines (albeit lyrically) Dead Man was reaching outside and ripping anything he could in, and I felt that his deconstruction of a false premise for growth and authenticity (the "self" frame of reference) was more refreshing than Pohfig's illustration of the topic.


v/ Deadeth

[Frank]

Vote - Pent Up

Pains me to say it. I thought the flow of his story was more entertaining on this night then the philosophic scheming of Blacks. The ending was a little weak but pent ups story was light hearted and danced quite candidly. Black was usual madness and I feel his verse was a metaphore for why he doesn't vote lol. Silly as that sounds. I haven't voted cause this is was a tough decision. Great contrast of styles displayed. Enjoyed both. Just one a little bit more.

1

[Split]

3-3 uppppppp
Aesthetic stop being on drugs and elucidate your vote Innovator say something, mark! Nigma Ink

all of your opinions would be appreciated in interests of moving the week along

[Inno]

well...im not coming in here to say whats wrong with this piece because ultimately these 2 guys dont need critique from me..
dead man came with his usual stuff. the outrages usage of devices..the phrasing which i find so original i dont think i see
that aspect in any one else...or for that matter since ive been doing this. dead did an excellent job brining to life his character with
some a dope as progressino to his story. it was alive i tell yah lol..i felt like i was there is was im trying to say..in the end dead had
a really dope story with some outstanding wording sprinkled with some dope flow...storyline was dope as well.
mean while poh..seemd to focus on the flow and story as one... man that shit flowd like watter..and the story never seemed to lack which
is something most do not do well..obviously you have talent cuz you pulled that off without a hitch.

in the end im going with what i always go with...its a topical league right?...so im going with whos story was more appealing to me.
ive read both verse a couple times through out the week and in the end i keep going back to poh. i thought his rhyming and storytelling
was justt something to marvel at...i mean dam on the other side...dead dropped some real cool shit..with a touch of originality...

in the end im leaning towards poh..

great battle guys...

AOB legendary battle?

[Split]

4-3

I hate closing battles with a one up lead, leaving for home now, itll be closed when i get back

[Adonis]

I'm voting now...hopefully I don't tie it up..but I'm voting regardless now

[Ink]

dead man:
This verse read smooothh.. every line fed into the next seamlessly (the wine and biscuit line was bleh though). That flesh and spirit line, and this stuck out in particular
we've played telephone with knowledge. only whispers and time
will determine how much Truth inside that message survives
i usually try to nitpick just cause i generally think people are too nice when voting, but i couldn't find much i didn't like here..

pohfig: the way you started this verse was dope. Instantly brought up images I've seen of people walking down the red carpet in slow-mo while cameras went off.. The middle of the second verse where she runs over a guy and the few following lines after felt like a half step down in quality from the rest of the verse. though the whole verse was very solid and every line worked well together to create the overall story.
She hectically screams wishing all of this was just in her dreams
"She hectically screams"... just sounds off to me..

On first skim, I thought I would give it to Pohfig, cause I'm more of a story kinda guy.. but after my closer read, I'm gonna go with dead man. Both were very solid, but dead mans verse just made a greater impression. Both were very polished as far as delivering their ideas, but dead man's rhymes felt more effortless and his take on the topic was more intriguing.

vote: dead man

[Adonis]

Dead - Black - First off let me start with...thank god for a dictionary...I actually only used it a few times but used it I did...I'm going to point out a few things I didn't like...

discourses explain: we've covered wisdom's source with a brain
...
we've played telephone with knowledge. only whispers and time
will determine how much Truth inside that message survives

The first line I know makes sense, but it just reads weird to me...I also realize it's relevant towards your use of the topic but IDK, just reads weird...The second Bar the flow just completely broke off from the rest of the verse. I really don't like when someone breaks a line into TWO bars whether for rhymes sake or not, it just disrupts the flow 93% of the time. OK...

I loved your use of the topic, I don't know that I could pull this particular topic off with a decent concept without dumbing everything down...You did the opposite, flow other then what I mentioned was legit...Actually you faltered after said bar, almost like the flow changed entirely. Great read though, packed with thought and great metaphor.


Pent - you hit the topic nicely...Imagery blew me away as usual, but this was different...A model who walks all over others, given anything she wants in life and is beautiful...head by his feet was vivid to me, the entire crash was clear as day and visualized "Fresh" Mag, intestines her face...The topic was covered by her no realizing the facade she's created of others, going from not acknowledging others unless she gains to valuing each life after she took one.

vote - This is a very, very close battle. You guys took opposite routes, Black going philosophical having me peer into many questions of life, while Pent went pure visual. To me you both hit topic equally, both flowed well, Pent a bit better do to less slip ups, but while his was more simple Black made me ponder many things and left it open for my interpretation. But in the end....I simply enjoyed the visual affects more in this bout...Very close, and if I'm being honest what did you in black is, what I consider the slip in flow, otherwise this was yours to lose.


Good shit kidos v-Pohfig

[King Ra.]

POHFIG WINS, 5-4.