Water is for wise men

[Mac]

https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS3Mbt3zelLIBUyXoBPaONJ6oDkxrVYX VL3NbU8hVNrfJf3y_MU

I gave up hopes of ever becoming sober
trying to quit drinks made me a frequent smoker
My weak willpower determined i wasn't strong enough
and due my anger issues i had to keep distance from everyone
I lost everything, there was no reason to keep drinking
but I had to compensate the fact I was still breathing
The alcohol is the fuel that keeps me drinking more
i can't answer questions as my mind's never clear

I can't focus on anything, i get distracted easily
all mondays i wake up in a bar without my shoes & money
My wife left me and took the children without any warning
i refuse to give her my properties & the lawyer keeps calling
I decided to gather forces and stay sober for a long time
and reach the happyness mountain I could never climb



It's been six years since I had a drink
i have a job, family and now i can think
Then suddendly I got an anonymous call,
saying that my mother crashed her vehicle into a wall..
I assisted to her funeral then went to a bar pain
woke up in the monday with nothing.. once again

[Geno]

"But I had to compensate the fact I was still breathing"
Depthhhhh

Hopefully you've signed into the aowl. You have some talent, apply it there!

[PancakeBrah]

I lost everything, there was no reason to keep drinking
but I had to compensate the fact I was still breathing

That was cool.

Didn't like the rest.

[Mac]

lol, the verse is abit rusty as i didn't like the aowl topic but thanks.. for that small feedback.

[PancakeBrah]

Don't be so sensitive.

[Ink]

this verse felt pretty lacking in depth and the rhymes weren't exactly exciting..
You presented us with your character and his position.. and then all of a sudden, a few years forward, everything is fixed, his mom died, and everything is back where it was. It read like a fast-forwarded version of a longer, more detailed, piece.. I didn't feel any connection to the character, because there wasn't much to draw us into your story..

I think if you spent more time developing the story more, this would be pretty solid.