AOWL Week 4: Aesthetic (0-1) VS. Split (2-1) [SPLIT WINS, 5-0.]

[King Ra.]

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum.

Verses are due THURSDAY 3/7 at 11:59 PST.

Extensions are due FRIDAY 3/8 at 11:59 PST. NO LATER!!!

You MUST check in.

You must vote on at least 3 other battles and post links. For every absent link, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.


TOPIC: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHkAOD99Tgk

Good luck to both participants. Aesthetic Split

[Split]

Well, tits on a pringle

[Aesthetic]

Ill transmute alchemical reactions into stories like Ed and Alphonse; Gon' be like some sober shit for the next long time as well.


Dope Drop, luckily flow isn't a category to vote primarily on or else you would be a goner.

Gettin my shit polished tommarrow; Really tight schedule though so I might last minute extension.

[Split]

Before Oceans, There Was Nothing but Rain


resilience and wonder swallow men whole.
left in the labyrinth- dismantle catacombs.
minotaur. a synthesis of sublimity and sciences' cogs,
its ticking footsteps, sleeping ambiance, solemn thought.
it the faint unknown entranced in every absolute. contaminant.
secrets and candlelit percussion of bones and mirage.
preserve history from receding in chanting death's monologue.

a scholar archaeologist, trapped between gut and enterprise.
cold, foreboding, basking in a city mummified.
abandoned as if on a whim, a metropolis once sprawling
flooded by its tragic flaw. deities turned their back,
a curse enacted by holy law's decree for safety of them all.
brushing through algae disintegrating as it comes to light.
focused on the digsite, the obliterated faith in city walls. wrath of the gods.
medusa oblongata- came to the crawling Caesar's call, he-
armed with endless tendrils of truth, ink in his blood- fights flight.
curious, in hindsight... the filthy mud hasn't quite yet settled in these centuries.
outside the manuscripts. who, what stalked these ancient fantasies?
the final antechamber, the scholar reaches in the dark

-drip-

sinking sediment of cancer, bleeding liquid fear into this tomb,
PRESSURE splitting typhoon booming instrument of doom.
running through water from impending echolocation,
peripherals dripping black death crescendo's in his visor's casing.
Diving in and out of blindness, intervals of mental panic,
he reached the edge and stepped too quick for viscous antics

here at the relic's limits his eyes come to rest.
aquatic cosmonaut with a cracked helmet, smiles at the end.
it seems we've reached an impasse, cause and effect,
and breathes in with a silent gasp....

with wonderment comes ease. and ease comes discontent.
ease to complacency, makes breathing another habit.
practice stands until its questioned. the enemy is the premise.
even in long stagnant waters, decay persists.
it begins and ends with a single

drip

[Aesthetic]

I woke too find my mind fadin.
Thoughts escalatin, perpetuating.
Instigatin yet cravin looking for a haven.
yet my mind sits idle.
Im marinating, Salivating losing concentration.
Contemplating self righteous salvation;
Implicating segregation towards defecation.
Dedicated to this declaration.
I see life with perfection;
Minus eyes cause u cant see direction.
How does the colors feel complexion.
Swimming in contention like a premonition.
Hatin ammunition with more then definition.
But that's jsut dialogue..

Im thinking the thoughts rain, like sinks drinking.
Slowly sinking seduced by the weekend.
So I meditate extant with content.
Wondering repent with simple descent.
Fuck intent, either way you shoot decent.
present condense and implore defense.
Cause the offense, is just complicated.
Emotions run wild, like a forest's child.
Humans gone mild, bottlenecked isle.
Conclude that wee the samme.
Thinkin like a singular braaain.


I hope yall dont hate me for the short drop, doubling my time next week; Kind of a hard topic too, the beat idea is dope though. Just not really my style, too relaxed.

[Split]

aite

[Adonis]

Split-Eight - I haven't finished reading yet, but I'm going to start with the flow isn't up to par. It makes it hard for me to follow. I always read a verse 2 if not 3 times, but this one I'm forced to, first read to understand the flow, 2nd to understand the meanings and remember what I forgot simply because I'm having to reread half the line 3 times to catch it....Blunt, I know, sorry.

First read I was picturing Atlantis in that 2nd stanza, would've been dope if continued but you changed it up some...OK, so flow on second read was much better, I guess I just had to catch it first. A story about an archaeologist exploring a lost, ruined city. He discovers a chamber and finds a dead astronaut or deep sea diver??? To me its a bit unclear, vague even. I enjoy when its left to the reader to decide, but there was so much detail in imagery I feel like you just fell a bit short instead of purposefully being vague in the end so "I CAN" decide. But to me the archaeologist found Atlantis, wishful thinking because I feel i'm wrong. Either way I loved the imagery, flow was decent, much better then first thought. Concept was nice.

Aesthetic - Flow was best I've read this week by far, went with the beat well Although how I read it I had one correction but as everything else was smooth I'm sure it's just pronunciation or something so I won't mention it. content...To me, it seemed a few lines rhymed extremely well, but for the sake of rhyme, not content or meaning. the 2nd stanza had the majority

How does the colors feel complexion. Didn't like this...wording issue.

All in all the main point of this verse IMO was just about life...Great flow to the verse' entirety. The length really does hinder the entire piece, I think one more stanza would have summed up quite a bit.


Vote: Split

This was a very, very close battle. you both had highs...Aes had flow on lock while 8 had better content to me....both had lows...Aes piece ended too soon leaving much to be desired, split also seemed unfinished, rather, didn't come full circle IMO. But in the end I liked the concept behind Split's verse just a bit more then the flow of Aesthetics. Close battle, will go either way when people wake up and vote on this shit....Good verses to you both, I have to be critical or you learn nothing, but I enjoyed both

[zygote]

Split8 enjoyed some of the subtle wordplays (E.g., "medusa oblongata"), highlights were the atypical descriptions such as the aquatic cosmonaut line and the final antechamber line. Criticisms is there was too much going on, the drip part just seemed like excess and convoluted the story, which was probably the strongest aspect. Perhaps it would have served you better to focus on that one strong aspect and add to it, rather than add in new aspects. Aesthetic, minor criticism is the abundance of ion-rhymes it became repetitive and in comparison your second paragraph was better than the first. Points for being concise and expressing your topic using short and direct lines. Also, the last two lines were a nice touch. Overall, voted for split.

[Mike Wrecka]

ok cool battle

split - you wove together a nice tale. seemed like the story of atlantis, then went to someone discovering it years later. the way you describe things is pretty complex. its not totally accessible to the average reader tbh but that's prolly by design. I find myself having to really concentrate to decipher whats going on, but ya that's a good thing sometimes, and here is one of those times. good job. flow wise, it wasn't great. and you still are lacking multis and inner rhymes. I know you can do it. ive seen you do it very well you just choose not to sometimes.

aesthetic- ill be honest it seemed way to basic and simplistic for my taste. you rhymed too many TION words which is easy and never ends well. I steer clear of tion rhymes these days. if I have to ill use a tion word as the first part of a multi but ya never as an end rhyme. but I think you know that all already. seemed semi keyed up and ive seen better from you. topic wise I couldn't find one. but that's not your fault a random beat as a topic is lame tbh. don't take it the wrong way I dont mean to be overly harsh on the criticism I just didn't like that verse and I know you can do better.

vote- split

[Frank]

Split.

This was wordy and I like words. You style is cool cause it overloads the brain. You write in puzzles and I think your one of the more consistently interesting writers. I think your on the horizon of your own flow but your still finding yourself. You have a poetic candence that tip toes the tight rope. Your style needs time to develop but here are excerpts where I felt your flow was nasty.

a scholar archaeologist, trapped between gut and enterprise.
cold, foreboding, basking in a city mummified.
abandoned as if on a whim, a metropolis once sprawling

running through water from impending echolocation,
peripherals dripping black death crescendo's in his visor's casing.
Diving in and out of blindness, intervals of mental panic

and this was a noble visual.

the filthy mud hasn't quite yet settled in these centuries.

Aesthetic.

Don't listen to the ION haters. Theres a right way to pull those ION lines off and you did it. Your flow was fast paced and the verse was over before it began. Good adrenaline rush.

Im thinking the thoughts rain, like sinks drinking.
Slowly sinking seduced by the weekend.

emotions run wild, like a forest's child.

Overall.
Cool battle - vote goes to split

[bleak]

Split- you had a lot of small details added in that really made this verse stand out. I like how you took the sound in the beat and incorporated it into your verse. I was getting an Atlantis vibe from the 2nd stanza, and if that was what you going for, you did a good job of employing it. You did leave a lot to ponder, like you took it just to the point of description without giving up the whole story.

medusa oblongata- came to the crawling Caesar's call, he-
armed with endless tendrils of truth, ink in his blood- fights flight.
curious, in hindsight... the filthy mud hasn't quite yet settled in these centuries.
outside the manuscripts. who, what stalked these ancient fantasies?
the final antechamber, the scholar reaches in the dark

my favorite part

Aesthetic- some of your verse was obscure to me, it may have been the word choice. I did like certain parts, I'm just not sure if there was a meaning behind all of it. It's just my personal preference, of course, for there to be a backdrop. You just didn't put me anywhere, I was stuck in the lines and couldn't decipher where it was going next.

So I meditate extant with content.
Wondering repent with simple descent.
Fuck intent, either way you shoot decent.

Emotions run wild, like a forest's child.

v/Split

[Split]

5-0 up

[King Ra.]

SPLIT WINS, 5-0.