ROUND ONE: (13)trap vs. (20)CopyPat - (TRAP WINS 5-4)

[PancakeBrah]

The Winter Topical
trap CopyPat

Topic
http://img.izismile.com/img/img5/20121212/640/awe_inspiring_photos_2012_640_39.jpg

Check In Deadline: 1/11/2014
Verse Deadline: 1/15/2014,11:59 Pacific
Voting Deadline: 1/18/2014 (4 Votes Required)
Extension/Line Extension by request. Must be agreed to.

Good luck to both.

[trap.]

http://img.izismile.com/img/img5/20121212/640/awe_inspiring_photos_2012_640_39.jpg

Walking towards the edge of a cliff, it’s like the end of the world
Ill let you know how my legend unfurled
Could start cliché with the leg of a girl, move to her thighs and her breasts
Diving in and now there’s feelings expressed
But it’s not about the size of her chest, she’s more than beauty and brains
Sometimes it’s deeper than what words can explain
Although the trials and tribulations remain, she carved her niche in my psyche
Formed a bond and a child just like me
And despite thee, damaging shit, like her love for glamour and glitz
There was a passion that was frantically missed
Like can a person that’s so callous exist? Who knows
But her shine by design was refined as fools gold
A bruised soul, there was more to her, estranged on the surface
And the evil she withheld was a page in a novel of curses
A demon screaming through the walls of all churches, a remarkable find
By design, she was the sign of the times
And our seed .. forever caught in the mixture, a forked tongue
The lisp that existed was a mark in the scripture refined as part of a bigger picture
Caught between good and evil but which path would extend?
Murderous thoughts, the curvature crossed and our passion would end?
The plan would just blend, so my spirit was lifted, low and behold
My soul above my head, high in the sky and then thrown down in a hole
Born in the water of your mother, damaged by the mark of the beast
From whence you came you shall remain, until your heart rate decreased
Part of my legend deceased but breached a sigh of relief
My baby boy washed ashore with the tide of the beach
The evil no longer exists, slowly disappearing like a façade or a myth…
Walking away from the edge of a cliff

[CopyPat]

The earth was kinda pissed so it grew this middle finger out
The world of scientists could never prove it so they wiggin out
They bringin’ out the experts who investigate phenomenon
They’re sittin’ on the edges of this celebrated block at dawn
Elevated population, excavation, water wasting
Forestation, mass extinction, porous, arid, land is achin’
Nowadays we all concerned with how to make a dollar churn
Planet’s raped for all it’s worth, damage made, it always hurts
All we heard was warnings and we constantly ignored ‘em
It’s the Hollywood disorder, where we all is too important
So apologies in order… opposition aside
The Flora/Fauna she afforded often gyp’d on the price
The cost of living was high, for the earth, from all pollutants
“Stop the killing” she cried, but more absurd we got as humans
Oil reserves is gone, we used ‘em and continued to plunder
Never learned to stop abusing, she’s beginning to wonder
Do we really even care? Is there will in these hunters?
The ability is there, but the discipline suffers
Just look at the numbers, global warming is a fact
But we live for the summers, no one’s sorry if they tan
So much storming in the clouds and the weather is fickle
Ozone forming shitty now, so the question is simple
When does it get so... bad that we must stop?
‘Till then she’s in bitch mode: Mad, so just fuck off.

[uh-oh]

trap this was cool. on the deeper side of the topical type spectrum which is cool, but can lead to a boring read. but you obviously know what you are doing the schemes were dope and pretty solid, one line that sticks out is the thrown down in a hole i felt the word down was unnecesary and broke the scheme made it read a little bumpy, but thats the only line that springs to mind. i get it tho cuz you went up HIGH with his soul and then DOWN in a hole, so i could see why you used it but i dont think it was necesarry, but word this was slick yo

copypat this was cool. flow was on point for the most part throughout. on some mother nature introspective shit with humans ruining it all and all that it was cool. i dunno not really much to say

i think it was kind of even honestly. copypats read better cuz it was simpler and the flow was cool, but traps flow was cool too its just since his was a little deeper you gotta think a little more indepth with it and to be honest it made copypats a little more enjoyable. but if im looking at them for which is the better verse i like traps more with the pic and all that, i dunno im dumb but i took it like a person castin out there demons or some shit having a mental breakthrough at that site or whatever, and copys was just about the earth and shit unless it went over my head and its deeper than what i took it as.

trap

[Objective]

Trap: Not the best intro I've seen but it definitely does what it's supposed to. I usually comment the piece as I keep reading the shit but I couldn't really do that here. The entire piece with the picture in mind is a metaphorical one which is hard to accomplish, yet you did it with excellence. I haven't really read much from you, and to be honest, I didn't expect much either... But damn, I was wrong about that.

It's truly a unique and creative written with a decent flow that was easy to follow. I really enjoyed the read and thought it was refreshing to see someone use the picture to paint a metaphorical piece and put the topic given to full use. Dopeness!

CopyPat: I haven't started to read anything yet, but I'm already sort of expecting to see some crazy rhymes in this one. What I'm interested to see is if you can write topicals as I don't think it's your usual steez. But I'm looking forward to it.

And just as I thought your rhymescheme is dope as fuck and the flow is on point. This is by far your greatest quality in my opinion. What I didn't like however is that the four first bars of your piece starts either with ''the'' or a variation of it, it kinda get a bit repetitive.

''Elevated population, excavation, water wasting
Forestation, mass extinction, porous, arid, land is achin’''
^Really enjoyed this couplet.

Mother earth and pollution topics have been written sometimes before, but I felt you stood out in terms of how you presented the piece as a whole, but the closure came out kinda weak as I couldn't really get ''fuck off'' to really work with ''must stop'' as the sound to the last letter in ''stop'' is kinda too brutal to really work for me. But ye, overall it was a cool read and I enjoyed it. Hope to you see in future topical tournaments/leagues and see what you come up with.

Vote: Trap. I felt his approach to the topic was a bit more unique, and I love creative shit. Although CopyPat had a better rhymescheme I felt Trap surpassed him on the concept and content as a whole. Refreshing battle to read, dope shit.

[Certain]

This was the battle I was most looking forward to this round.

trap: You've always had the easiest-going style of writing around. This was a really good example of your style, emotional but tempered, solid in its mechanics but completely without flash. The content wasn't anything new, and it drifted toward being a bit too abstract at times. It's a tricky call with exposition, though, because if you had made this more openly about the birth and death of some demon baby or some crap like that, you really run the chance of the entire thing being corny. And if you make it more transparent without the evil side being as important, then you run the risk of the verse being boring. This style made it much more relatable and human, which is your strength. I wish you had done a little more imagery based on the picture, but the metaphors tying in up and down and water and all that connected well enough that it felt like it was written for the picture. And the picture wasn't exactly inspiring, so I understand the metaphorical approach.

CopyPat: After reading trap's verse, I knew you'd make this a brutal vote to cast because, even without reading a verse, I knew you'd have a completely different tone and approach. This verse is exactly what I expected from you: ridiculous flow and schemes and straightforward content. I did love the concept of interpreting that picture as the Earth's middle finger, and I think if you had developed that a little more you could have had a great verse. But the problem here was that you got a bit too generic with the pollution pleas. This was a very capable topical verse, but it didn't have the depth of trap's.

Vote: trap

[Pent uP]

Trap -- You went the exact route I expected you to go. Not down the child being a demon thing but your style seems predictable to me based off the last few reads I have of you. A little less gore-y than usual but still the same. Flow was fluid and the imagery was cool but it felt detached of characterization and emotion. Just my opinion though.

Copy - Such an easy read, with twinkles of brilliance. Couple ideas I wrote about this week too, which I thought was cool/funny/positive. I think you needed to go deeper into the point - not the examples but the repercussions and reactions and stuff. I like these soap box type pieces I just feel like you were too short with it. Like I said I wish it would've involved into more like earths bitchslap or something..IDK but yeah strong conceptualization just needs to be a bit more in depth.

Overall -- I didn't really get into trap's verse. The genre bores me. The writing was good from him but nothing amazing. I liked a lot of the things that made up Copy's verse I just dont feel the entirety of the verse is as strong as it could be. I'm going against the grain so far because I was both writers were toe to toe in mechanics and the traps content bored me.

Vote -- Copy

[Nigma]

Trap. Enjoyed the elegant way you went about the story. Mechanics well executed and content was enjoyable but aside from the one metaphor used to begin and end the piece, you didnt allude to the picture much at all. I feel a few subtle references would have rounded the verse off in terms of voting criteria for this battle.

Copy. Enjoyed your rhyme schemes. Was interested to see you transition your style to topicals since its not something you often do. Your style brought a unique element. Very strict rhyme scheme that painted some vivid throughout. The only thing I felt this verse was missing was any sort of progression of thought, expanding and building on your ideas. Enjoyed the many references to nature throughout the verse.

Prognosis, two different approaches, both quite unique in their own right. Quite difficult to pick one over the other in terms of sheer enjoyability so im leaning Copys way for doing as good utilizing the topic more fully

[Eŋg]

trap - more interesting on the first read than any other. it's basically a dramatic monologue and to that end it doesn't actually need overt characterization if it still absorbs, as long as it speaks, and it did. this is easily the smoothest entry i've read (so far). by no means flawless, though, i didn't like 'despite thee' and i thought the brio it began with faded a little around the middle, but was drawn back and held down before the end. it was an interesting extended metaphor that held my attention -- made all the more impressive by the fact i thought your actual, unraveled, topic was wack. or i've seen it before, at least.

copy - lol. you could not have attacked this more differently. predictably you boast a stronger flow for the reader. i think your lines that hinted at a greater commentary were your strongest and most interesting -- would've preferred you expand on those than mercilessly setup the next rhyme, but that's your formative style. it seems to work. this writing was conscious, but not piercing. a strange complaint. it's not how i'd imagine you'd embody Gaea. i guess that's the point. all in all, a good verse which is what i expected.

v/trap

[Mr. J]

This was an i.teresting battle

never got into both readers before really
trap seems new to me reminds me of southern rap
copy seems obsessed with structure & multis too often

but I must say that trap did not disappointment due to my judgments on his name
he seemed to capture a glimmering idea as easily as...well a snare would a small animal
quite an interesting read to say the least.
the way that you brought the piece together was an interesting take on things
very nicely done. i will have to read more from you.

Copy on the other hand stepped out of his comfort zone slightly
and I must say he brought some energy unseen from previous work
I'm unsure if he's elevating to levels I have not seen from him
or he is just pulling a cover over everyone's eyes masking his true talents
regardless the flow of his piece went well with the topic at hand and brought a breath of fresh. air to the norm
nicely done

as far as my vote goes I feel that trap edged it out with a different yet coherent piece.
not saying I didn't enjoy or not understand Copys verse. I just felt. trap was more comfortable
he also had a stronger stride toward the end. nice battle fellas

[Lars]

Tough call.

On first read I liked how trap approached his, not too vague yet not too direct in association with the picture, flow was there for me on second read but the first time around it felt a little choppy with the lines going from longer to shorter, but I caught it as I re-read, it just threw me first time around a little. I thought he could have done more with the topic, Copy was the more creative in that sense, and I've always been a sucker for the more technical aspects so in turn I related to his writing more in that sense. completely personal preference, these two are the homies, but copy just has more that I personally prefer and I think the creativity in linking it to mother earths finger is what put him slighty over here.

I'm going with Copy.

[dead man]

it took me a few reads through traps before i felt like i fully understood his aim. it appears he's using the 'edge of the cliff' as a symbol of the anxiety and fear felt by the impending life of a child. trust me i understand the feeling. edge of a cliff is exactly on point. its interesting how one could use 'walking away' and 'walking towards' as vehicles for their interpretation since it is unclear which direction the figure in the pic is moving. i liked your writing but it became a bit muddled in certain areas. breached a sigh, novel of curses, etc. some of the wording was a bit off kilter.

copy's writing was clearly superior in terms of technical rhyming skills. i think many are inclined to vote against him based on his less 'topical' and more casual approach to language. a less sophisticated vocabulary does not necessarily denote a less effective verse, its just a preferential thing i suppose. the global warming aspect coupled with the 'middle finger of earth' jumping point was entertaining and actually pretty dope imo. like i said, his more natural affinity for a rhythm in rhyme was very advantageous for copy in this first round.

i read this battle yesterday morning and had trap set in my head as the victor. today, with a clear head and a fresh pallet i find myself leaning towards copywriter as the winner here.

v/copy

but definitely an awesome battle. not surprising that its come down to the wire.

thanks

[Certain]

trap leads 5-4, but we'll leave this open for one (if it's for trap) or two (if the next one is for CopyPat) more votes.

[Angkor]

Trap - So does this have anything to do with Adam and Eve? lots of religious connotation but i'm unclear on what exactly is going on. I think most confusing to me was the voice. At one point it was as if you were speaking from the child's perspective then suddenly, you drop lines as if the narrative was spoken from the mother's side. What i do like was the descriptive language. The flow was excellent so you're definitely not new to this. But yea, i just couldn't get into this verse due to the clarity.

Copy - While ur opponent went on some ambiguous (almost pretentious) ramble, yours was a bit too cliche. One line did stuck out to me:

But we live for the summers, no one’s sorry if they tan


not sure why, but that line got a chuckle out of me. So this is a verse that would probably get a stamp of approval by environmentalist but as a topical, it's almost as overdone as suicide piece. But for all its lack of originality, there were some pretty cool lines scattered about.

Vote - I'll be honest, i really wanted to vote for Trap because of the way it was written. Ambiguity (at least i think so) are often device for depth...unless it isn't. I felt the vague nature of the piece may be a product of creative drought. However judging by the mechanics, it was very well written so i know Trap can get silly with it if he wanted to. Ultimately, if i was to close my eyes, and blank my mind and forced myself to think of Trap's verse, i don't know what i would conjure up. But if i do the same with Copy's verse, i'd see images of environmental desecration, fallen trees, floods and all that common pro-environmental imagery lol. Combine clarity with the fact i think copy edged Trap just a little in the technical department, i will have to give my vote to CopyPat.

[Certain]

Ankgor's vote was not necessary as it came after the deadline. trap advances. Apologies to CopyPat on any confusion.