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View Full Version : ROUND ONE: (15)Wise Ways vs. (18)Vividlyvague - (WISE WAYS WINS 6-1)


PancakeBrah
01-08-2014, 08:05 PM
The Winter Topical
Wise Ways Vividlyvague

Topic
http://img.timeinc.net/time/photoessays/2010/fashion_week_casting/casting_01.jpg

Check In Deadline: 1/11/2014
Verse Deadline: 1/15/2014,11:59 Pacific
Voting Deadline: 1/18/2014 (4 Votes Required)
Line Min/Max: 16/48
Extension/Line Extension by request. Must be agreed to.

Good luck to both.

Wise Wiggles
01-15-2014, 09:18 PM
She had a will of gun powder. Hair 24 karat
Honey cove lairs, mixed with hills of sun flower chair-lifts
Lips wore something for tare. Kiss? Nothing more rare
This budding soul-terrace. One wave is crushing your merit
So adorable. A Polaris-glow beaconed.
Scorcher in robe sequence. No torso of bones, eating.
Lit up sets like recording a grown Phoenix
Glamour. Sexy. Pro. Her camera's essence? Whoa.
Hardly an anorexic clone. The standard? Dresses. Vogue.
My little Prada laced Poodle. Rocking lingerie, crucial
Twirling locks of marmalade strudel on her way to where the monster's play brutal
Bourgeois cuckoo. Wouldn't even shave in the talent stream
Kept them on their toes, all slaves to a balance beam
The way up is Alice themed. Yes! Favorite analogy
Drippy roses. Paints them any color she wanted
Glitchy poses. Naked, summer scene sonnet
Couch's sore thumb. Calls the other three gah`bage
A putting green. Honest, yet still consumed with make believe
Been fly. Tink never had to glue or staple wings.
Her eyes bleed a perfect chartreuse for Maybelline
Sparkles, rouge & navel rings. Skirt leaks bronze apologies
Burning off the mahogany, in this churning pot of monotony
Constant ride of your life feeling. Surfer lost in tsunami dream
Nightmare portfolio. Billboards from Time Square to Tokyo
She doesn't. But if she did, YOU might share your Romeo
Line ushering models felt her heat like white knuckling hot coals
You're on one if you catch up to her prime, shuttling cosmos
A natural. Hyphy. Aphrodite under pastel lighting
It's weird in writing but she made all the Kiera Knightly's cancel striving
Naughty. Exquisite, lodging your interest. Strongly addictive
Fashion's coffee &'cigarettes for those wanting a snippet
Body paint, modern aged drawings of Winslett
Her Gobstopping ingredients last. Jaw-dropping. Diaz in'Mask
Spent her nights on the page, yet sleepless in mags
All you see is FREEDOM but her bereavement's entrapped
I mean a lot of girls are hot. She was Celsius bomb
Team player? Before you develop a bond she'd melt the baton
Had Chanel in her palm..&
You followed her eyes out the window. The devil's in blonde

e11even
01-16-2014, 07:37 AM
"Yea. I just got off the phone wìth her a minute ago.
...
Of course I told her! I love her as infintely as sentiment goes!
Yea, she's at that audition right now... the only blonde killing the show...
Ha! She even wore her Christmas gift from me... the strapping heels with the toes.
...
I know she means well. I'm just scared that winning will lead to her forgetting her home.
Like, one minute she's yours... the next, she's a sex symbol getting dicked on the road.
Its for Vickie Secret for heaven's sake! Oh, the fapping ammo I had for those sick centerfolds...
And now it's too close to home! I can't take it... I'll be alone in this Michigan cold.
She'll be modeling both ends of the globe with runways adorned with her flittering glow.
...
Sorry, Erin.. I'm ranting, I know. But love has eluded me til now, only to spit on my soul!
...
If she leaves me, this nickel plated pistol will blow... then we can hitch and elope,
But I have to be sure Michelle is... oh shit, she's here. I have to get off the phone...


You were class president and girl scout leader for consecutive years!
Why surrender to fear?... they lack your passion and your splendor. It's clear!
Wow them with your wit and character, vernacular, cheer!
Chris always loved your slender frame, pouty lips and mid- B brazier...
A casting couch? "Please sit here, Michelle--"
"Doherty. Michelle Doherty. I just finished my internship here."
"My name is Victor McNeer. I'm the talent judge. Glad to have met you, my dear."
"Likewise." smile... don't give them the penchant to sneer...
The event was a predictable inspection of Michelle and her peers.
"Again, Michelle, I'm delighted to have met your acquaintance.
May you join me over sirloin and intimate exchanges?"
What?! Who talks like that? "Are you suggesting dinner arrangements?"


"Come in. It's unlocked."
"I miss you, Chris. The audition was a lame trip.
'Turn, pose, change hips. Vogue... work your bang flip.'
Ugh. If you were a female you'd hate it."
"Yea. About as much as you hate dick, you fake bitch..."
"Where the hell did that come from?! Are you ok, Chris?"
"No, Michelle!! You're gonna leave me! You could at least make it painless!"
"What, are you insane?! SHIT! There was this guy, some kind of talent agent--"
KOOOWWWWWW! "I'm tired of feeling this way, Mish...
You hooked up. I get it. 'Ordinary guy' isn't your main dish.
You have a hole in your chest, courtesy of this .38.
Sit. You've had a long day, Mish."
"But... I..." Chris placed a finger over her gray lips.
"Save it. Take your last breath knowing Erin is who I'll run away with."
Her last excrutiating exhale accompanied widened eyes, her life finally fading...
"A note? From the friend you made, Mish?" He opened the note with a strange grin:

Michelle, thank you for attending today. You were amazing.
However, you don't have what it takes to be in the top three placement.
If you'd taken me up on my offer, you could have made it,
But you stood firm in turning me away, Miss. Chris is lucky to have such an angel. "FUUCCCKKKK!"

PancakeBrah
01-16-2014, 11:31 PM
Wise Ways-

I haven't read every verse this week, yet, but this was the best so far. Your writing style lends itself to a character sketch to the point it's nearly unfair. Ninety percent of your verse stayed inert and I was interested the entire way through. Your emphasis on rhyme schemes was obvious but you were able to couch it within content so fluidly that I barely noticed.

"Glamour. Sexy. Pro. Her camera's essence? Whoa.
Hardly an anorexic clone. The standard? Dresses. Vogue."

"Been fly. Tink never had to glue or staple wings.
Her eyes bleed a perfect chartreuse for Maybelline
Sparkles, rouge & navel rings."

"I mean a lot of girls are hot. She was Celsius bomb
Team player? Before you develop a bond she'd melt the baton
Had Chanel in her palm..&
You followed her eyes out the window. The devil's in blonde"

You incorporated the entire picture by excluding most of it. The devil is in the details; some people need action but this verse shows that the exploration of detail is just as meaningful as proposed 'depth'. You very well may have keyed this but regardless I think it was the right route to take. I enjoyed the exploration and detail, and the technical proficiency only enhanced it. Great verse.

Vividlyvague-

Very Frank. Your word usage and dialogue deployment was deft. You painted a picture that matched every aspect expected in regards to the topic. You touched on the emotional aspect that your opponent neglected, and flourished in it. Dialogue is a driving force in real writing, but I felt basing your verse and writing on it in this scenario was a bit short-sighted.

A good battle. Wise wrote one of my favorite verses of the round, due to personal preferences (character sketches > stories)

v/ Wise Ways

dead man
01-17-2014, 06:05 PM
A putting green. Honest, yet still consumed with make believe
Been fly. Tink never had to glue or staple wings.
Her eyes bleed a perfect chartreuse for Maybelline
Sparkles, rouge & navel rings. Skirt leaks bronze apologies
Burning off the mahogany, in this churning pot of monotony
Constant ride of your life feeling. Surfer lost in tsunami dream
Nightmare portfolio. Billboards from Time Square to Tokyo

A natural. Hyphy. Aphrodite under pastel lighting

I mean a lot of girls are hot. She was Celsius bomb
Team player? Before you develop a bond she'd melt the baton

wise - this is why i listed you as one of the best. you're slept on as a serious threat because you have fun and play around with OM and cypher shit but you have a very serious skillset. like cake said, this was a great character sketch of sorts fueled by fantastic imagination and imagery. you think outside the box and it's highly rewarding. high re readability factor and really refreshing to see you out of your 'comfort zone' so to say.

VV you actually surprised me with this take and it was dope. you took it to a deeper place lol i honestly would not have considered this exact direction but i was feeling it for sure. it was an okay story, sort of a cool insight on how jealousy can get the best of us and make us do very regretful things. you had one of the toughest seedings this round and against most of the competitors you would have my vote but wise came with a more enjoyable verse for my personal interests..i could see you winning this battle, however, because many prefer the opposite..

anyway

v/WISE

Pent uP
01-17-2014, 09:23 PM
Wise -- I dig what you did here man, and I have to emphasize I mean no disrespect when i say this but when I "chartreuse" and "gah'bage" I damn near cracked a rib man. In all serious the garbage thing was a little bit on the questionable word scale for me. Regardless I felt like this verse was almost playful in nature and summed up both the picture and the spokes-model (focus) of the picture real well. I liked the flow of this - it was pretty smooth for the most part. Characterization was the strongest quality of this verse and definitely made it enjoyable. good shit.

Vivid -- I think you have the same downfall here that I see in a lot of frank verses and that's trying to be more lyrical then you are (or need to be, to be nicer). The way you tried stretching the scheme hurt you more than it helped you (and we've all been there before...some more than others) I think that effected your verses tone and your characterization a lot. I can't say anything in particular felt FORCED, but i can say that some of it didn't feel like it was as cohesive as it should've been. I think the storyline was alright but I just couldn't really get into the characters. I liked how you gave the female the positive role but I couldnt really get INTO the characters.

overall-- I liked wise's verses more simply because I could get into the characters...I guess making a verse purely out of characterization paid of for him this round. Vivid had a decent concept that I felt fell flat on the heels of his attempt at being too lyrical.

vote - Wise Ways.

Mr. J
01-18-2014, 10:20 PM
Two of my fave writers
one unorthodox. the other an over achiever since the beginning

Wise you delivered an excellent piece
its interesting to see you in the league
I feel like you have a great chance of making i to the semis
your style compliments the picture well
your play on subject matter is very smooth

Vivid you always have a different way of doing things
I like that. this week is the opening and I'm unsure if you are playi.g it safe
not saying you didn't approach the topic well. just unlike you.
the flow of your piece is consistent as well as intriguing for what it is
but it lacks that vivid touch I am used to

regardless I feel this was a great opening bout for both writers
its fun to see the approach taken as well as the clash in style
you two have came to impress
but due to his pristine touch I am going to give this round to Wise
nice battle fellas

Red glare
01-19-2014, 03:38 AM
it was disturbingly close

wise ways is one of my favorite writers on the low.a terrific sense of timing, humor, witty one liners and always playful scheming. a writer who does mot take himself too seriously. the clown prince of netcees, a title challenged by big baby in the last few months. this piece had a lot of qoutables- 24 karat hair, little prada laced poodle rofl, gah-bage, the tsunami dream/tokyo billboard was dope as well, distracting though. diaz in mask was a great visually, baton lne was sick, devil in blonde, all dope. flip-book writing of sex in the city.

vividlyvague -this is your most diabolical piece.your writers voice fit the picture perfectly- just a complete embodiment- concept and character, artistically bold for a writer who wrote about a protest rally, with this same unyielding vigor and zest for writing. I read the other vites i normally don't but, i had my mind made up. I slept on this battle. Alot of battles i'll read and then i'll let them simmer over night.its kinda like a nfl referee spending 24 hours in the booth. so this was a tough call. vividlyvagues last line almost defer me, i dismissed it and took into account the overall vibe in parallel comparison of the picture

Thoroughly shocked by vivivdlyvagues utter audacity

And the golden globe goes to...............vividlyvague

Lars
01-19-2014, 10:16 AM
It's no surprise Frank went with vivid here, there styles are very similar in some aspects, stringing the multies out of the ass, and while there was a time when I did the same exact thing so this might seem like I'm being hypocritical, I found after some time that in one technical respect its admirable, but it's also really constrictive and comes off unnatural when overdone. The key is striking the balance somewhere in the middle. It wasn't the same type of vividlyvague verse I was used to seeing in the AOWL, expected him to flip the script with the topic at hand but didn't really get that feel from him here. Wise ways didn't so much either, but his writing style is much more effective here in my opinion, odd little snippets of great imagery like the marmalade strudel thing while coupled in something so complex is dope. There were odd lines I didn't perhaps think 'fit' as much, like the 'not made of bones, eating' thing that just seemed like an odd word choice just to keep the scheme and I can completely see why he would do it, but I'd sooner he didn't, it just comes off a bit unnatural is all. unnatural isn't always bad though, I def. feel he did his thing here, not so much a storytelling piece as a stand alone Open Mic drop if he decided to post it.

I've got wise ways here.

Diode
01-19-2014, 01:14 PM
wise:

didn't like the opener - was the lairs thing intentional or did you misspell layers? the flow was very stilted in that aesop rock or ghostface killa sort of way. excessively abstract and disjointed in the way you described them. i liked the approach and you successfully incorporated all of the elements in the photo. the descriptive style is not my personal favorite (speaking in vague terms and seemingly nonsensical-but-actually-allusive speech patterns), but i can't hold it against you as you have mastered that approach. the ending was a great way to tie it all up in a neat bow. your take on this was good, i'm just not a fan of this style.

vag:

obviously a smoother, more traditional flow here. i was very disappointed that you left out the majority of the photo in order to focus on one individual and extrapolate from there. i was even more disappointed with the cliched revenge-oops plot line since it was telegraphed a mile away. your rhyme schemes were also a lot more basic than i am used to seeing from you as was your lack of attention to detail. i don't know if you were trying something new since you generally run in the metaphor style, but this was a bit too on the nose for me. the flow was superior to almost all of you past work, however.

i have to give this to wise on the merits of incorporating the picture in a superior fashion.