ROUND ONE: (7)Lars vs. (26)Objective - (LARS WINS 5-0)

[PancakeBrah]

The Winter Topical
Lars Objective

Topic
http://i.imgur.com/H4j2oNS.jpg

Check In Deadline: 1/11/2014
Verse Deadline: 1/15/2014,11:59 Pacific
Voting Deadline: 1/18/2014 (4 Votes Required)
Line Min/Max: 16/48
Extension/Line Extension by request. Must be agreed to.

Good luck to both.

[Lars]

...They fight for it readily, guns raised in the air,
dividing up territory to claim it as theirs.
As Asians prepare Ephedrine and get it to port
their agents are there to let it in and test that it’s pure.
At the Mexican border it’s distributed to labs
where the meth is imported to the U.S en masse.
From Q-balls to grams it’s sold in the streets with
its purity dampened the lower it reaches.
The Sinaloan drug dealers are top of the chain
having took over the region to bolster their gains.
Their contacts in Asia supply them with shipments
they’re prosperous players in this hierarchy system
acquiring the mixture of chemical batches
and providing the fixers with plenty to manage.
It’s sent to the labs where this liquid gold
is emptied from barrels by six year olds.
The risks it poses them blindly ignored
as its vicious potency rises toward
them while they perform the ‘cook’ of the day
in silent sojourns while huddled away.
The drugs are created in temporary labs
where nothing is safely protected with masks.
The meth is then bagged up by hand and taken
to desperate task-mules for transportation.
They gag while placing countless loads
of prophylactic casings down their throats.
So mouths stay closed while border jumping
then out they go for your consumption!
All Walt was cooking’s a fictional plot
an altered look at who it is on top.
Criminal mobsters exploiting the poor
with triggers to stop them voicing their thoughts.
There’s no joy here for Saul.
No challenged arrests.
It’s sit poised if you’re caught or your family are dead.
The ‘labs’ that the meth’s in are dangerous zones
not factories tended by famous duos.
They’re makeshift and cold.
The plates are rusting.
- One mistake you could blow off your face like Gus Frings.
Maimed by cooking up America’s habit of meth addiction,
Meanwhile, Mexico’s new answer to Jesse Pinkman
just landed an extra shipment...

http://i.imgur.com/H4j2oNS.jpg


Objective good luck, player!

[Objective]

Ideal, hope, aspiration.

You'd imagine the future holds positive souls,
but it's garned in holes that madness controlls.
The sadness enrolls a new political system
molded to the heartbeat of war with a powerful rhythm.
...
Arman was born in Iran 3024,
a decade after America's core
was destroyed and left in void
of everything civs enjoyed.
( Before the far east seized to exist infront of our eyes is )
( the forefront of what Freud would call a group mentality crisis. )
( Egyptians turned anti-Isis with armies of Icarus-personality bisons, )
(''move with force, endorse violence, let it show over the horizons.'')
( History is anarchy-licenced, let the paper flow as anger will grow, )
( leave a banger show, a cliffhanger that a ganger bestow. )
-------------------------------------------------

A modern Ghengis Kahn trained Iran, then enslaved Islam,
and became the equivalent of US when they invaded Nam.
He funded African countries in exchange of aided arms,
red alarms rung when opposition was met with harm.
The charm of US nukes is that once used it can't be returned,
the absence of Asian countries marked the globes collective concern.
Without european support and the UK coming up short,
America couldn't intertwene inbetween the international court.
Wounded and hurt as the rest of the earth took it with ease,
it opened up for the middle east to get rid of the world police.
Left in debris the muslim brotherhood grew in numbers,
the state of humanity reached insanity and the wish for a system slumbers.
The countries that used to cumber eventually woke up as well,
Russia got invaded by neighbours and reached their own kind of Hell.
The shell of world war three didn't dwell on marking its presence,
it's dark in its essence, doom lies in desire for pleasence.
New towns and capitals formed, countries got several sets of command,
technology withered to the apocalypse of war by popular demand.
The promised land dissapeared in despair and depression,
the atmosphere of agression lingers in the air of repression.
The fear of transgression kept a rare form of peace,
but even the Devil knows you can't really tame a beast.
...
The only picture of Arman depicts his generation,
as he grew who knew he'd take control of the situation.
His knowledge is based on strategy and aimed on tanks,
due to the percieved apathy he raised in ranks.
But under his pillow was hidden angst and a set of blanks,
as an orphan of Iran he never earned a portion of thanks.
The distortion of Lucifers hands never corrupted his mind,
and at the age of thirtyfive he was the leaders favourite kind.
when opportunity struck he showed what war had designed,
pulled a gun at the back of his head and left his cover behind.
As the world craved for a leader they turned to him for advice,
and learned that by being wise a new future could be on the rise.
...

[NYCSPITZ]

Cool battle guys. I can see the creative juices were flowing for both of you, good shit. Lars opened with veteran presence and strong imagery/rhyme ability to pull in the reader in. Throughout his laconic style was emphatic, witty and to the point. Objective went a little more abstract in his phrasing but basically in about 1000 years a young iranian orphan rises to leader during WW3 as America falls. Creative and one of the better offerings from you. Technically I enjoyed Lars more and conceptually I thought his was more to the point. Objective had some great concepts and came with a dope verse but I thought Lars' was the better piece of writing. Thanks to both, good luck

V/ Lars

[big baby]

I hate this stupid shit. I had a long post dedicated to breaking down the verse. Basically, in summation (i'll make particularly not so much of a summary)

Lars came with a decent, straight to the point, typical pov. The pop culture references really turned me off, I don't know why. It had sort of a vibe to them, that struck me as 'battle'. Although it's a 'battle' it's not really a 'battle'. Those alone were the only faults to his verse, although; they tied in nicely. I just didn't appreciate them to the fullest. The piece read more of a narrative linear cascading notion. The mechanics were cool, but at some points I hoped he expanded on certain elements. (i.e control, content, syllables in atleast 1 or 2 lines) though the syllables, arent really a big stress here. A perfectly simple verse with a constant strain on development of the issue. This was big, as Objective also had this constant. The use of cleverly tied in mechanics was something you'd know I'd probably enjoy. The first half had me saying 'yeah lars, is going for a nice, clean cut finish stripping venison from bone'.

Objective, very good. I haven't really seen something like this from you, you stressed a good issue here. The topic was cool, although not my cup of tea. Topicals generally aren't. But you sure came out swinging. The top to middle half of your verse was stellar and I enjoyed it. I actually read it without rolling my eyes. This was great, as I read I know I'd have to re-read both verses just to come with a clear winner, and this by far wasn't an easy battle to judge. You had a storyline, unique one at that, and although you didn't totally convey a sense of accomplishment in the stories premise; it was cool. It read clean, your mechanics were cool, nothing special, but way more than what I expected from reading some of your stuff. I feel what you tried to administer was a bitttt to vast for a maximum of 48 lines. The number you posted in the beginning, I thought was going to be ultimately coupled in with the ending to a story, which wouldve nailed it completely for you; seriously. Something clever along those lines will always make a reader be wowed, even if the writing isn't as particularly as sharp as the reader could have read. Don't get me wrong - your writing is good, but there are places I see could be reinforced to really make you that next tier. Lars words and writes a bit better, but what separates you isn't really skill level in that department, it's consistency. Lars got straight to the point, even with what I would call 'a ok' verse. The verse, had great lines, and great mechanics. Something I could appreciate it on a higher level, the storyline, though i don't really care for them most of them, was alright, and cliche. Yours, a bit more futuristic in its essence, was a bit refreshing. Just wish you had that next gear, so you could really just blow stuff out the water. That extra gear is hard to achieve, and neither your opponent who shows a bit more class in demonstrating - has achieved that really wowing effect. Though, both of you wow'ed me in a sense here. Seriously speaking. I usually hold an individual standard, and if you don't break it, you don't impress me. Lars came with a different light here, and I hold him to a different standard now. Objective just came, better than I'd ever seen, and I hope you keep writing to expand yourself.

I have this one by a hair, but sometimes, being too vast and complicated (franks AOWL verse for example) can usually hurt you in the end, compared to a simple consistent verse (pancakes verse in the AOWL). Anyway, I hate to cast votes in such close winded battles, but my vote goes out to lars.

thanks guys. Good luck

[PancakeBrah]

Lars-

Good verse. Before you made the first overt reference to Breaking Bad this verse reminded me of the show. I think you timed the overt reveal of your allusion at exactly the right time, right as I was beginning to think this was just a third world imitation of everyone's favorite meth-fuel drama. Then you created the interest dynamic that is the dichotomy between the glamorization of said show with the gritty, depressing reality. Well done, it made an otherwise straightforward approach a bit more nuanced and interesting. Also, you didn't focus on the duality so strongly as to make the verse corny and 'look at me!'-ish. Just the right blend, in my opinion. Your flow was great throughout; you may be the best on the site at rhyming back to back and still maintaining a nice rhythm to your piece. I usually find that technique a bit choppy. The rhymes were solid throughout, just technically proficient enough to not be a negative but not so indulgent as to take away from the content. I enjoyed reading it, and felt you ended on a strong note. Good first admission of the tournament.

Objective-

I liked the idea of this verse and you had some strong components, components with the addition of another stanza (or two) that could have been very affecting and powerful. Your structure in describing the situation you presented was well done and a bit unique. You did well in painting the picture. You presented the child in the picture as an emperor, a ruler, with the topic being apart from almost everything you wrote about. You created an interesting world from whole cloth but I'm not so sure I felt it resonate with the picture itself; if it did it was only tangentially. I think you needed another sixteen, like I said, where you describe Arman's younger days (the picture) and how it shaped him to be what he was in the verse you posted. As it stands now, I could sub in any picture of any man and your verse would be unchanged. I thought you wrote well in this piece but it missed the mark for me. With a bit of reworking towards the topic itself I think you could have had a heavy hitter. You created a world I was interested in but you didn't have time for the particulars I needed.

Both verses were good. I think if there was a line extension of even 10 lines Objective would have won this battle. As it stands now, Lars wrote a good complete verse and Objective wrote a good verse that left me with a couple of questions. Tough to say there's a "loser" between the two, but Lars' more refined approach won it this time. Enjoyed it.

v/Lars

[Red glare]

lars

jessica pinkman? maybe I'll google her. know what i'm saying? it was much too much of a namedrop. untimely at that. perhaps I am just ignorant and should know jessica pinkman because now she has my attention tenfold. i need to know who she is. the verse depends on me googling her name. 2 lazy. verse was refinery. a sing-songy see-sawy flow that you so admirably cheek around your town with. fast paced first player shooter navy seal like delivery

objective

if i inspired you, you have inspired me. this piece was contained-epicness. your best work to date as far as i am an concerned. a very broad interpretation of a creative world that was quite the journey.

this is where it gets tricky.

first round protocol is first round protocol. a certain degree of nonchalantness must be administered. it's like a dinner right? first round is always appetizers. you don't want to spoil your appetite with epic shit this early in the feast of champions.

not always the case

A modern Ghengis Kahn trained Iran, then enslaved Islam,
and became the equivalent of US when they invaded Nam.
He funded African countries in exchange of aided arms,
red alarms rung when opposition was met with harm

"met with harm" took a lyrically nose dive. the wording was exceptional up until than and then you make a lackadaisical word choice and knock down the jenga set.

a distant tale versus an up close and personal rushing the barracks type verse.

i got lars in a good fight

[Mr. J]

Ima have to make this quick due to my disappearing phone privilege
as well as a lack of a computer...

I felt that Lars verse was spot on from the ending
didn't have much lag in the flow which was nice
the fluid-ness in the piece is what kept me motivated to read
I feel like he brought in a strong verse

as for Objective I felt his verse was nice as well
although through mid verse I felt confused
maybe it was just how I read what it built up to at that point
or maybe its due to reading the jumble of words quickly
either way I felt towards the end you were back on track
quite a good save if you ask me

although I feel there's more to say unfortunately I can't as of now
but I do feel both writers came correct investing time and skill to the topic at hand
nice battle but I have to give it to Lars for less complaints