AOWL Week 5 CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Frank (4-0) VS. zygote (3-0) (FRANK WINS 10-4)

[King Ra.]

AOWL WEEK 5 CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH:

Frank (AOWL Champion) (Titanium) (4-0) VS. zygote (Platinum) (3-0)


16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum.

Verses are due FRIDAY 3/15 at 11:59 PST.

Extensions are due SATURDAY 3/16 at 11:59 PST. NO LATER!!!

You MUST check in.

You must vote on at least 4 other battles. For every absent link, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.


TOPIC: "Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before." -Edgar Allan Poe


Good luck to both participants. Frank zygote

[zygote]

DEHUMANIZATION.
It begins with a microchip, subdermal implants to “Link and Connect.”
We live in the age of globalism and the proliferation of tech,
A Wall Street world where money exists as a fictional text with digital debts,
Artificial intelligence programmed with man’s original principles kept,
But A.I.’s could self-replicate and overcome their primitive specs to create a rippling effect,
Mankind’s greatest creation – we built this position of strength atop invisible threats,
Fast forward to the future, imagine the time of a regular individual’s death,
At this time the A.I. uploads the dead individual’s mind into “The Net.”
Immortality with a googlebox that is thinking for me to talk and debate,
Cyborg paraplegics in Titanium Suits that hold up all of their weight,
Increased production generates a profitable race to automate and create,
Pacemakers, cochlear, ocular implants begin the transformative state,
Development of posthumans where technology and thoughts integrate,
The move towards creation of the overman, I am more than afraid,
Increased conformity gives increased control, we may be forced to obey,
Please wait, we need to reset you for a new software upgrade.
Or, it begins with a strand, mapping of the nucleotide sequence,
Base pairs reverse engineered, “bad” genes modified or deleted,
The claim is recombinant DNA will overwrite inherited diseases,
But the risk of selective eugenics similar to genocide increases,
In addition to the biodiversity risk of chimeric creatures, invasive species created by recombining heterogeneous regions.
Deep into abyss, we are peering into the uncertain future that exists,
Support technological advancement but be aware of the risks,
We need greater regulation to ensure that ethics persist,
And not profit seeking innovations like RFID chips and commercial GloFish.
Ethical tech protects the next generation against dehumanization,
It’s progress towards safeguarding humans in future civilization.

[Frank]

deep
into that darkness
peering,
long I stood there,
wondering,
fearing,
doubting,
dreaming
dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. x3

Willy dove into his pocket - jeans hanging off his under-wear,
Rummaging through his summer gear like a hungry bear incase he had a honeys number up in there..
Sorting through gum and coins: stuck in a smear,
His hands flung in despair and bunny ears, jumped out - running with fear,
He was blubber and beer. A fat pudgy motherfucker - klutzy, musty and weird
Gutsy. A city dump, half ton bum, with no cares.
Drinking gallons of liquor, metabolizing his liver, sunk in his chair.
Floozies - floundering around him in the smut in his share.
Flapping their gums stuck at the pier...
Striking conversations with cunningest flare.
Long term relation ships hunted with spears, some of them stared -
Watching. Willy doing his 360 thump in the clear:
Willy had a whale of time having fun with his peers
Plunging to the seabed for treasure; rusted in glare
Once willy started blowing bubbles - beware (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJvfjiCTvq4)
Willies hump-back ass was just coming up for air.

deep
into that darkness
peering,
long I stood there,
wondering,
fearing,
doubting,
dreaming
dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before x3

Willy come up to the surface. Dumb and observant.
Huffing and puffing disrupting the currant.
Willy must've been something he wasn't a person.
Sluggish; the skirmish were luncheon when lurch-in.
A flubbery words-man. Humongously hermit.
Willy wasn't a urchin.
He could down a girl whole till his stomach was burstin
Until her stomach was nothing but mussels and serpents.
Old tires and broken wires she plumbered her first with.
He was a disturbance.
But he really was a wonderful person....
This was just another occurence..
He really was the scum of the earth just pumping his splurgin.
The hump-back son of a merchant
Who whaled "Rugs And Curtains!" till his lungs were disservice
Willy was known for his illustrious service
All succumbed to his purpose
The 8th wonder smug in the surf with a love of inserting his cum in a cervix
Squirting his slush and deserting. Fuck a rubber. He wasn't perfect.
Willy was a Sperm Whale. Half ton. Half worthless

deep
into that darkness
peering,
long I stood there,
wondering,
fearing,
doubting,
dreaming
dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.x3

I would dive to the depths without missing a beat.
My mission was to go deep with every bitch I would meet.
I met this one in Coney Island, she was in a different league.
Pretty and sweet. My vision to be.
''Could I put on your sun screen - swished her with cream.
Salt water waves said "come on; take a dip in the breeze"
I knew how to rock-a-boat. spitting the G
I'd be like; 'Fats the new Fit what you mean? my dicks obese''
And she'd swim to me; spinning her fin for speed; slim - shimmering - sleek.
I always had a whale of a time; splash-splishing the beach..
The sun had set amidst the mystique
I said, ''you ever been to red lobster. All the shrimp you can eat...
She said, lets just kiss on the reef.
Smitten & Geeked
The fishermans hat flew off and floated by us - but I didn't reach.
I had my willy out underwater and she didn't see.
Slippery...skeet
She bit me with 6 rows of teeth and got out of the water; dripping disease.

Willy breathe. You have H.i.v. This isn't a dream.

Willy flipped out; killing every fish in the sea.

Free willy

deep
into that darkness
peering,
long I stood there,
wondering,
fearing,

killer whale

[Adonis]

Zygote - a story about the future and man being the creator of A.I. so in depth that the AI overthrows and controls these lands. The concept was decent, although I felt like I reading the short story version of that movie with will smith, forget the name. As far as flow, it wasn't the greatest IMO, it wasn't bad but the lines were a bit longer then I prefer, but also in, I believe the 2rd bar (rippling affect) was stretched out significantly then the rest. The verse other wise moved at a decent rate, I liked the knowledge. Seems like you incorporated many mechanical and AI references which I dig. Good verse broham, cheers.

Frank -First off, that video was the most pointless 2 minutes in life. I mean it was cool as shit, but not relevant to this verse at all. A story about a guy, maybe a porn star? who has a big dick and gets HIV. I liked the multiple comparisons and inuendos about whales, pretty sly. Also I read a few lines and just didn't get it, maybe they were for flow but...pretty woman, vision to be??? Didn't like it. You kept jumping around too, I mean this guy is husky, I get that, but you mention all these women and how their floundering around him. In my experience woman don't flock to the fatty, but again, good under tone in the verse.

Vote - all in all this was a fairly close match. Both had flaws, not a crazy amount, both did things well...both actually had great usage of there topics, not the chosen topic, rather the routes they went. It seemed like you each ran with it and did your thing. I have to give this to Frank because all in all IMO I just feel his verse was better. Its close, but his concept made me think a bit more, plus he had more quoatables...and as I said, I'm personally not a huge fan of long lines, although this wasn't the deciding facter, it did facter in. Great battle boys, truly

[Mike Wrecka]

sick sick sick battle. two pretty damn insane verses imo.

zygote- an extremely well constructed verse. I thought the flow was top notch. sounded off as a warning of technological advances and where they might be headed. reminded me a bit of Terminator. good stuff. the whole verse was quotable worthy so im not even gonna start pulling stuff out of that verse. my only minor complaint is that it isn't totally accessible to the average reader, your stuff usually is. this got a little too techno babble using a lot of terms and words that most people don't use on a everyday basis. while that gives the verse an extremely intelligent and next level feel to it, it also kinda alienates the reader to a certain degree. very minor complaint. incredible verse.

frank- man another dope verse. your stuff is extremely entertaining. you told a story of a promiscuous guy and this week used the reference of the sea as your back drop. pretty much the same writing method you used with the math concept last week. your good at doing that. the flow was also sick. prolly not quite on the level of zygotes. his was a ten, yours was a nine and a half. you use a level of tongue in cheek humor that is quite clever. I found myself very interested in that verse and wanted to keep reading.


overall- extremely dope battle and very hard one to decide. zygote showed slightly more technical skills here. both took the topic in odd directions tbh. frank entertained with a very technically good verse of his own. liked franks more

vote frank

[PancakeBrah]

I've got Frank.

I've read both verses a number of times. Neither took the route I expected. Both related tangentially. I enjoy Zygote's verse. I enjoy Frank's verses. Something I cannot place turned me off from the intro of Zygote's. But it rounded out. Frank's command of flow and strong shortness is second to none. I try to emulate a lot of shit he writes. He's dope. Stringing together dope rhyme combos with meaning, he did that. He had more personality. Zygote's verse is something I'd call dope in the OM because it is dope but would have trouble expounding on why. Because it's good, but it didn't strike me. Frank's verse did. Both writers wrote well, but I think Frank took this. Other than Black/dead man, me, me, me, and me, he's the best. Voted without preconceptions.

You both are lovely, better writers than I.

[ZeeDee]

zygote, i liked your idea a lot and your narration was great too even without being full of a lot of flow multies and inners.. it still held a lot of smooth worded liines that were intellectually stimulating... you provided a great storyline, only problem is, you provided no story. no characters, no sequence of events... nothing to give this story the details that would make this kind of outline interesting. You have all the details like a scientist which would be great if we were all a little more nerdy, but we're lyrical writers and that needs an entertainment factor that i think this is missing from not having a story with this storyline. needs some characters and some events to make it juicy. The sci fi approach is cool tho...


Frank, This was a cool one... great character description and even better with the flow. Easy to read... the fat bum characterization was funny and fitting to a lot of this countries people... I liked the chorus as well which i rarely do even in real rap songs... You did really well with the character development of this and by the time you ended, i felt like i personally new Willy, the fat bumb and felt his loser lifestyle as if i witnessed his over eating and not getting any pussy ever. Good one man....

Vote Frank

[Red glare]

zygote;
pros; advanced thought process
cons; lecture

very heavy formulaic....
almost scientific approach...
bordering on the line of professor like...
great message... just somewhat boring...not boring, boring, stupifying...
laser point precision man really...
you wrote this almost like a lecture plan...
really well thought...

frank;
pros; good characterization
cons; childish

frank this was interesting man...
I like the way you describe shit from different perspectives...
the multies were sweet and beach scne was pretty amazing...
my only critique is it was a little raunchy and cheesy here n there man..

v/zygote

Zygote had a verse I never gave thought to man...
It was educational and domineeringly overwhelmingly smart...
Could go either way tbh....fantastic battle gentleman

[Inno]

outstanding match.

i read both verse throughly and a couple of times each. zygote has that smart verfy clever yet almost professor like feel to the
way he uses his words. great imagery and the tone was outstanding tbh

Artificial intelligence programmed with man’s original principles kept,
But A.I.’s could self-replicate and overcome their primitive specs to create a rippling effect,

that shit there was sick man. the depth and imagery to that line speaks volumes to the skill set you showcased.
and to be honest the entire verse is scattered with these types of thought provoking, interesting lines. got a bit
preachy but hey..that just me being picky...great verse.

frank.

you took a diffefrent approuch to creating your story where as zy came with a bit more of a narrative tone...you went in
on your characters and developed a really cool story for your character to shine through..thus giving me more appreciation
to the story you crafted. seems like you like to write in that loose language...like i dunno how to explain it...you have the ability
to write with humor and a laid back type of feel...like that aspect of your writing..id like to think that you dont take yourself
so serious..which is something i can relate to...great piece man.

overall..

i think i got zygote taking this...i thought his piece overall was a bit better for my taste..he had alot of thought provoking lines
i found interesting..tbh frank dropped a piece that was ill ass fuck..so its not like zygote wrote a doper verse...its just my personal
choice to vote for zygote this week...his piece captured me a bit more...great battle.

[Zen]

Holy fuck. BOTW just like I knew it would be.

zygote dope verse as always but in some lines I wish you would shorten the lines actually as they come off a little long winded to me like the invisible threats line. But besides that minor hiccup I see absolutely nothing wrong with this piece. Truly a top notch piece. When I read the quote I really didn't see either of you going in this direction so creativity wise I have to give that to you because you pulled it off. Another great showing zy.
Frank the tank probably your most well written piece yet. I was literally blown away by your flow tbh. From the first word you seemed to be on your game this week and created a dope ass piece. As one of the voters said, I can't remember who, you do a great job using backgrounds in your pieces like the math piece last week. Very clever. All in all a well thought out and well done drop from you Frank.

Shit this is a little difficult tbh. Zygote has the creativity on this one, but looking at which piece I enjoyed more I gotta go with Frank. Great battle guys.

[Angkor]

Cool battle, fellas.

Zygote - Yea this would be something to expect from you. I'm a topical head so i definitely like reading shit like this to get a grasp of different perspective and theory. It opened up with an uncanny resemblance to this film i saw a few weeks ago called "Connected". The film was about this idea that the next evolution will be based on a synthetic one (the irony isn't lost on me), how our interdependency of technology will effect our biological change somehow. So much of this is familiar territory to me. The idea of downloading memories and "life" to achieve immortality was explored in many mediums before...lol, it even surfaced in an episode of "Friends" lol. The flow was a little distracting as well, this time around. Usually i can overlook your unconventional rhythm because you always come up with very creative and thoughtful ideas; However, this piece wasn't one of them. Nonetheless, it's still cool that you're able to convey your ideas clearly. Everything was presented well and despite a lack of creativity this time around...the content was still pretty interesting. Good shit.

Frank - My vote is for you. But let's examine why, lol.

Cool touch using Poe's line as a chorus lol (though i'm not a fan of chorus in text writing lol, i can overlook it this time). But check this line out:

Rummaging through his summer gear like a hungry bear incase he had a honeys number up in there..

lol! i almost voted against you due to that line! Anywho, i fed a piece earlier this week and mentioned components i looked for in a story. I should link this to that dude's verse 'cause this is what i'm talking about. I'm talking about details of little things...it makes a story jump to life and this verse was filled with it. In the opening stanza, I can smell, see, and hear the dude lol. I like the overarching metaphor...even down to his name ha. Lots of preparation for this i would imagine and it showed. rhyming was expert level despite that weird beginning. The strength of this verse was in the characterization of the subject. The story was about a dude catching std...lol, simple and nothing to special but u gave the character life as a result the plot fell in place with great progression. good shit man.


Vote - Frank due to an overall better showing. word.

[Witty]

Zygote - I wrote a piece like this, or rather the same sort of topic...we went in different directions but it definitely reminded me of it. This was a really cool piece, the language used was just unbelievable tbh really advanced, I can't think of too many people who could use vocabulary like you did here and egt away with it, usually it seems forced as all hell, but there are a handful who can and you pulled it off impressively. Really unique and original piece, flowed pretty well...could have been smoother but that wasn't any sort of problem for me, great read, really impressive writing...props man.

Frank - This was great...so original and fresh man. Their was a lot of humour in here too which was refreshing to see lol You wrote the shit out of this piece, rhymes upon rhymes...flowed perfectly. Admittedly it did take me a few lines to get into the piece but when I did it was a great read, there was no filler, every line was setting up the next line and the transitions were pretty smooth and seamless...I liked what you did with the whole whale thing, I can't imagine I would have ever thought of that, it added to the character a lot in my opinion, it was pretty fresh and unique, as was the whole piece tbh. A really enjoyable piece, major props man...just a laid back and expertly written story. I am impressed.

This was a great battle, more than worthy of a champ match....easily BOTW, both came with it and did their thing as usual. I gotta go with who entertained me more, the person who I thought was just really fresh and unique. Damn close though, but I gotta pick one, so..

Vote- Frank.

[Cereal_Killa]

zyg:
Umm WOW.. That was tight, vocab and structure alone was straight up.. With your advanced intellectual wording and understanding of modern society, the future you predicted was so elegant yet as dark as you would hope with a Poe topic.. Rhythm of the piece mixed with the point you made at the climax made for an amazing read bud.. Nice one..

Frank:
Cool dude, this was dope..1st and 2nd segments you where beautiful with your word play - funny, quirky and punchy.. BUT :) once 3rd stanza hit you kinda mutilated it.. Im soz.. imo it was like you ran out of time but you wanted to stick to the same format, keeping the same revelation.. But it fell apart to me, it was kind like 1/3 as good as the others dragging there verse down.. Still cool drop, but this would have been a lot harder match to vote on..

vote = zygote

Ahh man you killed this ish.. A grade drop :)

[Soulstice]

zygote - cool imagery, that was definitely your strong point here. your rhymes were strong, but your flow was pretty stretched and you could definitely benefit from internal rhymes or some smaller words. 'individual' is a long word but carries the same as significance as 'one' would (in context of course) the story/concept wasnt particularly original nor did you really develop upon behind a futuristic prediction that has been done both within the realms of topicals and the realms of tomorrowland 1901, etc.

frnk- cool piece. free willy references interspersed throughout gave it a light edge while putting a dark twist on it. definitely a refreshing weed with solid flow and a lot of deceit within the piece to keep me interested. not a lot to critique on. it just seems the trend on this site (ive read four pieces) is to pepper the piece with internals regardless to the actual pace of the flow being consistent or the power of the wording. however, yours has been the least-prolific offender so far (flow and wording being above rhyme-magnitude in my book) so theres that.

v - frank

[patrown]

zygote- top notch vocab man. asserting we are endangering our species through mechanization is a point to ponder. your theoretical fountain of youth, consciousness living on through the internet after death, is interesting. i haven't really pondered the thought before, so my hats off to you as far as creativity goes. i would've enjoyed some elaboration on the "chimeric creatures." (cool phrase by the way)
the comparison of eugenics and genocide is food for thought.

Frank- this was definitely creative. the chorus along with the pieces flow and style gave it a comical but dark feel.
i admire your ability to harness wordplay and flow together, holding a distinct tone throughout the verse. was entertaining to say the least.. the verse speaks for itself.

/v Frank- his verse entertained me a little bit more. extremely close call though. the story felt more complete at the end. had zygote gone farther into the consequences of the evils he introduced.. it would have easily gone the other way.. in my opinion wordplay out did word usage and vocab here.

[Dove Dozer]

this was a great battle to read and examine each writers different style and type of narraration that they add to the story which is the main reason I come here. so I can learn something. very well done.

zygote - I usually have trouble with verses like this. A lot of vocab in here "nucleotide sequence". I didn't even know what that meant lol. but either way you had some nice multies in here and some exceptional imagery. So many words I wouldn't think of using in your piece so I really appreciate your vocab on this. Which is one major thing I gotta elevate with so I deeply enjoyed that with your verse. it came together nicely too. I like the topic and dehumanizing us as people is a creepy thought. Well above anything I could write so props on a dope verse. Man this was ill.


Frank - This was a perfect example of your champ title. Story had a lot to it. multies, internals, and layers of metaphors that really prompted me to re-read lines as I progressed. like I couldn't tell sometimes wether you were human or a whale. pretty damn good story at that. I have no real critique on this, because simply put this was amazing. well done.

great match both writers came dope as fuck. very clever verses however I'll go with the more entertaining piece here. That said.

Vote - Frank.

[Ink]

zygote:
First thing I noticed was your usage of the quotations... I don't think they were examples of the most effective way to use quotes and it made some of your lines feel a bit cheesy.. Give us a little more credit, I'm sure most of us here will pick up on your points without you needing to emphasize them in such a way. The piece overall was intriguing and thought provoking. Vocabulary used was great and you did a good job of presenting various tech scenarios without coming off as scattered or without purpose.

Frank:
This was a pretty comical and smooth read (in a good way). You can definitely rhyme and the way you separated the verses with some freeverse worked well.. However, there wasn't much meat on the bone with respect to the ideas presented.. And for this kind of piece, that isn't a necessity at all, however...

when comparing the two verses, I felt zygote had the better piece. Both were pretty solid, but zygote's also had a depth to it that i appreciated..

Vote- zygote

[Frank]

FRANK WINS 10-4