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View Full Version : "Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet."


Dove Dozer
03-13-2013, 11:32 AM
"Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet."
(My interpretation – Make the best of life)
Here’s my story. Enjoy.

“..While some people get wet, he likes to pace in the rain,
so for me it's medicating to fill these pages with pain.
Let me tell you a story about this friend that I had,
and how it all comes together with this pen and a pad..”

--------------------------------------------------------

He lived a hard life; his clothes were tattered and torn.
You would think he was scarred right? His heart was shattered and worn.
He lived his life in the streets, but he made it positive.
He wasn't the type to be weak, because he had a cause to live.
He said he'd keep it real, when he was never to blame.
They said he should sleep with steel, 'cause he's a beggar for change
a god-fearing man, you'd never know a hard believer.
He never had any luck, a quarter short of a parking meter.
Without a home, he felt he'd suffer the consequence
of being out alone, as a sucker who's always tense.
Life caught up with him, as his thoughts were drifting,
always got a bottle of gin, but without a pot to piss in.
He thought he'd never get anywhere living this lifestyle,
“What ever happened to the nice child with a bright smile?”
I asked, and he said, "I think I've told it so often,
I know I'm forgotten, like my socks with holes at the bottom,
Don't worry young man; this isn’t spite in my voice.
I've made my bed to sleep in, and this life is my choice."
I thought of why he did this, it was hard to know why,
but I just dropped to my knees, and I started to cry.
Tears in my eyes I asked, “Do you have pain or regret?”
He looked to me at last, and grabbed the chain on his neck.
“I do this for good reasons, I know my mother deserved
a son she could believe in, but there are others that served.”
It started to come together, his stash of money in zeros
His early years were better, in the company of heroes.
Instantly I knew that he deserved my respect,
this man wasn't just homeless, he served with the vets.
This isn’t the end yet, there’s a lot to go just wait for it.
This man, he's a veteran, most of all a patriot,
He’s seen death in his eyes, but they seem often disguised,
when he's sitting on the corner, and he’s lost in the skies.
So I looked to him and said, “I know you had a worse fate,
I’m a soldier too, but how’d you get here in the first place?”
He looked to me, sighed, and then he said with a breath,
“War is complicated son, nobodies ready for death.
But I’ll tell you that from the start, it was a shifty time.
It all began, I was entering Vietnam in ’65.”
He continued to tell the story, the moment was all of his.
“We were there to protect Vietnam from communists,
you know, you wouldn’t think this type of war was fair right?
But we had ground forces, artillery and air strikes.”
Despair was heard in his voice, but still I listened close
“There were plenty of deaths, all we did was wish for hope.
When we first arrived, and hit the ground there were many nations.”
The radio blared “WE’RE UNDER ATTACK!! ANY STATION!!”
As we spoke, people drove past and all they did was frown,
if they only knew that this man was glad to be living now.
I told him he could stop the story I was focused, proud.
“Sir I understand, I’m going to war, I’m posted now
to overseas, life’s moving fast, a blur to me.
But I’m with the coalition, fighting insurgency.”
He offered words of wisdom, only with a slight delay,
“Keep your head down son, cause bullets have the right of way.
You asked me of all things, how I landed on this cloud,
Of what I call life, I’m alive, standing and I’m proud,
Every person that I meet, happens to be a friend to me,
I live my life on the street, because its my serenity,
Everyday for me, is cherished, wind can take me when it blow,
When your home safe and sound, believe me friend you’ll know.”

Lars
03-13-2013, 12:02 PM
Let me tell you a story about this friend that I had,
and how it all comes together with this pen and a pad..”



Opening read like the Fresh Prince Of Bel Air theme tune

LOL

Flow
03-13-2013, 12:26 PM
Have to agree with Lars on the fresh prince bit lol.

But overall another solid drop (after the first four lines which I had will smith in my head) - are you just posting some old stuff of yours or is any of this new?
nO gOoD!

Lars Thought you wrote fast ;) Still waiting to show these fools what an open mic should look like

Lars
03-13-2013, 12:31 PM
Only saw your verse this afternoon, I've been at work, i'll write tonight most likely.

Dove Dozer
03-13-2013, 12:35 PM
Flo Real
posting some older shit, don't worry though.. My trigger finger is ready with the new shit. Im just being picky with what I wanna post bruh.

Im currently writing for the topical league here so you'll be seeing my new shit week by week no worries there.

Flow
03-13-2013, 12:57 PM
Flo Real
posting some older shit, don't worry though.. My trigger finger is ready with the new shit. Im just being picky with what I wanna post bruh.

Im currently writing for the topical league here so you'll be seeing my new shit week by week no worries there.

I will keep an eye out chap

Lars sweet look forward to it - the topic I went for I thought might appeal to your writing style

Flow
03-13-2013, 06:16 PM
nO gOoD! thanks for checking me out and dropping some decent feed. You posting at Rapmusic.com?

and do you drop topicals?
No I have just browsed through it in the past.

my last non collab drop was this - appreciate your feedback, your clearly a solid writer

http://artofbattling.com/forum/showthread.php?2480-Broken-minded

Witty
03-15-2013, 02:18 PM
Yo..this was a really well thought out and detailed piece. You had all of your information right on the Vietnam War which I guess as you are a solider isn't too surprising lol It was good to see this kind of piece come from somebody who knows what they are talking about, and has actually lived the life. You have a very good story telling voice which is something I focus on in most of my pieces so I can appreciate it a lot. The story itself was interesting, it wasn't particularly unique or mind blowing, but you keep it consistent the whole way through and finished with a solid ending. There aren't too many people on here who seem to be natural story tellers but you look like one of them, I was definitely feeling this piece. Your rhymes were good, I would like to have seen more multi's to give the piece a crazy flow to make it have that little bit more flavour to it, it was like reading a poem which is cool, but I would have personally preferred it to have had more of a vibe to it, spice things up a little. That's honestly the only advice I can offer here, you knew where you were going from that start, and you got there very impressively. Everything was consistent, and the story was interesting and made for a pretty dope read, the dialogue really added a lot to it. Props man, I enjoyed this piece...I look forward to doing battle with you lol

Keep writing bro.

namix
08-18-2013, 11:49 AM
This is one of the most natural 'story telling' pieces i've read in a minute. Strong writers voice seemed to have some real personal connection to the message - like someone close to you had been in Nam or that you at least had been touched by war in some form in your life.

What's interesting is how the story telling felt strong, but the characters were not even fully developed. If the characters were built a bit more it would have made our connection to their experiences and their conversation that much stronger - but being able to have a strong 'story telling' voice without more detailed character development is impressive.

You also did a good job intermixing one-off metaphors that kept a relatively long read here moving a long and interesting. Made the characters and their situation that much more relate-able. Some examples include:
He never had any luck, a quarter short of a parking meter.

I know I'm forgotten, like my socks with holes at the bottom,

-- two good examples of your ability to convey a simple concept and make it more compelling through a relate-able analogy, definitely noticed your ability to do that throughout.


Again, the aspect that stood out the most for me was the 'natural story telling' here - a good job drawing the reader into to make them feel they were part of the conversation.

Also thought you had pretty good plot progression in terms of the realization that there was more to 'this' gentlemen than a homeless guy, he was a veteran. I think the progression was strong, and again, very natural - but perhaps a more subtle plot twist to allow for the unveiling of the character being 'more than meets the eye' would have made it that much more meaningful in the moment you reveal the fact to us.... Very natural dialogue though, so just as much as i think it could have been a bit more unique by layering on another dimension to the plot - i also appreciated how natural this sounded, as if it is a conversation you could have almost overheard walking by a bus-stop in the rain or something one day.

A couple other one-off bars that I thought were put together nicely or conveyed really cool concepts to consider

It started to come together, his stash of money in zeros
His early years were better, in the company of heroes.


He’s seen death in his eyes, but they seem often disguised,
when he's sitting on the corner, and he’s lost in the skies.
^ love that line, captures that lost look very well

He offered words of wisdom, only with a slight delay,
“Keep your head down son, cause bullets have the right of way.

good stuff bro!