AOWL Week 6: Red glare (3-1) VS. Mike Wrecka (3-2) [RED GLARE WINS, 7-0.]

[Frank]

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum.

Verses are due SATURDAY 3/23 at 11:59 PST.

Extensions are due SUNDAY 3/24 at 11:59 PST. NO LATER!!!

You MUST check in.

You must vote on at least 4 other battles. For every absent link, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.

TOPIC: "The Blackness" (selected by Adonis)

Good luck to both participants. Red glare Mike Wrecka

[Red glare]

Seen.............

[Mike Wrecka]

ya

[Red glare]

home......little drunk........ will edit the verse here by 3 hopefully last minute....

[Mike Wrecka]

TOPIC: "The Blackness"



when my feelings are hurt, im the type that's forgiving,
but after what happened, life just isn't worth living/
in the beginning, I was trying to weather the storm,
now im drowning in tears, wishing that I had never been born/
cant escape these mistakes, so whenever im wrong,
I concave and collapse, from the all the pressure that's formed/
incomplete, the trash heap, is where my endeavors belong,
held a flower too tight, despite being severed by thorns/
wish I was better informed, thought I was clever and strong,
but wasn't on the right track, look back I was lost all along/
being forcibly torn, off the path I was taking,
used to smile and laugh, to mask the fact I was breaking/
now my pride is creating, no escape plan,
im violently shaking, and my mind is a waste land/
people say stop and think, but food for thought tastes bland,
try to pull myself together, and immediately face plant/
as a kaleidoscope of colors, falls and fades away,
all that remains on the palette is fifty shades of grey/
and im afraid the suns betrayed, my emotional state,
I take comfort in the darkness, at night lay awake/
and I can never erase, these scars that im left with,
mementos from this monumental moment thats momentous/
feeling friendless, and tremendously out of place,
like a warthog trying to circumnavigate outer space/
and im out of shape, sedentary, don't feel like moving,
crying in the fetal position, all days what im doing/
in a way sometimes losing, my will to move on,
the blackness erupts so abrupt, and makes me feel calm/
after the bomb, dropped, got no reason to leave,
just want to grieve, hyperventilate every time that I breathe/
my hearts under siege, turns black as it cracks,
the love of my life is deceased and I cant get her back/


235

[Split]

Mike Wrecka wins by no show

[Red glare]

I'm the wickedest; the white light; the blinding vividness
my iris flickers with fire; my eyes are cinnamon; I've been crying crimson again.
tides of timidness. red dye. I'm mixing it w/ the might of vigorous;
the stick of vines of thyrsus; the aligned arithmetic of a prime time precisionist, winding liquid -
my joints grind with diligence, tightened ligaments, pain subsides, not quite diminishes...
the night is frivolous; the smell of crows feet, thighs, deliciousness.
flys fly around the head-less, appetized, indicants, of wily incidents.
the steam entices senses - prys death from, thy who syndicate;
the sheeps wool boils off, rises insulant; damp; it is dried and knitted thick -
the vikings dine over dinner threats sent from the other side of the brick confines; in, bewilderment, belligerence
ignorant, dipping biscuits in milk, curdled, vilely sipping it
bittersweet wine, from the river, is magnificent; mount olympus is rich with it;
it winds through the pines and the villages like snake slime left behind from tis slithering,
the grime and the grimacing are the first sign of the withering
I'm at the wits end;
trying to find the wizard and his men, mesmerized by this whistling..
the whispering, piercing, petrifyingly shivering
riveting shrilling, hair standing; my mind fidgeting
the night sky flies by like icarus
the wise owl reminds the skittish, to abide or bid farewell, to their alliance to forgiveness.
wolf howls; baby cries as the lynch men;
hang his mother up side down, neck tied to a twig limb,
whining in glossolalia; her tongue is twisting; yelling spells at women, hiding in practition;
they believe she is a witch; she is the sly and malicious
she is to die this instant. oracle scrys his mystic
tells the executioner 'she's lying' to 'kick it'
"let us fry this witch in the dimness of oblivion to the chime of the violentest crickets.''
septuagint says; infinite imprisonment is a fitting privilege for a crime that's this hideous.
the bishop is on the side of the christians.
he's denied any exorcism of any kind as forbidden.
the witches were of the whimsical and wiccan.
the Black Magic existed disguised distinctive as superstition;
it is living in the children of the voodoo religion
demise is vindictive, cringe and witness it's crucifixion
listen to the fire crackle, hear the caster; sayer of sooth and the sickness
the shriek through the dark forrest of putridness; ridden
the mad woman whittles a smidgeon, blue in submission;
the people watch her body; contorting viciously,
moving rhythmically
the conviction of her neck jerking; cruelty; misery; scrutiny: witchery.
pixie golden glitter gizzard glee
holy pumpkin jumping jehosaphat twiddle dee hickory
the wizard had had enough of the trickery
this witch was simply a victim; of eccentricity;
her children; scared stiff as; broom bristles sweeped.
the wizard waved his wand with; infusing imagery;
his frozen white beard was truly wintery;
the dark horse rode through; in chivalry;
the witch hung; twined to; willow tree;
I give you the gift of peace, in return - set the wicked free
the ghoul agreed
and the wizard made the rope into ribbonry

Black Magic

[Cereal_Killa]

UMM I dunno whats going on here so I’ll vote like it’s a match up..


Mike:
This was to the point and brutally powerful.. A traditional piece of emotive poetry that consciously hits at the readers heart.. You have a subtle but tight rhyme structure with clear and precise wording.. I was a fan of this piece.. In all honesty you got to drop the /’s cause it breaks up the readers flow too much and takes away from the inner thoughts and feelings of your character..

“held a flower too tight, despite being severed by thorns”
Beautiful line.. kind of reminded of the lines used in audioslaves – I am the highway

Brilliant piece of writing, the one real problem was not the /’s it was you’re in a story league where you are going to have to use all this emotion to make a fully developed story with twist, a minor climax, revelation etc.. to compete with some of the outrageous stories that come from this board.. Still you’re a magnificent writer and your poetic verse could very well be enough to take this match.. Nice one..

Red:
Lol man once the wizard came into his form with about 10 bars left it put a huge smile on my face.. the whole atmosphere you had constructed had turned.. from the dark environment surrounding your witch to a colourful realm somewhat like the disney film “sword in the stone” .. All due to the solid placement of your vocab delivering it with “dark humour”.. Dude this was sick, flow was hot.. it jarred a lil by the end but tbh compared to how butter the first ¾ was it does not matter.. This was constantly moving, with amazing characters.. Man really solid piece..

Vote = red glare

This will easily come down to personal preference.. I like heavy worded verses that still develop and deliver a woven story.. Saying that Wrecka’s emotional piece was still pure fire..

I hope this match gets aloud to run.. I would like to see what happens.. gl guys..

[Exoduzt]

Mic Wrecka: Whew...damn man I liked this from top to bottom. The flow was so on point it was crazy...it seemed almost effortless. very nice descriptive story telling.

"now im drowning in tears, wishing that I had never been born/
cant escape these mistakes, so whenever im wrong,
I concave and collapse, from the all the pressure that's formed/
incomplete, the trash heap, is where my endeavors belong,
held a flower too tight, despite being severed by thorns/"---i loved this section rite here

"being forcibly torn, off the path I was taking,
used to smile and laugh, to mask the fact I was breaking/
now my pride is creating, no escape plan,
im violently shaking, and my mind is a waste land/
people say stop and think, but food for thought tastes bland,
try to pull myself together, and immediately face plant/"---this whole part was awesome...You killed this topic man...very nice lines well thought out and fits perfectly. The story was great and I liked the way you ended it.

Red glare: WOW...the approach you took on this was unique and original. This was a very intelligent drop. I really liked the darkness of this drop. no play on the topic.lol.

"my joints grind with diligence, tightened ligaments, pain subsides, not quite diminishes...
the night is frivolous; the smell of crows feet, thighs, deliciousness.
flys fly around the head-less, appetized, indicants, of wily incidents"---this was great rite here...the flow was impeccable mixed with a great extent of vocab.

"the vikings dine over dinner threats sent from the other side of the brick confines; in, bewilderment, belligerence
ignorant, dipping biscuits in milk, curdled, vilely sipping it
bittersweet wine, from the river, is magnificent; mount olympus is rich with it;
it winds through the pines and the villages like snake slime left behind from tis slithering, "---I mean damn dude...the imagery is top notch...this was awesome...

The way you made it end was really cool too..Greeat overall piece

This was the best battle I've seen on here yet...Both of you did awesome but MVGT-- Red glare...amazing story and just great rhyming

[Objective]

Mike: Strictly to the point, on topic, decent rhymescheme and great storytelling. The story is consistent and I loved how it all came together. Emotional piece indeed and the atmosphere was there and I felt sadness when I was done. Not the occasional ''oh, this was cool'', I actually felt for the guy. Well done.

Red Glare: Great piece. An explosion of words and descriptions. The flow was decent and I enjoyed your piece. At the same time I still kinda felt it was a bit of a overkill and too many sentences started with ''the'' for me.

Final Vote: Red Glare. Even tho' I was more moved by Mike's piece I felt that Red Glare had a better crafted piece overall. Really dope battle nevertheless and both verses were cool.

[Ink]

Mike Wrecka:
The beginning (first four lines or so) was really eh, but then it picked up. That flower/thorns line, and the food for thought line.. Nice.
As was this:
the blackness erupts so abrupt, and makes me feel calm
That memento line... it was too easy of a multi and didn't really add much to the verse tbh.. But enough about specifics. You did a good job of producing some colorful imagery without getting caught up and slowed down by investing too many lines into small details. The wording in some places did feel awkward however.

Red glare:
That vocab... whew. Don't remember the last time i had to look up a word for a verse, but you got me with thyrsus. The fantasy black magic take on the topic is unique in the sense that no one on here really delves into that stuff as often.

Both had some nice verses.. But I think the difference for me here was that Red glare's verse had some extra length to it, which he used to give his piece some added depth and sweet images. The pace also kept the verse from getting tiring, which is always a concern with longer verses...

Vote: Red glare

[Inno]

Mic..

once again your droped a well written onpoint story...great plot my man as soon as i started reading your peice i kind of got what the end would be like..im not
saying that in a bad way..becaause i still had to read on to find out if i was right...which the journy was welcomed and whe i got to that end i was pleasently
satisfied. you have a very smooth melodic feel to your verse...its like the voice of your characters are very sof spoken..lol im ranting..anyway this was dope man
the story woven was just dope..the transitions and progression of this piece is what i took from the most...

Red.

seems like you focus this week lol.jk..this was outstanding man. the vocab use was very nice..though at tiumes felt a bit to much..wasnt enough to take away from your
verse..just me being a bitch. great flow i thought...i personally like these types of verse...heavy word use, lots of periods and commas..makes for a stop an glow flow that
i seem to gravitate to...as far as the story goes..wasnt as smooth as MICs..and at times got a away fro myou..but your def impressed.

overall

i got red glare...simply because stayed with MIC as far as the stories progession goes. i felt he brought a bit more to the table with his word use and mechanics..which only added
to the overall enjoyment of his verse..plus his take on the topic was a bit more fresh for me...good battle tho..

[patrown]

mike wrecka - a lot of what you said i feel a direct relation to, many parts seem like they could be taken from my own book. definitely a trip. great alliteration in parts. flow went well overall.
like a warthog trying to circumnavigate outer space/-halo throwback? lol
although your imagery worked well with the greater message, id idn't feel it all tied in to the stories conclusion as much as would have warranted the /v i wanted to give you. only advice.
mementos from this monumental moment thats momentous/
the alliteration there seemed a little abrupt. whether led into, or out from, i feel like a few M's would've not left that line alienated.

/v red glare- holy pumpkin jumping jehosaphat twiddle dee hickory - i lol'd
you sir are a beast. a fucking beast man. like that evil huge monster cartman rode in that one episode.. beast.
i like how you split up rhymes like here..
demise is vindictive, cringe and witness it's crucifixion
listen to the fire crackle, hear the caster; sayer of sooth and the sickness
assonance sounds good when drug out correctly.. enjoyed that. you came with some top notch rhymes and i have no advice, cuz i saw no errors.

[King Ra.]

Mike Wrecka, a powerful piece filled with strong descriptive emotion & imagery. One of the better schemes this week & your story flowed very well. It has a sense of heartbreak and depression, usually these pieces don't match up well against other approaches, but this was written very well though. You're an underrated writer. Red, I am highly impressed with your piece this week. You've been rising steadily & your pieces seem to be improving each week. Imagery was pretty ridiculous meshed with great word selection, rhyme scheme was dope & the story had me locked in from start to finish. Very impressed. Mike wrote a good piece, but compared to the other, it falls short.

MVGT: Red glare.

[King Ra.]

RED GLARE WINS, 7-0.