AOWL Week 6: Kuja (2-2) VS. Cereal Killa (0-0) [CEREAL KILLA WINS, 8-1.]

[Frank]

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum.

Verses are due SATURDAY 3/23 at 11:59 PST.

Extensions are due SUNDAY 3/24 at 11:59 PST. NO LATER!!!

You MUST check in.

You must vote on at least 4 other battles. For every absent link, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.

TOPIC: "The Death" - (selected by Adonis)

Good luck to both participants. Diasik @Cereal Killa

[Cereal_Killa]

.............

VOTES:

ZeeDee vs IamBent (http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5113-AOWL-Week-6-IAmBent-(1-1)-VS-ZeeDee-(2-0)-OPEN-FOR-VOTES!!!&p=35481#post35481)
mike wrecka vs red glare (http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5121-AOWL-Week-6-Red-glare-(3-1)-VS-Mike-Wrecka-(3-2)-OPEN-FOR-VOTES!!!&p=36501#post36501)
adonis vs vinzr (http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5122-AOWL-Week-6-Vinzr-(3-0)-VS-Adonis-(2-0)-OPEN-FOR-VOTES!&p=36585#post36585)
zenland vs c-d-m (http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5119-AOWL-Week-6-c-d-m-(2-3)-VS-Zenland-(2-3)-OPEN-FOR-VOTES!&p=36659#post36659)
ink vs objective (http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5115-AOWL-Week-6-Objective-(0-1)-VS-Ink-(1-1)-OPEN-FOR-VOTES!)
Innovator vs patrown (http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5112-AOWL-Week-6-Innovator-(2-3)-VS-Patrown-(1-1)-OPEN-FOR-VOTES&p=36958#post36958)
mike wrecka vs topicaldood5 (http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5116-AOWL-Week-6-Brass-Body-(0-0)-VS-TopicalDood5-(0-0)-OPEN-FOR-VOTES&p=36976#post36976)

[Split]

Kuja battle updated.

[King Ra.]

Kuja you owe 4 votes extra this week. Any missing votes this week will count as a deduction towards the final tally of this match.

Cereal_Killa is clear.

[Atheist]

No prob ill vote all matchs, good luck Ck =-)

[Cereal_Killa]

Food For Thought
..
When one swallows their pride it’s a feast fit for Pharaohs'
As the hollow inside, line intestines with bone marrow
Oversized Cizin’s still slice bovines in Pico de Gallo
People
If you do not eat - you are the weak
and shall die
SLOW
..
I am Sam for all legal purposes
Worthlessness
Worth its weight in bronze; in a silver tongue serpent’s crèche
I confess, I am that weasel bent before evil and certain death
A feeble easel, easily erect for the art of some Percocet
I’ve been urged to rest.. Thirsty, so thirsty.. I purged to vent
Fresh beneath a deep seeded circle-jerk
Of burning flesh
A progressive mess of dispersion.. I’ve observed, I’ve shed; I’ve nurtured meds
Yet I feel I am the conservative servant, left wing of a circus net
callous and perverse - why YES
On a stretcher, stretched in this nursing nest of perfect pets
A herd, deaf to the immersing depth of merged neglect
Less is more, unless of course you digress
An expression of taste, too much to sustain until you digest
..
No more riddles as I rattle some Ritalin out of a plastic ramekin
So frantic I’m wheezing, eating nothing but pills and still panic’n
Famished yet managing to feel, as I know the truth is food kills
With a reduced will, I build to shut out the nut houses true skill
To force feed and feed they shall
Counted as Satanic with Manic Depression at the head check
I must seize the day to relieve this pain
ZZZZAAAAPPPP
I’m not dead yet
Shocked and left to waste.. Straight unwanted and set astray
Mocked and caged.. Shaved, stomped and bathed
Made to descend in the fresh scent of decay
I wait as I rot for the hunters in a grave of consummation
I pray for a cold front; a blade or a wave of destruction
RAGE
something
NUMBNESS
I vomit bile; it’s the constant reminder of an honest defiler
I’m promised my trial yet already sentenced with a complex denial
Liars, there’s no Noah’s ark just a gravy boat soaked with hope in the dark
I laugh and choke at remarks of growth when I’m approached in the yard
A fellow jailbird sings, of cannibalism and the animal kingdom
..
A rotten heart is nor spoiled or wrecked
For the raw oils draw zest from each pore you ingest
The darker the roots, the tender the slice
So from bar fly to swine, you have to eat to survive
..
He offers flesh to accept his view on free consciousness
I'm honestly mute; still I move to chew this ewe’s soft esophagus
I commit to swallowin all lymph glands and lost promises
Grit by grit.. my equity dips n slow dances to dominance
A chain-linked-ball-room-blitz
AHHH
I can no longer gnaw on this
The torment I've hoarded has formed a riff
A patient, who's patience has clawed and split each morgues' wall it hit
Choice itself sure exists

I puke, get gagged, dragged and dished their morbid myth
I am the unfortunate
Unfortunate to be force fed shit through a rubber tourniquet
..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5W55_IP59KI



..
From a Pug to a Pit Bull
The Dingo and The Rock
If it breathes it bleeds in a sea of burgundy stock

From Children to Victims in The System Bewildered
I died not in vain
But by resisting the cuisine you see kill'me



..



Topic: The Death (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/8/85/TiticutFolliesPoster.jpg)

[Atheist]

'


Neon lights, 'Step right up', stuffed bears & ringing bells..
Candyfloss, park mascots, teenage screams, winning sells
Jacks living hell,
A hooded figure amongst the excitement
Moving silent, he followed his love, here to Fantasy Island
Leaning against a hydrant,
He studied her while waiting
In the shadows of the ring toss, to see the cunt she was dating
Blood racing, expression vacant, say hi to the green eyed monster
Every inch of him wants her,
Obsession he can neither fight nor conquer
Her face lights up as her date arrives, a local jock, typical
Jack needed a miracle to take his place, she made him feel invisible
It was criminal,
What gave her the right to shun his advances?
To never meet his eyes despite thousands of glances
Too late now for answers,
His plan was set, ideally for him the whole place was loud
As Jack gripped a knife & lingered back, further into the crowd



Lucy checks her watch, she loves the fair, who doesn’t?
Standing alone by the cyclone, waiting for her cousin
Mike was a handsome man, tall & dark with a great physique
5 minutes late, he arrives & kisses her on the cheek
They like to meet once a week,
The nature wasn’t sordid; they both came from a close family
Like best friends actually,
Enjoying the fairground together happily
Unlike jack, she was here for fun, not business
Relaxed & carefree, not realising her every move was witnessed



Jack was so close; he could smell her arousing scent
A moment he always dreamt,
Except he wanted to hold her hand, with her consent
In the queue for the coaster, he could make out every word she says
He would strike from behind her when he was sat one carriage away
As time ushered away, his heart was pounding
Rising higher & higher, now in fear of his surroundings
Jack was scared of heights, he lost grip of the knife
& clutched onto the handlebars, scared for his life
Something wasn’t right, the whole coaster was shaking
The front end capsized; there was no way of escaping
He could hear Lucy’s screams, it all happened so fast
Jack tried to reach her but the carriage shot off its tracks
A shattering pain ripped through his body, a metallic taste
Lucy’s blood covered his face, now the screams begin to fade
Buried in the wooden mess, taking his last breath
In 8ft neon letters above his head read the name of the coaster..

'The Death'

[Split]

vuppin for oats

[Zen]

Holy shit. Awesome battle you two and I could see this one going down to the wire.

CK: Fuck. From your opening line I knew this shit was gonna be dope. Incredible wording and as for the content....extremely sadistic haha. And since that's what I'm sure you were going for, you nailed it. Honestly this is one of the verses that I really have nothing bad to say about this week. Sure it was fucked up but you captured what you set out to try and capture, the sadistic nature of death from the perspective of a crazed pill popper and really the font you used only made it seem so much more insane tbh. Props for this.
Kuja: From the beginning of your post it felt like Eminem from his SSLP days to me and that's a good thing lol. Top notch drop. I loved how the story progressed from Jack in the shadows watching Lucy with this other man and Jack feeling jealous, and with the title I suspected Jack would murder Lucy and/or Mike, but instead the coaster did it for him haha. It was a surprise ending and I love it because it was different than what was expected and that's always a plus. As far as mechanics, no complaints and nice content.

All in all I look at these two drops and see two virtually perfect drops so I gotta pick the one which had a lasting effect on me....And thats CK. Great job you two.

[Mike Wrecka]

ya definitely a very sick battle. now i see what RM brings to the table and i gotta say, the style is slightly different from the people that usually board here. excellent story telling. happy that you guys are part of this league. its beggining to meld many different forums together and its interesting to watch.

anyway

cereal killa - classic centered topical verse. i mean that in a good way. before i wrote topicals i always saw these long ass centered verses and this was a perfect representation of that. it had a very good flow, though the structure was hmmm i dont want to say undisciplined but more, not so strict. you let it breath. and it was better because of it. the flow was dope felt a little like long bar as i read it, despite the line breaks. content wise you used abstract descriptions to describe basic things. a very nice writing method. you are definitely talented. and i appreciate being able to read your stuff. i gotta admit, the length of this verse kicked my ass a little. but i got through it without getting bored. sick verse.

kuja - another sick verse. at first it seemed like it was gonna be kinda basic, but the story telling got into such great depth that it overcame the simple vocab. its hard to move a story along and use abstract and complicated words, what you were able to do , is tell the plot, move it along all while giving us a glimpse into the emotion and thinking that each characther was feeling. thats tough to do. good work. the ending seemed a tad abrupt, but i liked the twist that the roller coaster was named the death.

overall- great battle. thanks for the reads fellas. extremely even battle here. i think i liked cereal killas slightly more but..... kuja tackled the topic more directly. and for me that pushed his verse over the edge so im gonna give him the win.

vote - kuja

[Red glare]

cereal killa; MY NIGGA. lol cot damn son. I am impressed. fantastic verse man; really nice. I want to say it reminded me of something I would write. good verse man.
No more riddles as I rattle some Ritalin out of a plastic ramekin
crazy;
ZZZZAAAAPPPP
I’m not dead yet
Shocked and left to waste.. Straight unwanted and set astray
Mocked and caged.. Shaved, stomped and bathed
Made to descend in the fresh scent of decay
I wait as I rot for the hunters in a grave of consummation
I pray for a cold front; a blade or a wave of destruction
RAGE
something
NUMBNESS
also crazy;

dope verse bro; well done

Kuja;good story telling bro; It was true shit and i could relate to it as well. i also recommend you read this to Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind theme - Jon Brion'' youtube it; could be the backdrop of your piece. story was summery and made me anxious for it to arrive. interesting story.

what can i say; got my moneys worth. crazy battle. one verse had a underdog tale; other was a little zany;

v/ Cereal Killa; just hit closer to home;

[Adonis]

CK - first off, imagery was key to your verse. The concept of literally eating shit made me cringe, yet the fact you could explain it in words makes me happy, knowing your successful with words. Anywyas, the flow was good. The line structure, awkward, but it flowed none the less. I'm not a fan of using video in verses as I feel it helps draw your point across. At first read I thought I was only reading of a canabals life. Second read I discovered the nut house, then watched video and it clicked...thus the video helping you beyond your own words. All in all I thoroughly enjoyed your voice while writting (no homo), you kept a solid pace and moved quickly between images of prison, feeding, nut house and tied them together with "the death". Dope verse my man, notice no complaints other then video??? There are none...also, after reading the verse and before reading your competitors I walked away for second...and it clicked. He was a canibal because he was hungry, only feeding on pills, yet a man offered him his body, and he took it. Just something I first missed.


Kuja - I really like and enjoyed the way you wrote this. Some of the phrases were amazing alone...such as "in the coaster que"...not sure how you worded on phone sorry, but little things like that where you could say line but opt out and use a thesaurus I am greatful for. I liked the rhyme scheme and it was easy to read except for a few minor details. I will say you the rhymes came off as simple, I see the attempt at multis...wants her/conquer...but they still, IMO, read as simple. I did notice the way you write highlighted the fact you used the begining of bars with the ending rhymes in previous bars, liked that a lot. Imagery was good, at one point thought you were getting gruesome, but you did not, I would prefer you did though. All in all a very solid verse, like I said, I really do like your style.


vote - Cereal Killer. I can sum the reasoning of the vote easily. Well I enjoyed the story line of Kuja, the twist to me was a bit corny. I mean jack was going to kill lucy, then he's soo shocked when she dies in front of him. To me it felt like the easy way out. That was my only real complaint in either verse, great battle @ both of you

[Soulstice]

botw id say

cereal killa
you had some sick schemes
Mocked and caged.. Shaved, stomped and bathed
that sort of thing was ill. there were a couple of instances of it aside from this as well. anyways your flow was dope as fuck and you really didnt need to sacrifice word choice for it, everything was crispy clear and there were only maybe one or two instances where the great imagery lost clarity, although the flow was solid throughout. the idea was slick and the cannabilistic monolgue seemed interspersed with commentary on the current meat/slaughterhouse industry. there were a lot of double entendres that i thought could relate to both. sick

kuja - this was also slick. cereals rhymes were better but yours werent too bad. imagery was standard, nothing described in eye-catching language but the images were clear. the ending was great, the story overall was great, actually. original and ive been doing this for some time. everything from the plan going wrong to the way the climax panned to the red neon sign at the end was well done. really strong but i think what did you in was your lack of excellence in the rhyme department. it wasnt bad at all but it wasnt great either

v - cereal killa, mostly for superior flow and his social commentary mixed in there.

[Vulgar]

Cereal_Killa - Living up to your name, I see. This was like an arthouse horror film taken from a slightly abstract remake of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. I admit, the video helped. What a weird story @ Titicut Follies. There's always strange and beyond strange when you take the time to look into the source of abnormal human behavior and the treatment of others. Writing wise this was strong. Daring. There were holes in some places concerning wording and ripples in the enhancement of mood but the video sort of smoothened out any uncertainties I had about the purpose of this journey of pill boxes, pale skin and bodily fluid oatmeal mix. Good showing.. didn't completely get your last bar.

"A rotten heart is nor spoiled or wrecked"

^A rotten heart isn't spoled nor wrecked*

Kuja - You took a story line and made it fairly cinematic. Something that reminds me of a black and white film based on a quality horror story someone wrote, but stripped to the traditional minimums and made to rhyme. This is one of the qualms I have with topical verses. It doesn't give you enough freedom to create an entire world like a short story would with 5-10 pages or so, or less. For what this was, it achieved the ends of being a stand-alone story with an unexpected result. I thought it came together stylishly, even if your wording was a but simple at parts where you could've struck gold with invoking images. All in all, you seem like you've gotten a lot more experienced with topicals. Enjoyable work but not the most technical.

This was a close match but my gut is telling me to vote for Cereal.

Vote - Cereal

[Ink]

Here we go with the rematch... Saved this battle for last.

CK:
When one swallows their pride it’s a feast fit for Pharaohs'
Hell of an opener. The circle jerk of burning flesh line got a shudder out of me... not a pleasant image.
You really have a way of piecing all the writing mechanics together in a seamless manner and this verse was a good example of knowing when to emphasize what mechanic.. from imagery, to the rhymes, and even the onomatopoeia which is not as often used. I hate saying this, and maybe I'm not picking up on things I would if I wasn't tired, but there really isn't much of anything I could point out as needing improvement.. Great verse overall.

Kuja:
Gotta admit, I felt a bit cheated at the end. I was expecting a murder. And you robbed me of it. (kidding, kind of.)
Story was definitely creepy. You did a great job giving us the backstory and drawing us in... slowly building up to the eventual climax, only to end it with a twist that I didn't expect. Picked up on a wording issue in two spots or so.. ie "when he was sat one carriage away" pretty sure that's not what you intended to type.. but it wasn't a big deal. I found the fact that you decided to name the coaster "the death" to be hilarious for some reason

Both people brought it like i knew they would, though i have to be honest.. i've seen kuja drop better before (not that this piece wasn't good) and overall.. CK came harder this time

Vote: CK

[Vinzr]

CK...wow that stuff was dope. That was some deep shit...absolutely loved the concept and approach you took with your verse. Mechanically i thought it was top notch as well, not much i can say was wrong with your verse in any way tbh...very very much enjoyed reading it. Kuja...great story, execution wise you executed a great story but i felt some of the language was too simple and some cases you coulda got more complex with the stuff to really help develop the details of the story. With that said i dont think your verse suffered too much cause of that and you did have a solid verse. Tho I gotta say im giving this one to CK for having the better overall verse, everything was a step ahead imo.

[patrown]

wow?

ck - this was siiick.. ening.. and really good. the gritty glands etc etc.. just too picturesque not to be effective.
i'm impressed by the multiples here, they were interwoven smoothly. effortlessly. my favorite two bars..
On a stretcher, stretched in this nursing nest of perfect pets
A herd, deaf to the immersing depth of merged neglect
also, the ritalin line was stellar. a patient whose patience.. bwahh.. i'm fucking jelly man honestly i envy you.

kuja-You sir, write excellent stories. didn't lose me for a second here. came through with that twist like clockwork.
your layout was most excellent. jumps between syllable counts complimented the flow of the piece especially well.
the creepy tone from the stalkers perspective was awesome. "a thousand stares.." a lot was said without actually saying it here, which to me, gives much to chew on a second and third read through.

/v ck- just came through too strong for me to not vote for you. no matter which verse was against you, from any writer.. of any time, it would still have been hard to vote against this weeks piece for the sheer insanity of it. although i could grasps ahold of kuja's story better and technically "enjoyed" the read more.. when i look at yours, i'm just baffled by how descriptive you are. also, the chronological progression of the story of the character was subtle, but there. almost went the other way.. but you got me with the subtle, yet solid plot.

[King Ra.]

CEREAL KILLA WINS, 8-1.