Split
03-20-2013, 06:37 PM
AOWL MAGAZINE # 6: MIDSEASON REVIEW EDITION
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29uGcfgTNpg
WE DID IT FOLKS. Fifty percent of the regular season down by the time this week has come to a close. AOB's upstart writing league, with a mix of good luck, good timing, and good members maintains the momentum from its highly-anticipated opening week to this day. Props, bros. Shout outs to Genocide and King Keith for keeping this running smoothly.
Down to business.
Lars, Flo Real, Objective
What does it take to gain your fickle respect? I’ve chopped and I’ve changed what I’ve written. I’ve spent innocuous days lost in dismay plotting away with the ink in my pen. Just when I think that I’ve met your insurmountable standard, there’s always something that’s said that has me doubting it. Answer me. What is it you’re looking for? A verse with mechanics, or simplicity? Good old stories of personal anguish? Do you prefer to be challenged, given something to think about, or have predetermined analogies to sum up what’s written down? I’m stuck. I can’t figure out what it is that you did. Excuse my belligerence, people, but I’ve tried every trick up my sleeve…
I mount and I heave..
Each page represents progression, sessions and hours wasted,
I hate to admit that sometimes feedback feels like sour hatred.
The writtens are dominated, agitated to reveal constipated lyrics,
It's apparent I'm fathering shit, but it's not related to adopted critics.
These cynics diminish my attempts as I replenish a writers ammunition,
a conidition where you envision lyrical superstition with a snipers precision.
Doubting concepts and visions; ''these bars is forming a prison of projects,''
Architects of words swore to fulfill designs only to form a line of objects.
To be honest.. How I can harvest confidence when I tried my hardest?
Chained to change but I restrain my range and connect to darkness.
A black hole of thoughts obliterate the skill to set it straight when I'm full of rage,
my will to write will never fade, but this curse is tied to an evil plague.
Let the Flo' demonstrate the rod and fear of elitist neglection;
I sweat blood and tears when I deliver all you bigamists perfection
Then get high on bongs and beers an sliver away to deal with your rejection
Your speculation on my peices is nothing but pinickity attempts of subjurgation
A violation of the perfection that should be hoffin - prickly vets take 2 new skill with suffocation
coughin - as i sit here smokin constant, contemplating what yall want from this drop
do you want wordplay, simple concepts or artistic visuals like those melting clocks
I can give you persistence of memory - honestly i can give you Salvador Dalí
But when I do I want the feedback to match not ones opinon that all you sheep rally
around and pretend like the echo your creating is actually your own unique sound
I just went to great lengths to provide art most you can do is tear my peice to the ground
or did i astound but dont just copy two lines that you found and say this is my favourite
fuck i hate it - that aggrivates me - make your opinons seperate - one like an one slating it
.I.. WEEK 5 MATCH REVIEWS
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyGYPh8UeSI
Championship Match: Frank strikes down Zygote 10-4 in epic clash of styles.
Classic here. On one hand you had Zygote who has syntactically strong wording and a flair for innately powerful narration, coming up against resident Champion Frank, who tends towards the poetically lyrical- though his verse this week was a shining example of why 'poetic' doesn't mean every story's all rose-tinted glasses.
Both writers exemplified their styles this week, which worked to their fullest advantage.
Zygote told the story of 'dehumanization', and traced the ironic relationship of protecting ourselves from becoming 'dehumanized' by rapid technological growth, while also distancing ourselves from nature. This was an excellent angle, and really played into his syllable and vocab heavy interweaving of multis and schemes.
The claim is recombinant DNA will overwrite inherited diseases,
But the risk of selective eugenics similar to genocide increases,
In addition to the biodiversity risk of chimeric creatures, invasive species created by recombining heterogeneous regions.
Deep into abyss, we are peering into the uncertain future that exists,
Support technological advancement but be aware of the risks,
We need greater regulation to ensure that ethics persist,
And not profit seeking innovations like RFID chips and commercial GloFish.
Frank, who used the actual topic as a chorus, broke the story up into bite-sized sections, used a lot of figurative language and artistic license to tell us the story of a promiscuous kid. Frank's language was apologetically abstract, which I think is dope, and his mix of short bars and lively rhyming showed panache.
Willy was known for his illustrious service
All succumbed to his purpose
The 8th wonder smug in the surf with a love of inserting his cum in a cervix
Squirting his slush and deserting. Fuck a rubber. He wasn't perfect.
Willy was a Sperm Whale. Half ton. Half worthless
Featured vote:
I've got Frank.
I've read both verses a number of times. Neither took the route I expected. Both related tangentially. I enjoy Zygote's verse. I enjoy Frank's verses. Something I cannot place turned me off from the intro of Zygote's. But it rounded out. Frank's command of flow and strong shortness is second to none. I try to emulate a lot of shit he writes. He's dope. Stringing together dope rhyme combos with meaning, he did that. He had more personality. Zygote's verse is something I'd call dope in the OM because it is dope but would have trouble expounding on why. Because it's good, but it didn't strike me. Frank's verse did. Both writers wrote well, but I think Frank took this. Other than Black/dead man, me, me, me, and me, he's the best. Voted without preconceptions.
You both are lovely, better writers than I.
Adonis violently climaxes over Mike Wrecka in a close 8-3 back and forth
PAUSE.
Nah wait, Adonis literally wrote pr0n for his piece that bended genders he had many readers inquiring after his sexuality. Which means you're reading wrong. Anyways, both writers are known for adhering to strict structure with emphatic multisyllabic rhymes that drive the verse along, with imagery and visceral detail at the forefront of their styles. Adonis's subject matter, while disturibing, gave him a slight edge because it forced readers to look at the topic in a serious light which negatively impacted Mike Wrecka's verse.
When allowed – Lungs will open wide for Oxygen,
Or the throbbing member injected like collagen,
back to gasping...Eyes swelling with tears,
I beg “mercy”!!! - In French he just says “cheers”,
“You're welcome my dear”. Then shreds my brassiere,
He gnaws the areola until skin is pierced,
“God if you exist, please take my life...
I pray to die” . - Ironic because, I'm the prey tonight.
Legs agape – pounded severely,
Wrecka, who IS NOT MIC HE'S MIKE, wrote about zombies with an interesting light tone in a dark atmosphere. I really enjoyed this verse because it really caught a rhythm halfway through, and also used some great imagery that made for a pleasurable read- even dipping into the horrorcore genre towards the end of his verse.
I hear clawing and scratching, she wont stop attacking,
take a look at the window and decide to start packing/
randomly stacking, acting like im taking a trip,
yell to my wife, love you hunny, be home in a bit/
maneuver then slip, full of emotion and rage,
as it becomes clear to me that ive broken my legs/
im hopelessly dazed and somewhat confused,
as my neighbors shuffle over and treat me like food/
they are ravenous, body becomes cavernous, im not ready,
to watch my intestines get slurped up like spaghetti/
Featured Vote:
mic.
usuall dopeness you come with. thoguht this was outstanding...for some reason the first line stays with me..i dont know why.
it not really something outragously dope..infact its pretty simple....it just set the tone for me...and you never let that die
through out your piece...i thought that was a strong point for you. felt like you could of made the story a bit more compelling..
thats the only complaint.
Nis.
its apparant you alot of writing skill..you have this very technical flow to your stuff...like its very percisioned lol. thought this was no
exception. great imagery tbh, i thought that was the biggest thing i took from this..and its fitting i mean the route you took with the topic
begged for some dope imagery and you didnt disapoint. felt like you stumbled a bit here and there but not enough to effect your piece
that much...
overall
mic created a scene of horror and shit..while adonis seemed to approach the topic with a more cerberal aspect. pyschological even.
i gota great sccenerio and vibe from one..and some great imagery along with some impressive mechanics with the other.
great battle folks i know i say that alot but its the leagues fault..in the end tho ama go with adonis on this one..she dropped a solid verse
adonis.
Witty lays the indie-film shillelagh smack on nO gOoD's combat helmet in a 7-2 clash
lel I'm terrible at these blurbs sorry you guise
This was a surprising match to read. nO gOoD's one of the dudes that undersells his abilities, and Witty is so modest that most people don't realize he's champed a shitton of leagues and tournaments.
NG came with some trill ass ritten wrapz about war on every front and from multiple viewpoints. Fantastic job describing a cast of characters in order to tell a story... almost like that one movie with the piano scene. Some ones gotta know what I'm talking about. his verse did air on the simplistic side, but the story was moving enough to give his topical some real weight. Still could use some light poetic touch to make every line more direct and effective.
I dream of a cool breeze through trees, curb appeal.
thickets with a picket fence, a subtle urban feel.
my babies playin in the yard. dressed as cops n robbers
what good is livin life if you never stop to bother
to smell the roses? Appreciate everyday of your life,
I'm just an ordinary man who needs a date with his wife,
family campin trips, planing shit, lacin beats in the basement.
Witty went the fuck in. The bolded quote is probably my favorite quote from any battle thus far. Dude's normally pretty menacing lyrically, but this was some final form shit. Also the story was captivating, and though it was a little bit anticipated it was executed with finesse.
Props on a very, very solid battle.
The lone toll of life's bell, ringing; a bittersweet chord
He weeps for his loss, discreet, sore, and tossed
On grief's heap, as deceit sweeps forth the dross
Washed up on pity's beach, bored, and lost
The love he reached for, out of sight, feet tore and soft
Walking on jagged stones, talking in manic tones
Boxed in his tragic home, where life stopped...
Turned to nothing...it's damaged, blown
To smithereens, now his riveting and vivid dreams
Are all he has, he stands shivering from rivers, streams
Immersed and soaked by withered scenes
Featured Vote:
No Good, this was a simple, all american tale - and it registered with me because I'm aware you are a ex soldier. Daps on that. This had a Simpleness to it that reminded me of Forest Gump writing letters to Jenny. You know the scene in the tent, and it's raining and Forrest is just recounting everything for her in a really simple manner. I'm not sure how much effort you exerted writing this but it didn't feel contrived, in other words it wasn't well planned. I could freestyle your verse. Know what I'm saying? It wasn't technical. The charm comes from your real life time as a soldier that trenscends the screen and adds a real life element to your piece. If somebody else wrote this piece, I'd probably say O.K. Alright. Next. You seem like a happy go lucky kind of guy and I read your from an audio background, so you may be able to make that verse come alive with your rapping abilities. Unfortunately, this is a text site. You need concrete content. This was light and could be swept away in one fail swoop. Your verse was like a house of straw. A wolf would blow it down. The section where you talk from the perspective of a female was ehhhhh. Men should not portray little girls, Unless they are that good. All in all. It's your first week Cadet. Show and prove. You spelled diary wrong. Witty, this felt like a diary entry more so than your opponent who labeled his entry Diary of his dreams. The writing was composed and tailored. I thought some of your transitions were crafty. Like the smitherans section. I thought the writing was simply. Not simple like your opponents. This is a fine line between SIMPLY and SIMPLE. Ponder that. Vote goes to Witty
Patrown hammers a hangover into Mac, 9-1
I thought it was really interesting how votes went on this battle... PCB and Frank both dropped ether votes and sometimes the first polarizing vote can swing a battle to the extreme.
Mac struggled with variety in his vocab and rhyming.. story was more solid than most gave it credit for, its just there were lines that didnt make any sense where it went into a tunnel and dropped the call. According to sources, English is not his first language. Cosigned that writing topicals in another language is ridiculously hard, keep at it, b.
i born in a world where misery and pain reigned in the humanity
the demons managed to control their souls, led them to insanity
money is vanity, the economy and politic was already forgotten
taunts & threats all over the way of the society's actual problem
Patrown showed a more sure-footed direction and a less robotic rhythm. Also had some really tight multis and interesting/ symbolic imagery. Patrown emerged the clear winner here.
a galaxy forms an iris with hints of color surrounding
molding a new existence born in a stellar foundry
when fusion lost its fight against the forces pulling in
the stars alter their courses, new ones are born and ends begin
Red Glare sends ZenLand to the hospital with some pretty srs abrasions and possibly a busted rib we're waiting on the MRI 7-2
Enjoyable match-up, both writers came with mostly flaw-free verses which are always the best to look at, two writers clashing in top form.
ZenLand has been adjusting his style, and really went for multis and rhymes this week. It almost came off as too sing-song for me, too tryhard. According to his verse post, he keyed it as he didnt have time to write which might have played a factor.
Where we mourn in grief and get scorned and teased and torn to pieces,
Born to breed and once we've bore a seed we're forced to leave
In morbid defeat restin in the scorchin heat,
The beginning was fertile now we're swimmin in circles,
The more we preach the more we lead to the core of deceit where more of us bleed,
Now we're trippin on hurdles trying to maintain,
IMO Pancake was spot on comparing Red Glare's piece to Black 2.0's style... in fact it took all of my self-control to not grant hiim another VOT. Blackery evident in the fragmented phrases, divided multis and strong imagery that lacks any real structure but still works together as a whole. Not what I'm used to reading from him, perhaps it is merely an evolution of style. AT WHAT COST MY FEATHERED FRIEND. It was an okay verse that took a really safe and proven-effective OTC route.
apprehended, boxed or cemented, chopped in a desert
or Fed to the Crocs in the sewers where toxin is restless
fluorescent and present, detectives, hectic, paramedics
forensics, epidemic, megaphone message, we get it
the lieutenant is sweating, the snipers finger is shaking
he's visible impatient, cigarette ash, flickering pavement
it's those first few seconds where decisions are taken;
that make chain of events link together, twist with abrasion
Featured Vote:
Zenland, only thing that would strengthen it would be to ease up on the rhyme schemes actually, sometimes seemed like they were just being put in there for the sake of it. E.g., the first two lines. Perhaps you are sacrificing coherence for increased rhymes. Enjoyed the "go to church line" good use of opposites to make an interesting phrase.
Red Glare, best part was the ending/reveal of the storyline concept it was a good twist ending. Only criticism when reading was repetition of phrases beginning with The, it's not a criticism like a technical flaw because it's correct writing, but it just gets repetitive as a reader to see so many The phrases.
Overall voted for Zenland.
Innovator gets tooled on by the King, 7-2
Dope match, Keith steps in to break up a threeway and ends up showing us all he still got it. DONT EVA SLEEP ON BARRY O. Inno had a cool verse too, IMO, but his rhyme scheme was awkward and limiting. I was impartial to the story.
Retrospect is death, looking back suggests weakness
Respect is just jest when there is no one to witness
Pride pushes impulse; he begins the showcase of colors
No place is safe when he bothers to spread his feathers
To impress is to breath and the air is so thick he chokes
But he’s blind to his shadows…in fact he doesn’t think that he boasts
Keith's verse was cool, sort of felt like half-applied on the philosophy end but it was really well put together once it got rolling. Cool battle.
Who rules the earth with an iron scepter?
.... Jesus Christ, let's not get too religious.
Man has taken over, we're vicious,
causing mass destruction in a matter of minutes.
Our traits surpass any species, we adapt to survive.
Quick to sacrifice our very own, subtract & divide.
Other creatures have challenged the throne only to fall in the end.
Wrath is ours to hone & consequence ours bend.
Featured Vote:
Inno; you've got a very poetic style of writing. It's not really a style I can vibe from...but it's not a bad style either. Kinda reminds me of a Spoken Word somebody at a hip hop jam would perform. Like, Lauryn Hill for example. Or, to make a rap forum comparison, Fresh-A-Diddle. The wording was incredible, and diction was shockingly better. There was a lot f metaphor use, so though what imagery you had was ill, I'm a storyline kinda guy. So the depth didn't meet my personal needs. Overall, good read.
Keith; first two stanzas were really slow and kinda boring. But you started to pick it up in that third stanza and I felt my peepee tingle. Wording was nicely done. I could imagine a guy in the middle of a circus tent talking about his star act. The rhyme scheme, though I'd like more internal rhymes, it was still pretty dope. I liked the concept a lot. Felt it was fresh from what I'm use to seeing. Overall, started slow but you ended it on a good note.
Vote Innovator. His entire piece was dope to me to where King started off slow then ended dope.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C99iG4HoO1c
Week 4 Championship: Frank vs. Pohfig
My apologies to Frank and pohfig for not reviewing this in a proper mag until now.
Topic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLyge6ZLUCI
FRANK went a similar route as M-m-mighty Mos Def, really insane off-the-wall metaphors and wordplay to do with mathematics. Some criticized the awkwardness of his take on the topic, and contrarily praised Pohfig's focus on narration and events. But I think everything worked perfectly in the context of the topic.
Yeah I put on weight. Million dollars on me now.
Million dollars in 1 hundred dollar bills - 220 pounds.
Absolute value, is going up and down.
Thats just my .2 cent - nine pennies - one ounce.
10, 000 feet above the ground. Yeah I'm in your town.
Flying from New York to London younging. Yeah without a sound
Going 16,000 miles. Concord. I'm in style.
Due to the time zones, by the time I arrive home, I know I will have arrived home 2 hours before announced.
POHFIG used the beat merely as a cadence, but built a great story out of it, detailing a cityscape at the streetview and really perfectly placed all his inners. I wonder if PenT doesn't layout the schemes to his verses beforehand. Imagery and some dope quotables (Benjamins line>>>>) were the highlights and tbh I didn't find anything wrong with his verse. I ended up giving the vote to Frank for personal preference for his verse's style of delivery.
That dealership steals - doing whatever to stack Benjamins -
they want that paper concealed from birth like black presidents.
That taqueria's the shit - the cook's a fat Mexican
who'll hook it up after hours with draft beverages.
There's a guy coming up who freestyles and raps senselessness
but I admire his work in the rest of the crafts elements.
It's not THAT negative - it's just some relevant facts.
There's a breeze in the air and women in flowy sun dresses and hats.
This match unfortunately took place in the AOWL's weakest week, pulling a measly and unfitting 6 votes, which Frank won 4-2. Looking very much forward to their next match-up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29uGcfgTNpg
WE DID IT FOLKS. Fifty percent of the regular season down by the time this week has come to a close. AOB's upstart writing league, with a mix of good luck, good timing, and good members maintains the momentum from its highly-anticipated opening week to this day. Props, bros. Shout outs to Genocide and King Keith for keeping this running smoothly.
Down to business.
Lars, Flo Real, Objective
What does it take to gain your fickle respect? I’ve chopped and I’ve changed what I’ve written. I’ve spent innocuous days lost in dismay plotting away with the ink in my pen. Just when I think that I’ve met your insurmountable standard, there’s always something that’s said that has me doubting it. Answer me. What is it you’re looking for? A verse with mechanics, or simplicity? Good old stories of personal anguish? Do you prefer to be challenged, given something to think about, or have predetermined analogies to sum up what’s written down? I’m stuck. I can’t figure out what it is that you did. Excuse my belligerence, people, but I’ve tried every trick up my sleeve…
I mount and I heave..
Each page represents progression, sessions and hours wasted,
I hate to admit that sometimes feedback feels like sour hatred.
The writtens are dominated, agitated to reveal constipated lyrics,
It's apparent I'm fathering shit, but it's not related to adopted critics.
These cynics diminish my attempts as I replenish a writers ammunition,
a conidition where you envision lyrical superstition with a snipers precision.
Doubting concepts and visions; ''these bars is forming a prison of projects,''
Architects of words swore to fulfill designs only to form a line of objects.
To be honest.. How I can harvest confidence when I tried my hardest?
Chained to change but I restrain my range and connect to darkness.
A black hole of thoughts obliterate the skill to set it straight when I'm full of rage,
my will to write will never fade, but this curse is tied to an evil plague.
Let the Flo' demonstrate the rod and fear of elitist neglection;
I sweat blood and tears when I deliver all you bigamists perfection
Then get high on bongs and beers an sliver away to deal with your rejection
Your speculation on my peices is nothing but pinickity attempts of subjurgation
A violation of the perfection that should be hoffin - prickly vets take 2 new skill with suffocation
coughin - as i sit here smokin constant, contemplating what yall want from this drop
do you want wordplay, simple concepts or artistic visuals like those melting clocks
I can give you persistence of memory - honestly i can give you Salvador Dalí
But when I do I want the feedback to match not ones opinon that all you sheep rally
around and pretend like the echo your creating is actually your own unique sound
I just went to great lengths to provide art most you can do is tear my peice to the ground
or did i astound but dont just copy two lines that you found and say this is my favourite
fuck i hate it - that aggrivates me - make your opinons seperate - one like an one slating it
.I.. WEEK 5 MATCH REVIEWS
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyGYPh8UeSI
Championship Match: Frank strikes down Zygote 10-4 in epic clash of styles.
Classic here. On one hand you had Zygote who has syntactically strong wording and a flair for innately powerful narration, coming up against resident Champion Frank, who tends towards the poetically lyrical- though his verse this week was a shining example of why 'poetic' doesn't mean every story's all rose-tinted glasses.
Both writers exemplified their styles this week, which worked to their fullest advantage.
Zygote told the story of 'dehumanization', and traced the ironic relationship of protecting ourselves from becoming 'dehumanized' by rapid technological growth, while also distancing ourselves from nature. This was an excellent angle, and really played into his syllable and vocab heavy interweaving of multis and schemes.
The claim is recombinant DNA will overwrite inherited diseases,
But the risk of selective eugenics similar to genocide increases,
In addition to the biodiversity risk of chimeric creatures, invasive species created by recombining heterogeneous regions.
Deep into abyss, we are peering into the uncertain future that exists,
Support technological advancement but be aware of the risks,
We need greater regulation to ensure that ethics persist,
And not profit seeking innovations like RFID chips and commercial GloFish.
Frank, who used the actual topic as a chorus, broke the story up into bite-sized sections, used a lot of figurative language and artistic license to tell us the story of a promiscuous kid. Frank's language was apologetically abstract, which I think is dope, and his mix of short bars and lively rhyming showed panache.
Willy was known for his illustrious service
All succumbed to his purpose
The 8th wonder smug in the surf with a love of inserting his cum in a cervix
Squirting his slush and deserting. Fuck a rubber. He wasn't perfect.
Willy was a Sperm Whale. Half ton. Half worthless
Featured vote:
I've got Frank.
I've read both verses a number of times. Neither took the route I expected. Both related tangentially. I enjoy Zygote's verse. I enjoy Frank's verses. Something I cannot place turned me off from the intro of Zygote's. But it rounded out. Frank's command of flow and strong shortness is second to none. I try to emulate a lot of shit he writes. He's dope. Stringing together dope rhyme combos with meaning, he did that. He had more personality. Zygote's verse is something I'd call dope in the OM because it is dope but would have trouble expounding on why. Because it's good, but it didn't strike me. Frank's verse did. Both writers wrote well, but I think Frank took this. Other than Black/dead man, me, me, me, and me, he's the best. Voted without preconceptions.
You both are lovely, better writers than I.
Adonis violently climaxes over Mike Wrecka in a close 8-3 back and forth
PAUSE.
Nah wait, Adonis literally wrote pr0n for his piece that bended genders he had many readers inquiring after his sexuality. Which means you're reading wrong. Anyways, both writers are known for adhering to strict structure with emphatic multisyllabic rhymes that drive the verse along, with imagery and visceral detail at the forefront of their styles. Adonis's subject matter, while disturibing, gave him a slight edge because it forced readers to look at the topic in a serious light which negatively impacted Mike Wrecka's verse.
When allowed – Lungs will open wide for Oxygen,
Or the throbbing member injected like collagen,
back to gasping...Eyes swelling with tears,
I beg “mercy”!!! - In French he just says “cheers”,
“You're welcome my dear”. Then shreds my brassiere,
He gnaws the areola until skin is pierced,
“God if you exist, please take my life...
I pray to die” . - Ironic because, I'm the prey tonight.
Legs agape – pounded severely,
Wrecka, who IS NOT MIC HE'S MIKE, wrote about zombies with an interesting light tone in a dark atmosphere. I really enjoyed this verse because it really caught a rhythm halfway through, and also used some great imagery that made for a pleasurable read- even dipping into the horrorcore genre towards the end of his verse.
I hear clawing and scratching, she wont stop attacking,
take a look at the window and decide to start packing/
randomly stacking, acting like im taking a trip,
yell to my wife, love you hunny, be home in a bit/
maneuver then slip, full of emotion and rage,
as it becomes clear to me that ive broken my legs/
im hopelessly dazed and somewhat confused,
as my neighbors shuffle over and treat me like food/
they are ravenous, body becomes cavernous, im not ready,
to watch my intestines get slurped up like spaghetti/
Featured Vote:
mic.
usuall dopeness you come with. thoguht this was outstanding...for some reason the first line stays with me..i dont know why.
it not really something outragously dope..infact its pretty simple....it just set the tone for me...and you never let that die
through out your piece...i thought that was a strong point for you. felt like you could of made the story a bit more compelling..
thats the only complaint.
Nis.
its apparant you alot of writing skill..you have this very technical flow to your stuff...like its very percisioned lol. thought this was no
exception. great imagery tbh, i thought that was the biggest thing i took from this..and its fitting i mean the route you took with the topic
begged for some dope imagery and you didnt disapoint. felt like you stumbled a bit here and there but not enough to effect your piece
that much...
overall
mic created a scene of horror and shit..while adonis seemed to approach the topic with a more cerberal aspect. pyschological even.
i gota great sccenerio and vibe from one..and some great imagery along with some impressive mechanics with the other.
great battle folks i know i say that alot but its the leagues fault..in the end tho ama go with adonis on this one..she dropped a solid verse
adonis.
Witty lays the indie-film shillelagh smack on nO gOoD's combat helmet in a 7-2 clash
lel I'm terrible at these blurbs sorry you guise
This was a surprising match to read. nO gOoD's one of the dudes that undersells his abilities, and Witty is so modest that most people don't realize he's champed a shitton of leagues and tournaments.
NG came with some trill ass ritten wrapz about war on every front and from multiple viewpoints. Fantastic job describing a cast of characters in order to tell a story... almost like that one movie with the piano scene. Some ones gotta know what I'm talking about. his verse did air on the simplistic side, but the story was moving enough to give his topical some real weight. Still could use some light poetic touch to make every line more direct and effective.
I dream of a cool breeze through trees, curb appeal.
thickets with a picket fence, a subtle urban feel.
my babies playin in the yard. dressed as cops n robbers
what good is livin life if you never stop to bother
to smell the roses? Appreciate everyday of your life,
I'm just an ordinary man who needs a date with his wife,
family campin trips, planing shit, lacin beats in the basement.
Witty went the fuck in. The bolded quote is probably my favorite quote from any battle thus far. Dude's normally pretty menacing lyrically, but this was some final form shit. Also the story was captivating, and though it was a little bit anticipated it was executed with finesse.
Props on a very, very solid battle.
The lone toll of life's bell, ringing; a bittersweet chord
He weeps for his loss, discreet, sore, and tossed
On grief's heap, as deceit sweeps forth the dross
Washed up on pity's beach, bored, and lost
The love he reached for, out of sight, feet tore and soft
Walking on jagged stones, talking in manic tones
Boxed in his tragic home, where life stopped...
Turned to nothing...it's damaged, blown
To smithereens, now his riveting and vivid dreams
Are all he has, he stands shivering from rivers, streams
Immersed and soaked by withered scenes
Featured Vote:
No Good, this was a simple, all american tale - and it registered with me because I'm aware you are a ex soldier. Daps on that. This had a Simpleness to it that reminded me of Forest Gump writing letters to Jenny. You know the scene in the tent, and it's raining and Forrest is just recounting everything for her in a really simple manner. I'm not sure how much effort you exerted writing this but it didn't feel contrived, in other words it wasn't well planned. I could freestyle your verse. Know what I'm saying? It wasn't technical. The charm comes from your real life time as a soldier that trenscends the screen and adds a real life element to your piece. If somebody else wrote this piece, I'd probably say O.K. Alright. Next. You seem like a happy go lucky kind of guy and I read your from an audio background, so you may be able to make that verse come alive with your rapping abilities. Unfortunately, this is a text site. You need concrete content. This was light and could be swept away in one fail swoop. Your verse was like a house of straw. A wolf would blow it down. The section where you talk from the perspective of a female was ehhhhh. Men should not portray little girls, Unless they are that good. All in all. It's your first week Cadet. Show and prove. You spelled diary wrong. Witty, this felt like a diary entry more so than your opponent who labeled his entry Diary of his dreams. The writing was composed and tailored. I thought some of your transitions were crafty. Like the smitherans section. I thought the writing was simply. Not simple like your opponents. This is a fine line between SIMPLY and SIMPLE. Ponder that. Vote goes to Witty
Patrown hammers a hangover into Mac, 9-1
I thought it was really interesting how votes went on this battle... PCB and Frank both dropped ether votes and sometimes the first polarizing vote can swing a battle to the extreme.
Mac struggled with variety in his vocab and rhyming.. story was more solid than most gave it credit for, its just there were lines that didnt make any sense where it went into a tunnel and dropped the call. According to sources, English is not his first language. Cosigned that writing topicals in another language is ridiculously hard, keep at it, b.
i born in a world where misery and pain reigned in the humanity
the demons managed to control their souls, led them to insanity
money is vanity, the economy and politic was already forgotten
taunts & threats all over the way of the society's actual problem
Patrown showed a more sure-footed direction and a less robotic rhythm. Also had some really tight multis and interesting/ symbolic imagery. Patrown emerged the clear winner here.
a galaxy forms an iris with hints of color surrounding
molding a new existence born in a stellar foundry
when fusion lost its fight against the forces pulling in
the stars alter their courses, new ones are born and ends begin
Red Glare sends ZenLand to the hospital with some pretty srs abrasions and possibly a busted rib we're waiting on the MRI 7-2
Enjoyable match-up, both writers came with mostly flaw-free verses which are always the best to look at, two writers clashing in top form.
ZenLand has been adjusting his style, and really went for multis and rhymes this week. It almost came off as too sing-song for me, too tryhard. According to his verse post, he keyed it as he didnt have time to write which might have played a factor.
Where we mourn in grief and get scorned and teased and torn to pieces,
Born to breed and once we've bore a seed we're forced to leave
In morbid defeat restin in the scorchin heat,
The beginning was fertile now we're swimmin in circles,
The more we preach the more we lead to the core of deceit where more of us bleed,
Now we're trippin on hurdles trying to maintain,
IMO Pancake was spot on comparing Red Glare's piece to Black 2.0's style... in fact it took all of my self-control to not grant hiim another VOT. Blackery evident in the fragmented phrases, divided multis and strong imagery that lacks any real structure but still works together as a whole. Not what I'm used to reading from him, perhaps it is merely an evolution of style. AT WHAT COST MY FEATHERED FRIEND. It was an okay verse that took a really safe and proven-effective OTC route.
apprehended, boxed or cemented, chopped in a desert
or Fed to the Crocs in the sewers where toxin is restless
fluorescent and present, detectives, hectic, paramedics
forensics, epidemic, megaphone message, we get it
the lieutenant is sweating, the snipers finger is shaking
he's visible impatient, cigarette ash, flickering pavement
it's those first few seconds where decisions are taken;
that make chain of events link together, twist with abrasion
Featured Vote:
Zenland, only thing that would strengthen it would be to ease up on the rhyme schemes actually, sometimes seemed like they were just being put in there for the sake of it. E.g., the first two lines. Perhaps you are sacrificing coherence for increased rhymes. Enjoyed the "go to church line" good use of opposites to make an interesting phrase.
Red Glare, best part was the ending/reveal of the storyline concept it was a good twist ending. Only criticism when reading was repetition of phrases beginning with The, it's not a criticism like a technical flaw because it's correct writing, but it just gets repetitive as a reader to see so many The phrases.
Overall voted for Zenland.
Innovator gets tooled on by the King, 7-2
Dope match, Keith steps in to break up a threeway and ends up showing us all he still got it. DONT EVA SLEEP ON BARRY O. Inno had a cool verse too, IMO, but his rhyme scheme was awkward and limiting. I was impartial to the story.
Retrospect is death, looking back suggests weakness
Respect is just jest when there is no one to witness
Pride pushes impulse; he begins the showcase of colors
No place is safe when he bothers to spread his feathers
To impress is to breath and the air is so thick he chokes
But he’s blind to his shadows…in fact he doesn’t think that he boasts
Keith's verse was cool, sort of felt like half-applied on the philosophy end but it was really well put together once it got rolling. Cool battle.
Who rules the earth with an iron scepter?
.... Jesus Christ, let's not get too religious.
Man has taken over, we're vicious,
causing mass destruction in a matter of minutes.
Our traits surpass any species, we adapt to survive.
Quick to sacrifice our very own, subtract & divide.
Other creatures have challenged the throne only to fall in the end.
Wrath is ours to hone & consequence ours bend.
Featured Vote:
Inno; you've got a very poetic style of writing. It's not really a style I can vibe from...but it's not a bad style either. Kinda reminds me of a Spoken Word somebody at a hip hop jam would perform. Like, Lauryn Hill for example. Or, to make a rap forum comparison, Fresh-A-Diddle. The wording was incredible, and diction was shockingly better. There was a lot f metaphor use, so though what imagery you had was ill, I'm a storyline kinda guy. So the depth didn't meet my personal needs. Overall, good read.
Keith; first two stanzas were really slow and kinda boring. But you started to pick it up in that third stanza and I felt my peepee tingle. Wording was nicely done. I could imagine a guy in the middle of a circus tent talking about his star act. The rhyme scheme, though I'd like more internal rhymes, it was still pretty dope. I liked the concept a lot. Felt it was fresh from what I'm use to seeing. Overall, started slow but you ended it on a good note.
Vote Innovator. His entire piece was dope to me to where King started off slow then ended dope.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C99iG4HoO1c
Week 4 Championship: Frank vs. Pohfig
My apologies to Frank and pohfig for not reviewing this in a proper mag until now.
Topic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLyge6ZLUCI
FRANK went a similar route as M-m-mighty Mos Def, really insane off-the-wall metaphors and wordplay to do with mathematics. Some criticized the awkwardness of his take on the topic, and contrarily praised Pohfig's focus on narration and events. But I think everything worked perfectly in the context of the topic.
Yeah I put on weight. Million dollars on me now.
Million dollars in 1 hundred dollar bills - 220 pounds.
Absolute value, is going up and down.
Thats just my .2 cent - nine pennies - one ounce.
10, 000 feet above the ground. Yeah I'm in your town.
Flying from New York to London younging. Yeah without a sound
Going 16,000 miles. Concord. I'm in style.
Due to the time zones, by the time I arrive home, I know I will have arrived home 2 hours before announced.
POHFIG used the beat merely as a cadence, but built a great story out of it, detailing a cityscape at the streetview and really perfectly placed all his inners. I wonder if PenT doesn't layout the schemes to his verses beforehand. Imagery and some dope quotables (Benjamins line>>>>) were the highlights and tbh I didn't find anything wrong with his verse. I ended up giving the vote to Frank for personal preference for his verse's style of delivery.
That dealership steals - doing whatever to stack Benjamins -
they want that paper concealed from birth like black presidents.
That taqueria's the shit - the cook's a fat Mexican
who'll hook it up after hours with draft beverages.
There's a guy coming up who freestyles and raps senselessness
but I admire his work in the rest of the crafts elements.
It's not THAT negative - it's just some relevant facts.
There's a breeze in the air and women in flowy sun dresses and hats.
This match unfortunately took place in the AOWL's weakest week, pulling a measly and unfitting 6 votes, which Frank won 4-2. Looking very much forward to their next match-up.