Visitors

[ill nik-A]

Sometimes unplanned days go great, most the time they fail
there’s different ways to celebrate escape & toast to fine details
there’s no bad dreams at wakes & if provoked u bite your nails
saw the light that paved the way but a mother’s hope denied the trail
u have to cope & find your sail… the winds are blowing south
north is where u should be but self-pity’s sting’s not slowing down
violins make golden sounds… its melodies begging to follow
While enemies keep sending u their complementary bottles
Exemplary struggles, it’s the perfect way to initiate those in pain
substitutes are short term solutions but it alleviates most the shame
facilitate growth not blame, but u continue to point the finger
there’ll always be cold days but resolution helps u enjoy the winter
but when u avoid… it lingers, who listens when the ridiculed speak?
plus compiled issues are just life time subscriptions of difficulties
where do the cynical meet? The 13th floor’s vacancy troubles many
but luck isn’t an emotion & we all at some point will struggle plenty
every rubble’s messy, ask for the strength to pick yourself from it
or settle for indolence as betraying your abilities is also hell’s promise

[ill nik-A]

Any words peeps?

[Strikta]

This was dope, I'll be back w/ further critique.

I'ma need links for my piece & this'll be the first jawn I check back to.

Props man.

[ill nik-A]

http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5081-Freewrite-Not-Naming-Names-19-03-2013

Don't know the requirement for links but will feed another soon

[Split]

violins make golden sounds… its melodies begging to follow
While enemies keep sending u their complementary bottles
Exemplary struggles, it’s the perfect way to initiate those in pain

complementary bottles line was cool

[ill nik-A]

Did u just copy n paste three lines? Like really?

[Split]

there’s no bad dreams at wakes & if provoked u bite your nails

first half of that line was fire but the second half felt weirdly placed, maybe shouldve been reversed or put somewhere else


saw the light that paved the way but a mother’s hope denied the trail
u have to cope & find your sail… the winds are blowing south
north is where u should be but self-pity’s sting’s not slowing down
violins make golden sounds… its melodies begging to follow

little abstact for me but carrying the metaphor was nice.

While enemies keep sending u their complementary bottles
Exemplary struggles, it’s the perfect way to initiate those in pain
substitutes are short term solutions but it alleviates most the shame

i thought the verbs didnt fit the lines in this part, but i get what youre saying anyways and its a good observation. "complementary bottles" is dope imagery/ symbolism i would never of thought of


where do the cynical meet? The 13th floor’s vacancy troubles many
but luck isn’t an emotion

word.


& we all at some point will struggle plenty

naw



pretty cool piece, maybe im being too critical but the concepts/ meaning of your verse was great and said way more than most people do in a verse, but i thot your delivery was off in a bunch of places. that said you bring a lot fresher shit to the table w/ your message than most. keep keyin

[Nigma]

Sometimes unplanned days go great, most the time they fail
there’s different ways to celebrate escape & toast to fine details
there’s no bad dreams at wakes & if provoked u bite your nails
saw the light that paved the way but a mother’s hope denied the trail
u have to cope & find your sail… the winds are blowing south
north is where u should be but self-pity’s sting’s not slowing down
Solid intro, beginning to develop some concepts. Besides the last bar you maintained a pretty consistent rhyme scheme.



violins make golden sounds… its melodies begging to follow
Have you met Big Game?



While enemies keep sending u their complementary bottles
Exemplary struggles, it’s the perfect way to initiate those in pain
substitutes are short term solutions but it alleviates most the shame
facilitate growth not blame, but u continue to point the finger
there’ll always be cold days but resolution helps u enjoy the winter
but when u avoid… it lingers, who listens when the ridiculed speak?
plus compiled issues are just life time subscriptions of difficulties
Stayed pretty consistent throughout, the bold part was pretty dope.

where do the cynical meet? The 13th floor’s vacancy troubles many
but luck isn’t an emotion & we all at some point will struggle plenty
every rubble’s messy, ask for the strength to pick yourself from it
or settle for indolence as betraying your abilities is also hell’s promise
I don't hate the way you ended it, but felt like you could have done a bit more with it. A bit more of a message with a punch as well as some tweaked wording would have made it stand out a bit more in my eyes.



Still overall a pretty good read, I've read some of your battles but this is the first topical I've seen from you. You stayed fairly solid, my biggest advice would be to set out making your ending one of the best parts of the verse, if not the most important. Sometimes it doesn't always end up working out that way, however the final words a verse often dictate its lasting memory with the reader.

[Big Game]

This was well written - I liked it all the way through - it had a nice flow to it also.
I feel that all of the bars are quotable but for me - these stand out the most:

Exemplary struggles, it’s the perfect way to initiate those in pain
substitutes are short term solutions but it alleviates most the shame
facilitate growth not blame, but u continue to point the finger
there’ll always be cold days but resolution helps u enjoy the winter (ill)

I also like how you place your vocab - it seems you used all of the correct words in their best context.
Much more easily said - you have a fine way with words

Enjoyable read
Stay Up

[~RustyGunZ~]

cool verse from the beginning, liked this middle bit a lot

violins make golden sounds… its melodies begging to follow
While enemies keep sending u their complementary bottles
Exemplary struggles, it’s the perfect way to initiate those in pain
substitutes are short term solutions but it alleviates most the shame
facilitate growth not blame, but u continue to point the finger
there’ll always be cold days but resolution helps u enjoy the winter

and ended pretty well, kept my attention all the way through. pretty good imagary decent multies though they were lacking in parts but the general piece was a nice read