PDA

View Full Version : The Blackness


Mike Wrecka
03-25-2013, 10:30 AM
TOPIC: "The Blackness"



when my feelings are hurt, im the type that's forgiving,
but after what happened, life just isn't worth living/
in the beginning, I was trying to weather the storm,
now im drowning in tears, wishing that I had never been born/
cant escape these mistakes, so whenever im wrong,
I concave and collapse, from the all the pressure that's formed/
incomplete, the trash heap, is where my endeavors belong,
held a flower too tight, despite being severed by thorns/
wish I was better informed, thought I was clever and strong,
but wasn't on the right track, look back I was lost all along/
being forcibly torn, off the path I was taking,
used to smile and laugh, to mask the fact I was breaking/
now my pride is creating, no escape plan,
im violently shaking, and my mind is a waste land/
people say stop and think, but food for thought tastes bland,
try to pull myself together, and immediately face plant/
as a kaleidoscope of colors, falls and fades away,
all that remains on the palette is fifty shades of grey/
and im afraid the suns betrayed, my emotional state,
I take comfort in the darkness, at night lay awake/
and I can never erase, these scars that im left with,
mementos from this monumental moment thats momentous/
feeling friendless, and tremendously out of place,
like a warthog trying to circumnavigate outer space/
and im out of shape, sedentary, don't feel like moving,
crying in the fetal position, all days what im doing/
in a way sometimes losing, my will to move on,
the blackness erupts so abrupt, and makes me feel calm/
after the bomb, dropped, got no reason to leave,
just want to grieve, hyperventilate every time that I breathe/
my hearts under siege, turns black as it cracks,
the love of my life is deceased and I cant get her back/

Just Write
03-29-2013, 02:30 PM
this was pretty deep. very emotional man. i really liked it. you have a very good grasp on displaying your feelings. ill look for more

Xces
03-29-2013, 02:40 PM
This is pretty solid all around. You drop your flow by adding unnecessary words which brings your syllable count off on a few of the bars.

I'm a stickler for being constantly on flow though.

This was a well written topical piece. Props.

-X

Geno
03-30-2013, 08:31 AM
Ridd my G. Whuddup homie

This was deep as hell man. I've serioujsly enjoyed your expansion as a writer in the last year or so. Your mechanics havnt changed much, which isn't a bad thing at all, but your content has been amazing and you never cease to drop at least two or three true gems in your verses. Very impactful writing. This had a certain strength to it in terms of everyone who reads it can probably relate in one way or another. The best part about these type of lyrkics is that you can direct it towards pretty much any aspect of lfe and still have a relevant relation to it depending on the angle you comprehend it from. ,

Ill shit. I'm gonna try and get active a little more. Well have to collab, ill send you something soon. 1

Mike Wrecka
03-30-2013, 11:19 AM
thx for the feed and ya another collab sounds righteous. send me something whenever and ill get at it


join the AOWL again