AOWL Week 7 Champ: Frank (5-0) vs. Red glare (4-1) [FRANK WINS, 12-1.]

[Split]

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum.

Verses are due SATURDAY 3/30 at 11:59 PST.
Extensions are due SUNDAY 3/31 at 11:59 PST. NO LATER!!!

You must vote on at least 4 other battles and post links. For every absent link, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.
Voting ends TUESDAY 2/2 at 11:59 PST. (Unless otherwise it may be extended another day at the most.)

You MUST check in.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.


TOPIC: For every god, there is a devil.


Good luck to both participants. Frank Red glare

[Red glare]

seen...............

[Frank]

Goodluck

[Frank]

Extension

[Red glare]

Jesus Christ appeared in the golden flood lights; captive in joy;
basking in joy; he waved me forward; through the field of jasmine;
overjoyed - with happiness; I blushed a blasphemous, flash of the void:
I was ecstatic; I acted coy; In a trance; poised; in rags of decoy;
under the sequoia tree; furthest expression; from that of annoyed.
enchanted; the voice was pure passion deployed
toying with the emotions; of those who inhabited troy;
the masked-men; the black smith; the rabid, the droid
all caught in my auras omega-blast and destroyed.
the rabbit - runs across the field; faster then noise;
the non-believers are captured; dispatched as employed
angels; wing spans; that caused drafts that dampened the spirits of 'bad';
who Sigmund Freud would later psycho analyze; as cracked,
language the lord would not entertain;ears clasped to avoid;
4 corners of earth - unknown to maps and tabloids;
knowledge was power he had; in a bronze grasp of alloy;
From the western alps that lined france - the geograph of Savoy
to the windy city, ferocious flags of Illinois
to the Vietnam veterans of the capital of Hanoi
smiling; with gold teeth; dipping dumplings; splashing in soy
in south east china; chatting in Amoy;
decorative fish, ponds of red, white, yellow patterns of Koi
the Hawaiian woman offers him a bowl of; 'Sweetest mashings of Poi'
he travels around the world met with ever-lasting "Ahoy"
he is elite - Hoi Oligoi
his name is Roy Al.
''Captain Roy''
here to save planet earth from asteroid hemorrhoid

'king, you are not the Lord - perhaps it's a ploy' -

Jesus Christ had returned -


a black little boy

[Frank]

A european voyeur; stood steadfast across a roaring river.
He had found the forrest dwellers; absorbed in timber; a tribe of forty members.
Gathered on the river banks of no currency; the shores of splendor.
Where water was pure like pouring britta; the poor cleansed their pores in swarms of fingers.
Washed their wounds of war with pitchers; huge leaves; that caught the weather.
It was August 7th. The expedition lead us to a remote land; north of our villa.
Our mules saddled with swords, porridge and silver
The lush green jungle back drop was dead gorgeous -
Picture the glimmer of the reflective surface of water; our ancestors mirror;
Rushing, along and you are hardly remembered.
Mosquitoes bites through the long sleeves of the Nautica sweaters
Every body is on anti-malaria measures - cautious as ever.
We have embarked on our endeavors; and have found the lodge in the forest's swelter.
The people here are wearing no clothes; torso of feathers.
The last shred of dignity for humankind - found in the wardrobe of settlers.
It is early morning; the sun has risen; their snores have been censored.
The microphone - video camera equipment are morphing together.
Their children run and play on the brown soil - rich with corpses; filtered
Fresh with the remnants of foot prints; of back and forth trekkers;
The smoke wafts through the forrest off a glorious ember
We are standing in the very spot that bore our predecessors;
The great frontier; this imaginary line forms the sectors;
The forgotten man; drawing sand script - sanskrit - foreign letters
Planes fly over head like a large birds - born with engines
According to legend... these people are the last of the forrest dwellers
So isolated; they've escaped both benefit and burden - sworn from heaven
They haven't saw us yet. They are still busy with the morning agendas.
Our guide, tells us - "whatever we do; Do not shout towards the Seneca
It is important not to disturb the 4th world" he says - adoring vigor.
We had toured through dementia; time warped visitors
The smell of tobacco drifted across the river into our nostrils; calming force of fementa
The Sun beamed off our liquor flask; and it a dawned; a dilemma
The natives gathered; we were now the ones being explored from the perimeter
Our awesome adventure was now danger; breath shortness; Guerilla
We all waved our white hands with reassurance and quivered.
The Indian loaded his bow and let it soar for Seneca.
Standing there - shooken down to the core of our center


"return fire!"

[IamBenT]

Such a dense and amazing battle

Redglare - I think this is the first of your verses I have had the pleasure to read, and pleasure it was. So much fun! A plethora of multies, and realizing at the end that you kept the same end scheme throughout like 97.968958% of the damn rhyme was really awesome. The images from around the world were my favorite part of the verse. Not much to say negative, just a strong verse

Quotes:
I was ecstatic; I acted coy; In a trance; poised; in rags of decoy;
under the sequoia tree; furthest expression; from that of annoyed.
enchanted; the voice was pure passion deployed
toying with the emotions; of those who inhabited troy; Such great structure and flow

From the western alps that lined france - the geograph of Savoyloved all this, this was just a part of it
to the windy city, ferocious flags of Illinois
to the Vietnam veterans of the capital of Hanoi

Frank - Fascinating verse, no real complaints in terms of rhyme except for a few places where it seemed off to me, or shortening of line length and being pickier with the words would have made for more interesting sentences. You have this amazing talent, that I haven't really seen with anyone else on here, for foreshadowing in the most subtle and intriguing ways, particularly with your word choice. There are lots of places throughout the verse where disaster is peeking at the party through the trees and surroundings. The time you spend in description is well worth it for the crazy payoff at the end. I just needed MORE of a reason (i seem to be repeating this desire across the board battles) for the actions of these characters. That's my nitpicking of a really strong verse.

Quotes:

Rushing, along and you are hardly remembered. loved the use of rhyme in this section
Mosquitoes bites through the long sleeves of the Nautica sweaters
Every body is on anti-malaria measures - cautious as ever.
We have embarked on our endeavors; and have found the lodge in the forest's swelter.

Their children run and play on the brown soil - rich with corpses; filtered
Fresh with the remnants of foot prints; of back and forth trekkers; great foreshadowing here

Vote -Frank but its very close, I almost hate to vote on this and I probably would have skipped it if not for my decision to vote on EVERY battle this week, but I'm glad I sat and read (and re-read...and re-read lol) these verses, awesome battle.

[Soulstice]

glare - tight schemes but as you traversed the world in your final lines it sort of fell off and the rhymes got a little old. throwing out places just for the sake of the scheme. a lot of solid references though, couldve added more substance to the piece instead of just listing things for the sake of imagery and rhyme. this concept seemed to be an interesting take on jesus and herod in a way, and the ending was a bit 'edgy' i guess, at least if the reader is a modern suburban believer.

frank - definitely a dope, original verse. gotta give props on the origina concept and execution of the piece. the imagery was fantastic as well, from the sky to the forest to the scents and the characters. the little insertion about the native clothing being dignified was top-notch social commentary as well. good to see that in a piece, gives it another dimension of thoughtfulness from the writer. i think the syllable count was a little off on more than a few of your rhymes, but the imagery and concept was too much for red glare in this match.

red glare had the flow, but frank had the rest
v- frank, in a battle of two refreshingly original verses

[Split]

Barakon. didn't know you were nice like this... good tactical choice going for the multis against Frank, btw. Could've been executed a little smoother however. "oy" is a pretty harsh/ guttural sound to be repeating every line, read like a battle chant.

the angle was also fresh. have you read A Canticle for Leibowicz?

angels; wing spans; that caused drafts that dampened the spirits of 'bad';
who Sigmund Freud would later psycho analyze; as cracked,
language the lord would not entertain;ears clasped to avoid;
4 corners of earth - unknown to maps and tabloids;

iight!

strong diction. 143 would be proud loll. but yo, your punctuation was really incorrect. it didnt affect how i read it lol but it annoyed me. you're using Blacketh sentence fragments, no need to put together the semblance of proper grammar when hackneyed commas do the trick.


FRANK.
Where water was pure like pouring britta; the poor cleansed their pores in swarms of fingers.
:cool:
Reminds me of that Esmerelda verse, somehow.

So isolated; they've escaped both benefit and burden - sworn from heaven
They haven't saw us yet. They are still busy with the morning agendas.
Our guide, tells us - "whatever we do; Do not shout towards the Seneca
It is important not to disturb the 4th world" he says - adoring vigor.
We had toured through dementia; time warped visitors
essence


Both dope angles on the topic. I didn't break down Frank's verse at all, because I thought about it for awhile and couldnt think of anything to say. in a good way, like everything has been said. I will add that his wording was excellent. lots of dope mini-details that crept through the cracks, small phrases that were anything but purposeless.

mechanics-wise and wording-wise, Frank took this. much smoother. I liked Red Glare's verse a lot... the concept was ill, if Frank hadn't come to the plate with a good story on deck he wouldve lost i think.

V/ FRANK

[Inno]

red

man this was some strong stuff. the scheme was godam dopeyour multis and pretty much every in your piece was dam near flawless
great rhyming, great imagery, dope flow it had it all. little vague as far as the story and its progression...thats the only complaint i had
for this verse...everything else is just dope man. the start of your verse was ok and towards the middle end when you start geting into
specific details is truly some dope shit..it was smooth and read as such.


frank.

same thign with you..your verse is littered with dope lines with great imagery. i like the vibe this gives man reall smooth like.
had some dope multis scattered through out and your vocab was def onpoint. as far as your content goes..you told a dope storyman
felt like the way it progressed was just effortless...it had a clear start, middle, and end with each having a great impact indivudually
that ultimatly made for a dope fucking verse...great storytelling tbh


overall

i got frank..i felt like both kids mechanically dropped some heat and no one really outshined the other in that aspect. i felt both came equal with
there skill set...but i felt like frank told a more complete welll rounded story that started great and ending in a fitting manner..red droped a dope peice
as well i just felt franks storytelling got it for him...great batttle

[Cereal_Killa]

RG:

It’s Kronos tale right.. Kronos representing royalty bringing death to the masses.. Hey man I aint gonna play your vocab and rhyme structure where off the fucken chain.. Your link to the topic was amazing but the best part was that you made Kronos out to be a hero.. that was cool.. The over usage of the word “JOY” was a lil too much, but you brought that shit all the way back.. so its all love.. I think personally you needed to have added more of the battle itself, one layer of imagery representing the over throw of the people in the first place.. You had the scene set up for it, dropped a bar on it and then when straight to the victory.. Still dope none the less..

Frank:

Dude I’m gonna be forward you’re a cool dude and this is only the second verse I’ve read from you.. The first one I was like this dudes dope but he gets caught in the hip hop element more than the story the your original concept.. I’ve been waiting for this, and wow well worth the wait.. You didn’t faulter as far as development, imagery, line structure, vocab, flow and over all concept of the story.. This was a crazy piece, the one flaw.. the one and only flaw of this to me was the camera line.. it’s a story about the colonization of America but camera’s where used in any serious sense until the 1930’s.. maybe I’ve over looked something and it is an updated version representing this battle for land.. But to me all signs lead to the actual event.. Anywhoot crazy use of mechanics and you are a beast..

Vote = red glare

Red Glare held back to me he should have laced it with a battle scene to leave to in the readers mind the real struggle, but his overall concept still shone and was highly creative..

Frank dudes verse was straight forward but constantly beautiful..

As far as skill goes you guys are true freaks/masters.. Loved this battle

Bout to read votes to see if I missed something on the camera drop in frank’s verse..
Either way my vote has to stay with RG.. His unbelievably well structured lines have massive information stored in each one, and though could have hit harder where insane..

Amazing Thank YOu

[Aesthetic]

Red Glare

Your flow is imaginary and almost promiscuous lol(Joke aside)
After re-reading it a few times I mus say; I enjoy reading your verse man. Deeper everytime, and really no complaints; Loved it.

My Favorites:

overjoyed - with happiness; I blushed a blasphemous, flash of the void:
I was ecstatic; I acted coy; In a trance; poised; in rags of decoy;
under the sequoia tree; furthest expression; from that of annoyed.

all caught in my auras omega-blast and destroyed.
the rabbit - runs across the field; faster then noise;
the non-believers are captured; dispatched as employed

Summary:

Really love your sense of abstract, like I said; dope is like fucking imaginary. Ya know the only problem I saw was the ending, you go from intense visions too Sigmund Freud too asteroid hemorrhoid too quickly in my eyes. You had an amazing idea schemed for this piece but it feels like you mashed it togethor too shorten length when you should have polished, cut and mixed.

Keep up the work biggest problem is its "Too short" too have so many thoughts.

Frank

Iv been impressed more times this week then I can really contemplate; you took the cake, most impressive plot, breakdown, scheme, easy read, enjoyable words, best storytelling iv seen since RM.


My Favorites:

Gathered on the river banks of no currency; the shores of splendor.
Where water was pure like pouring britta; the poor cleansed their pores in swarms of fingers

Ya know this was really meaningful wether you intended it too be or not (sure ya did.) Like the britta vocab put downthoughts tbh but the ideal remains sturdy and the scheme goes perfect with:

The lush green jungle back drop was dead gorgeous -
Picture the glimmer of the reflective surface of water; our ancestors mirror;
Rushing, along and you are hardly remembered.

I also love the journal style you did, but like through the eyes of a director or producer; vivid story with curiousity teeming.

But I loved it; every bar. A book I could get in too.

Summary:

Like Red Glare, it wasn't long enough; Your came off a better read and less rushed on terms of story. Nothing too say that I havn't gasped too.

You set higher expectations of not only the board and myself you showed what's possible with words. Like nigga, you got me rooting for you now so I can one too take that championship title.



V/Frank, it was close up until the ending. Just came off better polished, story and all of the above yo; Most talent amongst talented artists.

[zygote]

Firstly, you both write like the same the writer. E.g., extended rhyme schemes and heavy use of semi-colon.

Red Glare, while enjoyed the rhyme schemes and technical ability, perhaps it lacked coherence. There were strong themes, especially the worldwide descriptions which were nice. Some lines were confusing. E.g., " the rabbit - runs across the field; faster then noise;" maybe this a colloquialism but I didn't understand the metaphor/reference. Same observation for the "Captain Roy - asteroid hemorrhoid" line. Enjoy ambiguity to a certain extent but lost your train of thought here and it was off-putting.

Frank, in this it seems like the focus was on the descriptions. Really enjoyed the descriptions of minute details, focusing on the very small while also moving the story along was great writing. E.g., foot prints line, picture the glimmer, and off our liquor flask line. Full praise for what you wrote this week. Also enjoyed the message, which I interpreted as missionaries claiming to be word of God are actually the devil for Indigenous cultures. One minor criticism, the word "shooken" seems wrong. Overall, voted for Frank.

[Zen]

Agree with zygote this is like voting against the same writer and it all honesty I see nothing wrong with either verses. Props.

Red glare: Dope use of multis throughout this piece. Each line was heavily descriptive in just a few short words. Very impressive. Also the use of the 'oy' rhymes throughout was great. It really helped to link the piece together and continue the story along. Best post I've seen of you.
Frank: Each time I read one of your pieces it gives this smooth/slick feeling when I read them and this verse was no exception. As with red's verse yours was extremely descriptive without being long winded. Your use of multis seemingly with no effort is impressive as well. Near flawless piece.

Overall I gotta go with Frank tha Tank in this one. It's fuckin close though forreal. Props you two.

[Que]

Glare- First off this set of bars stood out and just fuckin killed it IMO:
"the masked-men; the black smith; the rabid, the droid
all caught in my auras omega-blast and destroyed.
the rabbit - runs across the field; faster then noise;
the non-believers are captured; dispatched as employed "

^^This is where the piece picked up its momentum and never died. LOL...I was like thats fuckin insane right there. I am a fan of momentous drops. The rhyme scheme at the end of each line was prolly tough to continue but you pulled it off. Thats pure skill bruh.

Frank- When I began to read these lines I was hooked in:
"It was August 7th. The expedition lead us to a remote land; north of our villa.
Our mules saddled with swords, porridge and silver
The lush green jungle back drop was dead gorgeous -
Picture the glimmer of the reflective surface of water; our ancestors mirror;
Rushing, along and you are hardly remembered."
^^That was a very nice blast of imagery. I could see this going on as the words float over my eyes.

Frank-"We are standing in the very spot that bore our predecessors;
The great frontier; this imaginary line forms the sectors;
The forgotten man; drawing sand script - sanskrit - foreign letters"
^^I love how you described this

Overall I think Frank edges this one out. It was the added bursts of imagery that he put in. I can't really see anything wrong with either so I had to go on the main thing that stood out the most.

V-Frank

[NYCSPITZ]

I liked both but Red glare's seemed a bit more fragmented to me and some of the transitions weren't smooth...some of the elements seemed to pop out of nowhere but still a cool read. Frank had a better verse, it had better storytelling and everything fit under an overarching theme that was easy to follow and thus enjoyable.

v/ frank

[Vulgar]

Red glare - You said that you were from PR but I really can't tie your writing to someone specific. You have quality instincts for imagery, underlying meaning and covering up the trail - I believe you use excessive semicolons to disguise your alias, lol. I could be wrong though. One thing is for certain: you have a very fan friendly style with a rich endowment to it. The verse direction was cool. I saw it as a comic book snippet with a stylish ending; very episodal, dashing in some African sci fi to top it all off in a left-field way. However, I don't think something like this is a good strategem to beating Frank. From what it looks like, he wrote a full bodied verse, possibly a story which will likely beat this. I think this verse would sound good on a track.

Frank - The first time I read this I hated it. Now after a second read it's much better than the first time. Pretty effortlessly told, very scenic and it had a purpose to the long, drawn out rhyme scheme which I tire of from you. I liked that you took that route this time because you didn't want to veer off from the story for a moment, or you/the reader might lose focus. This was good stuff - good enough for the win this round.

Vote - Frank

I think he outdid Red flare here with mere execution. Rhyme for rhyme you both were about even. Sometimes Frank's off multis throw off the entire verse for me and I have to reread, but his story itself was fluid and I liked the result.

[King Ra.]

Pretty dope match up here for the title. Red, I read your a piece a few times just to get a better grasp of it. Now that's not a bad thing. It's actually good because your content I actually favored a bit over Frank. It's one of those pieces that makes me think a bit more, good entertainment value. Was this better than some of your previous drops? Not so much. I felt it started off a bit slow, and that is because of all those damn semi-colons lol, which for myself, kind of made it difficult to read in the early part of your verse. It's actually towards the middle where things really started kicking off properly. I most certainly seemed as if you were emulating Frank a bit with that end rhyme scheme thing (though the style you wrote emulates Blacketh's more), which is pretty cool. But it would have worked more if you were able to lace together strong imagery & detail like Frank does. Frank, I see why you're champion of this league. You continue to shine each & every week pretty effortlessly. I'm starting to wonder if you can actually keep this up- and it's highly possible. I preferred Red's content a bit more than yours, but what I feel propelled you in this match was the imagery & descriptions, which almost every voter I'm sure touched on. From start to finish it was there. I honestly never read a verse that packed in soo much imagery with such attention to detail. I felt your verse was more mechanically better on top of the nice execution of that scheme you are so good at putting together. A pretty good title match, though I feel Frank dominated in more areas over Red, both of you did a excellent job of taking the topic in different directions, but Frank just had it this week.

MVGT: Frank.

[Ink]

Red Glare:
After reading the first five lines, I felt a sense of redundancy. The lines were fun to read, but I think you invested too much space into establishing happiness. Especially the "furthest expression; from that of annoyed" portion. You conveyed the message, more than elaborated, and then repeated it.. Repetition happens later on too, but in these later cases it was with more purpose, shorter, and tastefully done. The rhymes were obviously there and well done as well. The way you captured different areas of the world and also brought it down to smaller scales, such as the rabbit, was nice.

Frank:
"huge leaves; that caught the weather. " dope. The imagery and overall pace of this piece was well done. Caught some spelling issues and such, but nothing fatal. Liked that "sand script" line, but wished you hadn't spelled out the wordplay for us. What I found most interesting is where you decided to stop your story. I think alot of people would have dove into the battle that would ensue, but you chose it end it right there. It was intriguing and left the reader to picture the rest..

Vote - Frank. I liked both, but Frank's story here really drew me in. I could see the forest and crap like I was there..

[King Ra.]

FRANK WINS, 12-1.