AOWL Week 7 Contendership: Zygote (4-1) vs. Adonis (3-0) [ZYGOTE WINS, 9-2.]

[Split]

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum.

Verses are due SATURDAY 3/30 at 11:59 PST.
Extensions are due SUNDAY 3/31 at 11:59 PST. NO LATER!!!

You must vote on at least 4 other battles and post links. For every absent link, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.
Voting ends TUESDAY 2/2 at 11:59 PST. (Unless otherwise it may be extended another day at the most.)

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TOPIC: Innocence born from contempt.


Good luck to both participants. zygote Adonis

[Adonis]

Topic is "edited l8r"??? ;)


Damn, my "rape" verse would be nice here...Good Luck kid


CDM vs. INK (http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5424-AOWL-Week-7-c-d-m-(2-4)-vs-Ink-(2-1)-OPEN-FOR-VOTES!!!)

Vulgar vs. Witty (http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5426-AOWL-Week-7-Vulgar-(0-0)-vs-Witty-(2-2)-OPEN-FOR-VOTES!!!)

Split vs. IamBenT (http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5421-AOWL-Week-7-Split-(3-2)-vs-IAmBenT-(2-1)-OPEN-FOR-VOTES!!!)

more votes not linked

[zygote]

ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION EXPERIMENTATION.

Welcome to Auschwitz, Labor makes you free.
We see Dr. Clauberg - "Commandant bring the patients into me,
Let me see these pathetic wretched devils,
These weak, infertile decrepit vessels."
The women are herded inside, disgracefully and shamefully,
Their jaundiced yellow skin contrasts the labs grey masonry.
They huddle together, barely able to stand,
Clauberg walks over wringing and contorting his hands,
We see he looks like a caricature more than a man,
His face twisted into a growl, permanent scowl, he nods at the Warden of Camp,
"You may leave commandant, I must begin preliminary tests,"
Clauberg singles out a woman and traces his finger over her chest.
"Assistant, bring this one into the examination room,
For the others I want respiratory samples and bloodwork too."
We see the young woman strapped into a chair,
Emaciated, shaved head with a thin layering of hair,
Dr. Clauberg cleans his instruments, she just looks at him and stares,
Her calmness disturbs him, he spits on the ground and then swears,
Clauberg taunts her - "You will be filled with animal seed,
Monsters will grow inside you!" She shuts her eyes and heavily breathes.
The experiments continue, we witness vivisections,
No anaesthetic sterilization, the women given injections.
Clauberg's psychological domination and constant cruel intimidation,
We see his patients force fed his experimental medications,
Clauberg notes "Results in Fallopian blockage and inflammation,"
We see Clauberg's obsession towards artificial insemination -
Clauberg used different preparations, some were from animals grown,
Others were from SS officers, and others were samples from his own,
All through the war he never lost sight of his overall goal,
To create life from a sterile woman and take over God's role,
Clauberg's experiments continued & it's now 9 months later,
Only one child survived to birth, we will see the Adam of his labor.

[Adonis]

Topic: Innocence Born From Contempt
Title: A beautiful Struggle Part II: Birth Defects



“Okay Sara, I'm going to need you to breathe,
Remember Lamaze?...One, Two, Three.
He's crowning. You're doing a great job. Now push.
One, Two, Three... Push....”

...

I enter. Naked and bloody – Full of life,
The only scream is the machine bedside,
Asystole screech – That flat line speak,
She sings a love tale... Then exits on key,
Her beat hums rhythm – It changes my being,
Labored breathes – A lung condition of utmost severity,
I barely muster the strength to say I'm alive,
A hand strikes my ass and the gasps turn to cries,
My heart strains family blood through veins,
Dad murmurs “You're a saint” - Words without angst,
He's cursed behind chains; Mom's my sister; deranged
An adolescent giving life... while losing life – How strange.

How can I explain the lack of love I've been shown,
I've bounced around homes never scoring my own,
It must be the pale tone – Pigmented snow,
Or the red eyes squinted whenever the sun glows,
I suppose it could be my spa...spa...speech,
My tongue's a rope – The noose gropes deformities,
I think fine but at times it's hard to convey,
I stumble up hill, a shattered soul in array,
A longer leg, its cool – My boot has sole,
Hair of gold – A platinum white Anglo,
Seen as a halo. No, I'm not an angel,
In fact I pimp walk at such an awkward angel.
Incestuous... Created in hate,
But I'm one of a kind good God tailor made,
I hold no grudge for the path that I walk,
I trudged through a cervix outlined in chalk,
No remorse for murder – I clipped her wings,
Let the caged bird fly and enslaved that being,
That devilish heathen, whose a part of me,
I forgive and let live... Subconsciously,
Because...

He created beauty inside – Despite
The appearance of fright I realize,
even born in death,
I'm blessed in life.




Part one HERE (http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?4857-AOWL-Week-5-Mike-Wrecka-(AOWL-1-CONTENDER)-(3-1)-VS-Adonis-(1-0)-OPEN-FOR-VOTES!!!) ...Not required to read but just in case...

[Split]

Fucked up battle.


zygote had a really cool, i guess i would say step into the moment type verse. presented a setting and walked the reader through the sights, sounds, and the story arose. the rhyming was sound.

They huddle together, barely able to stand,
Clauberg walks over wringing and contorting his hands,
We see he looks like a caricature more than a man,
His face twisted into a growl, permanent scowl, he nods at the Warden of Camp,
"You may leave commandant, I must begin preliminary tests,"
Clauberg singles out a woman and traces his finger over her chest.
very subtle characterizations here.. "tracing a finger", diction all around matched the tone and mood like a fitted suit.

I actually know Dr. Clauberg's a real person from some research i did awhile ago.

The experiments continue, we witness vivisections,
No anaesthetic sterilization, the women given injections.
Clauberg's psychological domination and constant cruel intimidation,
We see his patients force fed his experimental medications,
Clauberg notes "Results in Fallopian blockage and inflammation,"
We see Clauberg's obsession towards artificial insemination -
one thing i've been noticing in your verses is that your focus on multis can be overwhelming in spots. i think i can see how it all ties together, but taking some lines and simply breaking up some syllables or using smaller schemes for a bar or two would definitely accent your highly advanced rhyme schemes on the whole. here, I actually didn't like this section at all. maybe the large words were unavoidable because of the scientific/ medical subject matter, but it felt very prolix.

i liked the atmosphere you made and the cliffhanger ending.

adonis.

CENTERED VERSES ARE FOR WHORES.

poetic contrast. similar revolting circumstances.
I suppose it could be my spa...spa...speech,
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcrz18VFwu1r3oxu1o1_500.png

your verse became more and more abstract as it went along..
Incestuous... Created in hate,
But I'm one of a kind good God tailor made,
I hold no grudge for the path that I walk,
I trudged through a cervix outlined in chalk,
No remorse for murder – I clipped her wings,
Let the caged bird fly and enslaved that being,

didnt like the good God line, "good" was weirdly chipper. cervix in chalk was cool. being/ wings was a bad slant. needed a syllable rhyme before or something. Im caught between not liking your plot and liking your metaphors.

overall, I felt that Zygote's verse was a little less daring, both in terms of mechanics and plot, but i also felt way more absorbed reading it. respect to Adonis for doing well on the abstract front. zygote's verse was too solid, and Adonis's felt... stillborn i guess. interesting battle and tough decision.

V/ Zygote

[IamBenT]

Lol@Split's use of the word "stillborn", wow.

Great battle.

Zygote(haha) - Fantastic rhymes man, the flow was real solid, easy to go with and yet still intellectually rewarding. What a creepy story and the worst part is alot of this true shit. The ending, its controversial, cuz i personally don't like endings like that, cuz who knows if I will ever get to read what's coming next?? Left me hanging! so the verse felt unfinished. Other than that everything was on point.

Quotes:

The women are herded inside, disgracefully and shamefully,
Their jaundiced yellow skin contrasts the labs grey masonry.

All through the war he never lost sight of his overall goal,
To create life from a sterile woman and take over God's role,

Adonis - Another creepy verse, which took me aback once i realized the origin of the baby, cuz the beginning was a really lovely poetic and in media res way to bring birth out there in rap form. Your verse has so many really creative images and metaphors, that was my fav part about it, even though I just wanted to see more angst on the part of this orphan boy, his whole "heart-of-gold" attitude didn't seem real to me but maybe Im just too much of a pessimist. a few flaws here and there but overall another spectacular verse.

Quotes:


My tongue's a rope – The noose gropes deformities,

A longer leg, its cool – My boot has sole,
Hair of gold – A platinum white Anglo,
Seen as a halo. No, I'm not an angel,

I trudged through a cervix outlined in chalk Wow

Vote - Zygote, I'm a little let down by both verses this week, both were competent but I felt that this being a contender match I would see flames, overall though two great verses so I went with the one I was feeling the most.

[Red glare]

zygote; sterile verse. i stopped reading for a moment to put on a white scientist suit. very doctor kervorkian-like. story telling was 007 for Nintendo 64; timed mines and big head codes. lol.

Their jaundiced yellow skin contrasts the labs grey masonry.

incredible contrast. mundane palette

"You may leave commandant, I must begin preliminary tests,"
Clauberg singles out a woman and traces his finger over her chest.
"Assistant, bring this one into the examination room,

alien

adonis; sometimes I feel a bit like an adonis; vain and i feel as if what I read is about me, in some way, shape or form. not the case here; interesting continuation element; kind of dilutes what you have just written; because it is it is now in the shadow of a greater piece. the first stanza and second stanza were breath taking. very fresh. third stanzas loses that magic; you fail to deliver your original concept; one of birth of a angel. I hate to nit pick; but you spell angle wrong. really disappointed in the execution of this; knowing how well immersed you can be.

v/ zygote

[veritas]

the entity votes:

I got zygote here fellas. Adonis is a supreme wordsmith, and painted a decent picture here, which is all it was to me. I understood the meaning, which was essentially to be a shock verse. Ad your structure was good, your words were able as well. Zy also told a shocking story, and I far more resonated with the imagery, and the character development. When the doctor said that he was going to put animal seed into her, my skin crawled....well done. Zy I did not like how you kept saying "we see" but still, your imagery and story telling skills won the day.

[Vulgar]

Zygote - A cold and icy incantation told with cool indifference. At first judging by the title I felt waves of a "Human Centipede" like twist coming but you didn't go that route and didn't try and exaggerate the surgical twist, pun intended. Some parts melded into one another while some had very solid wording, like the third and fourth bars. I think that because your personality meshes so well with these select types of scientific penmanship methods, a verse like this will always win over the crowd due to it being "so you." Authentic characteristics of someone who really does steep his life and research in science, as it seems on the surface. Crazy flip on the topic too.

adonis - That's creative that you did a continuation from one of your previous pieces in this league. I won't read the other one yet because I want this one to stand alone independently. If my interpretation is correct, this is an example of incest birth: father and daughter have a baby and the baby makes a subconscious choice to kill his mother while he is born. He has intense feelings of contempt towards his makers and their foul doings. The writing was sharp in this one; I was impressed with the path you took and how you conducted yourself along it. Smart, thought provoking writing.

This vote will be somewhat difficult. I liked both verses. Zygote had a technically savvy verse, a little metallic in flavor with a horror element to it. Adonis' was more intricate with character interaction. The birth of the child was tumultuously described and a tint of incest added in for good measure. The ending could also be open to multiple interpretations which I like (unless I got my first interpretation wrong and there is only one correct interpretation)

I'm going to vote Adonis here. Stellar battle to both of you.

[Soulstice]

zygote -

Their jaundiced yellow skin contrasts the labs grey masonry.
NICE. although i suppose the word 'contrast' sort of bluntly strikes the reader on the head with the beautiful imagery, maybe use 'against' instead.. its a bit more subtle and less insulting, so to speak. anyways, overall, i thought the scientific language took away from what you were able to accomplish with your words. terms like vivisection are impressive and perhaps accurate, but the large number of syllables takes away from what your able to do with your flow (although this particular word you rhymed nicely) and the images and emotions you can create. the ending seemed like a to be continued bit, wish you wouldve weaved a beginning middle and end here, its probably ideal when going against a writer like adonis.

adonis - the chalkline cervix was nice, and there were some other images that stuck with me. i wasnt particularly fond of the one syllable flow work, but there was enough complexity interspersed in there to make it work overall. the description of what the baby would come to be was nice as well, and it made for an interesting storytelling mechanism. seeing as your verse also seemed to be a segment of a story, im going to vote for zygote here. both tight verses, but overall zygote had a more original piece and his imagery and flow was smidgeons better

v- zygote

[Mike Wrecka]

nice battle guys. both good reads.

zygote- didn't have the insane flow you usually bring, but you did fill your verse with a ton of imagery. you described the sights, the sounds, the smells of the scenario that you brought to life so vividly. it was an interesting story and I enjoyed it thoroughly. very good work here.

Adonis- you decided to make a sequel to the verse you posted against me. not a bad idea. imo this verse wasn't nearly as descriptive and lacked the emotion of the prior episode. the flow was a little choppy in some spots, which kinda surprised the shit outta me cause that's one of your strengths usually.

I enter. Naked and bloody – Full of life,
The only scream is the machine bedside,

I could not get this line to work no matter how hard I tried. it started smoothing out later on in the verse though.
good work. it was a good story overall and had some real quotables in there but your mechanics weren't what we are used to reading from you tbh.

vote - zygote

enjoyed it more

[Cereal_Killa]

Zye:
Hands down this was incredible to me.. I was blown away.. As disgusting as it is, the realism was brutal.. A transplanted animal-human.. a new breed to create a new race.. the so called advancement of a race.. Which was unbelievably fitting considering the Nazi’s held Jews as low as animal on the chain of things so why not make it so.. Rhythm and rhymes all tight.. all in all I think besides your original idea, your beautiful display of imagery held this piece high for me..

Adon:
Man you got emotion coming out the ying-yang lol.. Its just oozing from you, in every single line you jot.. Incredible.. The story itself not too drastic, not too far out there even though it’s twisted.. Your writing style is amazing, with the way you can put the reader in the mind of the character and keep them there through the whole ordeal.. cool piece

Vote = zygote

To me it was just a matter of creativity..
Cause Adonis had all emotion but not much story..
Whereas Zygote had few feelings incorporated but had mostly dark images to drive the story along..
So to me it came down to the originality of the story itself.. Ace battle blokes, I was waiting for this read.. and then re-read :)

[Que]

IMO....this was one of the best battles of this week. Here you have two completely different angles ......almost like Poet meets the Storyteller. Adonis comes thru raging in some of the most spectacular meta storms I've seen in a minute. Zy then delves deep into his mind and pulls out another universe as if it was string theory. Geezuss guys...I've read them both like four times.It did help that Adonis left the link to part 1 too that was cool. I honestly can only pick the winner out of pure entertainment. Zy slightly tips the scale here.

V-Zygote

[King Ra.]

Now this match up is like the complete opposite of the championship match up. Will explain that right now. First off, I read this match after I constructed the magazine (because I write up the predictions and wish not to write based on what is already there). I read both verses again now before this vote. This is like the championship because on one side, there is better content with the topic & on the other side you have that real vivid imagery & a pretty deep story. Zygote, I loved your direction with this topic & liked it more than Adonis in this match. You put the focus on your character & rode us through from the gathering of his patients, to his experiments & hypothesis/conclusions... pretty cool right there. I will agree with Split in that one little section with all the high vocabulary, that was kind of jumbled, especially because your lines are short, and would've worked more if you stretched it out. Aside from that everything was on point. Not really one of the better pieces you put together though, but solid. Adonis, though content wise I felt Zy had the edge, the way you put your story together was very good. It had that poetic vibe, laced with good imagery & descriptions & these areas I felt you were better than Zy in. You told a good story, though as I mentioned before, the content wasn't too interesting. Your previous pieces had a bit more spunk on top of the great execution but this week you seemed to fall back a bit. I expected much more from both of you to be honest, but in any case this can go either way depending on the voter. I'm going to go with zygote here by a thread.

MVGT: zygote.

[Ink]

Zygote:
Interesting POV you chose to go with here. The vocab here was impressive.. but animal semen? what the fuck.
That ending line was killer and I appreciated how you paid attention to the litte things such as him sliding his finger across her chest..

Adonis:
Sorry, but "he's crowning" had me rolling..
That start of your verse was perfectly done:
"Asystole screech – That flat line speak,
She sings a love tale... Then exits on key,"
I've read alot of people covering this type of scene.. with the beeping and flatlining.. but never done as well as this.
"Seen as a halo. No, I'm not an angel,
In fact I pimp walk at such an awkward angel."
assuming that second "angel" was supposed to be angle?..
The ending was not what I hoped from a story perspective, but was well done technically.

This one's a tough one, I really liked both.. ugh
Okay, after much deliberation..

Vote- Adonis. It really was by a hair for me.. but what slightly tipped it to adonis was just how efficient he was with his wording.. he accomplished a lot in places with few words..

[King Ra.]

ZYGOTE WINS, 9-2.