AOWL Week 7: Vinzr (3-1) vs. Que (0-0)-- [QUE WINS 9-2]

[Split]

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum.

Verses are due SATURDAY 3/30 at 11:59 PST.
Extensions are due SUNDAY 3/31 at 11:59 PST. NO LATER!!!

You must vote on at least 4 other battles and post links. For every absent link, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.
Voting ends TUESDAY 2/2 at 11:59 PST. (Unless otherwise it may be extended another day at the most.)

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If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.


TOPIC: Happiness- the gray area between misery and ecstasy.


Good luck to both participants. Vinzr Que

[Que]

Check

[Vinzr]

Check

[Vinzr]

Hey you mind giving me the extension?

[Que]

Extension need here too

[Vinzr]

“Happiness- the gray area between misery and ecstasy.”


I’m in a dark, dark place - escaped from reality
Take me away from this state; it’s nothing but a fallacy
The cold air sweeps my skin, burrows itself within
My heart starts to whinge, body starts to cringe
Death lurks amongst us all as we pave our own destiny
Choose our own recipe for disaster, brewing with a lack of energy
No angel ever sent to me has done me a word of good
If they were capable of inflicting pain to hurt, they would
All the thoughts in my mind call out the word MISERY
Everything else has never mattered as its now apart of history

I’m on the next stage of HAPPINESS, getting better by the day
The letters that spell my name, now glow without shades of GREY
Controlling my own thoughts as my feelings glide around
Soft, fragile and swift like feathers as they ride the sound
It’s a miracle what they’ve done to me, changed me for good
Given me more energy, given myself more than I should
The air around my sparks with colors that spell the word beauty
This new image I’ve manufactured looks like it does suit me

They’ve given me the drug to heighten my emotions
I may cry inside but I lie to my smile that remains unbroken
My blood vessels remain open so the drug flows to my brain
Everything feels insane, yet body tells itself it feels the same
ECSTACY is a hell of a drug, broadens the horizon
I glare at the sun as it sets, and the image begins to tighten
Whenever the effect begins to wear off, I pop another one in me
Never felt so good in my life but after the memory becomes flimsy
Don’t ever let me go back to the place - this drug is my remedy
Perhaps there really are such things as angels and this is what they sent to me…

[Que]

War within the Gray Lands

King Darkheart:

"A toast!! Tonight..we ride into Ecstasy's fortress!
Let our palms close around weapons from the war chest!!
Our eyes will be the next to see the gored flesh!!!
Great Gods of Morgah!! My spear can't wait to explore a Vest!
If any of you, should fall to mirth's blade,
Enjoy deaths shade...
Onward to Hell!!!.....enjoy the rebirth that hate and hurt's made!!
We are Misery my brothers! Born of the blackest blood
Take pride in the act of grudge and your strength in the lack of love!
The Gods of Morgah will nash their teeth when we puncture hearts
History will tell of the red spattered waste land and the ones that marched
The ones that bark as if wolves were released to ravage
When Good meets the savage its too much for the meek to manage!
Happiness is mother natures weakest bandage
Were built to re-open wounds and repeat the damage!
Our greatest challenge will be to shape our talents
and invade the grey lands that create the balance!"

Soldier : "Sire!! Our scouts sent word that King Ecstasy and his soldiers of Mirth
has reached the Grey Lands!"

King Darkheart: "Aye! ....Then it has begun. My sons of Misery....it is time to ride!"


King Ecstasy:

"Under this moon, it will be victory for my soldiers of Mirth
Our blades will purge the earth and break the molds of misery's birth
Bring back the brightness and happy times
Slaughter the hopelessness that King Darkheart masterminds
To die for happiness is an honor....to kill for enlightenment is an order
To spread elation is our mantra.....we fight for the Gods of Morgah!
Piercing dark souls ...our swords sink into breasts plates
Twist your weapon like their hate until their last breath escapes
Let hell receive its demons back
Let them worship fire with festered faith
While cool winds of joy bring us life
vibrant as the colors on the Jesters cape
Tonight! The grey lands will caress many corpses
even beneath our feet,as i speak, lie the remorseless
For thousands of years the same battle continues
The fight between Misery ........and the Happiness within You!"

[Xces]

Vinzr - I feel as though you've taken the topic a bit hard to draw a disconnected image around and paint a picture around it. The piece feels like you took the literal words of the topic to heart and tried to use that to write it.
This is evidenced by the capitalization of the key words from the topic. It's as if you centered it around a lightly changed idea of that topic, but didn't really bring a unique prospective towards it, which draws from the piece.

In terms of writing, it is good, but has faults. (As almost every piece always does.)

The few bars after this line
"No angel ever sent to me has done me a word of good"
Become end beat rhymes, and it draws out the length of delivery, an slows the flow down from the rest of what you had written till then. This killed your momentum.

Que - You twisted this in a great way. I wouldn't have thought of it in this manner, the representation of two warring factions holding within a single area. (Your mind) Being in conflict is awesome.
I enjoyed your wording and the schemes used through out.
There are moments where you use an unnecessary amount of syllables to draw the same conclusion, which is a hindrance to the overall flow. they are few and far between in this, but they are there.

These lines for example.

"For thousands of years the same battle continues
The fight between Misery ........and the Happiness within You!" "

For thousands of years the same battles continued
Between combatants of Misery, an Happiness in you.

The drawn out ......... isn't needed, and you draw more emphasis onto the "feelings" then onto the spin of it, which can be seen as drawing away from your own perspective of it. IN MY OPINION. - I can't stress that part enough.

Anyways...

V/Que - I feel from a creative and technical standpoint his piece had a lot more depth and brought a more intricate story that was well woven to the table.

[IamBenT]

Ha nice battle!

Vinzr- Interesting, you had a few thematic elements that you shared in each part of the verse ie the angels, at first they are angels of misery, then angels of Ecstasy. I thought you could have developed it more and given us a "face" to this person going from misery to happiness to taking drugs. Each word was elaborated on, which was an interesting take on the topic, but I felt you could have done a better job of tying everything together, maybe in an end verse or with notes in between the verses.

Quotes:

Controlling my own thoughts as my feelings glide around
Soft, fragile and swift like feathers as they ride the sound beautiful imagery here

Don’t ever let me go back to the place - this drug is my remedy
Perhaps there really are such things as angels and this is what they sent to me…interesting way to end, really caught my attention

Que - is it Cue or the spanish Ke? Let a brotha know. In any case, fascinating verse, your use of exclamation points was unparalleled!!! lol Good flow, great descriptive details, the fun of writing this really came through, and the concept is a pretty creative one, i like the use of personification and found it interesting that both the forces of Misery and the forces of Happiness found Ecstasy in the battle, and both armies praised the same Gods of Morgah lol Hilarious. Good message and a good verse, even if for me the Medieval trope is getting a bit played out.

Quotes:

Great Gods of Morgah!! My spear can't wait to explore a Vest! wording was just too funny, as you were keeping that rhyme scheme going lol

The ones that bark as if wolves were released to ravage
When Good meets the savage its too much for the meek to manage!fantastic multis here

To die for happiness is an honor....to kill for enlightenment is an order
To spread elation is our mantra.....we fight for the Gods of Morgah! cool story, bro

Vote - Que

[Mike Wrecka]

ok cool battle guys. two very different verses.

vinzr - I like your stuff. and this verse was enjoyable. you have a style that I find to be similar to my own in some ways so I vibe to it. this had good wording, but as ive said in the past your verses seem complex while seeming basic at the same time. it almost seems a little lazy in some spots. use a damn multi here and there. lol. and also take the end rhyme from a line and continue it at the beginning of the next line. ya feel me. anyway.

The air around my sparks with colors that spell the word beauty
This new image I’ve manufactured looks like it does suit me

enjoyed that line a lot. the character you described did seem a little faceless and I feel you could have lengthened your verse to more fully create the story. but ya don't wanna be negative, I really enjoyed reading it. I just tend to point out things like that while I vote. my bad


que - as I started this verse, it felt a little game of thrones ish and I really thought I was gonna hate it. well I didn't. the first few lines , some of those multis felt a little forced but ya the verse got better as it went on. this shit was aggressive as hell.

The ones that bark as if wolves were released to ravage
When Good meets the savage its too much for the meek to manage!
Happiness is mother natures weakest bandage
Were built to re-open wounds and repeat the damage!
Our greatest challenge will be to shape our talents
and invade the grey lands that create the balance!"

sick


good battle guys. thanks for the reads.

vote-que

[Cereal_Killa]

Vin:
I like, ecstasy itself is the middle ground of happiness.. Cool, this was straight forward, easy to capture and filled with a fierce amount of emotions.. Which was needed for the topic.. You captured the characters internal struggle softly but with some good reasons for their current addiction.. I enjoyed this piece, with the development of your character as a pill junkie not looking for help but feeling he has found it.. Nice drop

Que:
I’m loven this an all visual emotion.. A live action battle field, with weapons and slaughter to captured the battle for happiness inside ourselves.. This was a cool piece, rhyming structures cool and vocab hot.. All in all your imagery is what made this verse POP in my mind.. Highly enjoyed this..

Vote = Vinzr

The writing styles of both are sooo different in this..

Que had the more advanced structure hands down but Vin’s concept though seemingly very simple was a lot cooler to me..

Vin to stay between misery n ecstasy has to swallow ecstasy while is in misery
Where que had made a visual war ground of emotions..

To me the brutal reality of vin’s paradox , is a tighter idea to come up with and make work..

Though saying that yall brought some fire in this match woohaa.. GL blokes

[Zen]

Great battle fellas.
Vinzr: You came simpler this week (in terms of rhyme scheme etc.) than I've seen from you in the past weeks and I think maybe that's what threw some of these guys off but imo you were just as good. Dope piece. But in terms of concept, I have to agree with CK. You took a big chance going with the abstract idea. Of course some lines I felt could've been shortened up to match syllable counts from line to line but that was no biggie. This was all in all a great verse from you imo.
Que: Great first week showing here. Welcome. Allot of excellent storytellers have joined in recent weeks and it looks like you're the newest one haha. Great story telling and your words portray great imagery. Really great word choices is what I noticed most from your verse. Kind of a constant alliteration throughout your verse and I dig that. Props.

All in all both guys came good, but my vote goes to Vinzr. Good battle you guys.

[Frank]

Vinzr - I see your strengths in moment-to-moment writing. You transition from thought to thought is impeccable. Your thought process is keen but your lyrics aren't the sharpest. Last paragraph was dilating though, Good shit.

Que - Great verse. You were on some kevin sorbo shit. the ... and the !!! were strong here. Barbaric bars man. I raise my goblet to you. Last lines of both verses were heavy.

To die for happiness is an honor....to kill for enlightenment is an order
To spread elation is our mantra.....we fight for the Gods of Morgah! - Que

My vote goes to Que; one of my favorite reads this season. Welcome to the AOWL - My friend. Feast with the lions.

[Vulgar]

Vinzr - I see a lot of potential in you... that said, you didn't let the beast out here. You kept your manner of writing calm, forensic, by the book. I thought it was decent but nothing beyond that. The rhyme scheme wasn't overly complex but it also wasn't awakening. I didn't gather any energy from how you blended different rhythms together. Overall this was a decent topical verse.

Que - What's up fam, glad you made it over here. Dope verse. The approach is not easy to think of; what you concieved was creative to say the least. I enjoyed it from start to finish. Occasionally the rhyming wasn't as sharp as it could've been, like for instance I wasn't feeling the breast plates bar.

Tonight! The grey lands will caress many corpses
even beneath our feet,as i speak, lie the remorseless
^Raw lines. Reminded me of Jus Allah.

My vote goes to Que this week for a fresher package.

[Ink]

Vinzr:
"Everything else has never mattered as its now apart of history"
I'm not sure if you intentionally typed "apart" instead of "a apart" but if you did... i thought it was clever..
You really could have done without the all caps though.. It wasn't necessary, and also made it read the word like I was yelling it.. lol
When I read the topic, I was thinking ecstasy as in the feeling, but you used it here as the actual drug. It was nice to read something and be surprised..

Que:
Turning Misery and Ecstasy into kings.. interesting way to interpret the topic there. The whole verse was an enjoyable read.. Focusing on the rallying of troops and pre-battle speech was pretty fresh.. The rhyming was everywhere. Some lines in particular were great, but the other lines didn't rely on them to carry the verse, and as a whole they worked well together.

If Vinzr's verse was more tightened up, I think I would have given it to him.. buttt

Vote- Que

[King Ra.]

6-2. More votes.

[King Ra.]

Interesting match up here. Vinzr, you came with a more simple written piece. The rhyme scheme was basic. Same with your word choice as well, it looks as if you didn't want to sacrifice your flow in favor of more stronger word choice to really paint a vivid picture. Now beyond that, your take on the topic was interesting and actually more complex than the writing itself just as CK mentioned before. I don't think I ever read a topical that did something like that ever, but that is definitely new. I do feel as if you could have benefited if you had touched up your rhyme scheme and used more diction, all in all, it was pretty solid all around & the story seemed to improve as you went on towards the end. Que, your first match in the league and I got to say I like what you did with this topic. It was definitely very original & fresh which made for a great read. What's even more interesting is you used two different character conversations, no narratives to give off your message. Dope. While there were only a few hiccups, your scheme was more rich than Vin's & your content more favorable as well. It will definitely be interesting to see how you do these coming weeks. Pretty cool match up, but I feel Que outshined Vin in this one with a fresh approach to the topic.

MVGT: Que.

[Soulstice]

que - wow i wrote quite a similiar piece. ultimately the meaning behind it was completely different but this was similar in all other ways. flow was solid, language was good, none of the dialogue was improbable except for maybe "lack of love". speaking in the negative is always a negative. a normal person wouldve said "hate" or something. but it didnt seem too out of place seeing as these are kings speaking in ancient tounges with supposedly different speech conventions

vinzr - a breakdown of the drug ecstacy. interesting between the scientific descriptions and the emotional descriptions, but the journey from misery to ecstacy was a little flat and left me wanting to more of the character. it was kind of a basic journey supplemented with the twist of a drug. if only there was more original motivation to take it and the consequences of the side effects, etc etc... or anything of the like, you know what i mean?

v- que

[veritas]

Hard to say what aint already been saod fellas....I got que here for his superior narrative exquisite psychologjcal twist to the topic. Welcom man.

[Venom]

pretty much agree with what's been said

Vinzr - you had some nice imagery in parts, but your take on the topic just came across a bit basic.. the key words in caps is an amateur trick & you've been around long enough to do better. still, these lines impressed:

The air around me* sparks with colors that spell the word beauty
This new image I’ve manufactured looks like it does suit me

^ I thought that was a nice way of portraying a coming out of a depressive state.

Que - flowed great, rhymes were disgusting in parts, and you had a sick take on the topic. completely left-field and blew me away. quotes:

The ones that bark as if wolves were released to ravage
When Good meets the savage its too much for the meek to manage!
Happiness is mother natures weakest bandage
Were built to re-open wounds and repeat the damage!
Our greatest challenge will be to shape our talents
and invade the grey lands that create the balance!

^ that whole section was straight fire. you bringing it.

vote Que

[Split]

9.5- 2, closed