AOWL Week 7: c.d.m. (2-4) vs. Ink (2-1) [INK WINS, 7-5.]

[Split]

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum.

Verses are due SATURDAY 3/30 at 11:59 PST.
Extensions are due SUNDAY 3/31 at 11:59 PST. NO LATER!!!

You must vote on at least 4 other battles and post links. For every absent link, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.
Voting ends TUESDAY 2/2 at 11:59 PST. (Unless otherwise it may be extended another day at the most.)

You MUST check in.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.


TOPIC: Freedom is one of the many faces of fate.


Good luck to both participants. c.d.m. Ink

[Ink]

checkk

since when did we have to post vote links? Glad i caught that change in the rules o.o

http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5422-AOWL-Week-7-Vinzr-(3-1)-vs-Que-(0-0)-OPEN-FOR-VOTES!!!&p=40544&viewfull=1#post40544

http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5419-AOWL-Week-7-Topicaldood5-(1-0)-vs-Innovator-(2-4)-OPEN-FOR-VOTES!!!&p=40527&viewfull=1#post40527

http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5414-AOWL-Week-7-Champ-Frank-(5-0)-vs-Red-glare-(4-1)-lt-lt-lt-REQUIRED-VOTE-gt-gt-gt&p=40449&viewfull=1#post40449

http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5415-AOWL-Week-7-Contendership-Zygote-(4-1)-vs-Adonis-(3-0)-OPEN-FOR-VOTES!!!&p=40584&viewfull=1#post40584

[veritas]

No troll.

Class is in session.

We aint free: our economy is merely the restructuring of debt. America is broke and owned by the FED.

Before 1933 the average man had gold.
Or paper worth its weight in a bank’s manifold.
In ‘33 your gold was lost and given to the Federal Reserve’s will and bid
Who paid our government to print i.o.u. notes known as dollars ya dig?
Overstand that a dollar is debt note, and the FED owns it
So every dollar you “spend” makes you their proponent
VERITAS the truth, so call me the opponent
In order to be free, you gotta see how they own it.
The FED owns all the currency that the government gives you
You think you getting paid, but you aint, and dad’s here to fix you
Peep it: in ’33 the United States went belly up, you tube that ish
The FED bought us, but ignorance is bliss
Swing and a miss, how they cant fathom this
The whole paper economy is a lie
US Constitution, article 1, section 8, clause 5 (google it)
So if the fed owns the “Money” that the government gives to you
Who is really “paying you” and who do you “work” for? Here’s a clue.

It gets better:

The FED is an international corporation
And the United States is their debt collecting agent
Since the U.S. is a subsidiary of this abomination
It can only have the powers of its’ owner’s approximation
The FED is international and operates in admiralty, or maritime law
What broke joe camel’s back? You can bet it was this straw
The US usurped authority over the States but wait
We got to take a step back in order to properly educate….

In the beginning:

The States were created as independent sovereign nations, with all power in all degrees
The United States government was only suppose to represent the states interest over seas
Over time the United States government began to whittle away at the states independency
Cumulating with selling out the citizens to the FED circumspectly and deceptively
Since the United States only had power in realms of admiralty, something had to be done
And now we bring you up to speed on how the great deception was sprung

Now:

Every person has fictitious money in their bank, and what’s worst have to pay interest
Trapped in a slavery of imagination and greed, trapped off in their clinches
The laws of economic, civil, and criminal have now all been re written
Study for yourself, you will see the truth of where I am hitting (your soul)
Understand that the United States only had power over the commerce of the sea
So in order to trap us, they made those laws apply to you and me.
You are not tried under common law; you are tried under commercial, UCC
You are seen as merely commerce please see that you aint free
This is only the tip of the iceberg; please…trust my vain plea
They mandrake mechanism imaginary money “federal reserve note” is their decree
Then charge you interest on a debt that they never actually took a loss for
While our government’s “budget” is never paid, because it can’t be
So you can make all the choices you want....it won’t matter
You are commerce tried under commercial codes, you are “chattel”.
No troll, I don’t care if I lose, cuz this league aint even the real “battle”.
and I know I am the cleverest in all of our estimation....
the war is against an invisible lien of hypothecation.

(this is merely the tip….look it up. UCC 1-308)

think about this: I I give you credit to buy a rake, and you trade that rake for a hoe, who owns the Hoe?

“You are a den of vipers. I intend to rout you out and by the eternal GOD I will rout you out. If the people only understood the rank injustice of our money and banking system, there would be a revolution before morning”
-Andrew Jackson

[Ink]

Fate's tortured task

I abide by laws that lie inscribed by tools derived
From the Sky's infatuation with the lives of human kind
"Equilibrium's a must," and I strive to keep the rule
Even when the nicety of charity is cruelty clothed in wool
I'm the bullseye at the center of every curse and gift
Tearing rifts or shifting halves of hearts around until they fit
I'm the star you wish upon for other things beyond your grasp
And the rationale for those that had so much but now will lack

You don't know what you ask when you beg for paths to open
I find you your other half? Then another pair is broken
How long must I split these hairs and rationalize what is fair
When the pie never grows, nobody gets an even share
Not my fault...

He doesn't deserve the plight he's in, I watch him as he's wallowing
Devoid of sins and evil whims, but now he's Job with boils for skin
A dove's outside the cage she lived, she'll never have to sing again
And in her place, it must be him, that wears the collar and the chain
I see her flitter back and forth, the pitter patter of heels worn
She'll thank me once and then forget, I'm forever subject to his scorn
I wonder if she'll ever learn the true cost of her freedom earned
Another thorn upon my crown, he curses me and hopes I burn

Her smile is juxtaposed... to the screams and tears he wove
Into a basket to collect the seeds of regrets he will sow
And his neck is chaffed till bleeding and it trickles down his chest
As he struggles against the fetters that will be with him till death

I would apologize if that could make the pain ebb away
If you truly care for others, don't you ever call my name
Fate.

[Inno]

CDM

gotdam...lol this was a thorough and well written narrative. It was engaging almost immersive and so interesting. man you went off in the begining
i loved the flow and the word choice..the structure was on point asnd the scheme followed. great way to take the topic simply put i could go back
and forth about how dope yor this and that the content is the star here...not to many complaints..but i felt like the scheme got stale towards the middle
and the langauge got lazy here and there ..ie..peep it and u tube that ish..felt outta place.
but your content never really wavered...this was some outstanding stuff..i reallly enjoyed reading this.

Ink


man the flow on this was dam near flawless g. your vocab and scheme coupled with that flow just shined like a diamond
againts water lol..the tone to this had me feeling serene..like it was so smooth to read i got through it with no problems
the metas just onpoint man the pie never grows line stands out...clever depth if that makes sense lol. csan i say i appreciate
the change of pace from the second stanza to the third and on i mean that just a smooth transition bro..

overall


i got CDM...even tho INK came with some illness i enjoyed cdms take on the topic..yeah it was literal..but this type of shit apeals to me
to i thought his take on the topic was clever and well executed..INK dropped some heat but it came down to preference for me..cdm's
had more for my taste....great fucking battle gentlemen.

[NYCSPITZ]

Both came pretty nice here. To be honest I enjoyed INK's execution more but the content VERITAS presented took it way deeper and to me is what leans the battle in his favor this time. Mounting national debt loaned to the gov with interest by a separate entity known as the federal reserve is a crucial fact that people should know and they don't. Good battle, both are obviously skilled lyricists but I have c.d.m. here

v/ cdm

[zygote]

CDM perhaps could have been strengthened by putting in a call to action during the end, would have given the writing some stronger message. As it stands the ending was like "that is all the bad things - so deal with it." If you just give some small suggestion for change it would have been more persuasive.

Ink it was interesting how you wrote from perspective of non-living entity. Also, how you manage to give emotions/personality to the entity - e.g., "thorn upon my crown." Enjoyed how you left the details in the second half ambiguous they were not important anyway. It felt like it was more about the relationship between the entity and people, and you expressed this well. Voted for ink.

[Aesthetic]

c.d.m.

I dig it, trust me when I say this "We are trying."
Also, if you would be willing; Could you post the sources for your piece?

So, first off I enjoyed your piece. You appear well educated and not one of the youtube gangsters that seen a few videos about the Illuminati. The wording and flow was inciting on terms of "intelligent rap," so I could imagine there being more then a few haters out there. Nevertheless, it was informative and artistic; I do wish however you rhymed more frequently and picked a different topic.
(Everyone knows about the Illuminati, it's the most publicized secret organization on the planet which is controversial in it's own (must be real just off that logic.) So what im saying is "The banking system isn't what needs to be addressed if your gonna be on this topic, you should have mentioned the Bilderberg meeting's and the royal families; On top of Thule Society, Knights Templar and the Skull and Bones. Also you should have talked about Americas debt and what is happening too it etc.)

Sorry just some directions Id point on some low grounds.

Anyways, I enjoyed you piece but was a bit bored after the "In the beginning." I felt like you were preaching, and were a little too repetitive. Things that are both difficult on your topic of choosing.

Ink

Your poetry is enjoyable as always, deep meanings that keep the reader intrigued; I like the subject matter and ur ability to maintain a slipped boundary between abstract and contemporary. For me though, it's hard too pick up the climax, Ending and final meanings ya know? I mean, I got it but it's difficult. Your art is complex is what im sayin.

"He doesn't deserve the plight he's in, I watch him as he's wallowing
Devoid of sins and evil whims, but now he's Job with boils for skin"


Flow is dope topic is doper, game was dopest. Dope was doped I feel like dopamine good job.

V/Ink

Close one guys

[Adonis]

CDM - good lines jumbled with some really boring wording and scheme...I mean really; "Ya dig, That ish" really? Sounds like a freestyle more then written text. I read some where a debate what the "original" topicals were and weren't...well to me this is a topical circa 90's when they first became. The flow was good then bad, then good then bad. I can see this being key'd because you missed huge opportunity's either with grammar or simply leaving out the "you" in a sentence, simple shit that a quick re-read would have caught. All in all, OK verse, great use of topic,I won't spend much time on this.......

INK - Opening up, I've never been a fan of the long-line structure, but it seems to calm down later on in the verse. Not happy with some lines either I.e. "A dove's outside the cage she lived, she'll never have to sing again" missing a coma or something? As is this does not fit and threw me off. As for the concept, I took it literal, a story about a captive who was freed at the cost of another being enslaved. There were only three lines I didn't like, and I mentioned 2 of them I think, other then that some good stuff here. One criticism would be the charter build up, it did not exist. All in all, a decent piece however it left me empty, feeling no emotion towards characters, and no, truly, "high" praise after reading.



vote: CDM Clash of styles here, and even though I hated reading mistakes, you both had them. But I still feel like CDM has more of a complete verse, where INK left me wanting more because I either felt it unfinished or needing more in the begining.

[Xces]

I must say this came to an opinion of Quality over Quantity.

CDM - You had an interesting twist on the topic but drifted from the original intent by getting into political inflictions.
These things have not to do with the hand of fate but greed.

You have very strong bits through-out but nothing that overly popped my attention. The subject matter is something I know much about and have gone into deeply in my personal time studying things, but it wasn't presented cleanly, and in terms of execution lyrically, you were often far separated on syllable counts and schemes between bars, which broke up the flow of the writing, and gave it a choppy feeling that seemed unpolished.

Ink - You maintained flow fairly well though did lose it on a few lines.

"A dove's outside the cage she lived, she'll never have to sing again
And in her place, it must be him, that wears the collar and the chain
I see her flitter back and forth, the pitter patter of heels worn"

Being a key example, you drop the scheme between the bottom two lines and shift without a good lead off into a new scheme. This is greatly interrupts the overall carry through flowing of the next part of writing.

Over-All you had a far more technically well structured verse then your opponent, but you both have weak spots.

I like your take on the topic, an how you breath a bit of life to the lifeless idea of Fate.

V/ Ink

I feel as though CDM could have had far better structuring and a more dominant flow through out his writing. Overall it felt rushed as the bars tended to break apart upon each other. That in itself can kill the feeling of the content within it, as it did for me.

-X

[IamBenT]

Good, eye-opening and fun battle!

C.d.m. - PREACH! Haha on the real tip, everyone needs more of this kind of information, and especially action steps to take on spreading the word and unplugging from this beastly wicked system. In terms of your verse, I loved the content and felt the importance of what you were coming out with, it reminded me of some early hip hop, and how that might be flowed out, so it was a fun read as well, just the long bars really killed me when it came to reading this.

quotes:

The FED bought us, but ignorance is bliss
Swing and a miss, how they cant fathom this
The whole paper economy is a lie (so true) more on this would have been great, cuz its so real and relevant

Since the U.S. is a subsidiary of this abomination
It can only have the powers of its’ owner’s approximation

Ink - wow, this is what I am used to seeing from the RM poet laureate lol on the real, great imagery, interesting wordplay and meta4s!!! even, with a scheme that was dope 90% or so throughout, with very few places where I would personally have liked to see some revising/rewording for a clearer read. The end was great, and the work really rewards those who do more than a cursory first read, but actually go back and look closer at the more intricately worded sections and details that give us that fascinating picture of Fate.

quotes:

Even when the nicety of charity is cruelty clothed in wool
I'm the bullseye at the center of every curse and gift
Tearing rifts or shifting halves of hearts around until they fit off the meat rack

Devoid of sins and evil whims, but now he's Job with boils for skin
A dove's outside the cage she lived, she'll never have to sing again
And in her place, it must be him, that wears the collar and the chain like the allusion

Vote- Ink for a more interesting verse to me.

[Vulgar]

c.d.m. - Good stuff here, I thought you did well with writing this in an educational manner. Most Americans are still asleep and will always be asleep when it comes to this subject: what money is and where it comes from is of no consequence to the average 'merican. I liked how you outlined your points neatly and the flow was above decent for the most part. Using the right words in most instances helped your piece out as a whole immensely, compared to others who would neglect the rhyme scheme to drive the main points home. Two or three parts I wasn't feeling, talking individual bars, not stanzas. Other than that, this was a satisfying take on the abominable Rothschild reserve. Hit up the new world order thread sometime (I know you like to bring up Jesus in those types of threads but also bless it with some good old fashioned research as well since Jesus is a customary given in your case, V)

Ink - Spunky. I was nodding my head at your first 5 bars or so because I liked the impulsive thought relating to fate that you put into it. You made it a tangible substance, consequential for many but consumed by all. Then you give detailed examples and lament in a way about the burdens of the identity of Fate. The process of giving and taking, equal distribution of "freedom" in life, and who is favorable in the eyes of the irreplaceable judge - the one with the duty of choosing which mortals to give good fortune to. I thought it was nice.

My vote goes to Ink this round. VERITAS was no slouch by any stretch with a good verse giving a decent scoop into the inner workings of the Federal Reserve machine. I don't think it was as strongly woven as Ink's was, which was dreamy and also dexterous. Good battle gents..

[Frank]

Veritas - Verse had all the elements - left no stone unturned. This was sweeping saga lol. You swept the dirt from under the rug. I am unaware of some of the shit you spoke of; you dropped knowledge with this one. You had a Krs 1 Cadence. Preachy educational whos your daddy - Big brother would be proud.

Ink - The personifier. First time you centered your verse and it doesn't work for you on this piece. I have high expectations of centered verses. Was this centered to make up for lack of?

My votes goes to c.d.m for a serious school session

[Cereal_Killa]

Cdm:

“We aint free: our economy is merely the restructuring of debt. America is broke and owned by the FED.”

Ummm awesome :)

Look this so far is 1# verse of the week for me, I was all for King Keith’s hands down.. And this ish is all what im into.. Other countries political and financial situation and their entire economic system.. You wrote this with heart and understanding.. You kept through in everyday slang which brought this piece to a one on one word of advice.. I loved that.. the lines where stretched at times no doubt but the message and the content was so fucken important that who gives a shit..

“And now we bring you up to speed on how the great deception was sprung”

Ultra cool..
Fantastic piece and if you haven’t watch “The Inside Job” yet about the “Global Financial Crisis” peep that ish IMMEDIATLEY.. immediately.. immediately.. immediate-ly


INK:

Hey dude that concepts sick.. Don’t blame it on FATE, oh so too often do people do this “shakes fist in air” dope shit dude seriously.. Hey your structure and general style itself is always on par with sweetness, I mean your ish rocks no doubt.. The metaphorical lines of emotion and action, the twisted arse vocab that hits hard.. dude all up dope drop as always my man.

“Tearing rifts or shifting halves of hearts around until they fit”

Oh why yes sir I do like :)

Vote = c.d.m

Hey this is brutal, cause the first glance of overwhelming information in cdm really and truly has mass value to me.. And don’t get me wrong ink’s twist on fate was ace but CDM’s verse grabbed me by the bulls I mean, ahh you get what I mean.. tight match up guys..

[King Ra.]

5-5. More votes.

[Soulstice]

cdm - i dont know. in my opinion the onslaught of information that was augmented by the "google it" and "youtube that ish" seemed lazy and without solid backing nor deeper explanation or opinion. as far as the demonization of the american currency goes, im not sure how effective it was, in convincing me the dollar is particularly dangerous, perhaps in that appreciating more rapidly against say the euro, but nothing that can really, honestly, affect someone personally on a small scale for now. perhaps the dangers of credit and loaning are in there, but thats more of a private company thing, sending anyone with a pulse a credit card so they can collect on interest. the flow was incredibly stretched as well. i think the focus on predatory lending wouldve been miles more effective, rather than a rabid deconstruction of the american dollar on all fronts, and you couldve mechanically honed the piece to make it more fluid and easy to read, which wouldve helped your cause as well.

ink - "shell thank me once and then forget" was a real powerful line, and then the ending made it all the more better. i immediately re-read the piece upon completion and could appreciate the thought put into some of the concepts. flow was pretty cool as well. overall, a piece i enjoyed riding

v - ink, if for nothing but enjoyment

[Venom]

cdm - topic was dope, loved the references and the points you made throughout the verse, but felt as though the flow and rhymes were quite basic.. I've seen stuff you've done in the past on other sites, so I know you're capable of sending a message without sacrificing anything when you put the effort in, so this just screams to me that it was rushed for whatever reason. still, some nice lines in there and I felt you tackled the topic at a deep level rather than just at face value, which is always a good thing.

ink - first thing I noticed was the flow, much smoother than cdm's. your choice of vocab & rhymes helped. some lines felt a bit forced to me personally.. eg, when a sentence ends with "..but now will lack" that just seems like a forced ordering of words.. might just be me, but it bothers me. to be honest, there's not much else I can criticise you for. you approached the topic in the same way I would, which appealed.. and you didn't disappoint. you had some inciteful lines, such as:

A dove's outside the cage she lived, she'll never have to sing again
And in her place, it must be him, that wears the collar and the chain
I see her flitter back and forth, the pitter patter of heels worn
She'll thank me once and then forget, I'm forever subject to his scorn

^ loved that

overall, 2 good verses.. but my vote goes to Ink

[King Ra.]

INK WINS, 7-5.