Ambition

[oats]

I don't believe in nightfalls, it might sound dumb or obtuse
but I've only noticed darkness rising - a smothering plume
and while the sun is consumed by shadows that tug at its hues
I watch it, wonder and muse, like what the fuck should I do?
almost 26, a third of life is under review -
though most likely closer to half, with all the drugs I've abused
hailed as brilliant, but don't get me and my brother confused
he has legitimate genius and applied it for a functional use

me? I have a hunger for truth, but a squeamish digestion
part-time sunken recluse, tenured fiend for attention
cursed with unquenchable curiosity without equal dimension
behind a lonely, unfocused soul with a need for expression
seasonal tension - I walk a tightrope on a lean to depression
countered with pigmented smiles, but don't believe my complexion
one-night significant others n' my addiction to substances were means to discretion
just emotional coping tools; crutches for my ceaseless dependence

all these secrets I've mentioned have helped me come to the meaning
that there's 2 of me: one awakens while the other is dreaming
one's the CEO, the other shows up drunk to the meeting
yet neither can help but think that they're underachieving
Earth's magnetic exhale, feel the iron lungs of it breathing
defying gravity through the mass that governs its being
feet like stumps of a tree - frozen, sunken retreating
while my head suffers dreams held captive under the ceiling

still, a thunderous feeling echoes - perhaps it means I'm hollow
it tells me “lead with your heart, then happiness will follow”
so I do. I bleed through this art, pen n' pad to ease the sorrow
but I can't remember a second recently I've had to tweak my novel
It's about my hometown and the changes we have to eat and swallow
It's about the charm of the rainy season, the magic of each pothole
the people stuck here with only drips of ambition to salvage from the bottle
It's either genius or it's awful - I'm so erratic with bravado

But now I'm this backwards teaching model on the brink of insanity
The beach erodes while the marsh is slowly shrinking in vanity
Meanwhile my novel's dying with them - everything is a tragedy
And I guess it's all my fault because I think in analogies
these manifested connections bely a simple reality
that EVERYTHING - our very existence is shadowy
afoot the curtails of a golden orb, dependent on alchemy
we're tossed and twirled about by the whims of its gravity

thus ambition's a malady for a fatalist body
so I awaken every day and stick my face into coffee
complacency taught me not to swim, just drift with my peers;
all I need is love...job security and a fridge full of beer
the picture is clear, night continues even at the shadows end
it’s not that dreams don’t come true – we just grow out of them

[dead man]

Loved it.

Gotta run but I'll be back.

[Geno]

I watch it, wonder and muse, like what the fuck should I do? almost 26, a third of lifeisunderreview -though most likely closer to half, with all the drugs I've abused

Sickkkk

all these secrets I've mentioned have helped me come to the meaning that there's 2 of me: one awakens while the other is dreaming one's the CEO, the other shows up drunk to the meeting yet neither can help but think that they're underachieving

Dope also, the drunk to the meeting line was nuts

complacency taught me not to swim, just drift with my peers; all I need is love...job securityand a fridgefull of beer

This is always a dope concept, everytime. Everyway.

Those were my standouts. Well written and dope oats

[CopyPat]

dead man Jr.

This just reminded me of why i even liked u in the first place... i think i forgot why somehow hahaha. its been a long ass time since u posted anything in here, there was no rust lemme tell ya. You should post more in the cypher too, i seen you with a few gems in there.

tons of quotables, VERY smooth read, good vocab but not overly wordy, complexity and scheming were above average. it had it all really. there wasn't that one it factor for me though, so it didn't blow me away. i really liked it but overall it wasn't outstanding to me, i'de give an 8/10 though. really good drop, well thought out, good writing bro, keep em commin

[oats]

appreciate it, gentlemen

[NYCSPITZ]

RECYCLED

[oats]

Totoro I changed "24" to "26," so it's different bro

[Frank]

True^

Memorable verse

[Vulgar]

oats

I don't believe in nightfalls, it might sound dumb or obtuse
but I've only noticed darkness rising - a smothering plume
and while the sun is consumed by shadows that tug at its hues
I watch it, wonder and muse, like what the fuck should I do?
^Irresolute in the quest to come full circle as a man.
almost 26, a third of life is under review -
though most likely closer to half, with all the drugs I've abused
hailed as brilliant, but don't get me and my brother confused
he has legitimate genius and applied it for a functional use
^lol, what's your brother doing? I'm going to guess he's a math teacher or an engineer.

me? I have a hunger for truth, but a squeamish digestion
part-time sunken recluse, tenured fiend for attention
cursed with unquenchable curiosity without equal dimension
behind a lonely, unfocused soul with a need for expression
^Fourth line is very honest. Effective.
seasonal tension - I walk a tightrope on a lean to depression
countered with pigmented smiles, but don't believe my complexion
^Cool phrase @ 'pigmented smiles' - fading in and out as defense mechanisms.one-night significant others n' my addiction to substances were means to discretion
just emotional coping tools; crutches for my ceaseless dependence

all these secrets I've mentioned have helped me come to the meaning
that there's 2 of me: one awakens while the other is dreaming
one's the CEO, the other shows up drunk to the meeting
yet neither can help but think that they're underachieving
^Haha.
Earth's magnetic exhale, feel the iron lungs of it breathing
defying gravity through the mass that governs its being
feet like stumps of a tree - frozen, sunken retreating
while my head suffers dreams held captive under the ceiling
^There's a feeling of claustrophobia here. Nice sensory visual comparisons to how it feels to be bogged down by the forces of gravity, too.
still, a thunderous feeling echoes - perhaps it means I'm hollow
it tells me “lead with your heart, then happiness will follow”
so I do. I bleed through this art, pen n' pad to ease the sorrow
^I like the content but the rhyming words are weak: hollow, follow, sorrow. You're not faulted for it, just a pet peeve of mine because I prefer to choose hard-to-find rhymes.
but I can't remember a second recently I've had to tweak my novel
^lolI
t's about my hometown and the changes we have to eat and swallow
It's about the charm of the rainy season, the magic of each pothole
the people stuck here with only drips of ambition to salvage from the bottle
^Third line is slightly choppy.
It's either genius or it's awful - I'm so erratic with bravado

But now I'm this backwards teaching model on the brink of insanity
The beach erodes while the marsh is slowly shrinking in vanity
Meanwhile my novel's dying with them - everything is a tragedy
And I guess it's all my fault because I think in analogies
^Last line is dope.
these manifested connections bely a simple reality
that EVERYTHING - our very existence is shadowy
afoot the curtails of a golden orb, dependent on alchemy
we're tossed and twirled about by the whims of its gravity
^Solid.
thus ambition's a malady for a fatalist body
so I awaken every day and stick my face into coffee
complacency taught me not to swim, just drift with my peers;
all I need is love...job security and a fridge full of beer
^lol
the picture is clear, night continues even at the shadows end
it’s not that dreams don’t come true – we just grow out of them
^Ambitious introspection dawns and extinguishes itself like the cycle of a solar flare. I'm not gifted in the science of the sun so I'll stop there.

This was pretty good. Your organization is off the chain. Content-wise, it wasn't as outstanding as some of your other pieces. It was solid.

Keep doing you