Animal Instinct

[Rawn M.D.]

Leave em bleeding, Hematomas-all over; bruised blotches black n blue
Dalmatian dog hides with raw insides, refuse for rabid Raccoons
Elephant stop craniums to Conch, eyes bleeding waters of the ocean
Irrigate ear canals to drown out sounds; venomous hissing from a Cobra
Hyena laugh with breathing gasps leading up to each siege and attack
balloon chested; Baboons question the redness of a clean beatin ass
Lemur leap; on two feet I creep, looking with the long neck of a Giraffe
charging head first, kicking up dirt, soundin the horn; a Rhinoceros blast
Inflict swift Kangaroo kicks, cracking sternums down to Spongiform
Magazines lined up clean, Amazonian Bullet Ants confront to storm
I watch, with the stillness of a Sloth, awaiting for the next Insect to fall
Then Puma pounce with the silence of a Mouse - on its neck; clenched jaws
Savage beast lung capacity, pull the wool out from underneath Wolverines
Golden Eagle talons deep; grip lethal incisor teeth sharper then an Owl's beak
A corpse collector, defending predator, who swarms in force baiting Piranha
Nothings better then the taste of some leather or maybe something rotten...
...except for someone plaguing the sun; waiting, plottin', playing Opossum

[Exoduzt]

Usually with the rhyme scheme set up the way it is with the long bar length and the internal rhyming it would be hard to find a steady flow...but It was pretty smooth to say the least. Some parts were a bit rough but besides that I enjoyed this whole piece. The concept was cool and I loved the raw attitude this rhyme gave off. It fit the concept pretty well. i liked the sloth line.

[Nigma]

I've seen better executed rhyme schemes from you Rawn but the content was fresh. Enjoyed the theme, not much else to say. Nothing extravagant but definitely worth the read.

Belated congratulations on your 333rd post

[Rawn M.D.]

climb

[namix]

Leave em bleeding, Hematomas-all over; bruised blotches black n blue
Dalmatian dog hides with raw insides, refuse for rabid Raccoons
Elephant stop craniums to Conch, eyes bleeding waters of the ocean
Irrigate ear canals to drown out sounds; venomous hissing from a Cobra
Hyena laugh with breathing gasps leading up to each siege and attack
balloon chested; Baboons question the redness of a clean beatin ass
Lemur leap; on two feet I creep, looking with the long neck of a Giraffe
charging head first, kicking up dirt, soundin the horn; a Rhinoceros blast
Inflict swift Kangaroo kicks, cracking sternums down to Spongiform
Magazines lined up clean, Amazonian Bullet Ants confront to storm
I watch, with the stillness of a Sloth, awaiting for the next Insect to fall
Then Puma pounce with the silence of a Mouse - on its neck; clenched jaws
Savage beast lung capacity, pull the wool out from underneath Wolverines
Golden Eagle talons deep; grip lethal incisor teeth sharper then an Owl's beak
A corpse collector, defending predator, who swarms in force baiting Piranha
Nothings better then the taste of some leather or maybe something rotten...
...except for someone plaguing the sun; waiting, plottin', playing Opossum

Irrigate ear canals to drown out sounds;
...slick

Hyena laugh with breathing gasps leading up to each siege and attack
...hlol hlol

it was a cool read - what stifles it from being what it could become was the fact that it read like an almost great rhyme-focused flex, and it read almost like a dope wordplay flex -- without a clear victor of each category, this drop read like a "im fucked up but i have a cool concept" rant, and it was a cool one. Yea, I've seen you rock the rhyme schemes with the best of them - far more attention to detail in the schemes than I've been historically -- since those have read so fluidly in the past, and it sounded natural -- this read as what would be a solid rhyme scheme for most heads, to in your case, seeming like rawn's not trying at all... That said - not trying at all still is worth the read.. and your conceptual expansion made it cooler - expanding on it one step further for a concept here or there would have helped tranform this from a "cool" to "straight dope." read

Definitely worth the read, and almost a brilliant tease into something that "could" be. Something you know that I know that you're more than capable of. :cool: