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Exoduzt
03-28-2013, 04:09 PM
speed it up

How bout you try to envision the image of me gettin' three sixes
en scripted inked in and imprinted three inches
deep with a pin rippin' my wrists witnessin' the blood drippin
without flinchin' while I'm in prison just itchin' for the prescription
to kick in that my Misses slipped in the slit of her clit with a quickness...
the same bitch who didn't give a shit when I was hittin a different mistress on congical visits....


I'm way more deeper than six feet beneath my feets sneakers...where heat seekers
and flames shriek along rhythms of drum beats and screams peak without speakers...
Now it's the same ol' song all the cocaine's gone but at least my flow game strong...
I'm hittin' propane bongs, shit, I was breakin bad way before the show came on!...
This is why you should never mess with pills...I'm bath salted out wonderin' who else to kill...
Now I Just gave myself the chills...Always get the shakes but always forget to spill...
Dedication! keeps my rhymes dope so I put my notebooks under grow lights...
I'm so nice! and the climb of my life is steep sorta like the local coke price...
Fuck it I no longer wanna keep it a secret that my pet peeve is jesus...
AND YES I MEAN TO SCREAM THIS!...I have demon semen
So don't try and deceive this genius when most of yall are dry heavin penis...

Zen
03-28-2013, 04:24 PM
I love the rhyme scheme you have here. It's kind of a similar style with mine and imo it helps the flow run a hell of a lot smoother and makes each line roll straight off your tongue so props to that. Some of the multis were kinda blah to me like these lines:
Now it's the same ol' song all the cocaine's gone but at least my flow game strong...
I'm hittin' propane bongs, shit, I was breakin bad way before the show came on!...
Idk that just felt kinda typical rap shit to me you know what I mean? But literally besides those lines there was really nothing bad I could say about this except maybe expand your vocabulary. Good piece man.

Exoduzt
03-28-2013, 04:32 PM
Nah I know what you mean there.. I was trying to land a hit with the breaking bad line and i didnt set it up properly...I just kinda wrote this on the fly a while a go..Thanks for the feed appreciate it

Nigma
03-28-2013, 06:23 PM
First and second stanza don't feel like they really belong together, but both have strong points in their own light. You could probably build a separate verse out of both of them. The rhyme scheme in the last half the first section was really nice. Breaking bad line could have been reworded to work out better then it did. The second verse was pretty strong besides that, up until the last couple lines which I wasn't a big fan of. Id say you should consider these two a work in progress and continue to whittle away at it. I enjoyed this for what it was

Geno
03-29-2013, 12:16 PM
Yooooooo, stop fucking playing. Is this exoduzt from u.s. undaground and all the ezboards?

-AnOn.. holla atcha boy maine. If its you then I do believe an epic collab iis waaaayyyy beyond due