Vague Memories PT1

[Strikta]

I wore my heart on my sleeve for most of my life
So my problems impede as they'd noticeably strike
Imposing my will, w/ focus so bright, no... it's a lie
I'm honing my skills, zoning on pills, dosed thru a night
A loneliness kills, only for thrills.. still. I know it's not right
For my throne I would fight, tho I don't have.. alot left
Am I mad at God? Yes.. I'll never pass.. that odd test
Felonious spills are soaking my knife, my passion?..
Hard pressed, forget the fashion, I'm smoking a pipe
As they dressed casually, why? A sadness called death
Caused reaction, forced them to wear black & bawl, YES

God bless,

I'll be back, to cause stress. ;)

[PancakeBrah]

Imposing my will, w/ focus so bright, no... it's a lie
I'm honing my skills, zoning on pills, dosed thru a night
A loneliness kills, only for thrills.. still. I know it's not right
For my throne I would fight, tho I don't have.. alot left

Nice.

Other than some wording that I'd personally change (using 'a' instead of 'the' in a couple spots) this was a quality short piece. You seem to veer towards the more introspective and personal when you drop Open Mics which is a cool clash with your boarding habits. Technically sound all around, no hiccups in flow. Rhymes were on point.

Good shit.

[Strikta]

Thanks Cakester.

I was kinda buzzed last night when I keyed this up... PT2 will be written tonight, I'll attempt to connect w/ my past a bit more & bring some parallel imagery to it.

We'll see how that goes, it will be about 3x as long as PT1 here, & I'd love ur critique.

So I'll mention u back to that piece, & if u have something u'd like me to see just link me to it bro.

[Split]

Ill give better feed on PT2. do you still have that verse you did for the NWL? verse fucked shit up.. my points that paragraph form fit ur style mad well. but some good lines and rhymes in this anyways