TOPICAL: Aesthetic vs. Split Eight -- Split Eight wins

[Split]

AOWL House rules

Right around 32 lines, due ASAP (before noon)

Aesthetic (we each vote on two BA battles and edit them into our checkins)


http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5l8dk3vKZ1rvh22po1_400.jpg

[Aesthetic]

Check

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?p=274613&posted=1#post274613

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?p=274616&posted=1#post274616

[Aesthetic]

Her name was Natália she had truth in her eyes.
A young woman from the favella who had strength in her size.
She found that demise is a symbol of purity.
When enlightenment is caused from gods scrutiny.
A talent she always had was painting pictures.
From writing poetry to drawing picturesque scriptures.
And every step she took she pictured the brightest sky.
Waiting for a man everyday praying life wouldn't lie.

Day at the market crowded and unkind.
A shop teller tries screwing her out of a dollar and dime.
A young man approaches and covers the fee, he says for you anything is free.
Shes unwitting and willingly to exert her personality.
Starstruck and loving like her heart was a casualty.
They meet daily to talk and riddle passionatly.
Hes always bashful funny and outgoing.
Her prayers she thought had been finally answered.

As usual they both meet to recap.
At a dock where the white men vacation at.
He convinces a captain to sail the cliffs waters.
Where caves and castles are built like alters.
Romantics gazing at stars reflecting passed fathers.
Sex at candlelight, the night was her quintessence.

Natália is walked home to her family, a happy ending.
But the next day her calls are pending.
Heart reprimending she head to his house.
Careless and fast like a cat and mouse.
Approaches the door but it breezes open.
She finds her boyfriend bloodied but glooming
And a man standing frenzied and grooming.
"Where did u think he got that money?"
She hugs him tight promising to squeeze tighter.
Snaps, the mans head, fire from a lighter.
Catching her eyes, and lovers head.
Blind from beauty covered in red.
But the girl, without sight to be said.
Lives everyday drawing the things that's prevented from led.
The boy survived, and opened a shop that helps young men plan ahead.

Really forgot how hard it is to write a story in 32 lines. I forgot I was on time, so im dropping it as is. I whent over the limit cause I wasn't counting lines, though im not worried about losing. Just had to write something. Goodluck and im looking forward to your piece.

[Split]

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5l8dk3vKZ1rvh22po1_400.jpg

light to the touch- a prism to raze.
scattered the spectrums,
sedimentary splinters casted a play.
piece de resistance-
was left in a pedestrian rain. steam meeting fog
briefly to talk- but walk on their way, visitor's pass,
seeing's to sight as cite is to page- postcards, and stamps,
glowering glance- tuned to the hits, nobody danced.
cirrus, cumulus, strata- summa cum lauda
groping for hands. crawling for shade in the sand,
we're a human sonata
rewording a dirge for terra firma forgotten,
banners, anthems for fathers-
interpretive candles
waxing in moonbeams. the barrio's stupor, substantial-
when it's pupils had spread, students like strep,
walking the piers like operational phantoms.
you could hear children seeking the hidden.
nostalgia is fickle. deviant. distant.
sculptures trekked in by footsteps.
it clings to your heels. swallows them whole.
body and soul. catechized glimpses,
panorama collapses with gradual wisdom.
age is a number. a reference plane.
stencilling stains in the asphalt with chalk,
or a rattling maw through which acryllics are drawn,
filling the cracks with a glaze
for tired eyes to run over,
and chuckle, in praise.
the neighborhood's gone, motifs awash in
Nickelodeon splotched with poetry gobs,
even sun out of storm it's lonely to walk.

[Aesthetic]

Open for votes please Split Eight

[Sharp]

Split Eight voting links tho

[Split]

got u late tonight

EDIT: i voted on Winter atopical and am exhausted tomrrw sorry

[Just Write]

This was actually a pretty good battle. Although i've seen this picture topic before by I believe either dead man or oats. I think that both tackled the topic pretty well but split's verse was a little more polished and had a better flow/feel to it. Aesthetic you had a good story but i felt you tried to cram to much into it and the flow was choppy in parts.

Mvgt=split

[Miss Sparkles]

This was a great battle to me
Vote- Split

reason: more solid with better flows.

[big baby]

Aesthetic drew a simple image with his words that was pleasant and easy to follow. But didnt let me imagination expand.

Split drew a more intricate verse with better mechanics and storyline. Most of it was top notch and whole hearted.

vote- s8

[Keyz]

Aesth verse was good but wasn't great. Felt that the content had potential but was delivered shallowly with little construction. The rhyme scheme wasn't special and I felt the flow choppy in places.

Splits felt natural, utilized a more impressive vocab and flowed nicely and uniquely. Sometimes less is more.

Vote Split

[Certain]

Keyz, why are you voting on a finished battle?

[Keyz]

My bad

[Ghost1]

Lol nqh u good.

Why dont u hit up the other fin8shed bqttoes too

Put the nail in the coff8n