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View Full Version : AOWL Week 8: Nigma (4-1) VS. Adonis (3-1) [ADONIS WINS, 7-1.]


King Ra.
04-03-2013, 11:41 PM
16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum. (if agreed upon by both participants, you may go beyond the limit at your own risk.)

Verses are due SATURDAY 4/6 at 11:59 PST.
Extensions are due SUNDAY 4/7 at 11:59 PST. (There is a 6 hour grace period following the end of the extension deadline. If you fail to post anything by the end of the grace period time, you will be given the no show loss.)

You must vote on at least 4 other battles and post links. For every absent link, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.
Voting ends TUESDAY 3/9 at 11:59 PST. (Unless otherwise it may be extended another day at the most.)

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If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.

http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/530983_228881973908372_1428997683_n.jpg


TOPIC: "Mutation: it is the key to our evolution. It has enabled us to evolve from a single-celled organism into the dominant species on the planet. This process is slow, and normally taking thousands and thousands of years. But every few hundred millennia, evolution leaps forward." X-Men, 2000.


Good luck to both participants. Nigma Adonis

Adonis
04-03-2013, 11:47 PM
Gigitty


Zygote vs. Frank (http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5635-AOWL-CHAMPIONSHIP-MATCH-Frank-(6-0)-VS-zygote-(5-1)-OPEN-FOR-VOTES!!!)


Vulgar vs. INK (http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5628-AOWL-Week-8-Ink-(3-1)-VS-Vulgar-(1-0)&p=43063&posted=1#post43063)


Objective vs. Aethetic (http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5625-AOWL-Week-8-Aesthetic-(0-2)-VS-Objective-(1-2)-OPEN-FOR-VOTES!!!)


and some....

Nigma
04-04-2013, 12:09 AM
It's gettin hot in here

Adonis
04-05-2013, 05:08 PM
I've spent countless ages circling your coast,
I've witnessed your growth, from...
A Tadpole to lioness just couldn't approach,
From a grain of sand to island I've known;
You and I both made to unite – Elope,
I've watched you grouped – Fondled, exposed,
Sat in disgust I glare at curled toes,
With each thrust you share my soul soaks,
Down pour a monsoon – My heart is compost,
Although I'm patient; shadows hide this vagrant,
Wandering; watching – Praying it's not aimless,
Flap your wings freely, leave the skies painted,
Soar the nest, the wind is love on my neck and untainted.


Years go pass, still your beauty outlasts,
Elegance anchored by blue eyes... What's today's catch?
Your silky brown skin is so curvaceous,
Your peaks and valleys rise the tides – Salacious,
And oh those dimples; as cute as a button,
Connect the dots and your smile's a nutritious consumption,
Stunning looks, truly hot; but don't compare to inside,
Your core can melt souls in your palms delight,
You don't ignite a fuse you defuse the light,
A black hole of character, infused with incite,
Gorgeous; giving darkness comprised radiance,
Golden strands that can't be described in “Layman’s” sense,
Wearing nothing but white silk defining your body,
It's a crime to be gaudy and I'll kindly arrest so promptly,
Your river runs deep – You've a steady rotation,
Your garden plowed by what's allowed to enter location,
I'm tired of orbit, you're the apple of my eye,
The center of my universe and finally you're ripe,
I've circled in flight; Tired of the fluttering inside,
Sailing butterfly's dreaming of the day we can combine,
Waves of emotion assuredly rushing down your spine,
Speed of sound defined by your heart, pounding into mine,
I burned your atmosphere, parting clouds in decline,
Pangaea split by our beings being intertwined,
Galvanized – Brought forth a building block,
Culture shock – Breathing life in soldered rock,
I bore seeds with my explosion; we consummate,
The single-celled will evolve, and then procreate.




Topic: "Mutation: it is the key to our evolution. It has enabled us to evolve from a single-celled organism into the dominant species on the planet. This process is slow, and normally taking thousands and thousands of years. But every few hundred millennia, evolution leaps forward." X-Men, 2000.

Title: Spawn

Nigma
04-05-2013, 11:37 PM
All names used in this report are actual people. Google any of their names and educate yourselves.

Subject A.) Name: Hensel Conjoined Twins - Telepathy
Born and presumed dead, one body supporting two heads
Each brain awarding movement and do it congruant
Telepathic living with no resentment
Thoughts swim in check, they finish each others sentence
They can drive around and function, no blemish within their method
They agreed to send us genetics for in-depth precision testing

Subject B.) Name: Ben Underwood - Clairvoyant
Although born completely blind, he sees, not needing sight
Cancer cost his eyes but in the meantime freed his mind
Brain percieving sound, reflective echos lead his life
Hes often seen on bikes, likes bball, even reads n writes
Wouldn't let me see him so I plead and finally, genes are mine


Subject C.) Name: Biba Struja - Human Battery
Next to test C, he's a Tesla wet dream
His electric connection no less than impressing
He collects the electric within his own body
Let's it in, and can drop it with a switch of his thoughts
He uses the gift of unlimited wattage to fix others problems
Electric stimulus of migraines cause the symptoms to vanish
Ask him to give a blood sample, he submitted one happily


Subject D.) Name: Brooke Greenberg - Immortal
As this list progresses, next condition is called Syndrome X
Not akin to death and hasn't aged a single milisecond
Pinprick from this newborn enfant and I grin and laugh
Sadistic wrath advances as my plan begins to happen

Subject E.) Name: mystery - Anomoly
His name was requested to not be mentioned
This child I saw, befriended and talked with
Prospectively laced from a strong dimension
Flawless traits of perception and comprehension
Born and his father left him, gone forever
But best he was raised in his moms protection
Thought alone to answer all of his lessons
Questions solved in seconds, had to inspect him
Have him tested, he passed impressive, parameters bent, it's
Magic how fast his synaptic clefts are catched and sent
Had a knack for the penmenship, rapping poetic
From habit to passion he stepped up, a master of text
But that's just a fraction/percent of his actual credit
Hes a catalyst, act of a nexus enhanced in it's size
Combined the additives trapped from past people tested
His genetics are now more than tampered; Perfected

fenix osiris
04-07-2013, 01:27 AM
first piece - man, i thought this started out real rocky, i thought your wording in many places seemed messy, they read almost as broken english, as if it was your second language. but about half way through, things really picked up and the latter half of this piece was incredible. actually i just looked back up, it was most of the second stanza, so i'll correct that to the latter three quarters of the piece. i really started to enjoy the wording and the multis of the rhyme scheme, i was saw some really nice world play and metaphors.there was great imagery here. by the end of the piece it had left an impression on me that had made me forget about the slippery start. awesome job.

second piece - each stanza, if expanded would make for great individual pieces because each stanza just left me wanting more. this is an eye opening piece, it was cool to know that these people are out there. i think you have a knack for multis but some of the scheme seems sloppy. i have mixed thoughts on your wording, some of it seemed simple, some of it was enjoyable.

vote - by the time i got into it, the first piece left me with a wow factor, despite my early complaints. the second piece never made me impressed, just interested. so that will be my siding factor, just a more indepth piece that i feel was better written for the majority of it.

first piece

Xces
04-07-2013, 03:44 AM
Enigma - I feel this piece was pretty damn good but the flow simply isn't there a few of these blocks of text it wasn't until the final stanza that you really brought out that multi game that you're good at, and it drew from the piece.

I feel that if you had found a way to incorporate the spaced out stanzas together into a single block of text it would have flowed and come across a lot cleaner. It's sad to say that to me because you said, and it is evident, in the piece. The amount of research went into writing it.

I feel like your take on the topic is super original, but I don't like the execution as much as I usually do your writing.

Adonis -

The first stanza is very choppy but the rest of the piece pulls itself together and paints a very well done story through the personification of a meteor/comet in orbit before colliding with the world.

I think this take on the topic is amazing. I would not have thought of it. - Your scheme drops off in a few places but I feel overall you were more technically sound in execution then Enigma on this one.

V/Adonis

zygote
04-07-2013, 09:23 AM
Adonis, enjoyed reading it, it felt similar in tone to the God verse you wrote a few weeks ago. Feel like your style of describing from afar gives a great strength to your writing. The other part is when you focus in on a small detail E.g., cute as button line. The contrast between meta-view and this focus on detail is good, and the transition between the two is done well. The last four lines were great because they gave two different perspectives to the whole story. E.g., Galvanized – Brought forth a building block, Culture shock – Breathing life in soldered rock" made me think you were discussing cell abiogenesis the whole time. But, "I bore seeds with my explosion; we consummate, The single-celled will evolve, and then procreate." & the "thrust" line + "curled toes" line - made me think you were discussing fertilization/conception. I tried to look for clues as to which interpretation was more correct, but the verse was written in such a way that both could be correct. It was an enjoyable experience.

Enigma, I know you spelling and grammar is excellent so when there were wording/spelling errors I was confused until I realized it was deliberate. The title gave me this idea - "Dr. Frank N Stein." he was narrating it, the foreign Dr. with red-stamped qualifications from a former USSR state. E.g., "Wouldn't let me see him so I plead and finally, genes are mine." The way you captured how a not-natural English speaker will often miss out the smaller words was great. Other parts "enfant" and "anomoly" giving an accent to the narrator this was subtle characterization. Also, enjoyed how the last subject tied all the previous cases together. Revealing the motivation of the narrator right at the end was a good choice. Overall, voted for Adonis.

Objective
04-08-2013, 05:15 AM
Adonis: I enjoyed reading your piece. It flowed well to me. It seems like you're writing about conception to me as well, how humans have went through evolution from the beginning of the earth to where we are today. And how we keep on moving forward to make babies. A down to earth verse on such a open topic was a bold move, but an effective one. Well done.

Nigma: It's cool that you wrote about several people but I'd like to see a more definite connection between them, the story itself wasn't exactly great.. It's still interesting that brought you brought up people like Underwood. I read a bit about stuff like this some time ago and I was hoping you'd come to conclusion of some sort rather than just talk about them. I like the concept you went for, I just didn't really like how you executed it.

Vote - Adonis, I felt his story was better crafted with a story that connected better than Nigma's.

Zen
04-08-2013, 12:00 PM
Adonis: Excellent showing here this week. You're becoming one of my favorite writers here in the league. Taking the idea of mutants and adding it into the idea of evolution (since that's what it would have to be lol) would be expected to me but yours was somehow original and I think it was because this verse seemed different to me from your other pieces. This verse felt very poetic and even calming haha. Nice showing Adonis.
Nigma: You got your first battle!! Well this was a pretty dope concept in my opinion. Seemed like you took the movie idea and showed their real life counterparts that you've found....which makes you Professor X...But I digress lol. Really a great rhyme scheme and what I thought was a really dope concept. Nice Nigma.

All in all both guys came very well this week but I would have to go with Adonis like the rest of the voters. Adonis' poetic feel won my vote this week.

IamBenT
04-08-2013, 02:55 PM
Since I read it I might as well vote.

Adonis -I loved how ethereal and poetic this all came, it kept me reading and wanting to know what was going on, and you did it in a way that wasnt overly annoying, which is good. really liked the flow, this came off with more consistently, similar to the God piece from a little while back, really masterful in terms of your language, your narrative, and personifying these elements. Gave a sense of mysticism to what could have been a very dry, boring topic.

Nigma- man I love your flow, if you could put it in a bottle and sell it you would be a millionaire cuz its off the chain, alot of cats write for ages and can't get it this crisp, im one of them. Images were great, and I had a lot of fun looking up all of these "unique" people and their stories. I would have liked a little more clarification on WHY the good doctor was cutting up their genes, and a little more tension in the struggle to get said genes, and seeing if maybe things might go awry? Good sci-fi expands on the technology to give us a view of the bigger issues, and that depth I felt was missing from an otherwise very creative and smart piece.

Vote -Adonis, that being said I think with a little more elaboration and a cleaner piece, Nigma could have taken this. Close battle folks.

Mike Wrecka
04-08-2013, 05:49 PM
very cool battle.

Adonis- delivered a beautiful verse. it was poetic, and painted a very pretty picture using phrases and sayings that were really creative. it had a good cadence, though not great. but it was a very well put together verse, showed lots of discipline and polish. one word to sum it up - sublime


nigma - fucking incredible concept. great idea. it was well executed in parts but others the flow was a bit basic for me (ie. lack of multis and inners) I think what you really needed was an opening explaining what was going on a bit before the dr. started meeting all these people. I felt a little dropped in the middle of a story. overall very good verse, I enjoyed the read.

vote - Adonis

a poetic well disciplined verse against a better story and concept. in the end Adonis , complexity and creativity within his verse lines wins the day. yes nigma, had the more creative concept, but Adonis had the more creative verse if that makes sense. good battle guys. thanks for the reads

Frank
04-08-2013, 11:21 PM
Adonis - Sadistic motherfucker. What can I say. You streaked across the universe. 'Heart beat pounding into mine'That;s some deep shit. 'Down pour a monsoon my heart is compost. Also some deep shit. Heart stopping penmanship my man. Keep up the dirty work.

Nigma - FREAK ha This was a first of it's kind. You spoke of your sample studies and saved the one you were most fond of for last. You felt that this mutation of a person however hideous was perfect in your eyes. I thought given the concept you attacked it head on. The font was case file. Flow was brilliant. Dr Frankenstein

MVGT Nigma for approach and execution. something was off about it. dude wasn't right in the mind

King Ra.
04-10-2013, 03:11 AM
ADONIS WINS, 7-1.