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View Full Version : AOWL Week 8: pohfig (4-1) VS. Red glare (4-2) [RED GLARE WINS, 7-5.]


King Ra.
04-03-2013, 11:42 PM
16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum. (if agreed upon by both participants, you may go beyond the limit at your own risk.)

Verses are due SATURDAY 4/6 at 11:59 PST.
Extensions are due SUNDAY 4/7 at 11:59 PST. (There is a 6 hour grace period following the end of the extension deadline. If you fail to post anything by the end of the grace period time, you will be given the no show loss.)

You must vote on at least 4 other battles and post links. For every absent link, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.
Voting ends TUESDAY 3/9 at 11:59 PST. (Unless otherwise it may be extended another day at the most.)

You MUST check in.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.

http://www.fullhdizlesek.com/filmresim/korku-burnu-filmi-izle-turkce-dublaj-tek-parca.jpg


TOPIC: "My reminiscence. I always thought that for such a lovely river, the name is mystifying: Cape Fear. When the only thing to fear on those enchanted summer nights was that the magic would end and real life would come crashing in." Cape Fear, 1991.


Good luck to both participants. pohfig Red glare

Pent uP
04-04-2013, 10:36 AM
Hi

http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5625-AOWL-Week-8-Aesthetic-(0-2)-VS-Objective-(1-2)-OPEN-FOR-VOTES!!!
http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5631-AOWL-Week-8-Zenland-(4-3)-VS-TopicalDood5-(2-0)-OPEN-FOR-VOTES!!!
http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5635-AOWL-CHAMPIONSHIP-MATCH-Frank-(6-0)-VS-zygote-(5-1)-OPEN-FOR-VOTES!!!
http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5629-AOWL-Week-8-Witty-(3-2)-VS-Cereal_Killa-(1-1)-CEREAL_KILLA-WINS-6-3

Red glare
04-05-2013, 02:01 AM
hello clarice

Pent uP
04-06-2013, 03:53 AM
Innate Ideas






"My reminiscence.

A cyclone of high hopes and tight-throated gasps -
Reigning my parade of restraints leaving the sights overcast.
Internal turmoil that leaves your sides broke and black -
forcing a physical spasm that would make a blind hostess mad.
A sigh - forced and drab - no ones as passive as you, pal.
Hesitant movements prove the gap between action and morale.
Your masking, with your laugh, how tedious it feels
to be someone that gained himself the measliest appeal.
Two sides of the brain and both believe that its surreal -
Your own mind can't remember when the evil was revealed.
A Dr. Jekyll proctor vessel to a frolicking beast
that's tangled in his own mess worse than Socrates' beard.


I always thought that for such a lovely river, the name is mystifying:
Cape Fear.

Spring Break. A crisp lake - or was it a river that we're on?
I can't differentiate because you opened the liquor back at dawn.
Whiskey - black - we're bombed just here to sit relaxed and gawk.
Floating in an inner tube - provoking chicks in rafts in thongs
to flash their titties at us some. You'd give'em flack or yawn
if they didn't have the gall - since when was your gift of gab that strong?
Yelling at drunk dudes like you know Kung Fu - while you move like a beast.
So tossed you think you could take on Sun Tzu and the Zhou Dynasty.
The dudes might just beat you quietly if you keep moving that mouth -
and why's your chest so puffed up when you usually slouch?
Cape Fear - where your fears are caped while you're boozing about.
Where the fork in the road causes misdirection if you're tuning it out.


When the only thing to fear on those enchanted summer nights was that the magic would end and real life would come crashing in." Cape Fear, 1991.

Back at bay - a scant escape - an ass to chase on the beach.
A body so tight your lungs close..with thighs that can make the release.
So much debauchery across the scene you'd be crazy to leave
but this is your last night here so act like you beat a major disease.
You can't fake the deceit - the alcohol muddles your judgement and sense
until your dressed in lies that tomorrows sun will undress.
When you return home you'll be replaying conversations under your breath
that you wish you could relive next summer recess.
Hunched and regressed back to the characterless life that you know -
where you runners high comes from having to sigh as you go.
You live a life in the open - confined to your hopes
and going nowhere slowly within a mind you've outgrown.

Red glare
04-06-2013, 04:13 PM
.................................................

Red glare
04-08-2013, 02:38 AM
The weight of the world is almost featherless; for a seven year old - strown with benevolence.
A super imagination, he honed, all alone in his desolate catacomb of repressiveness.
The dark hole of eccentric bliss.
Where ideas light up - glow degenerate - zones of censorship,
Cold fluorescent mist.
The wandering thinkers' slow stroll through sentiments.
His 7 steps through the flashes of brilliance - bulbs from the genesis.
The beautiful home of intelligence - now under my control of the red abyss.
The frontal lobe. A funneled globe. Spun below rove of the mega ships.
Heaven sent roads from the cerebellum closed for connectedness.
Construction workers along the information highway - place orange cones in concession
Spikes thrown with deterrence.
The wheels turning; but the minds slow to detect the strips.
We are tired; worn out; run down; flat.
But we continue to roam directionless -
Unknown elements float into my domes nebulous.
Droves of pestilence latch on - rode through exodus.
My craft is departing - leaving behind ideas; Dust bowls of irrelevance.
The old testament of recklessness the stories of redemption; told by the treacherous
Get on the phone with the president.
Tell him the future is full blown in blemishes.
"Today America lightens the load;
The world as we know it is crashing in; we are moments from detriment.
A large abstract structure approaches earth - prone for prevalence.
A million light years traveling through our galaxy - a boulder of detritus.
You have less than an hour before comatose, in it's eminence.
Evacuate on my command" he states in his low baritone of emphasis.
"These scientist say an eroding edifice can be heard barreling towards us with bestowing resonance."
We are the tumor - the node of negligence.
The presidents voice could be heard now, bold and tremulous.
The Blank expression on the mans face shows no embellishment.
"God bless your soul; and may your spirit uphold the blessedness"
The ideas gathered; frozen in restlessness
In their humble abode; looking for leadership -
When the main idea rose from the residents.
"Who will be the Big Idea chosen to settle this?"
The thoughts looked around at each other - noble - but hesitant.
"The world needs us more than ever; now who'll be the last hope for Centaurus?"
A 7 year old Clark Kent; stood amongst the men lowly; depressed
His mother said;
"My son can save the world; he is the heir to the throne of Persepolis..."
A preadolescent figure came forward, shown no acceptance.
The world was seconds from it's first mode of progression.
"The human race is fucked as we know it - cloned for it's celibance."
The Ideas turned off the T.V. and threw the remote at the television.
The 7 year boy was left to grow up in his moment of excellence.
His chromosomal genetics defied the codes of kinetics.
The devastation hit earth - sending strobes as it's messages.
As it is told... Super-Man had flown like Pegasus.
Cape draped over his shoulder;
S - golden yellowish.

IamBenT
04-08-2013, 10:47 AM
Fantastic battle.

Pohfig - great verse from top to bottom, really a top-notch read and it was funny in parts, which I found refreshing and real. Great attention to detail, great flow, really not too many negatives in this verse, you brought us a powerful tale that most can relate to with vivid detail and flow.

RedGlare - wow, spectacular diction, flow was strong, the story telling just unfolds in a way that really is quite stunning, and the level of difficulty in this is off the meat rack. Just feeling this story and how you laid it all out for us picture by picture, really drew me in.

Vote -RedGlare, so far this is the BOTW for me, really strong lines and quotables from both, its gonna come down to personal preference for most, this right here is what AOWL is all about

Zen
04-08-2013, 12:40 PM
Wowzer.
pohfig: Amazing read here. From the opening lines I was hooked. Kind of a dark undertone throughout this piece with touches of humor (drinkin liquor at dawn I chuckled at haha). Great story that progressed nicely without once stuttering. Props on this one man.
Red glare: Another great drop from you again this week. You had the more superior rhyme scheme in this piece and you showcased that in the first few lines. Your word choices kept me hooked from the beginning to the end and it was an amazing verse truly. Props.

Well after reading poh's verse I thought there was no way he would lose this battle, but after reading Red's I was more impressed with his verse. My vote goes to Red but this will come down to the wire I think.

Split
04-08-2013, 01:27 PM
Awesome topic... very strange battle

Pohfig. initially thought you went overboard accentuating the tiredness/ hesitation. good structure, not wordy. interesting word choices all around. I like how the diction mirrors the idea that youre basically, chasing the desires of pastime in the present, but since you're older you dont realize you have outgrown them. i dont think theres some nuts metaphorical relationship between the lake and and the story. i didnt catch one at least, but you used the quote well.

strange contrast between first stanza and second. I tend to not like multi-sectioned verses because theyre so jumpy and feel more like theater than a story or a song. but ok.\

When you return home you'll be replaying conversations under your breath
that you wish you could relive next summer recess.
Hunched and regressed back to the characterless life that you know -
where you runners high comes from having to sigh as you go.
haha okay i see how you pulled it together here.


i guess, also, that the serenity of the river that seems to hold still is also like, usurped by the suspicion that it can kill swallow you whole. which is a dope connection to the subject matter which may have been intentional.

even if you dont deconstruct it that much, i loved how this was packaged.


Red Glare. your scheming/ multis/ storytelling were on point. your word choice and line construction was really bad in spots and dope in others.

rove, strown, degenrate, were all poorly used

"Heaven sent roads from the cerebellum closed for connectedness."
wat

frontal lobe/ funneled globe was an awesome metaphor tho.

The wheels turning; but the minds slow to detect the strips.
We are tired; worn out; run down; flat.
But we continue to roam directionless -
Unknown elements float into my domes nebulous.
bolded part was perfect set up for a transition then ya ignored it lol.

My craft is departing - leaving behind ideas; Dust bowls of irrelevance.
The old testament of recklessness the stories of redemption; told by the treacherous
super non sequitur yo.

"These scientist say an eroding edifice can be heard barreling towards us with bestowing resonance."
a crumbling building is coming towards you, with the quality of giving the tendency to vibrate

dogggggg cmon man

bold and tremulous.
oxymoron

"The human race is fucked as we know it - cloned for it's celibance."
The Ideas turned off the T.V. and threw the remote at the television.
The 7 year boy was left to grow up in his moment of excellence.
His chromosomal genetics defied the codes of kinetics.
The devastation hit earth - sending strobes as it's messages.
1. celibance is not a word
2. second line was ill
3. chromosomal genetics is redundant... i think u meant another word besides strobe


ANYWAYS. the story itself was really intriguing... the way i read it, a kid with imagination dreams up the idea of Super Man... and his boundless imagination and vivid ideas are comic-book-like, and you drew INSANE conceptual parallels between imagination and the world of comic books...
this unknown threat pummeling towards Earth, man that "funneled globe" line made me see it could be the kids mind... and as he grows up and loses his wonder and therefore his creativity, he begins to lose grasp of this astounding will to fight present in all his stories... like his own confidence both feeds and draws from the possibility of existence, and not knowing anything allows all possibilities

then. the story became very real, ironically.. because your world is in grave threat, from changing, and when the outside world changes your perception it changes itself. reflected in Superman giving up.

ending was supreme.


FUCK. on a storytelling basis, this could fuck w/ Frank's Michael Jackson piece. Amazing take on the topic, as well.

in the end tho, I think Red Glare's ambitious schemes and subsequent poor use of language really, really tarnished the story he told... like 200 dirty needles on Mauna Kea Beach instead of sand... Pohfig's simplicity and self-contained, much less ambitious verse stood strong where Red Glare tried to make up for his mistakes in other areas... goddamit. such an awkward clash of talents. I feel like Pohfig played this very carefully. idgaf what people say, topicals ARE battling

V/ Pohfig

Mike Wrecka
04-08-2013, 05:36 PM
very sick battle

pohfig - man this verse started out so strong.

A cyclone of high hopes and tight-throated gasps -
Reigning my parade of restraints leaving the sights overcast.
Internal turmoil that leaves your sides broke and black -
forcing a physical spasm that would make a blind hostess mad.
A sigh - forced and drab - no ones as passive as you, pal.
Hesitant movements prove the gap between action and morale

really feeling that. especially the opening bar. I read it and was like, wow this is a bit of a departure from his usual story driven narratives. but then you went in the second and third stanzas back to your usual style. really awesome verse, my only criticism is that it did get semi basic in some parts of the second and third stanza. when I say basic, I mean basic by your standards ofcourse. the story was interesting. cool stuff. but ya id have liked to see you stay with the style your started off this verse with.

red glare - another sick verse. your multis and complex structure is really impressive. you bounced back from last weeks verse, which I thought was your weakest so far in this league. this one was back up to that elite level.

Where ideas light up - glow degenerate - zones of censorship,
Cold fluorescent mist.
The wandering thinkers' slow stroll through sentiments.
His 7 steps through the flashes of brilliance - bulbs from the genesis.
The beautiful home of intelligence - now under my control of the red abyss.
The frontal lobe. A funneled globe. Spun below rove of the mega ships.
Heaven sent roads from the cerebellum closed for connectedness.

pretty insane stuff right there. I was recently writing a verse using black abyss as a multi and its interesting to see the different words that can connect to red abyss. anyway. ya only criticism, cause for some reason I always point out the one thing I don't like, your work right here wasn't as accessible as some of your past work. and that's a big thing to me. as far as im concerned the average reader should be able to grasp it right away. not feel a bit perplexed by the verbiage. which im a bit embarrassed to say , I was at times in this verse. I had to read some parts twice and was like ahhh. but ya , the complexity of the structure and flow you used was leaps and bounds above most. and that impresses me. good work..


vote - red glare

pohfigs got slightly too basic for me at parts, red glare had the higher level of difficulty and pulled it off well

Atheist
04-09-2013, 01:18 AM
Ok wow, shit, fuck me, well for a start I feel it would be offensive if I mentioned
flow and the usual mechanics, because im my opinion everyone in this league is always
on point. In fact im gonna copy n paste that because im sick of so many people voting
based off them reasons. anyway I digress.
Im going to base this off enjoyment which I feel seems to be a lack of judgement of
late, seen a lot of people vote based on flow which I always think Meh, flow is always
decent but aint the end all. anyway ok, had a few beers so if im spelling things wrong
then fucking shoot me, time to junmp in.

Pent - Gave off the feeling of a teen flick, beechhouse, good times the usual.
I loved the feel to it, made me pictue 'Friday the 13th' mixed with 'American Pie'
getting pissed but the ever threat was out there, I thought you portraited this very well
in you discriptions. Really made me feel like I was there, almost watching it, I also
found was a lot of 'tongue in cheek' lines, but ill admit made me smile and I thought
you did a great job of them, wasnt too much, wasnt too little. As a verse it kept me reading
and wanting more so I really did enjoy reading. Were a few lines I found a bit so called stretched
but lucky for you didnt bother me.The ending was a bit meh, seen the whole in your mind concept
done a lot, but yea as a whole I enjoyed, did what you had to made me read, was hoping for
more, as far as the ending went but yea, top piece seen you write better tho.

Red- Right im going to start off saying you are def an alias, weather you will say is up to you.
Im sorry but I found your first 2 bars akward, it really put me off on first read, I digress tho
(as i do lot, dont judge a book by its cover) So ok ive read your verse now, at first I thought you was
building up some big, massive machine, felt very akward tho but thats the impression I got, then
its a child which I feel is great but knowing that, I cant lie red, it bored me, your use of vocab
is fantastic but it really did bore me, dide keep my atention, weather thats coz im a thick cunt
I dont know, it just turned into an akward start, to a good build up, to a kid, sorry butm halfway
batween that it lost me, sorry just how I felt, great vocab tho.


Vote- Pent not been a cunt but won by far in my opinion, red would kick my arse if it means anything
but on this day pent by far.

and fuck off prob best vote ive done in a long time!

Soulstice
04-09-2013, 02:14 AM
pohfig - Spring Break. A crisp lake - or was it a river that we're on?
profound line. unfortunately for our character, there is no permanent idyllic settlement, no pristine body of water that exists in paradise. an endless river winding through life that we are forced to be carried down. either grow and adapt or get left back in a broken pile of memories and hopelessness. i think the imagery was a metaphor/allegory/what have you, but also REPRESENTED what you were trying to relate anyways, like the party on the beach is a metaphor for a party on the beach. complete with appropriate imagery. heckling scantily clad women, flexing beer muscles, all images that complete the 'party on the beach' but also can be dissected deeper into appropriate metaphors, all which hearken back to the theme (ill never grow up). it took me a while to catch the whole reminiscing-about-FEELING-like-ill-never-grow-up because thats sort of an odd double concept, but it didnt hurt. the fork in the road part and undressing lies parts were my favorites. i didnt think the piece got conceptually garbled at all - the lack of a characters ambitions or current directions(which i thought were being discussed in my first sort-of quick readover) were key in understanding his nostalgia.

red glare - the whole one rhyme scheme for a whole piece, especially one riddled with otherwise superb imagery and at this length, is quite difficult to pull off, and your wording certainly faltered at certain places, and the flow faltered as well due to slant rhymes. mostly it was good, but it seems par for the site to not judge a piece based on scattered technical flaws. i thought the imagery here was superb as i said but it required some extension of the readers imagination and leniency in order to fully shape the image (eroding edifice for instance. i didnt even stop reading, i understood the image, but still) some wonderful nuances in this piece. i got that this child is somewhat isolated and as a result hones his imagination, and i can only imagine he is limited to his movies and cartoons to conjure up this image. the weight of the world is featherless is a beautiful line, but featherless???? another instance of wording which i "got, but still" (excuse idiom usually reserved for the lazy inarticulate). anyways, i also took the meteor as the impending responsibility of the adult world, accentuated by the opening lines (usually important/looked to when building/searching for a concept). the fact that he takes off to stop the meteor and likely succeeds as he becomes the immaculate and infallible SuperMan in fact helps the metaphor of impending adulthood (which i at first was suspect of because he is 7 years old) because he will stop the meteor and live to fight another day.. or be a child a while longer. regardless of what the meteor actually represents (i dont know.. a divorce? seems like thatd fit in the atmosphere in the piece (isolated..no father?)) anyways im glad you didnt spread the piece conceptually thin by omitting it. just like what i said to pent above

v- pent up for doing more with his imagery, and less mistakes with wording/flow. both superior verses though.

Matriarch
04-09-2013, 05:11 AM
Very impressive battle.

:: pohfig ::

Simply lovely.

Dug the poetry behind the concept.
I see this verse as a comparative audit between a series of interconnecting ideas: Age. Direction in life. Personal growth. Introvert/extroverted facade.
The strongest collision here exists between two runaway train of thoughts: What should or could be vs what is.
A somber notion that's all too familiar.

As far as technical goes, it was inspiring. Wonderful rhyming and word choice.

You can't fake the deceit - the alcohol muddles your judgement and sense
until your dressed in lies that tomorrows sun will undress.



:: Red glare ::

T'was a clinic on rhyming.
I can imagine the difficulty of keeping a single rhyme scheme for an entire verse. Very impressive effort despite a few instances of forced wording.

Loved the play on the topic.
I'll take it at face value and embrace the Superman concept - though i'm sure there is more at play here.

Problems? Certainly.
The focus here was clear. Unfortunately, impressive rhyming mechanics can only take you so far.
Much of the verse consists of descriptive language - possibly a mean to continue the rhyme scheme - however contributes very little to the overall dialogue.
Understanding the overall objective was to convey fear - as to, again, play to the topic given - I would stil say the effort was a little excessive.


Vote/pohfig. Rg had much style to his writing but pohfig had substance in addition. Certainly a contender for botw. lovely.

King Keith Split


:)

Aesthetic
04-09-2013, 11:30 PM
pohfig

What popped:

Ya know too be honest; I didnt really like specific bars because damn near the entire time your were like on your fucking scheme man. Cool ass story and im looking forward too some more of your work.


Red glare

what popped:

A super imagination, he honed, all alone in his desolate catacomb of repressiveness.
The dark hole of eccentric bliss.

"Today America lightens the load;
The world as we know it is crashing in; we are moments from detriment.
A large abstract structure approaches earth - prone for prevalence.

That was like... Idk real; not thuggin but insightful and its like in the shoes of a person, anyone kind of view..




V/t Pohgif

Red Glare had a better painting
Pohfig came out an turned a worst picture into meaning

King Ra.
04-10-2013, 03:17 AM
3-3. More votes.

Adonis
04-10-2013, 01:46 PM
Pent - very visual verse that basically explained the quote in depth. You had a slight underlying meaning in the end, most of the writing was superb..."blind waitrees mad" not so much. Loved the concept..."lungs so tight breathe close, thighs release" or however you worded. Dope sauce. I actually liked the wording in the begining of 2nd stanza too. All in all straight forward verse, nicely paced and one of the more easier verses to read this season.


Red - like the twist on topic "cape fear" being all should fear superman I assume? Dope verse, very strong writing and aliteration. I enjoyed the heavy rhyme scheme, but most importantly the word choices were not for rhymes sake alone, the sentences them selves weived a web only being highlighted by heavy rhyme scheme. No real complaints bro, cheers.


This is a very close battle. I usually side with the verse that can give me some knowledge over a story, but in this case I liked the twist/heavy rhymes of glare over the amazing imagery of pent

V glare

Adonis
04-10-2013, 09:14 PM
i retract my vote.. don't ever pm me on some faggot "explain my vote now or never.bullshit".. matter.of fact vote poh.. explanation: cuz i fuckin feel like it



Kick it pimp, I'm sure he's just asking you to elaborate cuz he's worried as is wouldn't count. No need to ruffle feathers

Unless we going to chick filet, that's m spot

King Ra.
04-10-2013, 10:21 PM
5-4. One or two more votes? Just Write for yours to count, I need a bit more of an explanation, good sir.

Just Write
04-10-2013, 11:40 PM
5-4. One or two more votes? Just Write for yours to count, I need a bit more of an explanation, good sir.


yea my bad.. gunna do this now.. still not on my computer but fuck it


P,oh
A cyclone of high hopes and tight-throated gasps -Reigning my parade of restraints leaving the sights overcast.Internal turmoil that leaves your sides broke and black -forcing a physical spasm that would make a blind hostess mad.*A sigh - forced and drab - no ones as passive as you, pal.Hesitant movements prove the gap between action and morale.Your masking, with your laugh, how tedious it feels*to be someone that gained himself the measliest appeal.

besides the word measliest this was a dope opener.. i just hate that word. there were a few other lines that made me oo ahh for instance

Yelling at drunk dudes like you know Kung Fu - while you move like a beast.*So tossed you think you could take on Sun Tzu and the Zhou Dynasty.The dudes might just beat you quietly if you keep moving that mouth -and why's your chest so puffed up when you usually slouch?

that was really hot to me


You can't fake the deceit - the alcohol muddles your judgement and senseuntil y our dressed in lies that tomorrows sun will undress.When you return home you'll be replaying conversations under your breaththat you wish you could relive next summer recess.


that was dope to


overall this was a pretty cool verse.. kinda simple and although i still loved it it really didnt relate to the topic FOR ME besides having the title of cape fear (although honestly ive never watched the movie) but regardless it was still a very well written story.


RG,

The weight of the world is almost featherless; for a seven year old - strown with benevolence.*A super imagination, he honed, all alone in his desolate catacomb of repressiveness.The dark hole of eccentric bliss.Where ideas light up - glow degenerate - zones of censorship,Cold fluorescent mist.The wandering thinkers' slow stroll through sentiments.His 7 steps through the flashes of brilliance - bulbs from the genesis.*The beautiful home of intelligence - now under my control of the red abyss.

this too me was a brilliant opening, so muh said in.a few lines


The frontal lobe. A funneled globe. Spun below rove of the mega ships.Heaven sent roads from the cerebellum closed for connectedness.Construction workers along the information highway - place orange cones in concessionSpikes thrown with deterrence.The wheels turning; but the minds slow to detect the strips.*We are tired; worn out; run down; flat.But we continue to roam directionless -*Unknown elements float into my domes nebulous.*Droves of pestilence latch on - rode through exodus.*


right back into solid scheme with superior conent and and advanced vocab


i could quote but im not going to. both stories were technically sound but i feel poh played it more safe and was a lot more basic in terms of plot and vocab.. V/RG

Xces
04-11-2013, 04:05 PM
Ok so either when I voted ont his it got deleted or didn't post because I was on a cell phone so here.

Poh - I like how you wrote this piece but I feel like you haven't really drawn your own personal flavor to the style, rather just re-skined Cape Fear and presented it as a rhyme.
The bits where you draw away from where it seemed you were going make the piece lack an overall focus which majorly took away from it for me.

RedGlare - This isn't your best work to date nor the most original I've seen out of you even in the short period I have been on this site. It's interesting how you twisted it to be about superman but it's not all where I thought it was going.

Overall. I think both competitors could have come with a higher quality piece, but I have to give my vote out to the person who was more original.

V/RG

Split
04-11-2013, 04:11 PM
6-5 red glare

~RustyGunZ~
04-11-2013, 04:35 PM
pent started really nice then feel off for me. schemes seemed to get simplier after he went off about beach parties. the last sequence wasn't bad, not as good as when he first started off though. overall worst piece i've read by him, just wasn't feeling where you went with this. the first bit was dope though.

and red glares was all solid, slick multis, nice imagery and vocab. not a huge fan of ur verse structure it kind of threw me off a few times.. but yeah, felt the whole thing til the end. i would change ur style a slight bit with how u put together ur verse, maybe not space things out the way u do. just my opinion i don't dabble in topicals much though so eh.

v/red glare

Split
04-11-2013, 04:47 PM
7-5 Red Glare closed