AOWL Week 9: Split (4-3) vs. Juxtaposition (1-0) [SPLIT WINS, 8-0.]

[Split]

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum. (if agreed upon by both participants, you may go beyond the limit at your own risk.)

Verses are due SATURDAY 4/13 at 11:59 PST.
Extensions are due SUNDAY 4/14 at 11:59 PST.
(There is a 6 hour grace period following the end of the extension deadline. If you fail to post anything by the end of the grace period time, you will be given the no show loss.)

You must vote on at least 4 other battles and post links in the Voting Thread. For every absent vote, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

Voting ends TUESDAY 4/16 at 11:59 PST. (Unless otherwise it may be extended another day at the most.)

You MUST check in.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.

NOTE
Swaying, excessive freeposting, voter fraud etc. are grounds for vote deductions at discretion of the moderators.
Editing your verse after the grace period, after your opponent posts, or after the first vote (especially this)- as well as biting- are grounds for disqualification at discretion of the moderators.

TOPIC: THIS IS A SPLIT TOPIC. One will write a verse supporting an idea, and the other will write a verse supporting an opposing idea.

Split -Sex
Juxtaposition -Celibacy

(note: King Keith picked this topic as well as which one I had to do)

Good luck to both participants.

[Split]

here

[Juxtaposition]

Hahaha... celibacy... found a playboy when I was 5, but I'll do my best.

[Split]

I'll be posting a little late, if thats ok. driving back

[Juxtaposition]

I actually got off work a little while ago, been trying to write but not feeling so hot, it's probably best if I ask for an extension.

I want to present a solid verse rather than a half baked idea, if that's fine with you Split?

Votes:

http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=5594
http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?p=47485&posted=1#post47485
http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=5590
http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?p=47680#post47680

[Split]

Yeah, sounds good.

[Split]

she said

i used to love our bleacher talks,
holding an evening equinox.
before work and dreams of college, when your words were cheap enough,
when curses were a weak facade and "hurt" was our secret knowledge.
it's all just-

they say you'll never really know someone,
puppy love is for fools
and we're all just tryna prove "they" wrong.
another generation

that sex is a tool and we're all objects.
a lesson and a rule that honesty's a complex
a prophecy alluding freedom to a cross,
grieving to a song, a nervous wreck into a bomb leaving
secrets in a closet. burning X's into palms for every lovers qualm.
when did i become such a martyr
love is odd
high school is when the stupid started,
a different day when it was 'Aly, don't sleep with Rob yet'
and second dates werent tallies of fetal progress,
but just the basis for the bases we'd be leaving on,
and do I "know" you, well you never really open up
but as the due date looms, its too late too-

if you could see me, mom

First love isn't the hardest. its worthless, a serpent sonnet,
twisting arteries on purpose, ventricles askew viewing the ultrasonic,
it wasnt opportune and sometimes i feel forgotten,
i wish i could pinpoint it. the first time i was disappointed,
sitting in the kitchen corner when your voice felt anonymous.
kissing you goodnight, wishing for a different life,
attracting till we're facing opposite

sex is where it started.
the only thing we had in common,
but at least we know we've shared it all along
and when the baby comes, when the day is up,
i think we'll stay in love.


they say you'll never really know someone,
and we're all just tryna prove "they" wrong.
another generation

[Juxtaposition]

I felt elated while escaping from my best Mate.
After debating escalated over what game "Let's Play…"
My persistent fists and Desires won way. "Ouch fine. OK!"

Racing up the stairs to err, innocently unprepared and unaware,
Of shifty tides, I wondered where the best place was for me to hide.
I was Five… simply happy at the idea of being lost nowhere to be "find."

Suddenly, instincts of Off Limits imprints in my "friend's thinking"
Made me blink twice inspired, as I headed to my parents' bedroom grinning.
There's no way I wasn't winning, yet it was the beginning of an end.

I reveled in the tingling thrill of doing what I wasn't supposed to,
But childish mischief led to a kind of doom, exposed too soon when,
Joyfully seeking concealment under dad's nightstand I discovered...

Rape! From a Playboy Magazine made for men with far more age.
Rampaging lions leap slaughtering sheep dying asleep,
Devouring every trace of boyhood's budding affections.

No protection against this violence leaving indelible infinite stains,
To percolate in my immature brain hidden and silent for as a child
My mind was weak... as I blindly creeped away in defilement.

Pull a baby tooth before it's ready might make the root crooked!

I did not understand what I was seeing but my body ached, reacted,
In a way I did not create could not control, growing from my pants felt strange.
Urged to imitate the images, an animal as I animated the page with my thang.

No way I could report my sordid story to my folks they'd hang their heads in shame.
I did not know at that early age, it was a normal trait to face… A daze, a guiltiness,
was attached to an intimate human act and once perverted I'd react accordingly.

Whenever I was horny misguided notions I nobly taught myself would go to war.
So before hand holding or first kisses or even my first crush I already knew lust.
Memories of wanting to lick my Third grade teachers' coochie makes me blush.

If growing up isn't already awkward enough, this knowledge I plucked,
Uninitiated, before I was ripe made it painfully more awkward to adjust,
Deep down I knew this wasn't right, girls weren't just objects to be crushed.

And at seven I found a heaven, reading books about being chivalrous,
King Arthur, Guinevere, Lancelot, courtly love? Now I'm really mixing up.
2 horses gallop powerfully in different directions, which one should I trust?

……………….

I've been abused by a lifetime of consternation.
But I'm standing at the door of, finally my salvation.
In due time my true mind has proved fine…

As it grew mightily through sun filled ruminations until,
Ruefully climbing out of the dark maze it was placed in.
The haze is dissipating and Celibacy will be the key.

Instead of indulging my desires, if I become Celibate,
Then I have the chance to learn what I didn't as a child,
All the missing little things that make a relationship loving.



"Celibacy is not just a matter of not having sex.
It is a way of admiring a person for their humanity, maybe even for their beauty."
Timothy Radcliffe

[zygote]

Split, repetition of the "prove they wrong - another generation" part was a subtle and intelligent comment. Seems to suggest a cycle, you are playing with the stereotypes of foolish youth nicely. Enjoyed how the characters weren't so one dimensional, some parts designed to draw sympathy others indifference. It is more complex commentary than it seems, because it sort of seemed like largely descriptive until I realized the repetition etc.

Juxtaposition, main criticism is the language is too mixed. Enjoyed the simplistic language from the perspective of a child (E.g., first section) but then you follow such simplistic lines up with "was attached to an intimate human act and once perverted I'd react accordingly" - I am thinking who is this narrator: a young person reflecting or an old professor? It was not good to have such an unclear narrator, detracted a lot from everything else. Voted for Split.

[Zen]

Split: The end of this verse summed everything up very well for me since three of my friends had kids during our senior year in high school. WTF HAPPENED TO THIS GENERATION!?....Ahem...Back to your piece. Very well written, not your best piece but still some great writing here. I loved the rebellious nature of the people in this trying to prove the former generation wrong while only fucking up even more imo. Nice writing I enjoyed this Split.
Juxtaposition: I have to agree with zygote on this one. The language made this piece very confusing. The first portion of this piece was well written but as the piece got further into it I felt it slowly just start to slip off. I really wanted to enjoy this piece as the first section was brilliant but as it progressed it was just boring to me tbh. No diss there of course as that's only my opinion.

All in all I gotta give this one to Split.

[IamBenT]

hmm..

Split - Nice read man. Easy to digest, but some great images and things to think about regarding the youth man. You came with a nice message and really put sex in a perspective that was fresh, considering so many verses regarding teen preganancy i have read before.

they say you'll never really know someone,
and we're all just tryna prove "they" wrong.
another generation

meh.. didn't work for me. didn't really like the idea of the repetition, i guess i kinda got it the first time. other than this though the verse was nice.

Jux - Yo the first part was dope and there are flashes of dope lyrics throughout. However some of this hit a pet peeve of mine, i just didnt know or didnt see where it rhymed. I like the description of his sexual awakening alot and how he does an about face to try celibacy but I wish your verse actually picked up and kept going where you decided to end it. I think seeing him, after waking up to this lust at an early age, battle with celibacy, temptation, frustration, etc would be far more interesting than the overwrought description of him as a child.


I was Five… simply happy at the idea of being lost nowhere to be "find."

didnt like this line at all.

Instead of indulging my desires, if I become Celibate,
Then I have the chance to learn what I didn't as a child,
All the missing little things that make a relationship loving.

Also none of this rhymed? i was confused..

All in all an interesting battle with tough topics.

Vote -Split by a nose hair, he just had a better developed concept with more sizzle and meat to his verse.

[King Ra.]

Both of you did well with your sides of the topic. Split, once again, I am impressed by your writing this week. It's starting to come together. Now, I don't know what it is, but your writing is written in a certain way, the scheme, your word choice- you have a very interesting way of writing. Your piece was great from the start to the finish. The repetition of the "another generation" bit fit very well & you really presented a fresh idea with your topic. Juxtaposition, your story was okay but a lot of things sort of took from it. I noticed in a lot of places it didn't rhyme- I don't know if that was intentional or maybe I didn't catch it, but it did slow me down. The story itself sort of lacked around the mid part. I understood the whole concept but it just seemed off? I feel you could have done something more differently because the first three stanzas were pretty good & the direction you went was eh. You definitely have the skills to write, but in this match compared to your opponent, it didn't match up to well.

MVGT: Split.

[Just Write]

ok whoever set this match-up bravo, both of your styles compliment each other, i felt like i was reading some 18th century shakespearan poets haha. anyways my break down


Split,

this was easily my favorite verse i've read thus far. when reading it it felt more like someone was just casually talking then a dat dat dat.. dat dat dat.. dat dat dat.. ect repetitive monotone reading. it was elegant, it was insightful, it was reminiscent of my youth. bravo sir, just bravo.


juxtaposition,
i really liked the story and i definitely chuckled at a few parts (teacher line especially) and the way you told it also read off pretty natural, my only problem is that i felt you forced a few parts.. for instance the "find" line and thang line also. i think you could have reworded those portions because pretty much the reat of it was perfection.


again a great battle, i have not really been dissapointed with anything ive read this week. i feal like a pawn on a chess board of kings lol. anyways my vote goes to split. keep bringing the heat guys.

[Red glare]

Split; This was cool. Smooth piece. I think our accents differ greatly cause it was a stretch of the imagination trying to match your bars up. This is unique to your skill set but it takes time to get used to; and I'm not sure I'd even want to become familiar with such a style of rhyming because it would hinder my own progress. Two lines stood out amongst the simple tale of teenage love.

and second dates werent tallies of fetal progress,
^ that was a really great line.

First love isn't the hardest. its worthless, a serpent sonnet,
twisting arteries on purpose, ventricles askew viewing the ultrasonic,
^ I liked this.

Seems you went lax in this weeks approach. It was dull but daintly written.

Jutxaposition; Dude whats with all the colors; do they serve a purpose. Are you trying to highlight a certain type of emotion or just feel being a fruity bastard? Seriously. The verse was all over the place, as mentioned. It wasn't coherent in the least. I guess sometimes it's cool to just rant. Write whatever. Unfortunately you can't win that mind state. Also what kind of mind state were you portraying? Seemed like you were projecting your insecurities. You found a Playboy and underlined playboy? O.K and then made rape bright red? I don't even wanna know.

V/ Split

[Vulgar]

Split - This was insightful but decent. I thought you did a solid job of bringing into view an adolescent perspective speckled with teenage lust, and a little bit of personal wisdom. I don't think it came as full circle as I wanted it to; your grip on topicals travels a fine line between fine execution & ending up slender wristed down the pipe, no pun intended. I feel as though you should pack more umph in there, but then again that's just my style preference. I overload my lines often so it's reflecting in my feedback on your verse. By light designing standards, you performed up to the standards I expected from you but didn't knock the ball out of the park. There were opportunities; there always are.

Juxta - You had moments of shine with your wording and moments of gutter water. Two opposites which echoed the battle at hand. Sometimes you get too carried away with the direction you take and you miss out on paving the way for the reader to follow your story with ease and enjoy it as a movie. I found this more like a collection of post-it notes that stuck together and wasn't pleasurable to actively read through. It had good writing for the most part. I just don't think you created a smooth passage into the world of this boy. It was vague to me. Also, your take on celibacy was scattered and less focused than Split's support for sex, which might hurt you.

My vote goes to Split for a better argument: sex as a teenager has it's perks.

[patrown]

Split- flow here, I dig.the introductory bar syllable counts went from low to high, high to low, then evened out, and it felt wonderful. Very good progression. I pay too much attention to layout, and you not only said a lot with a few words in places.. but said a lot in more when you needed to. And it worked out without interrupting your flow. “they” wrong. Those two words stood out to me in the end. I remember that puppy love bullshit, all my family warning against bad choices.. oh. They wrong, don’t trip. Hah. I remember that. Good fucking job. X’s burnt into palms, .. strongest single line imo.'

Juxtaposition – RAPE! Man, you kidding. Lol. Good shit though. You wrote an entire piece about finding a playboy at five.. brother, you should be excited you saw some titty that wasn’t giving you milk at that age you all traumatized and shit really I feel you it may have fucked you up in the end but goddamn titty is titty let it stay just that. Anyway, I’m not sure if you are freal, or just fucking with us. But I almost want to troll your serious ass. I’m a celibate ass dude don’t get me wrong – been like two years, I’m fit’na get it on with an exhaust pipe on the more fashionable mopeds.. but still. I didn’t see as much of your conclusion, which really, that quote is strong.. throughout your entire piece. I seen some titties in a magazine.. I like dark age historical fiction.. two big ass horses gallop away from eachother in a big ass field they normally reserve for two people runnin at eachother. SHIIT. I really dig what you were going for – but you were just too damn serious about finding that playboy for me to take you seriously.
A titties a titty.

/v split

[King Ra.]

SPLIT WINS, 8-0.