AOWL Week 9: IamBenT (4-1) vs. Pohfig (5-1) [IAMBENT WINS, 7-3.]

[Split]

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum. (if agreed upon by both participants, you may go beyond the limit at your own risk.)

Verses are due SATURDAY 4/13 at 11:59 PST.
Extensions are due SUNDAY 4/14 at 11:59 PST.
(There is a 6 hour grace period following the end of the extension deadline. If you fail to post anything by the end of the grace period time, you will be given the no show loss.)

You must vote on at least 4 other battles and post links in the Voting Thread. For every absent vote, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

Voting ends TUESDAY 4/16 at 11:59 PST. (Unless otherwise it may be extended another day at the most.)

You MUST check in.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.

NOTE
Swaying, excessive freeposting, voter fraud etc. are grounds for vote deductions at discretion of the moderators.
Editing your verse after the grace period, after your opponent posts, or after the first vote (especially this)- as well as biting- are grounds for disqualification at discretion of the moderators.

TOPIC: THIS IS A SPLIT TOPIC. One will write a verse supporting an idea, and the other will write a verse supporting an opposing idea.

IamBenT -Book Smart
pohfig -Street Smart

Good luck to both participants.

[IamBenT]

Checking in. tough topic. gluck

[Pent uP]

Meh

[IamBenT]

Valentine’s Day, 1884

Bright as the wax moon, her laugh swooned, swooped, a white crane,
Her blithe name the sprite rabbit I chased to make my life mate-
My Alice,… I- the blood, She – the chalice… Her eyes, a dove, no malice..
A family to establish, in our extravagant palace…Now I babble, unbalanced…
Grief the empty sleeve unsheathing death’s talons,… and with a high slice..
The wick blinks with night twice… “The Light Has Gone Out Of My Life”..

Mother Martha, Itty bitty “Mittie”, was Parthenon great – She’d Say,
“I came from owning slaves to being Thee’s slave”, but we praised
Her hard labor in the face of Father’s fortune was grace apportioned
As a taste of favor to my sore, thin – lungs wrung from asthma wheezes,
Many hymns sung from asking Jesus, “Please, Master heal this
Son!, like Paul’s kerchiefs slung in Past Ephesus”..Wracked with diseases,
I sleep slumped in a chair, - but once I’m aware, its back to being hyperactive
Catching bugs in glasses since Father bought an otter seal and hacked it!
Disgusted at its bits of guts and its bicuspids, but the stuff I trusted
Was each gush of grit and crust had purpose, fit and function – I was rare!
Like Audubon’s broad birds of the air… the raw earth of S. Fullerton Baird!
Until I got bullied and scared- So Pop taught me the thoughts of Franklin,
Pushups and fisticuffs toughen muscle expansions! A strong Father’s a Grand Thing..
Now Memory’s grafting Mittie, as it did He in his passing…

After Harvard, where I carved up beasts and theses alike,/
Doc said “put your heart first, cease seeking the strife”/,
but my strenuous life, part and parcel of Twain’s “Roughing It”/,
was, until my Lark sung, far-flung and unsubstantive/
She was my Sutter’s Gold, a wonder to behold in blessed splendor/
I know how Truman’s soul glowed in Nevada’s tense adventures/
So I took to tennis, riding, rowing, hiking, all aerobics/
Befriend her kin, impressed with skinny dips in the Potomac!/
Quoting French and probing those who attack the tracts of Lincoln/
All so she’d know that I’m, in fact, the man to whom she has to give in..

Only Defoe’s Crusoe, in his fits and throes, could know the cold hold of growing old alone
As I sit and, slow as a broken bone, try to fix and mold that frozen stone
That rolls in my chest, as, choking, my breath pressed … on that baby’s face.
My nose, her lips and Mittie’s cleft…. Dear God, Amazing Grace.
No emotions expressed as we both, motherless, now gaze, her eyes and mine
The oceans regress, and, open regret’s shallow waves drown Valentine’s…

And see, because I read one to three books per day/And I came self-made from a crooked way/To be brave as a brook that sprays/ in the face of a man who would look and say/“I will kill every single being that this stream feeds.”/ I believe in the Dream that America bleeds,/In the plains and the hills and the air of green trees!/

..So I leave my political passions, Place the babe in her aunt’s hands and abandon the mansion..

Which rings with the laughs of Alice and Mittie,..
I’m sick of that Death Rider that saddles the city…
My only love now lies West in the Wild.. Weigh this pain, just suppress it and smile..
Start up again with a Pioneer’s heart…Dakota Buffalo might provide a year’s spark..
Always read and dreamt about it.. Westward Ho!... Amazing.
I wonder if the tales I’ve traipsed will match the trails I’m blazing…

For “Mittie” and my lovely Alice, now Departed, ever felt
Sincerely, Son and Husband, T. Roosevelt.

[Pent uP]

Lache La Femme

Cruel, but calm - a useless mom that hustled through her qualms
and through her job. She uses cops to protect her from stupid palms
that would slap her. She has attackers that she's fooled and robbed.
Knowing the streets is her focus in reach to continually DO nonstop.

A hooker with issues - but strong - fierce and not looking for tissues.
Self employed and with a padded bra that's pushing two pistols.
Kathy was gorgeous and always dressed whorish so her game was perfected.
Giving every man heinous erections before they came to their senses.
That pun was made and intended - but she wasn't for sleeping with strangers -
She only fucked the police like NWA... when Easy E was a banger.
Kathy's a danger for those trying to cheat on their lovers
and be undercover, otherwise a good guy might easily fuck her.
See, she was touched first by a guy that married her mother.
The next day, when she woke up, he was buried six under.
A psychotic flash created a plot that stabbed him to pieces
and fed his rabbit sized penis to their dog - who laughs as he eats it.
That happened at thirteen; and now she's unhappy at thirty
and likely to kill any guys getting thrills while her flash is occurring.
Not lacking in mercy when committing those savage sentiments;
She's actually intimate with this process that's masked in innocence.

Its nine o'clock, prime time for cocks to choose and buy their spot...
behind broken hymen slots that lost virginity to a slimy pops.
Kathy, known as Candy K, stands away while devising plots -
Wild and hot, that deadly combination is why they jock.
Several cars approach her, but they're all filled with harmless posers.
Either trying to bust their first or pimp her out to starving Ogres.
One pulled a gun on Candy K, which left her stunned - but scammed a way
to give this bum a handy J and left him with no nuts and damaged brain.

Finally one comes - her man awaits and she's ready for action.
Already wet from her practice of castrating that dickhead to a casket;
She nestles her assets and positions her breasts to firmly sit on her chest.
So as she lifts up her dress and walks a step, no resistance is left.
This hapless guy has a wife and drives her Hyundai to buy ass.
It shows in the decorative plates and pink and white colored dash;
beside the fact he hasn't bothered in removing his ring.
So Kathy's thirsty to have him squirting; reversing the usual swing.
She checks her tits to bear arms and then quickly gets in his car.
He says he wants her to pull his dick til its hard, then pinch 'til its scarred.
Sickness is part of the profession so this 'tard isn't questioned.
Seems like an easy mark to be her victim til he starts slapping her breasts and...
The pistols fall against his balls and he's quicker to grab them.
It occurs to him, while she's serves a pinch that this bitch's an assassin.
He takes the guns and makes her come with one in her cockpit.
Then rapes for fun and placed the gun on her tongue while he cocks it.
One to her head, one in her mouth while he attacks from the back.
Kathy gets smashed while fully knowing that she has to react.
Premature ejaculation causes spasms that latched his fingers to pull it
and both guns unload once and blasts in a meeting of bullets.
They connect in the center and expressed this within her as an explosion of red.
He gives a shout and kicks her out missing most of her head.
Showing us death doesn't care about her harming these frauds..
but in the dirty darkness where her heart lives she's not as street smart as she thought.

[Soulstice]

ah was just searching to finish up my voting requirement tonight. definitely a battle to vote on.

lambent - particularly strong opener and closer. if im going to dissect the precise wording of a piece it is going to be there and you opened the piece in a way that made me interested and closed it in away that had me satisfied. the wording was nice, except for muscle expansion, and a few other instances. the historical references were top notch and a challenge here was to make sure all of the works were published before 1884.. no easy task. as far as i can tell they all were. this biographical piece, reminiscent of baron mynd and bounce (two extraordinary writers) was no easy task to create yet the historical parts and the imagery both made it work. the story was paced well, and the stanzas switching style could perhaps hearken to the eclectic talents and influences of roosevelt himself. a true renaiisance man. ultimately, a biopic piece could never capture his full essence so you had to settle for a mere chapter. the untold story of the motives and creation of the ambition that developed him. an origin story of a superhero. well done

pohfig - in the end god is laughing at our plans. a purge of the streets a vigilante undone by dumb luck. ultimately that is what this piece comes to. complete with the motives, and a little background, a very full, round character that we expect to succeed but cant escape the blind wrath of death in eddard stark fashion. a completely original concept and execution, with a little conceptual stuff thrown in at the end to make it more than a story. overall the flow was tight, the wording left a little to be desired but the entire life the language took on was consistent and appropriate for the peice anyways.

v- ugh. two entirely different pieces that i am having a lot of trouble comparing. fuck. ill edit something in later. most likely tmm after i sleep

edit. i edited this on the artofbattling domain. it doesnt relink to netcees unless you go to the main domain. anyways i chose iambent. tough decision though

[Zen]

BOTW straight up.
Bent: NICE piece. Had me hooked from the opener. Dope way to open this shit up. As far as the time period I can honestly say that I know damn near nothing about it so I don't know if the references match the period but I'd assume they do lol. Nonetheless without me knowing about the time period you managed to keep me engaged in this piece and finished it off strong. Wonderful writing here.
Poh: Another excellent piece. I think TD described this perfectly in his first few sentences about the concept behind this, and this concept is very original. Nicely done. Some lines were more stretched out than I prefer but it was no biggie because the story behind this kept me engaged so I didn't care about that lol. Great job on this poh.

Overall after reading both pieces I gotta go with Bent but this is definatly BOTW. Props to both.

[Xces]

Wow.

Bent - You came way harder then I've seen you come before.
The flow an the story you tell in that chapter is golden, I love the wording I mean there are one or two places it's off, like Topical brought up but nothing immensely distracting.
I love how you incorporated historically significant things within the piece, well staying within the time frame. That was brilliant.

Poh - The story you told and the picture you painted is solid, I don't have many issues with your piece here either. There are a few bars that are stretched for the rhymes but you maintained a story very well so I let that go.

I enjoyed both of these pieces pretty much equally, so I have to vote from a technical standpoint, and on that I have to give it to Bent.

V/Bent

The stretched bars from Poh did a bit more draw back then the story within made up for in the face of a solid piece by Bent.

[Juxtaposition]

test

[Juxtaposition]

Iambent -

That rhyme scheme changed up in a good way smoothly, also liked the vocabulary, BLITHE BABY! but it also made sense like when you said "Her eyes a dove, no malice" You know since they are thought of as signs of peace. You have my attention sir.

Once again, you weave rhymes to your whim, very natural smooth transitions, on point. You know what you want to say and are not confined. Lot of strong imagery and adjectives, a lot of allusions, good technical writing, colorful wording.

Okay I'm in the third and I see what you are doing ;).

Woo. Excellent work man. Creative well written. Concept was equalled by execution. YES BOOK SMART! You not only showed it in all your allusions, but also as a main quality of the character, and it in the language used. Just all around terrific.

And man you were able to capture a truth... You let the story create the emotion, not just using emotional words to create feelings, if you understand what I'm saying.

POH -
Immediately the rhyme scheme stands out. Very fluid and rapid, and good use of inner bar rhyming too.

"Giving every man heinous erections before they came to their senses." Dirty Wordplay heh

Awwwww really did not like the following line "That pun was made and intended"

That flow is so butter had to say it again.

"Its nine o'clock, prime time for cocks to choose and buy their spot...
behind broken hymen slots that lost virginity to a slimy pops.
Kathy, known as Candy K, stands away while devising plots -
Wild and hot, that deadly combination is why they jock."

Man your flow, mechanics, imagery, description, are all very good. The ending sort of got messy to me, but it was fitting I suppose and it went down swinging with the wordplay.

VOTE - IAMBENT

This was just a case of one was good the other was great.

Appreciate the effort it must have taken to writ this, fun reads and entertaining.

[patrown]

Iambent - Glorious rhymes. Absolutely fantastic rhythm. Can’t say enough good about this piece. Googled T. Roosevelt to check out all the references... at that point my brain’s reward system kicked in. it got all tingly. Thank you.

Pohfig- great story here! Excellent character development, impeccable assonance.. really very good. I lol’d at the NWA reference. More of a chortle .. but still, it initiated a physical response. y ou rhyme like a madman. . I have no bits of criticism to offer. You tell a helluva tale.

/v bent – I’m a sucker for historical references, only books I read religiously are historical fictions. So, that gave bent an edge as far as my vote is concerned. I don’t see anything wrong with your verse poh, syllable counts to me were all fine and the longer ones were warranted. I simply liked bents –a little- more this week. So extremely c lose. Thank you both for the time spent writing these. Great battle.

[Just Write]

this is just a fucking fantastic battle. to be honest I dont even want to vote on this one. both stories were absolutely flawless. "Perfection In A Message", definitely a high caliber battle.


IamBent,

Damn that, that was an intense read my friend. i was literally at the edge of my seat reading it. for you to be able to use that many internal rhymes and the message still comes across as buttery smooth AND coherent takes some serious skill. you my man are legit, there were only a few parts I didnt enjoy and I didnt "not" enjoy them that much, just a couple hiccups for me.

some of my fav lines

Bright as the wax moon, her laugh swooned, swooped, a white crane,
Her blithe name the sprite rabbit I chased to make my life mate-
My Alice,… I- the blood, She – the chalice… Her eyes, a dove, no malice..
A family to establish, in our extravagant palace…Now I babble, unbalanced…
Grief the empty sleeve unsheathing death’s talons,… and with a high slice..
The wick blinks with night twice… “The Light Has Gone Out Of My Life”..


As a taste of favor to my sore, thin – lungs wrung from asthma wheezes,
Many hymns sung from asking Jesus, “Please, Master heal this
Son!, like Paul’s kerchiefs slung in Past Ephesus”..Wracked with diseases,
I sleep slumped in a chair, - but once I’m aware, its back to being hyperactive
Catching bugs in glasses since Father bought an otter seal and hacked it!


After Harvard, where I carved up beasts and theses alike,/
Doc said “put your heart first, cease seeking the strife”/,
but my strenuous life, part and parcel of Twain’s “Roughing It”/,
was, until my Lark sung, far-flung and unsubstantive/
She was my Sutter’s Gold, a wonder to behold in blessed splendor/
I know how Truman’s soul glowed in Nevada’s tense adventures/
So I took to tennis, riding, rowing, hiking, all aerobics/


Always read and dreamt about it.. Westward Ho!... Amazing.
I wonder if the tales I’ve traipsed will match the trails I’m blazing…

For “Mittie” and my lovely Alice, now Departed, ever felt
Sincerely, Son and Husband, T. Roosevelt.


Poh,
man you are a very good story teller and your flow is impeccable. I read through it effortlessly twice. intense story man. you piss a bitch off like that or what? lol. anyways year man i wish you would have used a bit more of an advanced vocabulary as I thought this was pretty basic in that sense. other than that this was definitely in my top 5 this week, and thats out of some amazing writers too.


Cruel, but calm - a useless mom that hustled through her qualms
and through her job. She uses cops to protect her from stupid palms
that would slap her. She has attackers that she's fooled and robbed.
Knowing the streets is her focus in reach to continually DO nonstop.

A hooker with issues - but strong - fierce and not looking for tissues.
Self employed and with a padded bra that's pushing two pistols.
Kathy was gorgeous and always dressed whorish so her game was perfected.



That pun was made and intended - but she wasn't for sleeping with strangers -
She only fucked the police like NWA... when Easy E was a banger.
Kathy's a danger for those trying to cheat on their lovers
and be undercover, otherwise a good guy might easily fuck her.
See, she was touched first by a guy that married her mother.
The next day, when she woke up, he was buried six under.
A psychotic flash created a plot that stabbed him to pieces
and fed his rabbit sized penis to their dog - who laughs as he eats it.
That happened at thirteen; and now she's unhappy at thirty
and likely to kill any guys getting thrills while her flash is occurring.
Not lacking in mercy when committing those savage sentiments;
She's actually intimate with this process that's masked in innocence.


Finally one comes - her man awaits and she's ready for action.
Already wet from her practice of castrating that dickhead to a casket;
She nestles her assets and positions her breasts to firmly sit on her chest.
So as she lifts up her dress and walks a step, no resistance is left.
This hapless guy has a wife and drives her Hyundai to buy ass.
It shows in the decorative plates and pink and white colored dash;
beside the fact he hasn't bothered in removing his ring.
So Kathy's thirsty to have him squirting; reversing the usual swing.


this was a very hard decision, i really enjoyed both stories for different reasons. im going to have to go with who i thought had a more polished piece though and thats Bent great job fellaz

[Objective]

IamBent: Amazing piece. Love the rhymescheme, full of imagery and you're showing a great descriptive ability along with the storytelling alone wich is pretty damn great. The stereotypical booksmart guy definately comes through well in your story and got a fair bit of knowledge in it as well. All in all a solid piece worthy of praise. Can't really find anything I didn't like. 10/10, would read again tomorrow.

Pohfig: My God dude.. Where the fuck does one even start on this? The imagery, the progression of the piece, the several events is described extremely well and the entire verse as a whole is dope as fuck. The rhymescheme, there's not a single thing I didn't like in this verse. It made me smile and chuckle in real life wich I rarely ever do. I bet I can count on one or two hands that has happened. I didn't expect you to be able to stand up to what I just read from IamBent, but you did. I can't find a single thing I don't like about your story either. It's perverse as fuck and it stays extremely vell on topic and the last 10 lines had me laughing. Vivid as fuck.

Vote: How the fuck does one vote on this shit? Both of the verses was top notch. Probably the best battle I've read in ages, it's my favourite battle so far in the league and both of the verses was beautifully crafted.

I'd seriously love Quentin Tarantino to be the director of a short film using Pohfigs script. Based on that alone and how I managed to envision the final thing actually happening in my head as the guns go blazing I'mma have to give my vote to Pohfig.

BOTW. No doubt imo.

[King Ra.]

BOTW, hands down. I read both verses the other day, now dropping my vote. Holy shit @ BenT. Let me tell you why:

Bright as the wax moon, her laugh swooned, swooped, a white crane,
Her blithe name the sprite rabbit I chased to make my life mate-
My Alice,… I- the blood, She – the chalice… Her eyes, a dove, no malice..
A family to establish, in our extravagant palace…Now I babble, unbalanced…
Grief the empty sleeve unsheathing death’s talons,… and with a high slice..
The wick blinks with night twice… “The Light Has Gone Out Of My Life”..

That is probably the BEST intro to a piece I've read this season. When I read that, I was immediately hooked in to your story. Holy fuck man. I love that opener. From beginning to end, your story was on point. The language you used to fit the time was very, very well done. Descriptions, imagery, excellent scheme, the word choice- everything just fit right on target. I think it was two weeks ago when you had VOTW, but I'm telling you now, I feel this verse was far more superior. Great job. pohfig, you do a great job of storytelling here, with the female character being the focus. You gave us detail & a visual of who she is & what she does to a T. I feel you matched BenT just about in that department. Now, that long last stanza in your story, I will say, preferably, I feel it could have been done better. It sort of reminds me of those movies, filled with all this action, drama, and suspense, and then, the ending leaves you pissed off. I wasn't necessarily pissed off, I just feel it could have been done differently. It did wrap up your side of the topic well though. Both of you really came with it in this match, which actually was better than both the championship & contenders match IMO. I got BenT here though, with a perfectly executed story, from start to finish. Great job & read gentlemen.

MVGT: IAmBenT.

[Nigma]

Valentine’s Day, 1884

Bright as the wax moon, her laugh swooned, swooped, a white crane,
Her blithe name the sprite rabbit I chased to make my life mate-
My Alice,… I- the blood, She – the chalice… Her eyes, a dove, no malice..
A family to establish, in our extravagant palace…Now I babble, unbalanced…
Grief the empty sleeve unsheathing death’s talons,… and with a high slice..
The wick blinks with night twice… “The Light Has Gone Out Of My Life”..

-Interesting into, at this point I'm not sure how to take it, will hopefully have it put in perspective later on in the verse.

Mother Martha, Itty bitty “Mittie”, was Parthenon great – She’d Say,
“I came from owning slaves to being Thee’s slave”, but we praised
Her hard labor in the face of Father’s fortune was grace apportioned
As a taste of favor to my sore, thin – lungs wrung from asthma wheezes,
Many hymns sung from asking Jesus, “Please, Master heal this

-Information is is being dolled out and a plot is forming, I like this so far. Interesting rhyme scheme, smooth transitions

Son!, like Paul’s kerchiefs slung in Past Ephesus”..Wracked with diseases,
I sleep slumped in a chair, - but once I’m aware, its back to being hyperactive
Catching bugs in glasses since Father bought an otter seal and hacked it!
Disgusted at its bits of guts and its bicuspids, but the stuff I trusted

-Loving the flow here, it alone is holding my interest. Some fresh imagery as you're progressing through this

Was each gush of grit and crust had purpose, fit and function – I was rare!
Like Audubon’s broad birds of the air… the raw earth of S. Fullerton Baird!
Until I got bullied and scared- So Pop taught me the thoughts of Franklin,
Pushups and fisticuffs toughen muscle expansions! A strong Father’s a Grand Thing..
Now Memory’s grafting Mittie, as it did He in his passing…

-Staying steady and on course, im starting to appreciate the general wording and tone of this piece in correlation to your topic

After Harvard, where I carved up beasts and theses alike,/
Doc said “put your heart first, cease seeking the strife”/,
but my strenuous life, part and parcel of Twain’s “Roughing It”/,
was, until my Lark sung, far-flung and unsubstantive/
She was my Sutter’s Gold, a wonder to behold in blessed splendor/
I know how Truman’s soul glowed in Nevada’s tense adventures/
So I took to tennis, riding, rowing, hiking, all aerobics/
Befriend her kin, impressed with skinny dips in the Potomac!/
Quoting French and probing those who attack the tracts of Lincoln/
All so she’d know that I’m, in fact, the man to whom she has to give in..

-Still keeping pace, this is making for a good verse. Excited to see where it goes from here. Wasn't quite what the 'quoting french' bit was about

Only Defoe’s Crusoe, in his fits and throes, could know the cold hold of growing old alone
As I sit and, slow as a broken bone, try to fix and mold that frozen stone
That rolls in my chest, as, choking, my breath pressed … on that baby’s face.
My nose, her lips and Mittie’s cleft…. Dear God, Amazing Grace.
No emotions expressed as we both, motherless, now gaze, her eyes and mine
The oceans regress, and, open regret’s shallow waves drown Valentine’s…

And see, because I read one to three books per day/And I came self-made from a crooked way/To be brave as a brook that sprays/ in the face of a man who would look and say/“I will kill every single being that this stream feeds.”/ I believe in the Dream that America bleeds,/In the plains and the hills and the air of green trees!/

..So I leave my political passions, Place the babe in her aunt’s hands and abandon the mansion..

Which rings with the laughs of Alice and Mittie,..
I’m sick of that Death Rider that saddles the city…
My only love now lies West in the Wild.. Weigh this pain, just suppress it and smile..
Start up again with a Pioneer’s heart…Dakota Buffalo might provide a year’s spark..
Always read and dreamt about it.. Westward Ho!... Amazing.
I wonder if the tales I’ve traipsed will match the trails I’m blazing…

For “Mittie” and my lovely Alice, now Departed, ever felt
Sincerely, Son and Husband, T. Roosevelt.

- Wow, ending tied everything together perfectly. I was not expecting to see Roosevelts name there and it gave my overview of the verse a slight nudge, love when that happens. Overall solid verse man, you clearly did some research for this one.



Lache La Femme

Cruel, but calm - a useless mom that hustled through her qualms
and through her job. She uses cops to protect her from stupid palms
that would slap her. She has attackers that she's fooled and robbed.
Knowing the streets is her focus in reach to continually DO nonstop.

-In contrast with the previous verse, this intro was very literal and direct towards to topic. Nothing outrageous, a solid introduction and mood setter

A hooker with issues - but strong - fierce and not looking for tissues.
Self employed and with a padded bra that's pushing two pistols.
Kathy was gorgeous and always dressed whorish so her game was perfected.
Giving every man heinous erections before they came to their senses.

-Continuing to build the character, maintaining solid flow throughout. Loved the 'came to their senses' wordplay

That pun was made and intended - but she wasn't for sleeping with strangers -
She only fucked the police like NWA... when Easy E was a banger.

-I feel dedicating a line to ensure people comprehended the wordplay was unnecessary, italics were enough. The followup line was pretty tight though.

Kathy's a danger for those trying to cheat on their lovers
and be undercover, otherwise a good guy might easily fuck her.
See, she was touched first by a guy that married her mother.
The next day, when she woke up, he was buried six under.
A psychotic flash created a plot that stabbed him to pieces
and fed his rabbit sized penis to their dog - who laughs as he eats it.

-More background information thats puts her life into perspective, info introduced smoothly. Last two lines hit hard in terms of imagery

That happened at thirteen; and now she's unhappy at thirty
and likely to kill any guys getting thrills while her flash is occurring.
Not lacking in mercy when committing those savage sentiments;
She's actually intimate with this process that's masked in innocence.

Its nine o'clock, prime time for cocks to choose and buy their spot...
behind broken hymen slots that lost virginity to a slimy pops.
Kathy, known as Candy K, stands away while devising plots -
Wild and hot, that deadly combination is why they jock.

-Continuous detail described in vivid ways to good effect

Several cars approach her, but they're all filled with harmless posers.
Either trying to bust their first or pimp her out to starving Ogres.
One pulled a gun on Candy K, which left her stunned - but scammed a way
to give this bum a handy J and left him with no nuts and damaged brain.

Finally one comes - her man awaits and she's ready for action.
Already wet from her practice of castrating that dickhead to a casket;

-Now the added details of past scenarios are really heating this verse up. So much depth. 'Getting wet thinking about killing' was pretty dope

She nestles her assets and positions her breasts to firmly sit on her chest.
So as she lifts up her dress and walks a step, no resistance is left.
This hapless guy has a wife and drives her Hyundai to buy ass.
It shows in the decorative plates and pink and white colored dash;
beside the fact he hasn't bothered in removing his ring.
So Kathy's thirsty to have him squirting; reversing the usual swing.

-The way you portray this from the perspective of the character you've created makes me suspect that you are indeed a murderous hooker

She checks her tits to bear arms and then quickly gets in his car.
He says he wants her to pull his dick til its hard, then pinch 'til its scarred.
Sickness is part of the profession so this 'tard isn't questioned.
Seems like an easy mark to be her victim til he starts slapping her breasts and...
The pistols fall against his balls and he's quicker to grab them.
It occurs to him, while she's serves a pinch that this bitch's an assassin.
He takes the guns and makes her come with one in her cockpit.
Then rapes for fun and placed the gun on her tongue while he cocks it.
One to her head, one in her mouth while he attacks from the back.
Kathy gets smashed while fully knowing that she has to react.
Premature ejaculation causes spasms that latched his fingers to pull it
and both guns unload once and blasts in a meeting of bullets.
They connect in the center and expressed this within her as an explosion of red.
He gives a shout and kicks her out missing most of her head.
Showing us death doesn't care about her harming these frauds..
but in the dirty darkness where her heart lives she's not as street smart as she thought.


Honestly, this was pretty amazing. One of the biggest and most effective twist endings I can remember reading in any verse. I give you many props my friend. Clear VotW contender.


The Judges Gavel
After reading Bent's piece I knew Pent would have to do something special to take the W. He did that and more in my opinion. I give the vote to pohfig, unreal verse.

[Vulgar]

IamBenT - You painted a very harmonious and unrelentingly affectionate picture of Theodore Roosevelt's relationship with his mother and his wife, two important women in his life, it seems. I don't know much about the man but it seems you either did prior to being in this league or you had an urge to use the former president as a your theme and researched the heck out of it. I thought what you did with it was really cool. At first Alice in Wonderland sprung to mind, naturally because you referenced it with a sprite rabbit but it wasn't to be about the book so I was glad you took it in a different direction. This was thoroughly done with language tweaks that made it your own; no detail was spared, as well as no structural experimentation either. Did you make a strong case for being book smart? Yes. I think this could be published if you put it out there and try submitting it to places. The hunk of time you must've spent creating this collage or manifesto of good natured feelings concerning Roosevelt would be well liked by U.S. history enthusiasts.

Pent Up - Dope, I liked how your story progression took off and didn't stop until you wanted it to stop. Vintage use of transitions and smooth flow to push the pace, and also the rhyming in general was stellar. I'd say IamBent had you in the rhythm department here, but you had him in the engagement department. I was engaged here, following your quill from start to finish, which is as significant as it gets in the competitive realm of topicals for me. I'd prefer taking a rewarding journey with a definitive outcome over viewing a rewarding piece of art that shows me a set of paths.

While IamBenT's was elaborate, relevant and executed to the fullest degree, it wasn't affecting on the level of Pent Up's searing story about a serial hooker who doesn't die peacefully. In the end, the more "affecting" piece of writing prevails here simply because my eyes bulged a bit more in the unravelling of the events taking place. It's artistic mural vs. broken society film festival.

going with Pohfig

[King Ra.]

IAMBENT WINS, 7-3.