Yo I'm JC (Needs some work)

[J C]

Yo Im JC
Take it from me
Im no wannabe, im a g
Don’t believe me? Youll see
Next time I pass you, I’ll blast you
The po wont even know who shot you
Damn! That’s just how good I am
-
Shout out to all my dogs from LA to the Bay
Hey, and all you rivals out there……fck with us and well fck wit you
That’s how it works when you live where we live and do what we do
Its like a zoo, we’re all just animals
O’buncha cannibals. Layin around pickin at our enemy
But it’s just a tendency
-
It don’t matta if I’m white
I still bite, till the end of the night, when there’s no one left to fight!
I’m reachin a new height….of rappin skills
It’ll give you a chill and if won’t then my kill will
-
I would like some advice, thanks

[Sharp]

welcome to the site

middle section was pretty nice

hit the cypher

read a lot of OMs

stay up

id do more now but im about to sleep

[J C]

Whats OMs?

[Fig]

The OM is the Open Mic section. Its where you posted this and where we currently are.

And I agree with everything sharp said. Just read some of the verse on the OM and get familiar.

[J C]

Ok cool

[Zen]

I'll give you some advice. If you want people to feed your verse you need to drop feed on others. But since I'm a nice guy I'll feed yours first :)
This was very basic. I would expect this as a freestlye in a group cypher you know what I mean? I'm guessin this really was a keystyle but regardless it's much too basic. I'm not trying to be harsh or rude to you I'm just being honest. If I were you I'd continue to practice in the cyphers and begin to grasp the mechanics of writing a little better. Your flow is good in reading it but the wording is much too simple so if I were you that's what I would begin to work on first. Instead of just simply saying something, find a more creative way to express it so the piece becomes more interesting. Just keep practicing man and keep dropping.

http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5768-ZenLand-Part-II<<Feed my piece

[J C]

I will feed yours. This was a freestyle.

[Aesthetic]

I would have too hear your delivery too question the flow too much; but like what sharp 9 said, I like the middle.

That’s how it works when you live where we live and do what we do

This shit right here is what you need too stick up on; like flow is tight and has the musical taste. Sounds really fucking familiar and on top of your scheme.

[Witty]

Gonna be honest and say what nobody else has had the balls to say....this wasn't good, at all. It was generic, it was simple and it was boring. Your rhymes were predictable. You need to work on your flow, you need to work on pretty much every aspect of your writing...I didn't like this. Much improvement is needed.