Week 2: ZYG (1-0) vs. oats (1-0) \\ oats wins 5-0

[Certain]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 3



The Basics | Read the full rules here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=54688).

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=56515).


Topic


"Winning isn't everything, and this is not a race." — Aceyalone


Good luck, ZYG and oats.

[zygote]

FICTIONAL ALTERNATE HISTORY: USSR WINS THE SPACE RACE.

To the victor go the spoils. Woe to the vanquished.
This is the history of US. Every glorious moment and action.

The opening gambit: he paced the halls of the Kremlin, preparing himself for every possible question.
A low-level bureaucrat called him to enter, he walked into the room with a forceful aggression,
Inside there were ministers, generals and party officials, dark silhouettes and bright cigarettes,
Our hero’s dark green uniform was tightly ironed and pressed, with a myriad of emblems pinned to left side of his chest.
He is Kommissar Draguseni of Soviet experimental aviation, he doesn’t know why he was called here or what he has done,
He fears for some infraction, for the Gulag, for the lives of his young wife and his son.
“Comrade, please take a seat next to me. We have little time and much to discuss.”
He tenses up. The door to the boardroom quietly shuts.

The middle game: People running back and forth, a whirr of equipment and circuitry systems,
The strong smell of coffee, the punching of keyboards, and crowded working conditions.
They refitted a missile facility in Northern Kazakhstan,
The floors now scattered with plans, cords, plugs and diagrams.
Draguseni oversees the construction, he personally works with the assembly crew,
An engineer calls him away, he slides out from underneath the engine and moves.
“We’ve got a problem with the spin-stabilization, it’s a critical failure in every single calculation.”
“Let’s go get everyone together, we will re-do all the lift-off calibrations.”

The winning combination: All people are enthralled at the unravelling scene,
Party members and proletariat alike glued to their black and white screens.
The watch as the Motherland begins her glorious ascension,
Willing forwards their astronauts on-board the Apparatchik-11.
And so it came to be, with our hero Draguseni watching on from Kazakhstan,
The first humans on the moon were Nyel Armstranovic and Bizo Uldrovan.
“One small step for the common man.” They took up the flag with its hammer, sickle and circle,
And then the Red Banner was firmly planted into the surface.

[oats]

Octaves

ready…

make sure baby hears Vivaldi, stimulate the brain
from the womb to the tune - they all syncopate the same
don’t be confused by the blues, it’s the incubator blame
mommy’s special little parasite to blink away the pain
into bottom-heavy hourglasses, a growing pendulum stencil -
make sure it’s a water birth so baby’s entrance isn’t stressful.
nothing meant as disrespectful, it’s all mental/menstrual but it’s central
giving birth gives a purpose: the ultimate existentialist credential.
Such a pleasant instrumental! Songs to usher in new life
To the rhythm of KEEP PUSHING with groans to puncture the mood right
What a beautiful sight! Keep moving till you run to the light -
Sing!
The first note of your existence: sounds of some woman crying

set…
The table with genetics, buffet of character traits
While environment decides how much of what’s on the plate
combined they’re some kind of fate, do your best to prepare
Life's a formative test - there's not a second to spare!
Give him the fundamentals - strong reading and math
Consistent discipline the compass for him to keep on the path
to succeed or to laugh? now that’s just silly, inane
think of Achilles - why do you even know Achilles’ name?
even Icarus would be ridiculous if he didn’t try to fly to the sun
so don’t get straddled by distractions - there’s a life to be won

go…
off into the world, use your mind and your heart
explore man's noblest pursuits, science and art
horizons will part, the world is yours if you take it
So long as you follow new ideas instead of different faces
Emotions strip you naked, happiness is a fleeting endeavor
But accomplishment lasts forever!
or at least for as long as your descendants can remember
So at every chance you better keep your kids in accordance
But never let connections with them get in the way of what's important...

beautiful sight, move to the light! You'll be a memory for compliance
Now some other woman crying - but the final note of your existence: silence
Statues will be your goodbye to the world, your sizable wealth
That's the easy part, but how will you say goodbye to yourself?

No people anymore, oh prayer of night be this new song
Echoes reverberate, but who is going to miss you?
gone.

[Just Write]

ziggy,
you're an animal bro. you must have just a computer filled with pre-writtens on every fucking subject imaginable and just sit there saying "hmmm, ok this one will work"that or you're a robot like everyone says. this was a stellar little mini story of what if's. i really enjoyed it. i do however feel it was pretty short despite the long bars. i would have liked to see you expand on it more against someone like oats. you're a really talented dude. i want to see what you can do when you spend more than a few hours on a piece.



oats,

into bottom-heavy hourglasses, a growing pendulum stencil -
make sure it’s a water birth so baby’s entrance isn’t stressful.
nothing meant as disrespectful, it’s all mental/menstrual but it’s central
giving birth gives a purpose: the ultimate existentialist credential.

say that five times fast haha jk. really exceptional section right here


off into the world, use your mind and your heart
explore man's noblest pursuits, science and art
horizons will part, the world is yours if you take it
So long as you follow new ideas instead of different faces
Emotions strip you naked, happiness is a fleeting endeavor
But accomplishment lasts forever!
or at least for as long as your descendants can remember

golden line right there. i really loved that

I really enjoyed this piece man, the cadence was just beautiful. i do think you've put out better flowing pieces but still, this was a work of art. I don't know what it is, if it's because you're a teacher or whatever but you have a very refined poetic style. you've definitely honed in on it to a t and it showed in every piece of yours. definitely my favorite verse ive read this week. props

man this was a great battle and definitely botw material. it' rare i vote against ziggy and his brilliance but I think he might have underestimated oats and oats took advantage.again, both great pieces but oats edges this one out for me
mvgt=oats

















...great, now im not gunna make it in the OM review

[Mike Wrecka]

pretty crazy battle here. two heavy weights two dope verses

zyg - an alternate history verse. it was well done. you impressed with the flow as usual. you actually seemed to pick it up a bit from your recent drops, using more multis and inners here. i know your capable of out flowing anyone in this league but just choose not to , i don't know why. but here you unleashed it for a bit, than put it away. cool concept for a verse. nice take on the topic.

the verse was really well done and well written but i would have loved to see the ramifications of this re writing of the space race. that's what i expected. cause at the time it was such a big deal about who won the space race that when the US did it was seen as this great achievement and really gave us a confidence boost. im wondering what effect it would have had on the us and Russia if the roles were reversed. you didn't explore that. i wish you did


Oats - good verse man. good flow. very polished. which i really appreciate. umm i liked the take on the topic here as well. i have kids and i see how its a big race to get them involved in sports at such a young age. kids on my daughters team have personal trainers and agility coaches and she is in the second grade. it makes me want to keep up and send her to a private coach as well. and the race continues on until they graduate college. then the parents sit back and the race begins for the kids now turned adults to keep up with the joneses and eventually they have kids of their own and the cycle continues.

you left out the athletics part which is the part i most relate to but you made it academic pressures. which was ok

i like how you made the sections different like birth, and then jump to childhood and so forth. thought that writing mechanism worked well for you here. i do think you down played the struggle of all this, this big race of life a bit. and the effect that kind of pressure has on the youth. should have stressed that more.


i loved your last section where it was the parent being supportive and inspirational telling his kid to go and take on the world good stuff

overall i think oats had the better more well rounded verse. both were dope but zygs was missing some content i wanted to see. two dope reads. thank you for your submissions gentlemen


vote - oats

[timeless]

Zyg, another dope read here. Imagery was on point as always. Flow seemed to be more inserted here than previous pieces I’ve read from you. Your approach to the concept was cool, I just wish it had more to it. More details in the beginning would’ve added more suspense to the story imo. It all seemed kind of sudden how everything came about as it narrowed down to moon landing. Other than that it was a good read and I enjoyed it.

Oats, loved the take on the topic you took on this bringing focus to the adaptation to this world from young to old. Was cool how you used education as a focal point here, showing that without it, life won’t work out so well. The ending was too rushed, imo. Flow could’ve been better at times but it was never off that much. Overall good shit oats.

Got oats taking this for a more complete read, felt if zyg would’ve added another 10 lines or so in his, he could’ve had it. Good shit from both though, could go either way possibly.

v. Oats

[cyph her]

Zyg - I had to read this twice to find the story, but that's because there's a lot of noise at my house right now. Excellent visuals. I felt like you needed a few more bars to make this story successful and I was expecting the ending to really capture the topic, but I didn't find that that had happened here.

Oats - I probably would have gone a completely different direction with this topic, but I dug it from start to finish. Rhyme scheme seemed a little heavy at times, but everything transitioned well.

I found this to be the most significant takeaway:

"So long as you follow new ideas instead of different faces
Emotions strip you naked, happiness is a fleeting endeavor
But accomplishment lasts forever!
or at least for as long as your descendants can remember"

This one was tough, but I have to go based on the execution of the topic... and for that reason...

v-Oats

[Adonis]

Ziggie - Decent verse. It was a straight forward story, not the usual twist you add. The only twist I guess is Soviets won the race, but that was in the title. After reading the title, I was rather excited to see where you took this, but you merely wrote of the issues they had with craft and how this dude with wife and kid fixed them, not too exciting bruhv.

Oats - Dope concept bro. I liked each stanza and the use of metaphors, the progression, the movement of birth-living-death. Entire verse was a story, from start to end was captivating and intriguing, even more so on second read and beyond which honestly is rare. First stanza had many concepts on what makes the birth easier for child, and potentially enhances the witt of said child, also loved the fact that you kept the focus on child and never once mentioned too much of any one single character beyond a line or two. second stanza was of traits being served as a dinner in a buffet line, dope concept here. Then he had his own seed, and death. Legacy was the key here, and his left nicely.


V/ Oats

Overall had the better written verse and concept, just extremely captivating here. Should be one of the top verses of the season.