Week 3: Pinot Grij (1-0) vs. Mike Wrecka (1-1) \\ Pinot Grij wins via no-show

[Certain]

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Season 3



The Basics | Read the full rules here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=54688).

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=58003).

Topics this week are available for your choosing here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=58004).

Good luck, Pinot Grij and Mike Wrecka.

[Pinot Grij]

Hi pal

[Pinot Grij]

You think Alex Trebek is an unassuming quiz show host?
The kid’s no joke – trust me, fuckin with him’s a big no-no
See, by all appearances he’s lived the life of a scholar
He’s read the Brontës and Chaucer, Jane Austen and Faulkner
He’s studied the sciences: biology, physics, chemistry
And it’s this acumen that’ll put your whole family’s lives in Jeopardy!
His occupation’s often taken lightly cuz he’s viewed in your homes
But with his intellect, he could fuckin’ crack the nuclear codes
I say, the man is a maniac, driven by his disdain for insipience
Thinks the whole American populace are miscreants and idiots
That evil Canadian bastard sits up on his high horse
And takes a splattery shit on a U.S. flag every July 4th

.................................................

Trebek tinkers with his creation, sworn to a fanatical pledge
Attaching the robotic torso to its mechanical legs

He mutters…
“A handsome, muscular TV host who demands his respect”
“Who is Alex Trebek”

“With his chiseled body, he could swim the English Channel, no sweat”
“Who is Alex Trebek”

He constructs his monster, smirking at his mathematical charms
As he solders the robotic torso to its mechanical arms

He mutters…
“Masculine, dick like a javelin, but holds his malice in check”
“Whooooo…… iiiiiiis…. Alexxx Trebek”

“This studmuffin hasn’t met an intellectual challenger yet”
“BITCH, I’M MOTHERFUCKING ALEX TREBEK!!!!”

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-x71dSZdfYf8/TjF86jPl7HI/AAAAAAAABHQ/zBLDI5bJPVg/s1600/alex-trebek2.jpg

“MUAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA”

.................................................

His beast comes to life, Trebek smirks in elation
A murderous robot, he’s finally birthed his creation
An electronic manifestation made to showcase his wisdom
And they take off in his Aston Martin to locate his victims

*Knock knock*

Pat Sajak has just finished a huge mountain of coke
His magic dust to appeal to the nightly crowds he invokes
He answers the door, suddenly aghast as he’s met…
By a giant blue-faced robot, and fucking Alex Trebek
“Hello Pat, you faggot, by now my hate should be obvious…
Cuz your show ahead of mine is a disgrace to my audience
See, your pussy ass is dead, this robot’s really a weapon
To kill plebeians who can’t answer a simple trivia question:

“This blonde idiot is broadcasted on all of the biggest stations
Let’s call this ignoramus the hugest bitch in syndication.
Lacking innovation, plus me and this bitch go way back…”
Pat shudders, “Who is…. P-P-P-Pat Sajak?”

BOOM

The robot left Pat’s brains splattered on the veranda light
Alex smirked, “Wrong bitch.. who is Vanna White”

Trebek drove off, with his robot, feeling refreshed
Showed up on the doorstep of that douchebag, Ryan Seacrest
The door opened, Trebek said, “Ryan, you midget queer..
Your show’s lack of acuity is what brings me here
I’ll let you maintain your job and your faggoty rep
If you can answer this pop quiz, bitch, I’m Alex Trebek!”

“This Jackson bitch inspired madness with their musical knack
But turned light-skinned in the 80s when they refused to be black”
Seacrest stuttered, “Who-o-o i-i-i-is Michael?”
That’s when the robot blew off his frosted tips with its rifle
As Seacrest’s blood pooled around his head in the foyer
Trebek chuckled, “You fucking fuck, I was talking about LaToya”

They sped off, as Trebek cleaned the blood from his fingernails
And drove to the front door of Wikipedia’s Jimmy Wales
“Hello you British bitch, we gotta be man-to-man with shit
Your website singlehandedly dumbed down our College Championship
That’s why I’m at your door with the most callous of threats,
Are you ready to die, limey? I’m fucking Alex Trebek!”

“Before your shitty site, there was a volume encyclopedic
And every grade school child in the world was forced to read it”
Jimmy cried, “Oh blimey, it must be the Britannica, chap!”
Trebek threw his head back, “Nice try, with your amateur ass…
Welcome to America, I guess consider this sort of a lesson
Faggot, your answer must be given in the form of a question”
Trebek laughed and winked, then motioned to his machine
The robot opened fire and Wales was blown to smithereens

See, there’s a TV host that needs his chemical imbalances checked
But no one dares to fuck with the man that they call Alex Trebek

http://31.media.tumblr.com/8e1c1fe1a82a8c5ba6b74be5908f2559/tumblr_n1vysoIAYc1sjaxuao1_500.jpg