AOWL Week 10: Innovator (4-5) VS. Objective (2-3) [OBJECTIVE WINS, 7-0.]

[Split]

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum. (if agreed upon by both participants, you may go beyond the limit at your own risk.)

Verses are due SATURDAY 4/23 at 11:59 PST.
Extensions are due SUNDAY 4/24 at 11:59 PST.
(There is a 6 hour grace period following the end of the extension deadline. If you fail to post anything by the end of the grace period time, you will be given the no show loss.)

You must vote on at least 4 other battles and post links in the Voting Thread. For every absent vote, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

Voting ends TUESDAY 4/26 at 11:59 PST. (Unless otherwise it may be extended another day at the most.)

You MUST check in.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.

NOTE
Swaying, excessive freeposting, voter fraud etc. are grounds for vote deductions at discretion of the moderators.
Editing your verse after the grace period, after your opponent posts, or after the first vote (especially this)- as well as biting- are grounds for disqualification at discretion of the moderators.

TOPIC:

"It is a damn poor mind indeed which can't think of at least two ways to spell any word."
Calvin Coolidge

Good luck to both participants.

[Objective]

Er her! Lykke til.

Also; Can I ask for an extension?

Links:
http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=5811
http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=5808
http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=5814

[Inno]

Already? Lol sure

[Objective]

This guys mentality's broken, reality choke him,
and his mind went further than just being open.
He's thinking in patterns as if words didn't matter,
he'll dissect them 'till the meaning reaches the latter.
I swear to God he'd beat word association on hard
if it was on playstation without a memory card.
Yo dawg; he believes autographs can be signed,
I invite you to take a dive inside of his mind;

Vast riches - healing wounds ends up as scratch tickets,
people burn witches, consensus; ants versus crickets.
It itches equals mosquitos with diseases - two meanings starting
evenings - tea parties? English men with visions and activist snitches -
Important high ground; star politicians, Malcolm X, drugs and sex,
so complex leaders wrestling humanity for hope and checks.
Out of breath..
Nothing left.
Awaiting death - Limbo - Heaven and Hell, difference? Black and white racists,
the animal kingdom embrace it and cells divide! The reason we can't unite!!
Aint it tight; open your mind with self lobotomy, that's the dope economy,
a situation where meditation and monks meet with a drunks honesty.
The sentences commences references consciously,
it boils down to the pot that circles the society fiending for sodomy.
Is it judgmental or wrong? Murphy's Law all along?
When it comes down to it our nature is where we all belong.

I spoke to him once, his views on hiphop wasn't of guns,
he viewed it as a corrupted group like reformed nuns;

Basicly rappers follow goats religiously
the same way christians and muslims unite in history.
Hipocrisy walks cautiously as the bonds get cliqued dummy,
listeners tricked from me, but even the vatican was built on blood money.
Songs of Bronx; bridges to Sonny. Hiphop? Not funny!
Alice; The city is full of pigs like the cops in bugs bunny to the silent hills and eight mile kills
the white rabbit, can you finally catch it or are you hooked on the game and shallow thrills?

I finally understood the shit he was trying to explain for days;
a person trying to convey a word differently is the problem of Coolidges ways.
And similies reaches infinite puzzles wich is why the world's getting darker,
he made himself an example of why dumbing down sentences only makes the collective smarter.

[Inno]

Meticulous in his laziness he was obscure
Suffered from nothing, he’s a life time of cures
Each night he dies in his sleep, quietly he does
So until he’s sees invisible tags tied to his cold toes
A passive suicide type, the kind ready to die but afraid of knifes.
Active in do or die flight, the kid soared towards his strives
Always at the end of the line it was a constant wait for him
his life, his hair, his girlfriend contested his whim
Even when he spit he managed to get ever drop on his shoes
And when it came to religion he got it worst than a Jew
His father was German and his mother Israeli – I know?!
He was a walking punching bag for bible thumping ‘homos’
So he hated god and figures the natural thing is to be evil
he opens his soul until it sequels in size which was once like a peep hole
A coward in sheep’s clothes, plastic teeth start to harden
And the wolf instinct is instant and distinct, it has a stench
His nerves in sync now he thinks of things like revenge
He skipped school and started dealing in murders
A young killer taking lives to the edge; he knows no borders
But no one is to blame but himself so his optical are aimless
When he shoots he’s blameless for those who are left brainless
On the pavement off shots fired from his holster he calls “heeey miss”
An animal cage less he plots to age less with every murder he stages

years pass and the notches are getting to heavy to carry
the flow of corpses is routine but the levy is weary
he could fill gorges with the bodies he desecrated
his metamorphosis from mouse to lion is celebrated
Infatuated by his peers, a marksmen amongst the blind
A hero to thieves, king of the pawns he moves with pride
but wait a minute...
In the end he was decrepit and alone he accepted it in shame
No one was getting killed and no one was getting fame
With death knocking… he died not knowing his name
only knowing one way...killing was just a game



Edited for spelling

[Zen]

Objective: Probably the best piece I've read of yours. It seemed to me you tried to keep the reader guessing as to what the piece was about until near the very end which is a great thing to do in my opinion. Once I finished it what I took from it was a quote from Bruce Lee. "Life is a daily decrease. Discard the nonessentials." Correct me if I'm wrong about that lol. But that's what I took from this. Simple is better and don't get caught up in the bullshit. Nice piece here.
Innovator: First off, I laughed when I saw edited for spelling lol. But to the piece I'm guessing that this character in this piece is one of the poor minds? Still I'm not too sure about this piece to be honest Inno. The first portion was not on par with your verse last week which I really enjoyed. The best part of this piece was definatly the last stanza talking about him being king of thieves. Excellent writing in that section and I think with more writing like that you could have won this.

Overall I gotta give this to Objective.

[IamBenT]

Wow nice shit.

Objective - Most def on a whole different level from your prior battles. Just the italicized part, in context, is on par with VOTW type shit. the flow was solid, nothing spectacular, the vocab was nice, and i feel you did justice to the topic in a creative way, by blending story and topical in a solid piece.

I swear to God he'd beat word association on hard
if it was on playstation without a memory card.

Made me LOL

a person trying to convey a word differently is the problem of Coolidges ways.

didnt like that line at all

Inno - there are flashes here of interesting character development, but wording issues got in the way for me, and i had trouble really breaking down everything you were trying to convey with this character. to me, motivation should be clear and we should get some strong verbs for a character to really be anchored to what he's thinking/feeling/doing/experiencing, and I didn't get that the whole way from this verse. Not sure how to feel about it.

Each night he dies in his sleep, quietly he does
So until he’s sees invisible tags tied to his cold toes

didnt like, not a fan of visual rhymes unless executed perfectly

The end was nice as a summation of this interesting character.

Vote -Objective had some hiccups but the verse was very intelligent and fresh throughout.

[Just Write]

I swear to God he'd beat word association on hard
if it was on playstation without a memory card.
Yo dawg; he believes autographs can be signed,
I invite you to take a dive inside of his mind;

this part definitely made me laugh

Awaiting death - Limbo - Heaven and Hell, difference? Black and white racists,
the animal kingdom embrace it and cells divide! The reason we can't unite!!
Aint it tight; open your mind with self lobotomy, that's the dope economy,
a situation where meditation and monks meet with a drunks honesty.
The sentences commences references consciously,
it boils down to the pot that circles the society fiending for sodomy.
Is it judgmental or wrong? Murphy's Law all along?
When it comes down to it our nature is where we all belong.


damn

I spoke to him once, his views on hiphop wasn't of guns,
he viewed it as a corrupted group like reformed nuns;

I don't know why but i loved this

Alice; The city is full of pigs like the cops in bugs bunny to the silent hills and eight mile kills
the white rabbit, can you finally catch it or are you hooked on the game and shallow thrills?

I finally understood the shit he was trying to explain for days;
a person trying to convey a word differently is the problem of Coolidges ways.
And similies reaches infinite puzzles wich is why the world's getting darker,
he made himself an example of why dumbing down sentences only makes the collective smarter.

the whole alice/white rabbit part was dope as fuck man


yea this was definitely a thought provoking piece right here.. made me rethink a couple things lol. i honestly seen the line lengths vs the shortness of the other lines and didn't think i was gunna like it at first glance but i was definitely delighted with what i read.




His father was German and his mother Israeli – I know?!
He was a walking punching bag for bible thumping ‘homos’
So he hated god and figures the natural thing is to be evil
he opens his soul until it sequels in size which was once like a peep hole


ha, bible thumping homos got me


His nerves in sync now he thinks of things like revenge
He skipped school and started dealing in murders
A young killer taking lives to the edge; he knows no borders
But no one is to blame but himself so his optical are aimless
When he shoots he’s blameless for those who are left brainless
On the pavement off shots fired from his holster he calls “heeey miss”
An animal cage less he plots to age less with every murder he stages


didnt really like this part man, ionno.. just didnt feel it


he could fill gorges with the bodies he desecrated
his metamorphosis from mouse to lion is celebrated
Infatuated by his peers, a marksmen amongst the blind
A hero to thieves, king of the pawns he moves with pride
but wait a minute...
In the end he was decrepit and alone he accepted it in shame
No one was getting killed and no one was getting fame
With death knocking… he died not knowing his name
only knowing one way...killing was just a game

this was cool right here


idk bro, i mean i got mixed feelings about this, i loved the story and think you wrote it well it just didnt have anything standing out that was very special that made me ooh or ahh.. on some good points i thought it flowed nicely and that you had mad internals but nothing stood out to me


overall im going to have to go with objective for keeping me more entertained and bringing a thought provoking piece to the table this week, looking forward to reading more from both of you

[zygote]

Objective, you took advantage of the wording in the topic. Good use of homophones to keep the writing interesting and absolutely destroy the topic with a great concept. Italicized part was the top highlight. Perhaps the other section would have been as strong as this section if you had also used more homophones in them as well. Especially enjoyed wordplay for GOATS (greatest of all time) to actual goat animals, it had a good follow up as well.

Innovator, the main issue is the character is too ambiguous. When not giving a name or any defining characteristics and going to use the words he/his/him the character needs to be noticeable through their actions or thoughts (perhaps they need to be more unique/character defining). We learn your character is a killer, but beyond that there is not much else, for an example of how the nameless killer works perhaps you are familiar with Clint Eastwood Westerns? Perhaps your story needed deeper character development to be stronger. Voted for Objective.

[Mike Wrecka]

cool battle. pretty evenly matched here

objective- very nice verse. the start was a little too basic but the italicized part was pretty damn dope.

a situation where meditation and monks meet with a drunks honesty.
The sentences commences references consciously,

my fave line of the battle right there. it flowed better in some spots than others. just the right mix of abstractness and concrete tangible thoughts combined. good work

inno- good story telling. I thought you definitely had the more thought out plot and story arch of the two here. but your structure was kinda basic in some parts. you needed more inners and multis. overall a good verse, it kept me interested and I enjoyed reading the whole thing. sometimes I cant wait for a verse to end.

two cool verses that I was into but one edged it out here and my

vote- objective

[patrown]

editing in real vote today. lol

[Cereal_Killa]

O’bomb:

Damn man nice.. I am highly, highly impressed.. you word usage was incredible, your lines delivered well, flowed nicely.. the breaks between stanzas helped the chaotic thoughts of a seemingly madman.. but then so was van gough.. I loved it.. real tight brilliant – brilliant message..

Major Vator:

Hey dude this was tight.. close, well structured compound rhyming.. the whole brainless, blameless, pavement was nice.. your pawn line to was pretty dope.. pace wise it moved smoothly but need more action, this verse needed fierce action to take on O’s brutal verse imo this week.. still sick mate..

Vote = objective

It sucks for innovator cause the boy can write but every week his opponent drops a nuke on the poor guy :) tis all good though.. Obb done destroyed this and is pushing imo to be VOW.. nice match guys, stay up.. pz

[Red glare]

Objective
Good showing. I was impressed and agree with others who said this topical may be your best of reads so far. I was intrigued by the use of style; appeared very inspired. I could tell you enjoyed writing this one and it showed. I will quote my favorite lines.
Aint it tight; open your mind with self lobotomy, that's the dope economy,
a situation where meditation and monks meet with a drunks honesty.
The sentences commences references consciously,
it boils down to the pot that circles the society fiending for sodomy.
Is it judgmental or wrong? Murphy's Law all along?

You mention Sonny from Bronx Tail. Did not get the reference; also the white rabbit reference also obscure. I don't mind it but it does distract from overall vibe you try and create. Sound silly and disrupt serious style.

Two ways to spell a word - Hip and Hop. C'mon LOL. Nice try.

Innovator
Slower pace than opponent. Let word settle in heavy ponder. Story was reminiscent of earlier work which was also loner goes postal.I quote now what I like about the verse and then say negative to balance my feedback.

A coward in sheep’s clothes, plastic teeth start to harden
And the wolf instinct is instant and distinct, it has a stench
His nerves in sync now he thinks of things like revenge
He skipped school and started dealing in murders
A young killer taking lives to the edge; he knows no borders

Last stanza was O.K. But it will not cut it this week. Was Not weak; But not strong. Strong finale give you win.

I enjoy reading and thank you for your thought sharing. I pick the winner and I go with Objective. This week he storm out of gate and knock his opponent off. Solid victory.

MVGT Objective

[King Ra.]

OBJECTIVE WINS, 7-0.