AOWL: #1 CONTENDERS MATCH: King Keith (5-2) VS. IAmBenT (5-1) [IAMBENT WINS, 6-2.]

[Split]

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum. (if agreed upon by both participants, you may go beyond the limit at your own risk.)

Verses are due SATURDAY 4/23 at 11:59 PST.
Extensions are due SUNDAY 4/24 at 11:59 PST.
(There is a 6 hour grace period following the end of the extension deadline. If you fail to post anything by the end of the grace period time, you will be given the no show loss.)

You must vote on at least 4 other battles and post links in the Voting Thread. For every absent vote, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

Voting ends TUESDAY 4/26 at 11:59 PST. (Unless otherwise it may be extended another day at the most.)

You MUST check in.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.

NOTE
Swaying, excessive freeposting, voter fraud etc. are grounds for vote deductions at discretion of the moderators.
Editing your verse after the grace period, after your opponent posts, or after the first vote (especially this)- as well as biting- are grounds for disqualification at discretion of the moderators.

TOPIC:

"Don't write so that you can be understood, write so that you can't be misunderstood."
William Howard Taft

Good luck to both participants.

[IamBenT]

Ummm... whaaaT??

http://memecrunch.com/meme/CED0/check-in-everywhere/image.png

Votes:

MikeWrecka vs E. Nigma (http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?p=50610#post50610)

Objective vs Innovator (http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=5815)

Adonis vs ZeeDee (http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=5814)

Vulgar vs TopicalDood5 (http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=5813)

DeadLion v PohFig (http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=5811)

[King Ra.]

I'm here.

[King Ra.]

Extendo.

[IamBenT]

Chained to the pen, shackled to the plastic keyboard,
Enslaved to the end, (words as waves over blasted seafloor),
Moon-draggled, these runes rattle my memory’s bones
(Moods battle with rude ***kles as enemies foam
With the same brine lining my hope’s closed coasts,
Patiently riding the storm throat’s morose chokes)
An ocean of emotion, where a cold boat floats,
Two patched holes, a cracked mast, old ropes stowed,
A tattered sail; battered, pale boom so weatherworn
And shattered, frail under noon suns, frost and tethers torn,
And more salt than kettlecorn—in this vessel, this ship,…my letters form,
My syllables meddle and twist, with muscles that wrestle with fish,
And sever thorned-ribs from flesh bespeckled in grit…
I am that veteran, sick and adrift, amidst the tempest
Hooks and lines are crooked rhymes I sink to grip the senses
Each metaphor a marlin, alarmed at the barbed thought,
Each simile a scarred fin, marking her spars fought ,
My heart fraught with flaws tugging the hard rod
Each piece fights to reach the beach and not meet the sharp rocks
Where the critics sit, a clique of crickets fit to feed frogs,
Each bar is a bright beam that streams far in deep fogs
I feel each knot and each clot in bloody, broken hands
Haul each conceit caught up to the ugly, hopeless land
Some will pull a profit, fueling future explorations…
Some go in the garbage, mewling useless protestations…
Few get sent to market as exhibits of my prowess…
Few go to my coffin- witnesses to my endowments
But now its… silence on the waves as I brave the elements
Fighting to shake shark rage that craves the supple flesh
Of precious meta-fish … one of which I bring here
For you to digest with fresh veggies and spring beer
You see, on that beach, in which I fish unceasing
Hungrily seeking fresh conceits each evening
I’m a slave to the pen and the page, and my wages
Will only be paid if what I relay is amazing,
Only THIS will emancipate me: You, reading this..
Which I’ve fished, and comprehending every phrase and statement..

[King Ra.]

Good ol' America.
Land of the thieves & millions of slaves.
Where the government stages terror plots
to keep it's citizens confused & afraid.
Sandy Hook, Boston Marathon- they think it's a joke,
laughing at us all but I know it's a hoax.
They say it's murder she wrote, so stab the bitch
with an asterisk. Then ask her this,
"How do we allow corrupted men to show us the ropes?"
They certainly do, too! Just so they could hang us high.
Or have us on all fours while keeping the wool over our eyes.
The Sandy massacre-
they say it was a tragedy, some crazy kid
walks into a school with assault weapons & starts blasting, rapidly.
Remember quiet ol' Aurora, CO? Hmm, something
smells fishy. And it ain't just the stinky pussy you eat'n,
it's the bullshit you don't care to see.
When shit gets real (insert sarcasm) they are happy to report
to you live-
from Hollywood, fresh exclusives & beautiful lies.
Boston is the icing on the cake, many see the deception.
Realizing that mainstream media is a powerful weapon.
America is nothing more than a giant prison,
& we are pawns in their eyes.
And the only way to bring'em down is with an open
& powerful mind.

[Red glare]

King Keith; Decent verse; but really dope message. I like the current event aspect. The dirty pussy line could've been a miss but it came across on some black panther shit. "Insert Sarcasm'' was awkward lol I can't say to much about this verse man. It had an agenda but I feel like you didn't do it justice.

IAmBent. 'Chained to the pen, shackled to the plastic keyboard' What a line just to get the juices flowing. I LOLed literally. You kind of just treaded water for the first few lines just getting your feet wet and then you said
'emotion where the cold boat float' and then you reel that concept and begin tackling it.

My syllables meddle and twist, with muscles that wrestle with fish,
And sever thorned-ribs from flesh bespeckled in grit…
That's some spit right there.

Each metaphor a marlin, alarmed at the barbed thought,
Each simile a scarred fin, marking her spars fought ,
My heart fraught with flaws tugging the hard rod
Each piece fights to reach the beach and not meet the sharp rocks
Where the critics sit, a clique of crickets fit to feed frogs,
Each bar is a bright beam that streams far in deep fogs
Marlin line was Cray.

After that you get kind of lost at sea. You lose your sea legs and you start floundering. But man check the topic.

"Don't write so that you can be understood, write so that you can't be misunderstood."

Job well done. lol

Vote to IamBent

[Zen]

IamBent: This piece reminded me of the Hemingway book "Old Man and the Sea" lol. Good writing here. Red quoted my favorite line from this piece, the "wrestle with fish" line. Excellent lyricism there and pretty much throughout. No complaints on this one at all. I'm kinda curious as to what you did different this week? You said you've done something you've never done before in this league but whatever it was I'm gonna tell you now it worked. Nice piece Bent.
King Keith: Very, very different from what I've been reading from you in the past few weeks which were just fucking dope. This piece, idk man I'm not sure about it. We wrote about similar things this week with the bombing and the media with politicians using that shit to their advantage but I really didn't think you captured the seriousness of the situation. It was kinda too comical in some parts where it shoulda been extremely serious. All in all I'm not sure about this 'un, but regardless you're still the man Keith.

When I clicked on this thread I was figuring this to be BOTW, but I was disappointed by Keith tbh. My vote goes to Bent.

[Just Write]

Chained to the pen, shackled to the plastic keyboard,
Enslaved to the end, (words as waves over blasted seafloor),

right off the back got me hooked man, love that first line


Moon-draggled, these runes rattle my memory’s bones
(Moods battle with rude ***kles as enemies foam
With the same brine lining my hope’s closed coasts,
Patiently riding the storm throat’s morose chokes)
An ocean of emotion, where a cold boat floats,
Two patched holes, a cracked mast, old ropes stowed,
A tattered sail; battered, pale boom so weatherworn
And shattered, frail under noon suns, frost and tethers torn,

I love the descriptivness with the whole boat and ropes stowed.. diggin it man btw I read as i feed if you cant tell lol


And more salt than kettlecorn—in this vessel, this ship,…my letters form,
My syllables meddle and twist, with muscles that wrestle with fish,
And sever thorned-ribs from flesh bespeckled in grit…
I am that veteran, sick and adrift, amidst the tempest
Hooks and lines are crooked rhymes I sink to grip the senses
Each metaphor a marlin, alarmed at the barbed thought,
Each simile a scarred fin, marking her spars fought ,

Again, very nice my friend

My heart fraught with flaws tugging the hard rod
Each piece fights to reach the beach and not meet the sharp rocks
Where the critics sit, a clique of crickets fit to feed frogs,
Each bar is a bright beam that streams far in deep fogs
I feel each knot and each clot in bloody, broken hands
Haul each conceit caught up to the ugly, hopeless land
Some will pull a profit, fueling future explorations…
Some go in the garbage, mewling useless protestations…
Few get sent to market as exhibits of my prowess…
Few go to my coffin- witnesses to my endowments

that buttery smoothness, i wish i was clever enough to come up with some of these metaphors lol [B/}

But now its… silence on the waves as I brave the elements
Fighting to shake shark rage that craves the supple flesh
Of precious meta-fish … one of which I bring here
For you to digest with fresh veggies and spring beer
You see, on that beach, in which I fish unceasing
Hungrily seeking fresh conceits each evening
I’m a slave to the pen and the page, and my wages
Will only be paid if what I relay is amazing,
Only THIS will emancipate me: You, reading this..
Which I’ve fished, and comprehending every phrase and statement..


[B] this finished off nicely, very poetic cadence about you


So I really enjoyed your verse this week bent. content was top notch, scheme, flow on point as usual. all in all a high caliber verse bro




Good ol' America.
Land of the thieves & millions of slaves.
Where the government stages terror plots
to keep it's citizens confused & afraid.

Real talk dude


Sandy Hook, Boston Marathon- they think it's a joke,
laughing at us all but I know it's a hoax.

ehh, dont get me started

They say it's murder she wrote, so stab the bitch
with an asterisk. Then ask her this,
"How do we allow corrupted men to show us the ropes?"
They certainly do, too! Just so they could hang us high.
Or have us on all fours while keeping the wool over our eyes.

to a certain extent i agree with this

The Sandy massacre-
they say it was a tragedy, some crazy kid
walks into a school with assault weapons & starts blasting, rapidly.
Remember quiet ol' Aurora, CO? Hmm, something
smells fishy. And it ain't just the stinky pussy you eat'n,
it's the bullshit you don't care to see.

wait... lmfao, what? [B/]

When shit gets real (insert sarcasm) they are happy to report
to you live-
from Hollywood, fresh exclusives & beautiful lies.
Boston is the icing on the cake, many see the deception.
Realizing that mainstream media is a powerful weapon.
America is nothing more than a giant prison,
& we are pawns in their eyes.
And the only way to bring'em down is with an open
& powerful mind.

[B] idk man, not your best work lol


either you had a busy ass week and wrote this up in 20 minutes or you smokin that good good, either way you didnt quite bring it this week. i've read monsterous verses from you in the past couple weeks and this just wasnt up to par bro. mvgt=Bent

[ZeeDee]

Iambent, superb flow and diction and I hate fishing so I wasn't even feeling the content really, but the detailing you did and your narrative structure were both impeccable. It all read smoothly and each sequence had a god transition from stanza to stanza... the comparison of fishing to writing and rappin was pretty smooth as well, but as I said I hate fishing.... I did like what you did with this though. A veteran slave to the pen.. cool... so am I... good stuff man.

King Keith... are you from RM? I think I remembr you.... anyway... this was a concept that has been done to death really. You did okay with it but it just seems like u wrote something quick without much effort... its like u didn't expect to win so u didn't bother trying to.... if you are who I think, I know ur way better than this display shows..

Vote iambent

[zygote]

IambenT, it was very abstract, kind of reminded of that Zang Tumb Tumb poem. It seems like the complete opposite of the topic which is great, but I also misunderstood approx 75% of it. E.g., did not understand why certain phrases were given emphasis on bold. But rhyming and all that is excellent.

KingKieth, it was the simple, using concise and everyday language, feel like you purposely used less vocabulary to fit the topic. Excellent writing to get your message across, and use of the asides (E.g., the parentheses bits) to further explain the overly-simple concepts was great. This verse had a condescending tone like you were trying to explain something very simple to someone very stupid. Enjoyed it a lot. Voted for King Keith.

[Nigma]

Bent, that was a very nice read. Although I am in the same boat as Zygote in terms of not understanding everything, I find that intriguing. I really really liked some of the things you did with your rhyme scheme. Some lines in particular had a lovely harmony of assonance and rhyme. Doing all of this well makes maintaining an extended metaphor impressive. Overall, the verse worked. I really liked it.

Keith: I don't mind the concept you chose at all. However, I feel your approach to the concept would have been better suited for an OM post. I know this topic implied not being misunderstood, however I feel that your direction had a negative affect on the depth of your piece. I enjoyed the read for what it was, but it didn't stack up well against your opponent this week.

+1 Bent

[~RustyGunZ~]

thought king keiths was not good. pretty mediocre vocab, flow, rhyme schemes and delivery. also the idea was stupid. bents was pretty dope, nothing magnificent but good. enjoyed most of the read, some eh parts but even those weren't bad.

v/bent

[Cereal_Killa]

Bent:

Straight up..

“My syllables meddle and twist, with muscles that wrestle with fish,
And sever thorned-ribs from flesh bespeckled in grit…”

^ this ish is the rhyme structure I always put in every verse.. one bar just for my own enjoyment.. so def loved this line my friend especially with the crazy word play and transitions from steel to flesh to sealife.. dope

Hey man this is cool, I aint gonna play this is a key style.. dope still cause the rhythm is off the hook as well as vocab.. The overlaying metaphor of your verse’s being a big fish story, was sick.. The ever growing verse.. So yeh it was cool, not cram packed with emotion or detail but sweet none the less..

Keithy:

Dude, you was rushed this week.. but your point is direct, you weren’t fucking around.. I mean right now this is a hot topic, tip of tongues type shit so it was bound to be written about.. I think to me what makes this great is your voice.. its punchy, it hit hards and I can hear the anomisty in your words when I read them.. so to me you came at this with power.. a lot of power..

Vote = king keith

It’s tough cause bent easily out wrote keith with his structure, word usage and his overall metaphor.. But without a doubt keithy showed more passion in his verse when bents verse was solely about his passion for writing/fishing.. so keith unbelievably strong stance on the topic is what swayed me on this one.. Dope match up guys, you 2 rock

[patrown]

editing in real vote today

[Nigma]

MikeWrecka vs E. Nigma (http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?p=50610#post50610)


That's Mr. E. Nigma btw. This is not a free post.

[King Ra.]

IAMBENT WINS, 6-2.